All the anger and negativity lately

[AntoninBeGonin]

Has anyone else noticed how much angrier and negative this board has become lately? I'm not going to name anyone or point to any specific threads but in the past few months I have seen so many examples of bitter fighting among the people on here. It's really a downer and it can't do anything to help our image with the lurkers.

Most of the time the anger seems to arise from simple misunderstandings that get blown out of proportion. Perhaps, if someone makes us angry, we could PM them and let them know we feel attacked, stupid, or upset instead of taking over threads with negative words and emotions. I'm willing to bet that in the majority of cases the other person had no intention of causing any grief.

Just some thoughts.

~Nay

[dnr3301]

i've notice it a bit too, but to some extent, it's all a learning curve of sorts.

For me, I used to be so surprised that people would circ. then it turned to confusion, then I waas appalled, then furious. It comes in waves. Right now, i'm a bit depressed about the whole thing. I just get sad. I get sad when I think about all those babies who have to go through that pain for no good reason. I was angry at their parents for a long time. now, just sad for the babes. I can't focus on the ignorance of the parents right now. I'm just sad.

[Telle Bear]

I feel the same way and I don't really know where to go from here. I am thinking that I may just disassociate.

We are a group of very loving and caring people...we show that just by taking the stand that we are, but why can't we show that sometimes?

[Telle Bear]

Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin

Most of the time the anger seems to arise from simple misunderstandings that get blown out of proportion. Perhaps, if someone makes us angry, we could PM them and let them know we feel attacked, stupid, or upset instead of taking over threads with negative words and emotions. I'm willing to bet that in the majority of cases the other person had no intention of causing any grief.

Just some thoughts.

~Nay

I am going to take this moment to say I am sorry if I have ever offended anyone on here, because that has never been my intention.

[baybee]

Some threads I don't even start to read because I can see them going off the rails. When that happens, I make sure to start some new thread that
will lighten up the scene here. People get cranky. It will all work out in the end.
Baybee

[darsmama]

Originally Posted by dnr3301

i've notice it a bit too, but to some extent, it's all a learning curve of sorts.

For me, I used to be so surprised that people would circ. then it turned to confusion, then I waas appalled, then furious. It comes in waves. Right now, i'm a bit depressed about the whole thing. I just get sad. I get sad when I think about all those babies who have to go through that pain for no good reason. I was angry at their parents for a long time. now, just sad for the babes. I can't focus on the ignorance of the parents right now. I'm just sad.

That's where I am at, too.

[njeb]

Are you talking about this board in particular or all of MDC? Personally, I don't think that it's any worse than it was last Spring. I do believe, however, that it IS more negative here than it was in 2005.

The problem is, we all agree that circumcision is bad, but we don't agree on the details. For instance, I confine myself to working to eliminate RIC. I don't mess with religious circ. at all because I am neither Jewish nor Muslim. I WILL support the parents within those religions who choose not to circ., but I don't know enough about religious circumcision to have an intelligent conversation about it. Besides, the vast majority of circumcisions today are not performed for religious reasons at all. I consider it my task to help debunk the medical myths surrounding circumcision. You may disagree with my stance. That's ok with me.

But that is just one of the issues that has caused debate here. The doula thread, for example. Do you take clients who are going to circ., in the hopes that you can change their minds? What do you do if they don't? There are no easy answers to this one.

Maybe we can specialize. You concentrate on one area; I'll concentrate on another one.

Also, I do agree we need more positive threads.

[frenchie]

My first experience here at CAC and lactivism were both negative...both over a simple misunderstanding of a statement I made.
I think we need to ask questions before making assumptions...to try and get a better understanding of what eachother is saying. I think some people are quick to jump on a statement before investigating.

[AntoninBeGonin]

Originally Posted by frenchie

I think we need to ask questions before making assumptions...to try and get a better understanding of what eachother is saying. I think some people are quick to jump on a statement before investigating.

Exactly what I was trying to say.

~Nay

[angelpie545]

Originally Posted by frenchie

My first experience here at CAC and lactivism were both negative...both over a simple misunderstanding of a statement I made.
I think we need to ask questions before making assumptions...to try and get a better understanding of what eachother is saying. I think some people are quick to jump on a statement before investigating.

I agree. That is one of the reasons why I have hesitated to post here. I'm still very new to the circumcision issue, partly because I don't have sons and partly because I was never aware it was such an issue. : I haven't really had the time to do the research I need too yet but I read the posts here off and on but it seems to get really heavy for a newbie like me.

[PuppyFluffer]

I have always said that having passionate opinions does not absolve us from being polite.

I have been a bit more busy in my personal life than normal recently and have not had the ability to read as much as I normally do. I encourage members to help guide discussions in gentle ways by posting politely. This is a passionate topic and one that can really really get to us.

I had a friend who worked in animal rescue/shelters for a long time. She is a really lovely person with a great heart and a love of life. After many years of working in rescue, she became bitter and burned out and a bit rough to be around. She was really critical of people wanting to get pets, grilling them on their dedication, did they really know what they were getting into....etc. I saw her be rude and harsh several times. There is only so much euthanasia of unwanted and unloved pets that you can take without having it really really get to you because the poor innocent animals don't deserve to die as youngsters just because people don't want to be responsible.

I see the circumcision issue in a similar light. The anger that many feel is based on the innocence of the baby and the lack of education and responsibility of parents to GET the education. It wears intactivists down and makes us bitter I think.

I think we all need to take personal stock of our own happiness, how this issue effects our lives and ask ourselves if we are feeling balanced with it all. If not, let's hash out some ideas on how we can better balance it.

And a PS, my friend is now a veterinary technician and is working to help animals. Her only encounters with euthanasia are in helping pets painlessly pass when they are too sick to be mended or too old to have a quality of life anymore. She is back to being herself again! It's nice to see.

[LadyMarmalade]

Great post, Karen.

I have noticed some really angry (and blunt) posts lately - and I'm sure I'm guilty of saying the wrong thing too. I'm working hard on cutting down on the number of snarky remarks I make!! Something that I personally think is humourous doesn't necessarily translate the same way on the internet. But I find myself ignoring some posters because they seem to only come here to be rude to other people.

[PuppyFluffer]

Feel free to report angry or snarky posts. I try to be gentle in PMs communicating that a poster's tone is harsh and I try to help them see ways they can express the same idea but in a more gentle way.

This board is certainly read by many who don't post and I think we need to ask ourselves what message we want to get out to people who are lurking.

I think we can definately host the rant threads where we express anger and sadness (without violating the user agreement). I also think that those emotions need to be contained in rant threads and not permeate the general tone of the board. How is a lurker supposed to take us seriously when all they see is anger and frustration being projected at people who come to ask questions?

One of my favorite quotes is "Energy follows intention." What is your intention when you post? When we post in an angry hostile manner, it's about ourselves and getting our feelings expressed. It's not about educating another. When helping is our true intent, our tone will convey it.

[KrystalC]

Originally Posted by PuppyFluffer

One of my favorite quotes is "Energy follows intention." What is your intention when you post? When we post in an angry hostile manner, it's about ourselves and getting our feelings expressed. It's not about educating another. When helping is our true intent, our tone will convey it.

Very well said!!!

[laneylue]

This is why I'm going back to mostly reading. I'm not the type of person who appreciates my words being picked apart or being argued with when I'm on the same page with the people doing the picking.

[Fiestabeth]

Originally Posted by laneylue

This is why I'm going back to mostly reading. I'm not the type of person who appreciates my words being picked apart or being argued with when I'm on the same page with the people doing the picking.

Don't really know why I'm jumping in here, just to say that the best marriage advice I got was from my mother: "Don't forget that you're on the same team." Guess it applies here, too.

[InDaPhunk]

I think we have so much anger over RIC and it has to go somewhere so sometimes we direct it toward each other because we can't let it fly on the people that we know really deserve it- the medical community, parents, our circumcising relatives, etc etc. A simple case of misdirected anger.

I mean, not me personally, I'm an angel, but I mean the rest of you guys.

just kidding .

[trmpetplaya]

Originally Posted by frenchie

I think we need to ask questions before making assumptions...to try and get a better understanding of what eachother is saying. I think some people are quick to jump on a statement before investigating.

Exactly. No point in fighting among ourselves... it really doesn't help the cause one bit. And probably hurts it too :

love and peace.

[kisagotami]

I just wanted to say that I've had some experience being misunderstood here on other boards. I've got my feelings hurt a few times as well. I stopped comming here for almost a year because I couldn't speak my mind. I understand that it's important to be respectful but also I think people should be able to express how they truly feel. Some where there has to be a happy medium. In the end I came back to the boards because I needed some support with BFing my toddler, then low and behold some one gave me some snippy little reply about how I shouldn't be so shelfish and bla bla bla. (I was frustrated and was thinking about weaning my 16 mo old). I can't tell you how low it made me feel...then angry. I don't know what I'm trying to say here...I guess it's sad that some people get chased away from such a great knowledge base just because some people have to make themselves feel superior by making others feel stupid or bad.

[Galatea]

Originally Posted by kisagotami

I just wanted to say that I've had some experience being misunderstood here on other boards. I've got my feelings hurt a few times as well. I stopped comming here for almost a year because I couldn't speak my mind. I understand that it's important to be respectful but also I think people should be able to express how they truly feel. Some where there has to be a happy medium. In the end I came back to the boards because I needed some support with BFing my toddler, then low and behold some one gave me some snippy little reply about how I shouldn't be so shelfish and bla bla bla. (I was frustrated and was thinking about weaning my 16 mo old). I can't tell you how low it made me feel...then angry. I don't know what I'm trying to say here...I guess it's sad that some people get chased away from such a great knowledge base just because some people have to make themselves feel superior by making others feel stupid or bad.

Well, everyone at MDC has a particular forum they feel strongly about. I am not a hardcore bfer - I think it is okay to wean a child over the age of 1. If I went into the bfing forums and said that, I would get roasted alive. So we feel really strongly about penises here, and we aren't nice about it to people who don't know. That is NOT okay b/c it just turns people off. We ALL need to practice being gentle with newcomers.