HELP - 13yo desperately unhappy in school - Page 2

[QuestionGal]

13 is a tough age, and being around other 13 yr olds doesn't help. I teach high school but I also understand that public school isn't for everyone. I would watch your DS closely and if you see him struggling then by all means pull him out! You can always have the option of returning to "school" in the future but bullying really does stick with a person forever.

I know that you'll do what's best for your DS, Good Luck!

[cinnamonamon]

I'm glad it seems that things are working out. It sounds as if you did just the right time letting him sleep in a bit & then see his counselor. You listened to his needs & now he may be able to become comfortable in the school. :

[mommyto3girls]

I'm not too popular around here right now, but wated to chime in anyway.

I am glad your son is saying he is comfortable and I know you will be watching the situation closley. If it doesn't work out I thinkthe cyber charter schools are a great option Don't let my husband here me, I am a public school teacher and he is a public school principal I have been laid off the last two summers, but called back thankfullly, because we are loosing jobs like crazy. Around here the charter schools are underperforming, their scores are way lower than the regular public schools, but we still loose students to them as something different to try.

Anyway. I think the cyber charter schools are great for kids who really want to be home schooled, but have a parent who just isn't sure if it will work for them. It takes all the guess work out of it and as the pp said the books and othr materials are free, some even give free computers. For the social issue, he may find it easier to make friends with other homeschool kids at various activities. I know our YMCA offers alot of activities for homeschoolers during th eday. And there are tons of home schooling groups out there to get involved with.

Who'd have thought, a public school teacher recommending home schooling!

[SJane01]

Arg.. I just typed like.. 4 paragraphs of a reply, and then firefox crashed. Wonderful me.

My DH was harrassed and bullied all through his middle school years. What today would amount to sexual assault, and bodily assault, in the 80's was treated as 'children will be children' But nevertheless, it happen and it left its scars.

We still deal with his problems interacting socially. But I will tell you the biggest help has been our son, without him even knowing it. Being a dad and having that responsibility and that love has made all the difference in Jake's life.

As for your son. I'm sorry to say but I think the best thing for him is to keep him in public schools. He needs to learn how to handle situations like this in life. They often get thrown at us and we often need to handle them without our parents coming in to save us. He is 13, He's still a little kid. I know alllll too well, our 13yo has yet to even hit puberty so.. 13 is a little kid still.

Depending on his affectionate level, hugs help so much. Friends, family, family friends, church members. Hugs are miniature miracles in distressed children's lives. Medicine that has no side-effects.

I know that you all will get through this emotional, difficult time. But hang in there and make sure to watch his anxiety / depression levels. Let him know that he's loved more than any other kid in that school. That can carry him great distances.

[kathymuggle]

could not not post....

If your mommy radar is going off, I think you need a plan.

I had the experience, in grade 3, of my son being bullied. An incident would happen, I would talk to the school, it was not dealt with effectively and it happened again, and again, and again.

In hindsight, i should have pulled him after the third or so incident - it is clear that that school was incapable of stopping the bullying, and in fact their behaviour even sent negative messages to m y son (there is no point in telling, adults won't help you, adults are not to be trusted) Donot let see-sawing back and forth last too long. UGH!!


IF it happens too often, don't "wait" for it to get better - pull him and homeschool. You can do it

[momma earthical]

Thankyou all for the support.

Last night we went to an open house at a local cyber school were ds1 would only attend 3 days a week. He's not interested! He wants to stay at his school, despite the fact that after 9 days he was been absent 2 days, and late 4 because he missed the school bus! When we talk he is sure he wants to keep going there, am i overreacting? Is it really just adolescent mood swiings? At times he has seemed depressed but several mamas of older boys have assured me that this is a normal phase of adolescence, and I sure remember periods of being depressed as a teen - but I felt I had a valid reason!!!! So I guess for the moment I just hold off and observe what happens!

[Leenie]

I would totally agree with the adolescent mood swings. My oldest ds is 13, and attended the same school since kindergarten. He has always been very sensitive, and having words with any kids, automatically means "the whole school hates me." Until the next day :

He used to cry, and I'd comfort him, and try to make him feel good about himself. The next day, when he would be dreading school, begging to stay home, and I'd feel terrible making him go. He would get out of school half of those times, and say "Can X, Y & Z come over to play?" Then 2 days later, it would all start over.

As moms, it is so hard to see our kids upset, but I think alot of our generation is so in tune with our kids, that it kills us to see them go through things that everyone has to go through. Shielding them from every pain and dissappointment is going to make it SOOO much harder when they have the same problem with co-workers one day, and Mom can't fix it.

Believe me, it makes me nuts when my kids are sad, but ds#1 is just that kind of guy. Overly sensitive, and I just have to hug him, let him know he's loved, and send his behind to school (There is no way I could homeschool, I'm so not cut out to teach)

Good Luck

[mommy68]

Why not just go ahead and homeschool him? I homeschooled mine for 8 years and they are in school now. BUT they know that the moment they feel like they don't want to go to school anymore and want to stay home that they can.

If my oldest came home today and said he wanted to be h/s'd again then we would talk about it and come to the best conclusion for the family which would most likely mean h/s'ing again which would be hard but fine with me. Whatever is best for my children! I'd prefer they be in school for the social aspect and for how good it is all around, but I will always do what is best for them.

The bullying and drug use (among other reasons) was one big reason I didn't want my children in school. That is why once they start high school they will indeed be h/s again.