Any info on the FATHER'S perspective of HB? - Page 2

[Mama~Love]

Michele - that would be great if your DH could do that. I want to thank everyone for replying, and all of this will help. We meet the midwife on Monday & I can't wait!

[kathan12904]

Hi im the DH equivalent and i enjoy reading the posts on this website. My baby mama and i have had one hospital birth and everything that went wrong that could have. We wanted at least a doula even at that birth but we were too intimidated and ignorant to do what we really wanted. I was afraid of having an unassisted hb. And thats how i imagined all Hb because i did not have an image of what birth with a midwife would be like. AFter doing a lot of research and seeing pictures i know it is just what i always wanted. before and during the hospital birth i felt the pressure to know everything a midwife should know because i knew that hospials did not. for example our baby need to turn around before she was born and a midwife would have told us this long before the birth. At the hospital however a nurse mentioned it in an offhand way a few hours before it was time. My thoughts were a little garbled but I want i just wanted to say to mothers and fathers out there that is okay to be scared but everything can work out fine if we use that energy to learn and understand the situation. in conclusion meet midwives even if u are not sure yet, and imagine yourselves bringing a baby into the world and think about how u want it to feel and how u want to remember it. as comforting as the thought of the "safety" of the hospital can be in preparing for it, the experience during birth at the hospital will be nerve racking, whereas the home birth prep might make you nervous about the ifs of what might happen, but the actual experience will be much more comforting the the alternative

[Midwife Kris]

Originally Posted by mommyofmany

I'd like to find some info for my DH about what other fathers feel about HB. (snip)

TIA for any links or info anyone can give me.

I have a blog called Home Birth Talk that is linked here in my signature. I have a video Podcast and three audio Podcasts, including one where I talked with my husband about gearing up for home birth. Maybe he'd like to listen to it? You can play it right on the webpage or even download it on iTunes in the Music Store. Click the link and the Podcasts will be listed on the left and direct you to the post with the Podcast.

I hope it helps! I've been getting some great feedback from visitors!

Kris, the media midwife

[WendyC]

So my dh had a REALLY hard time with it. He let me go and do it, mainly because he knew how deeply I felt about it, but when I ended up transfering the $h!t hit the fan! He lost it, had a total breakdown.

When we discussed it (a year later) he said that what it was, was that as a man, he felt do deeply and instintually that he needed to seek and distroy what was causing me pain and anguish. He couldn't handle the overwhelming protective instinct that came up when he saw me in pain.

It was difficult for me to have that kind of energy in my birth space, next time - we agreed to not have him there at all. I need the energy of powerful women, not muddled by a freaked out man!

[Rockies5]

I teach a HB only class with my husband in order to address this.

All men have some discomfort with birth. It isn't part of their experience. I also believe it has to do with trust (imagine someone else is carrying your baby and that baby depends 100% on them for life and that person's choices mean life or death for your baby) and some people do rush into babymaking before they really trsut eachther in the relationship!

My dh was the biggest skeptic on the planet. Three HBs and 1 UC later..he's a great source of security that what these guys are feeling is normal. Men are trained to be controlling and birth is completely female, a bit wild and the forces are uncontrollable. It's also one of the first times in a mans life where he takes on a nuturing role and someone depends largely on how great he is at it. This is so much more true at home then at the hospital where he can hope for drugs to get the pressure off him.

[Mama~Love]

I am very grateful for all of this advice! We'll be having another discussion about this soon, and I want to have lots of info for him!

[Isaac'sMa]

Mommyofmany,
How did your appt. with the MW go? That was/is today I think you said?

The first visit with MW was what convinced my DH. I gave hime so many statistics about how much safer HB in than hospital birth, fewer interventions=healthier mom & baby, best way to avoid these is to stay at home, etc, etc. Well, the thing that convinced him it was ok/safe to HB was meeting our MW. He also attended all our prenatal visits...

So...how'd it go?

Edited to say: Sorry, just saw your other post where you talk all about meeting the MW! doh!

[Mama~Love]

Originally Posted by Isaac'sMa

Mommyofmany,
How did your appt. with the MW go? That was/is today I think you said?

The first visit with MW was what convinced my DH. I gave hime so many statistics about how much safer HB in than hospital birth, fewer interventions=healthier mom & baby, best way to avoid these is to stay at home, etc, etc. Well, the thing that convinced him it was ok/safe to HB was meeting our MW. He also attended all our prenatal visits...

So...how'd it go?

Edited to say: Sorry, just saw your other post where you talk all about meeting the MW! doh!

LOL, that's OK. I was hoping it would've went better, and that he'd be convinced, but he's not quite there yet. He's skeptical until proven otherwise. I just don't think he'll ever be 100% comfortable with the idea.