Punished twice in a week

[annettemarie]

I'm concerned, but I don't know if I'm overreacting or not.

Michael's school uses something called "time on the line" as punishment. Last year it happened once in the entire school year; this year it's happened twice in the first week of school.

The first time, he kept talking to another little boy. While I really dislike making them stand on a line at recess for 10 minutes, I guess I can understand.

Today he had time on the line because he thought the teacher said "Shout out the answer" when she had, in fact, said "Don't shout out the answer." I asked if he explained that he misunderstood and he said, "What's the sense of making an excuse if I'm going to be punished." So I asked him to write a letter to his teacher and he wrote "Dear Mrs. M. I'm sorry I shouted out in class. I'll try not to do it anymore," still not explaining.

So, I don't know. I'm not happy that he's been punished twice in a week, esepcially for a misunderstanding. But I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. I would be more than happy to pull him out and school him at home, but he just was admitted into the gifted program and we're dealing with a possible non-verbal learning disorder, and my DH really thinks he's better off in school.

[mata]

How old is Michael? I think I would ask him how much the incident bothers him-and if it bothers him maybe you could brainstorm about choices to make him feel better about it. Writing a letter explaining what happened could be one choice, or just making a mental note to try and listen closely in the future. I think this is definitely an instance where he needs to feel ok about making an error.

[annettemarie]

Michael is 7 and he wasn't all that concerned. He seems to think he deserved it actually, LOL! We did talk a bit about his job being to listen carefully at school.

[mata]

Aww-what a guy. It's harder on us, isn't it?

[annettemarie]

Well, to update, when I told DH Michael's excuse, he started cracking up and said, "Yeah right, he 'misunderstood' her." He talked to Michael and it turned out he had already used up all his warnings. I had to write a note to his teacher about us picking him up a little early today, and added at the bottom:
Michael tells us he has had "time on the line" twice this week. Could you please call me at your convenience so we can discuss this? No hurry; I just want to see if there's anything we can do to help.
Michael gets to school around 8:30 and she called around 8:45! She was very nice and said Michael was a joy and adds such a unique perspective to class discussions and how happy she was to have him in her class, and said it was just a matter of adjusting to second grade rules. She also said he wasn't the only boy having trouble. She was very nice, and I feel a lot better about the whole situation.

[LovemyBoo]

I'm glad it worked out.

I always encourage parents to please talk to the teacher in situations like this. You need to have both sides of the story. If, after that, you are still not happy with the way things were handled you need to vocalize that to the teacher and work out a compromise. Moving up the ladder if you're still not satisfied.

In my experience as a parent with an active, adhd kid, keeping an open, honest, and friendly line of communication with the teacher makes a world of difference. Most teachers, I know there are exceptions, are good people who want to do right by the kids. Every teacher ds has had has been open to my input and shared responsibility. You are the teacher's partner in your child's education. You have every right to be involved, working with the teacher, and have a say in what's going on.

[aisraeltax]

She also said he wasn't the only boy having trouble.

glad everything worked itself out. but dont you guys think this is so telling? i am the mom of 3 boys...and this is always what i hear. it makes me so sad.

has anyone read/seen the pbs series "Raising Cain".

boys have such a hard time with adjusting to the way schools operate. they just do not allow them to be "boys" enough...cutting down on play time, making many things incompatible with the way boys operate. and our boys do just learn to accept it. i know my ds2 has (he's 8 and in 3d grade this year) but my ds1 never did. and he was always in trouble. grades were good but his "attitude" stank b/c of the expectations that he couldnt meet.

[annettemarie]

Originally Posted by aisraeltax

glad everything worked itself out. but dont you guys think this is so telling? i am the mom of 3 boys...and this is always what i hear. it makes me so sad.

has anyone read/seen the pbs series "Raising Cain".

boys have such a hard time with adjusting to the way schools operate. they just do not allow them to be "boys" enough...cutting down on play time, making many things incompatible with the way boys operate. and our boys do just learn to accept it. i know my ds2 has (he's 8 and in 3d grade this year) but my ds1 never did. and he was always in trouble. grades were good but his "attitude" stank b/c of the expectations that he couldnt meet.

You know, that was a red-flag for me too. In a lot of ways, this is a great school, but they have such a punitive mindset sometimes, and there are no male teachers (except gym!) and they just don't seem to "get" boys. There are also a ton of boys in his grade. I think like 75% of the kids are male.

[E.V. Lowi]

I agree with aisrealtax--It seemed as if everything in my son's 6th grade class revolved around the 'Care Bears' which he hated. They were even posted up on the classroom walls! It was all so female centric and he felt stifled and unable to express himself in that kind of environment. He developed a bad attitude towards school, even though he is a bright person. This was in the 80's so it looks as if this hasn't improved in 20 years. There was a study that was just published indicating that boys learn better from men and girls learn better from women. If my son was of elementary school age now I would use this new information to see that he had a male teacher whenever possible.

[wildmonkeys]

The gender factor is interesting and something I have thought about lately. There is a male second grade teacher at my son's school and several people (women/moms) have said they don't like him and I am wondering if it is because we are used to female teachers so that his maleness rubs them the wrong way and if this might make him a better fit for my son than many of the female teachers who the female parents seem to like, ykwim?

I would be interested in talking to the boys who have had him to see what they think...

BJ
Barney & Ben

[mata]

Originally Posted by E.V. Lowi

I agree with aisrealtax--It seemed as if everything in my son's 6th grade class revolved around the 'Care Bears' which he hated. They were even posted up on the classroom walls! It was all so female centric and he felt stifled and unable to express himself in that kind of environment.

oh ick-my daughter would feel totally stifled in that environment, too!

[aisraeltax]

here is a link to the pbs series. i think there is a video there.

Raising Cain