Being taught about "appropriate" bf'ing by DHS!!!!

[tapmilkmom]

So, I'm sitting in Child Sex Abuse training today and we are going over these scenarios and being asked "is this sexual abuse?" Here was this particular case:

7 year old boy breastfeeding. During the course of the interview mom states that she finds it "pleasurable". Investigation continues.

I sit in my seat about to explode! See, to me "pleasure" can mean SO MANY DIFFERENT THINGS!!! I find it pleasurable to urinate when my bladder is full, but it doesn't feel sexual. I find it pleasurable when my daughter brushes my hair, but it's not a turn-on. It is pleasurable to eat when I'm hungry. (oops, and even when I'm not...... : )

Anyhoo, the instructor asks, "what questions do you want to ask?" (of the mother) I asked, "does she believe in child led weaning?" then I had to explain that.

Then, a co-worker says,"I'm sorry, I'm just one of those people who think that breastfeeding is GROSS.: I mean, that is what God made bottles for!" I practically SPAT the words from my lips,"Actually, that's what YOUR BREASTS WERE MADE FOR!!!!!"

I was sitting there, missing my breastfed baby and I hadn't had enough pumping time so my breasts were so full of milk that I could feel the tingling down to my thighs!!! We got up to split into groups and I said to Sarah, "don't let anyone get into my breastmilk or I may be accused of inadertantly sexually abusing someone!!!"

I'm going to say something to that stupid coworker tomorrow, something like,"I'm sure you probably didn't MEAN to be patronizing, mean and ill-informed, but actually your breasts were made for feeding a baby. I found your comment to be VERY offensive!"

After all, formula needs to prove itself, NOT breastfeeding!!!!

I'm still just so p.o.'d!!!!!!!!

[sparklefairy]

What a travesty!

Can you speak with a supervisor? This is just WRONG.

Edit: Okay, I reread that it was your CO-WORKER who said this and not the instructor, so I'm slightly less horrified. The co-worker's supervisor needs to know that s/he considers normal human nurturing and nutrition to be gross, though.

[tapmilkmom]

I'm telling you that I am still so steamed about this that I have visions of going in there tomorrow and go all NAZI-NAY-NAY on them and proceed with just spraying the Hell out of all of 'em with my fabulous breastmilk!!!!!!

Just imagine the carnage..........

[sweetirishCT]

Originally Posted by tapmilkmom

I'm telling you that I am still so steamed about this that I have visions of going in there tomorrow and go all NAZI-NAY-NAY on them and proceed with just spraying the Hell out of all of 'em with my fabulous breastmilk!!!!!!
Just imagine the carnage..........

OMG, what a visual : Like Rambo walking into the room with tata's in hand instead of machine guns...
I thank GOD that my co-workers were so OK with me taking off to pump a couple times a day (I'm an ICU nurse, so it can be a big deal to leave the unit for 2minutes, forget about 20...) Although, they are enjoying goofing with me about how long we are going to nurse, DD is 16mos... Also, they joke because I just accepted a transfer to the Birthing Center, they think I will be the next BF'ing guru... LOL!!

I am so sorry you have such ignorant coworkers... We should bombard her email with all the articles entitled "breast is best" or the like...

Also, you could point out that if "that's why God made bottles", there is no mention of such in the BIBLE... hehe, just to rub it in...

[Janice in Canada]

It is my opinion that any kind of derogatory comments made at the workplace, about breastfeeding, especially when you are known to be breastfeeding, constitutes sexual harrassment.

Even though it was your co-worker that said this, I think your instructor or supervisor needs to address this, since this would affect how she handles a person who is breastfeeding, even within the more commonly known and accepted age ranges.

Janice

[jessjgh1]

I'm a little more concerned that the example is even used as a 'case'. How did the instructor explain how it would/shoudl be resolved?

It just seems like picking that is a little extreme in the first place, simply a BAD example to use.

Why use the example of a 7 year old... because you know if a woman nursing a 7 MONTH old had said that it was 'pleasurable' that might cause the same perceptions?? By picking a 7 year old, is that supposed to 'change' the situation enough.

At least if they used a 7 month old, they could educate people (such as your ***use chosen adj. here***) about breastfeeding.

Or are there really enough mothers 'force-breastfeeding' their children to older ages because it is sexual? Really really doubt it. And if that is not the case then why even use the question?

Jessica

[MiamiMami]

God made bottles? When? On the 8th day? He said everything is perfect....oh wait I forgot the BOTTLES!

[SeaMother]

yikes!

That's a weird example that they use in your training... they use the age 7 because it seems so out there.... but at what age is it no longer acceptable to "enjoy" nursing your baby?

I agree with the person above, I think. Did your coworker know you are bf-ing?
(not that it should really matter to excuse her comment) Was she implying you were "disgusting" because you do something she considers disgusting? (ie nourish your child) If so I think you may need to bring it up with someone higher up....

How awful that she has learnt to be disgusted with one of the most beautiful functions of the female anatomy... I say learnt b/c obviously she wasn't born that way: she was born with the instinct to Breastfeed! :
Kudos to you anyway, It's hard enough trying to work and bf without worring about some obnoxiuos idiot.
~Dana

[firstkid4me]

Originally Posted by MiamiMami

God made bottles? When? On the 8th day? He said everything is perfect....oh wait I forgot the BOTTLES!

And on the 9th day he created formula

[angelpie545]

Wow...so women can't say that they find bfing pleasurable now? I found it very pleasurable to nurse my children. NOT sexually pleasurable, but I found pleasure in knowing my children were receiving the best possible food and that my body was making it! Oh, and breastfeeding is relaxing as well, and relaxation is pleasurable. There is a quite a difference between something being pleasurable and a sexual turn-on. I guess I'll be more careful with my words. :

[Serrendipity]

Well thank Goddess they've got you there! I can't imagine how ill-informed they'd be about breastfeeding otherwise! :

Serendipity

[firstkid4me]

Originally Posted by angelpie545

Wow...so women can't say that they find bfing pleasurable now? I found it very pleasurable to nurse my children. NOT sexually pleasurable, but I found pleasure in knowing my children were receiving the best possible food and that my body was making it! Oh, and breastfeeding is relaxing as well, and relaxation is pleasurable. There is a quite a difference between something being pleasurable and a sexual turn-on. I guess I'll be more careful with my words. :

Hrmm, how's this?

It pleases me in a non-sexual way to breastfeed my child.

Yeah, that's a natural thing to say.... sounds like someone denying something too much. People can say the stupidest things sometimes.

[Janice in Canada]

I have said (to other breastfeeding advocates, anyhow) that breastfeeding was "sensual", but certainly not "sexual".

It does give me warm fuzzy feelings, somewhat like waking up beside my husband. It makes me feel loved, in a physical way. I don't feel it in my genitals, but in my whole body.

Janice

[CallMeMommy]

I sure as heck found it pleasurable, when I got home after a long day at work and my boobs were about to explode, it felt SO GOOD when DS relieved some of the pressure

[amey]

I think she was combining two big cases. There was a case once of a woman who called some hotline saying that she liked breastfeeding her child and that some times she noticed she was a little aroused - was that bad? There was a big CPS investigation, and the whole mess. Ahh. Found that here: http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/BAFeb01.html Paired with that hugely famous case about the 7 (?) year old who told his babysitter (allegedly? I don't remember the finer points) that he didn't want to nurse anymore but his mom made him. He was removed too for a while. And probably going for a bit of sensationalism.

But honestly - would someone who was breastfeeding with a sexual abuse intent actually call DHS/CPS/Whatever to see if it was "okay" to get aroused? KWIM?

i agree the initial call would clearly warrent further conversation with the caller - if only to reassure her that everything was okay (or to take seriously someone who was being inappropriate). Which is NOT to say that breastfeeding a 7 year is inappropriate. It would be worth it to educate those who would be answering those calls on appropriate and inappropriate conversations to have with a caller.

~amey

[boobybunny]

I have nursed three children for a combined total of five years (and counting). My body has gotten confused by nursing only a handful of times, and it was usually because the breastfeeding came after a sexual experience with my husband. It felt like once a circuit was switched on, my body could not make the circuit from sex to nurturing. In no way does that make me sexually abusive.

[tapmilkmom]

boobybunny, you are exactly right and I have had the same experience.

And to Janice in Canada....yeah, what you said!

Apparently, there was a LOT more to the case than bf'ing, it turned out to not be about bf'ing. I did educate the instructor and spoke nicely to the "bf'ing is gross" chick and found out that she was mourning her failed bf'ing experience. I felt sad, not mad after talking to her.

oh, and I gave the instr. Dr. Dettwiler's name so he could read abt natural age of weaning.

[frontierpsych]

God made bottles?
Really?
Do they grow on bottle trees?
:

[ozzyemm]

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

God made bottles?
Really?
Do they grow on bottle trees?
:

Right next to the




bottle brush trees

[Ellien C]

Originally Posted by MiamiMami

God made bottles? When? On the 8th day? He said everything is perfect....oh wait I forgot the BOTTLES!

I think I would have burst out laughing... in that mean cackling way I reserve for such ignorance. Definitely in the laughing-AT-you way, rather than the laughing-WITH-you way.

I would speak with the instructor on several counts. 1)Where did this curriculum come from? Did she make it up or is she using some published source? Kind of changes how you respond.

What is the context in which a woman who could presumably be in a position to make a judgement call about child abuse feels free to share her opinion that nursing is disgusting? I'm concerned that your co-worker is in a position to influence mothers regarding BF. She should not have shared the comment at work and doesn't seem to be aware of that fact. It's like someone who is against gays bringing that into the workplace and making other people uncomfortable. First ammendment rights don't extend indefinitely. They are limited in the workplace.