Being taught about "appropriate" bf'ing by DHS!!!! - Page 2

[oregongirlie]

Originally Posted by sparklefairy

The co-worker's supervisor needs to know that s/he considers normal human nurturing and nutrition to be gross, though.

So, you mean tell on her for her opinion?

[sohj]

Originally Posted by oregongirlie

So, you mean tell on her for her opinion?

Yeah. I assume she is in "Child Sex Abuse" class as she is headed for some job that requires the recognition of such. She will be using her "opinion" when evaluating cases.

[elanorh]

I agree - the coworker needs to know that her opinion in re: breastfeeding is NOT one to assume/share with clients. She will be interacting with them in a capacity where she can have a tremendous impact ....

I agree with the pp who compared it to other biases ... breastfeeding is the NORM for human babies (biologically), its advantages ought to speak for themselves (but don't unfortunately due to our ff culture) -- just like any other uninformed bias (i.e., all blondes are dumb) -- it should be addressed and the coworker in question should rethink tone/approach.

She can still have her opinion. But sharing it with clients would be a disservice to them, and unprofessional.

Whether this is addressed to the coworker directly or to the supervisor, I think depends on how the conversation that the OP had with that coworker yesterday, went. If OP feels like she can (or already has) share her concerns with the coworker so that the coworker is able to adjust without supervisor notification, then no need to bring the supervisor into the picture. But, if not -- then the supervisor should know.

Having been a supervisor - I don't know if "tell on her" is a good way to describe this. The goal isn't for a supervisor to have an adversarial, punitive relationship with the employees. The goal is for the supervisor to help employees by providing direction, assistance, etc. A good supervisor might be able to approach this situation without the employee even knowing that someone "told" on her -- and in a way which truly empowers the employee to recommit to tone/approach with clients.

[Meiri]

I see from the subsequent post where that co-worker might be coming from.

Newsflash though, her God certainly did not invent bottles. Within that belief system, I'd be pointing out that we live in communities (which in the past usually included other nursing moms) so we could help each other. Other moms with milk, those I could accept that "he" invented.

[sparklefairy]

Originally Posted by sohj

Yeah. I assume she is in "Child Sex Abuse" class as she is headed for some job that requires the recognition of such. She will be using her "opinion" when evaluating cases.

Yes, this is what I was thinking. Not "tell on her" but "share your concern."

[sparklefairy]

I'm trying to think of a similar situation. Showing appropriate affection such as having a child sit in your lap or hugging a child? What if she said that was gross?

[smeep]

[amey]

Thank you for saying so much better what I was thinking.

Wow. That sentence is pretty awful.

Anyway. Thank you elanorh for your lovely way of posting.

~amey

Originally Posted by elanorh

I agree - the coworker needs to know that her opinion in re: breastfeeding is NOT one to assume/share with clients. She will be interacting with them in a capacity where she can have a tremendous impact ....

I agree with the pp who compared it to other biases ... breastfeeding is the NORM for human babies (biologically), its advantages ought to speak for themselves (but don't unfortunately due to our ff culture) -- just like any other uninformed bias (i.e., all blondes are dumb) -- it should be addressed and the coworker in question should rethink tone/approach.

She can still have her opinion. But sharing it with clients would be a disservice to them, and unprofessional.

Whether this is addressed to the coworker directly or to the supervisor, I think depends on how the conversation that the OP had with that coworker yesterday, went. If OP feels like she can (or already has) share her concerns with the coworker so that the coworker is able to adjust without supervisor notification, then no need to bring the supervisor into the picture. But, if not -- then the supervisor should know.

Having been a supervisor - I don't know if "tell on her" is a good way to describe this. The goal isn't for a supervisor to have an adversarial, punitive relationship with the employees. The goal is for the supervisor to help employees by providing direction, assistance, etc. A good supervisor might be able to approach this situation without the employee even knowing that someone "told" on her -- and in a way which truly empowers the employee to recommit to tone/approach with clients.

[intorainbowz]

FYI,

I guess by your co-workers definition I sexually abused my 4 month old today in the DCFS office. DH picked her up from day care, and brought her by to show everyone. She wanted to nurse and I went in my office, put up my I'm pumping sign, which does not say I'm pumping, but everyone know that's what I'm up to, and nursed her. I found it pleasurable, as I was full and letting her eat eased that. I also get pleasure in the contact with her and being her mommy and giving her the best.

I hate it in trainings when they use such outlandish examples. Real child welfare casework is so NOT those outlandish examples, rather the smaller grey areas, and I'm not talking about breast feeding concerns.

Although, when I was oncall last week, a lady called in to complain that her neighbor breast fed on the front pourch and the ENTIRE neighborhood saw, including children. I explained the law, that this is completely allowed, and said I was glad that mom set a good example. <naughty>

Good luck working with your <blank> coworker. I would DEFINATELY (NAK) address this with her supervisor as a concern. Biases are HUGE. I bite my tounge about formula feeding at work, usually. I encourage breast feeding, but keep it very light. I do allow myself the bias of no-smoking during pregnancy and around children, and hit that one hard.

[ColoradoMama]

Originally Posted by intorainbowz

Although, when I was oncall last week, a lady called in to complain that her neighbor breast fed on the front pourch and the ENTIRE neighborhood saw, including children. I explained the law, that this is completely allowed, and said I was glad that mom set a good example. <naughty>

Oh my goodness!!! That is outrageous. You're not in Denver are you because that was probably me! Everytime I think we're making progress in this country - I read something like that. Ugh.

[KeanusMomma]

"That's what god made bottles for!": : :

ok, when an innocent person is shot and killed, is that what god made guns for? Jeez!

And good for that woman for showing everyone what kind of nutrition her beloved baby gets. I do that all the time. (referring to the nursing on the front porch story)

[candipooh]

Originally Posted by MiamiMami

God made bottles? When? On the 8th day? He said everything is perfect....oh wait I forgot the BOTTLES!

: very funny. Yah I didn't know that God made bottles. Here I thought that they were made by man. Silly me.

[blessedwithboys]

Originally Posted by boobybunny

I have nursed three children for a combined total of five years (and counting). My body has gotten confused by nursing only a handful of times, and it was usually because the breastfeeding came after a sexual experience with my husband. It felt like once a circuit was switched on, my body could not make the circuit from sex to nurturing. In no way does that make me sexually abusive.

thank you for being brave enough to post this!

[tapmilkmom]

I did end up speaking to the coworker. We were talking about weight loss as she has lost a bit of weight since I saw her in April. (she in from another county) I told her that the ONLY reason I have lost ANY weight so far is breastfeeding. I said,"because I *DO* breastfeed" and with that her face clouded over and she looked SOOOO sad and said kinda' softly, "they just don't tell you that it hurts in the beginning". I asked her, "you tried to nurse him, didn't you?" She nodded and said that her sister talked about it like it was so wonderful and that she wanted the same for her and her child and she just couldn't make it work. At that point I felt so bad for her.

Then I got home and remembered the "gross" comment and wished I would have mentioned it!

I actually got to talk to the instructor (a man) and he was so open to learning more about healthy living. I told him that I just had a home waterbirth, etc.

Yes, the choices we make in our job ARE governed by our opinion, at times, we still have to convince a DA to pick up a child, so we aren't just out there all alone with our opinions. Does that make sense?

[hawkfeather]

sorry I am not familiar with your system.. btu was this trainign to determine if a mother is abusign her child??.. because it outright scares me that a person in a position of authority could pass on such grossly misinformed info..
YUCK

[boobybunny]

Originally Posted by blessedwithboys

thank you for being brave enough to post this!

I am woman hear me roar! :



I am very big on bringing up what is NORMAL but somehow a taboo subject.

Feeling sexual during nursing was something I really had to work though. (incest survivor) NO ONE ever mentions it.

Kinda like how horrid you feel when you bring home baby number 2 to a toddler and they get upset.

Or having a school aged boy that is a night wetter at almost age 10... it is medical not emotional. We have done everything shy of dehydration. And guess what.... 20% of all nine year old boys still do this. Why is it so shameful?

End of thread jack!

[Meiri]

Then I got home and remembered the "gross" comment and wished I would have mentioned it!

No doubt there will be other opportunities.

How tragic that she's twisted her sadness at not being able to make breastfeeding work into seeing it as gross.

[elanorh]

Given the description of the conversation just described (in the bathroom) - I wonder whether she really *does* see it as gross, and instead was using that approach/terminology during the workshop itself as a defensive barrier because she feels so sad about her breastfeeding experience. Her reaction in the bathroom didn't sound like she was grossed out - but rather, very sad.

And that's something that she might be able to be helped and supported through, gently, if/as she has another child. And acknowledging and supporting her through the process of grieving the loss of bf with her first child, might help her come to terms with how to approach it, if it comes up, with clients. I've an online acquaintance who was utbf (for a multitude of reasons, many of them including poor medical support) with her first child, whose sister was really hurtful to her about it (sister bf'd). If this woman's sister responded similarly, the coworker may have put up quite a bulwark to defend herself from those sorts of attacks. The online acquaintance, through help from a lot of other folks, was able to make breastfeeding work (even beyond a year) with her second --- but it took her awhile to get to that point, KWIM?

It sounds to me like an opportunity for healing ... if handled sensitively and carefully over a period of time, honestly.

[angelpie545]

Originally Posted by elanorh

Given the description of the conversation just described (in the bathroom) - I wonder whether she really *does* see it as gross, and instead was using that approach/terminology during the workshop itself as a defensive barrier because she feels so sad about her breastfeeding experience. Her reaction in the bathroom didn't sound like she was grossed out - but rather, very sad.

And that's something that she might be able to be helped and supported through, gently, if/as she has another child. And acknowledging and supporting her through the process of grieving the loss of bf with her first child, might help her come to terms with how to approach it, if it comes up, with clients. I've an online acquaintance who was utbf (for a multitude of reasons, many of them including poor medical support) with her first child, whose sister was really hurtful to her about it (sister bf'd). If this woman's sister responded similarly, the coworker may have put up quite a bulwark to defend herself from those sorts of attacks. The online acquaintance, through help from a lot of other folks, was able to make breastfeeding work (even beyond a year) with her second --- but it took her awhile to get to that point, KWIM?

It sounds to me like an opportunity for healing ... if handled sensitively and carefully over a period of time, honestly.

I agree-I think that her "gross" view of breastfeeding may just be due to sadness with her own failed breastfeeding experience. She probably does feel cheated, and doesn't like to see others doing for their children what she herself was unable to do for hers. It's normal for her to feel this sadness-but I hope she is able to adress her feelings because it is essential for social workers to have a healthy and normal view of breastfeeding. There have been women who have been put through a lot of hell due some social workers misconceptions and anger surrounding childcare issues. Social workers in some cases tend to view themselves as authority figures instead of assisting others in finding a healthy balance-and this can be a scary thing.