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Stupid Questions :)

post #1 of 86
Thread Starter 
We've all gotten some pretty stupid questions and comments from the general public (as well as family and friends!) about our multiples...I thought it would be fun to share some of the REALLY stupid ones that we've heard with each other.

The questions that drive me nuts are...

"Are they twins??" (and what else would they be?)
"Are they a boy and a girl??" (while both are dressed in all pink)
"Can you nurse them both at the same time??" (I do have two breasts, don't I?!)
"Did you know you were having twins??"

And if I hear this one more time I'm going to SCREAM!!

"You sure do have your hands full!"

post #2 of 86
While I don't have twins, I was pregnant with my second and had my 1 1/2 year-old in tow and received the dreaded "Wow, you sure have your hands full!!". My response was "Well, better full than empty!" I LOVE that response! It was handed down to me by a friend--with twins! Try that one and see those people suddenly turn quite shy and shut the @$&* up.

post #3 of 86
Melissa: I'm definitely going to use that response next time I get the "hands full" comment, probably tomorrow!

One stupid question I get all the time is: "Are they both yours?" I respond "Yep." And then the person will ask, "Are they twins?" I've twice now said, "No, they're a year apart."

I taught kindergarten until I was put on bedrest at 29 weeks. I got lots of "stupid" questions from my students, but coming from five year-olds they were really just cute, not annoying. Here is my favorite:

Ezekiel: "It looks like you have a baby in your tummy"
Me: "Actually, I have two babies in there."
Ezekiel: "Two babies! Wow! Do you think they might be twins?"
Me: "They are twins."
Ezekiel: "Do you think they might have the same birthday?!"
Me: "I think they probably will."

People are always asking "Are they both boys, or a boy and a girl?" I wonder which one they think might be a girl since, especially when bundled, they look pretty similar :.
post #4 of 86
My favorite is "Are they your's?" You'd think they could tell by the spit up on my shirt, lack of make-up or "fixed" hair, and generally tired appearance . I'm not sure what it is about me that makes people assume I'm not their mother. I do look young for my age, but not THAT young (I haven't been carded for a couple of years now ). One that friends of mine get is "Are they identical?" when they are obviously brother and sister : .
post #5 of 86
"Did you know you were having twins??"

I know that seems like a stupid question, and I can't believe how often I get asked it, but you know, I actually did NOT know until the night my twins were born. It's actually embarrassing to me and I usually try to avoid the question. I feel like I get asked that SO much.

I've had two people ask me if I was using fertility drugs. (And my twins are identical.)
post #6 of 86
Thread Starter 
MamaLeah - That's cool that you didn't know you were having twins until you actually gave birth!!! What an awesome surprise!! How did they miss the second one on the ultrasound? What was it like to find out about the second baby?! That's really, really neat!!!

Lex - How cute!!! Ezekiel sounds like a doll. I said to a girl once who asked me "Did you have twins?" "No...we stole the other one." LOL!!!! I've vowed that the next time my girls are both dressed in pink and someone asks if they are a girl and a boy I'm going to ask them which one they think is the boy.

Have you all seen the "Before You Even Ask" t-shirt? It's super cute...www.twinstuff.com.
post #7 of 86

Oh man I have heard it all!

The negative ones really get to me know.Especiall now that the girls are old enough to UNDERSTAND some og the things ppl say.My thoughts are.Do you not know they can HEAR you!!!!!!!!

Just the other day one woman took one evil look at my kids and said,"GOD HELP YOU!" I turned on my heels and said,"I dont need Gods help with this one and I am pretty sure he knows it,because he is the one who decides I must be able to handle it,and GLADLY!"
She stammered, mumbling something about having my hands full....To which I replied yes,I do and my heart is full of love and Joy.She then realized she wasnt getting any negative agreeance from me and turned away.

Another one I love to hate is"Twins!Oh my God!How lucky!Wanna sell one?" Idiots.

"That was my biggest fear,having twins." Lucky thing for them you didnt.

"Wow I`am glad its you and not me." "So am I"

To all those who get the are they identicle ?. My friend who has b/g twins always answers that one with .Umm......NO, He has a penis,she has a vagina!

I really do love the nice to hear things though!I worry my girls are going to get big heads though.

We ALWAYS,like everyday get someone telling us they look exactly like Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.Not something an overprotective mother wants to hear.

Edited to add........
I for got to add one more favorite.
When they ask if I bf them both,I always reply. No, Just the favorite one:
post #8 of 86
here's my favorite stupid question

"did you plan to have twins?"

post #9 of 86
Well. I've had someone argue with me in the checkout line whether my boys are identical or not. (like I, the mother would not know and they, the total stranger would.) Btw, my boys look nothing alike. They also have 2 different blood types.
post #10 of 86
My boys don't look anything alike either. In fact, one has always been a clothing size ahead of his brother so, especially when they were little, people didn't realize they were twins. I guess they just thought I'd gotten pg really quickly with ds#2 after ds#1 was born because I was always asked "so how far apart are they???" When I'd say "16 minutes" people were always stunned "so they're twins?? are they identical??"

And the dreaded "you sure have your hands full" finally stopped when the boys were about 6 & dd was 2.
post #11 of 86
I told my friend about the "you sure have your hands full" comment and she said she didn't understand why anyone would be offended by that. She said it might be said sympathetically. What do you think? I don't see her point of view. The comment has ALWAYS bothered me!
post #12 of 86
I dont want ANYBODIES sympathy!!!

My gosh they are our children!
post #13 of 86
I think the stupidest question we get asked all the time is "Are they identical" right after I've told them that one is a boy and one is a girl!!!

Hellooooo? Anyone pay attention in high-school biology class?? :LOL It's not possible to have a boy and a girl share the exact same chromosomes!

My second runner-up recently has been "Do they play together?" Uh, no... we like to keep them apart as much as possible.

OK, I'm on a roll now. Third runner up: "Wow, I don't know what I'd do with twins!" to which my favorite reply if I'm feeling sassy is "I bet you don't!"

Wow, this felt good! Thanks!!
post #14 of 86
I get the "You sure have your hands full" comment fairly often but it is usually said with a smile, like it's a positive thing. When I can tell they mean it negatively I just say "Yes I do!" as happily as I can and move on :
post #15 of 86
Thread Starter 
Melissa - My mom doesn't understand why the "hands full" comment bothers me either. I guess you just don't get it until you've heard it for the millionth time in one day.

Most of the time when I hear it it's said in a nice tone of voice but it's what they really want to say that bothers me. Know what I mean?
post #16 of 86
Not to harp, but I just don't understand why anyone would say such a stupid thing!! There are much better--and nicer--things to say to parents who have children!! Esp. if they seem to be having trouble at the moment! AAHHH!!!
post #17 of 86
Actually in the newest edition of Twins mag, they explain how MZ twins can be boy/girl. If the original egg has Klinefelter's (sp) syndrome, then it splits, then one egg drops the extra X, and the other drops the Y, it can happen. It is rare, but it is possible. I love nerdy trivia like that so I am sure I'll be sharing that with lots of people at the grocery store. Dh says nerdy trivia is one of my vices.
post #18 of 86
Laralou - that's right... except then they DON'T share the same chromosomes. So MZ boy/girl twins are not "identical" or having the same genes, regardless of how they started out. Along those lines, DZ twins are also not always "fraternal" -- sometimes "identical" twins (same egg/sperm) can be in 2 sacs. A lot of people, myself included, think the trend toward calling twins MZ/DZ is still missing the mark, though are glad to at least not be using the more offensive term "identical".

I think when most people ask, "are they identical" they mean, "do they have the same genes"? I don't take offense to that question, just seems stupid when they're boy/girl twins! Since it is not possible for them to have the same chromosomes, therefore, obviously they're not identical!
post #19 of 86
I really don't mind the "you have your hands full" comment. I only get this one when I am double slinging so it is really true. I may mind more when they are old enough to hear and understand. It bugs me more when people say "I wish I had twins" because I am irritated that someone would want to have two infants at once for the cuteness factor. While people do recognize the sacrifices I must make, no one thinks about the babies and what they sacrifice having to share Mommy those first 6 months. I think my reaction has to do with my guilt at not being able to meet all of their needs all the time and parent each of them "perfectly" as was the plan when I chose to have a second child.

I do get irritated when people make guesses about their gender that totally disregards what clothes they are in. It isn't offensive, just irritating. For some reason whenever one baby is in any color that isn't pink, even if it is lavender or orange or a floral print, she is a "boy".

The thing that bothers me the most though is when total strangers have to tell me their twin story, and it is usually that they were supposed to have twins but one or both died. It isn't that I am not sympathetic. It is just that I don't know these people. It just makes me uncomfortable.

On the zygosity: DZ doesn't mean di/di. It refers to how many zygotes there were in the beginning (prior to egg splitting if it took place). If there were two eggs, they are DZ or "fraternal". If there was one, they are MZ or "identical". How they develop after that point determines their sac status (mono/mono, mono/di, di/di) which can help determine zygosity but doesn't define it.

All MZ/"identicals" lose genetic information after the split, so really no twins are "identical" and that is how us moms can tell them apart. I know you know all this. Just wanted to clear up any confusion. I just use "identical" because otherwise I'd have to give my zygosity dissertation everytime.
post #20 of 86
Laralou - yup. This sums it up! Still funny to think B/G twins are exactly the same (chromosomes), don't you think?! The whole X vs. Y thing must be lost on a lot of people!!!

I forgot about the clothes color thing. That bugs me too. It's like they're not really looking sometimes - even if dd is in pink and flowers, I still get "is that a girl?". God forbid she wears blue jeans or something, everyone always thinks she's a boy!!
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