So would I be a bad mommy if I said that I don't check? I know that I checked with my first, but since then, I have just trusted that they were alright. I guess the fact that they have been with me most of the time sort of aliviated the need to check. I do peek in the room if Q is sleeping on his own, just to be sure that he hasn't rolled onto his tummy, but I don't check for breathing. I guess I've relaxed over the years. Maybe that's good and maybe that's bad, I don't know.
I'm not sure whether this is a sad or funny story, but everytime I tell this to people with new babies they laugh and nod along, then later thank me for my honesty. Anyway...My first was a terrible sleeper those first few months. He didn't like co-sleeping, didn't even want to be in the same room with us. He would sleep for blocks at night, but during the day he was very colicky and would only sleep in my arms. It was pretty exhausting. Anyway, one morning I woke up -- I think it was about 6:00 am and realized that I hadn't gotten up to feed him that night. I was sort of panicked and very foggy from sleep deprivation and I remember wondering if he were dead. I was so tired, though, and I knew that chances were that he was just fine and if I went in there I would wake him up. So I thought to myself that if he had died that night, he would still be dead in two hours and I went back to sleep.
That's sleep deprivation at it's worst. Talk about guilt.
It's crazy because I wouldn't probably have thought that with any of the other three kids, but my first was such a challange and I was simply so worn down by the constant crying (and probably suffering from mild PPD) that I needed breaks but wasn't getting them. I took my breaks whenever I could find them.
I'm very thankful that my other three children have been "easy" by comparison.