what is up with not sharing??

[newmainer]

My dd is 3, and sharing is the huge, huge issue. It came up when she was about 2ish, which i expected. I didn't really push it all that much, tried to talk about how it was nice to share and modeled it, but understood that it was totally normal developmentally and that she would outgrow it.

But now, at 3, it hasn't gotten any better, in fact, it's gotten much, much worse! when we have other kids over, she wants to start putting all her "special" toys up high, although whatever is special is what the other kids want to play with. She is particularly picky about "her babies" aka- every stuffed animal and doll in the house. She constantly talks about how she wont share this, or wont' share that. She wants us to tell her what we will or wont' share.

Now that she has a baby brother, he can't *look* at her babies, but she sure can play with all his things

We've tried a lot of approaches... talking about sharing, modeling, talking about fairness, limiting the number of toys she can put away to not share, "playing" about sharing (a'la Playful Parenting) but still... it goes on. She is starting a Waldorf preschool on Monday, and I'm a bit worried about how this is going to go over. And to be honest, it's a little bit embarrasing. We play with other kids who are not *nearly* as possesive as she is. Frankly, its' annoying and I'm having a hard time keeping it in perspective.

help!

[Twocoolboys]

I believe it is still developmentally appropriate for her to not want to share her toys. It is hard for kids to share. Even though society expects it and it is one of those things that everyone seems to strive for with their children, I believe there is too much stress put on it. Three is still awfully young for a child to understand it.

I'm guessing that she will be a better sharer at preschool anyway. Kids always have a harder time sharing on their own turf with their own things than they do in a situation where the toys belong to the group.

[chel]

my dd was just like this. Playdates never went well. Preschool (4hrs/2days week) from age 2.5-4.5 went very smoothly. Yep, alot easier to share when it's not your stuff. dd is finally at the age where she can have playdates without me hovering. Some dc just share better. I would just hold off on playdates at home for a while.

[octobermom]

Its completely age appropiate and normal for a 3 year old not to share, most kids wont start to really share till around age 5. At 3 they begin learning and understanding things like turn taking parrell play comes into play (two kids using the same or similiar toys but still doing their own things) They begin to understand ownership.
Shes doing fine and sharing is NOT something that can be forced simpily model it and she will in time get it.

[newmainer]

ok, thanks... i guess i just really notice it with my dd because it seems like the other children we often play with don't have the same issues- or at least not nearly as intensely- and so it seems glaring to me. she also pulls it on the baby too- if he's mouthing one of her stuffed animals, she instantly snatches it away, and yet she has free rein of all his toys. But i suppose there's a lot of sibling stuff in there too.

it's irritating to me that it bothers me so much. i fully admit that i hate the way it makes me feel when other moms are around of the kids she's refusing to share with- like i'm not teaching or modeling right. And i suppose in our frustration with this issue, we aren't doing the best job of modeling as we sometimes tell her we dont' want to share our drink/cookie whatever after watching her and listening to her go on and on about how she doesn't want to share.

sigh. 3 is...ugh.

thanks for the reassurance.

[mashtree]

I agree that it is totally normal and age appropriate . And there might be special objects that she will never want to share with anyone, and that is fine too . How many adults would willingly share, say, their car with a neighbour?