Who really really wanted a drug-free birth...and ended up getting an epidural?

[Amila]

...and how do you feel about it?

I was DEAD SET on having a natural childbirth...then 24 hours passed since my water broke (spontaneously) and I was induced due to 1. length of time that passed, and 2. meconium in the water. I labored for five horrendous hours and then got Stadol at 3.5 cm (still refusing the epi at this point) and when that did nothing for me and I was only 4 cm I finally got the epidural. 45minutes after that I was 10 cm and DD pretty much pushed herself out. I had no negative consequences from it, although I was *terrified* to get it. I believe it is what helped me relax enough to keep labor progressing because I was puking and just freaking out b/c of the pain. NOT exactly the birth I hoped for, and I wonder if I would have been able to do it without the pit. I have no regrets, and would try for a drug-free labor the next time around, but was wondering how other mamas felt...were you depressed afterwards? Relieved? Upset?

[mezzaluna]

i didn't need an epidural, but induced labor was definitely a scenario where i would have considered it more strongly. i see an epidural as a tool that has its risks and benefits, and at some point the benefits outweigh the risks, it's just tough to decide exactly where that point is... and no, i don't think the benefits outweigh the risks as a routine procedure, but this was not a routine situation you were in.

[AllisonR]

Amila,
I agree with mezzaluna, sometimes an epidural DOES help. It is so often given for the wrong, or no reason, that sometimes people forget that there are occassions when it is helpful.
I ended up with an epidural, but this was after severe shock and trauma had set in, so I was already more than willing to die and it didn't help. Also, with the pit and being flat on my back with a malpositioned baby was the wrong way for me, it just forced babys head further until it jammed and I needed an emergency section.
My point is, a lot of times epidural is given for the wrong reasons. But sometimes it is given for just the right reasons. No reason you should walk around feeling guilty or ashamed.

[captain optimism]

I had one, also because of induced labor. My water broke, and then I tried alternative ways to get labor going (for two days!) and then I went in to the hospital for induction, because of fear of infection. I had pitocin for 24 hours, was having contractions but nothing was moving. Finally I agreed to the epidural, after a diasterous trial of some injected opiate.

I had nothing to eat from the time I came into the hospital, and no sleep. At the time I didn't notice the part about no food.

They cranked up the drug in the epidural so that i could get some sleep! I hadn't slept in several days by that point. Most of the dilation happened while i was asleep. Then they woke me up and said, "okay, let's push." That was when i really regretted having agreed to the epidural. i couldn't feel anything below my waist. I couldn't feel the contractions to push! I had to have the midwife tell me when the contraction started and ended. Flat on my back--yeah, i couldn't feel my legs to stand up! I couldn't move them at all! Other people had to help me position my legs to push.

It was just about the least natural birth imaginable, short of surgery. I was very happy to have evaded the surgery, and very happy that my baby was healthy. It was nothing like the birth i wanted, though.

My baby was in a fine position. i have spent a lot of time trying to figure out what could have gone differently to make it possible for me to have a more normal labor. I mean, they basically had to knock me out before my cervix would dilate all the way. They had to up the dose of pitocin much higher than what is typically used at that hospital. (other hospitals in the area do use that much regularly, it's just at that one they are conservative and make the healthcare practitioner sign a form before they raise the dose that high.)

Anyway, not the birth experience that i wanted. I understand why they chose to offer the epidural and why i chose to take it, but it was a pretty crazy scene!

[kim_nz]

With my second i had wanted to go drug-free (1st was c/s). I ended up stalling at 5cms for 6 hours, im pretty sure it was because i went to the hospital. Then had the epidural and went to sleep, i went from 5cms to 10cms in 3hrs by that time the epidural had worn off so going from no pain to transition and pushing was terrible. I dont regret it, it was such a hard long labour (28hrs all up) and i really needed the time for my body to relax and open up. I went on to have #3 at home in 7hrs!

[Wooly]

me. my first baby was stargazing and starting to get distressed i'd been trying for 36 hours to have my no drugs waterbirth but i had an epidural and an emergency section. I did get very distressed over it and i felt quite depressed , but i'm sure that's to do with my personality as much as anything else , i'm sure other women have had one and felt ok about it. It can't have been sooo terrible tho cos i'm due again in January and i'm ready to try a drug free birth again , so here we go , fingers crossed.

[Hayes]

I did with my 1st. After 14 hours of labor, I had a contraction that lasted well over 10 minutes. It was basically a muscle cramp because abay moved down in my uterus and birth canal very quickly. After that contraction, I could no longer relax. I had a shot of nubain and one of stadol and held on for another hour, but I was scared to death. I got an epidural and am really really really glad that I had one. 6 MORE hours later, I got to meet my sweet girl.

I went on to have 2 drug free hospital births and a homebirth, with another home birth planned this fall.

[Seie]

Thats me.. I am sorry this is a bit long but I felt like a huge failure after accepting an epidural for my first birth - and those thoughts occupied my mind for the next two years. Here is what I experienced:

For my first birth I completely intended for a natural birth, had read up and decided I didnt want any intervention unless really necessary. My views on the epidural was the same - I would only have it if it was really really necessary.
I planned a hospital birth - I had thought about homebirth but in the end I liked the idea of going somewhere to birth. I liked the idea of all the positive attention I would be getting and thought it would be an exciting experience to go - something that would make my birth "stand out" somehow. Very naive..
Anyway I turned out to be one of those ladies who doesnt just go from 0-10 within 10-14 hours : I started ctx and even though they were not extremely painful to begin with - and even though they were between 10-20 minutes apart - then whenever I tried to sleep they would get MUCH more painful and after trying to get some sleep several times with no luck I finally gave up and stayed up to work with the ctx. After 30 hours of this we went to hospital -and I had not dilated AT ALL. At this point ctx were pretty darn painful and regular with 4-6 mins between. I agreed to go home, labor some more and then come back after another 4-6 hours. And so we did. When I came back to hospital 6 hours later I was 5 cms dilated and felt queen of the world. I was happy to finally be admitted and get a laborroom and was really positive for the next many hours.

But I didnt progress anymore. I stalled completely at 7 cms while my ctx at this point were getting unbearable. They started to ask me about breaking the water to make things speed up - and after another hour with no dilation and heavy labor I agreed. I was getting exhausted. From here on it was more painful than I could have ever ever imagined. The pain was so bad I thought my brain would melt down from the pressure. There was no escape and ctx were one on top of the other. I kept telling myself that this was transition and that it was completely normal - and that it would be time to push very soon. With ctx this strong it wouldnt take long I was sure. And wrong. After another 2 hours of this I was STILL stalled. That message broke me down mentally. At this point I had been in labor for around 44 hours and my energy was up. My will was gone and my DP told me I was passing out between contractions. I finally agreed for an epi. At the time it was a HUGE relief - and I promised myself that I would not feel guilty about it later on. But that was wrong.

After that birth I felt it had been an overall good experience - but I also felt cheated somehow. I felt like the MW didnt support me as I had expected her to. She didnt give me the support to stand up for myself when I needed it the most. I felt like they had - well meaning as they were - used my first moment of weakness to stray from my original wish. When she suggested the epidural and I finally accepted I started crying and said " This was not what I wanted at all" and she just said that sometimes you would have to change your plans when the situation demanded it. I feel she let me down - that she should have picked up that warning sign and supported my wish. Told me that a natural birth was NOT impossible - that I COULD do it - even with the pitocin that they wanted to use at this point to get me dilated the last 2 cms. I was begging for encouragement and instead everyone confirmed my weakness and told me "it is ok, you have reached your limit"

It took me 2 years and another child to get over the feeling of failure and weakness.
What cured me was my all natural and almost completely solo homebirth of my daughter. That birth was just what I needed and showed me that YES I COULD handle a normal labor and birth without meds. That YES - I COULD birth my baby without intervention - and NO I DIDNT need anyone watching my progress or telling me when to push and when not. I DID have the strength inside me - but my first birth was just not normal at all. The entire hospital environment was what hindered the natural birth I had planned. My body had NOT let my down - it had tried to protect my baby from the unknown hospital environment. My logical self felt fine with being in hospital - but obviously my subconscious did not - and my body simply tried to hold back that baby till I could birth it undisturbed.

I have learned my lesson and will never plan another hospital birth unless there are some SERIOUS reasons to do so..

[pageta]

I had an epidural when I really wanted a natural birth. My contractions were 2 minutes apart for 12 hours and I was still 3 cm. I told my doula that either I needed a really good pep talk or I needed an epidural. She had gone home and drank a bunch of coffee before going up to the hospital to meet us when we originally checked in, so I don't think she was worth much at that point (after being awake all night). She didn't give me a pep talk, and my OB, though very supportive of natural birth, was happy to say I could have the epidural if I wanted it. I had back labor, which I think was part of the problem, but no one ever told me to change positions (I was lying in bed on my side most of the time) to try to get the baby to move. So I had an epidural with lots of regrets.

Now this time, I switched to a midwife at the beginning of my third trimester, at the suggestion of my doula (different doula this time). When I told the midwife my birth story and how I labored for 12 hours with no progress in dilation, she said I sounded like a perfect candidate for an eipdural and a little pitocin, which is what I had (very low dose of pitocin, but enough to dilate 1 cm/hour and for ds to be born about 12 hours after I got the epidural).

So was it justified? I don't know. This time I am extremely gun shy, and I have hounded my providers telling them it is really important to me to give birth naturally and I at least want to feel like I tried everything (which I didn't in my first birth) before getting drugs if it comes down to that.

This time, I'm going to the chiropractor so I can make sure everything is aligned in hopes of preventing back labor. I am doing yoga so I know all sorts of positions to try during labor. I have studied what to do about positions and listening to one's body. I have a different support team that is willing to be very "hands off" so I can listen to my own body and still have help if I need it. My team has also assured me of how they will handle various issues such as a stalled labor and I feel confident that they will help me do everything I can do deliver naturally. I also am able to decline hospital procedures which I think are counterproductive (such as being strapped to some monitor) on account of the team I have chosen to support me in birth.

[shanesmama]

That is me. I had wanted a natural birth so bad. I pictured it in my head, over and over and over again. I was so excited about it. We went to the birthing classes, which were at a different hospital then were I was to deliver. I arrived at the hospital at 4 cm, at 7:00or 7:30 in the morning. Things were going great. About 2 hours after getting there the nurse tells me she is going to give me Pit. to help me move along, I told her I was doing fine moving along on my own, that I didn't want it. Well things started picking little by little, were I was starting to really concentrate on the contractions, well she asked me again and again. So finally after getting badgered I gave in.

I was never informed that once I got the Pic, that I would have to be monitored, or have an iv, or not be able to get up out of bed. I didn't know this.

Contractions were getting hard, I asked twice if I could please get up and labor on my hands and knees on the bed. I wasn't allowed to, I couldn't becuase I was hooked up to everything, and they wouldn't be able to monitore me. So there I lay on my back, fighting the urges to get up and move. Finally I just wanted an epideral, I couldnt' cope w/ the pain how I had expected me to, w/ moving and stuff. So I gave in and got it.

I was so nervous. When the doc started to put it in, I had a contractions, which was horrible to have to stay still. Then what do you know, what is this horrible pain, no contraction, worse then a contraction. HE put it in the wrong place and touched my nerves. After that I was so scared. All I could think about was me being paralyzed. Instead of thinking about the birth, my mind filled w/ thoughts of never walking again. I was obssessed w/ punching my legs so I knew I could still feel them and wiggling my toes over and over again. The only thing that finally made me stop was horrible pain in my rear 20 minutes after getting the epideral. It was the baby and I was ready to puch. 20 minutes later I had my baby.

I felt like a failure. Especially becuase when I told people I wanted a natural birht they all laughed at me and told me yeah right, you won't be able to do it, you'll be crying for one. MIL told me this, and all his side of the family. And then of course they all told, me, I TOLD YOU SOOOOOOO!!!

It was horrible. I am pregnant w/ #2, and plan of having a doula there w/ me. I know I can do it w/ the right support and knowledge and of course a different hospital.

[GalateaDunkel]

I had an epidural when I transferred to the hospital after 48 hours of hard back labor. Contractions were two minutes or less apart, but I was only at 5 cm and had been stalled there for over 12 hours. Baby was malpositioned. I don't regret the epidural; although not having it might have theoretically saved me from my ultimate c-section by giving me more ability to move about while pushing (I pushed for two hours), the reality at the time was that I had no real choice. I was a raving, thrashing animal from the pain, physically lashing out at people who got close to me. Plus, they were about to add pitocin! So I don't regret the epidural, but what I DO regret is not taking more steps to help with positioning pre-natally. That will be my top priority next time. I

[Persephone]

I didn't have an epi, but I did have some pain medication. I still consider my birth a "natural" birth. I don't believe I would have needed that medication if I had been able to labor in the water easier (I was forced on my back in a dinky hospital tub) and relaxed more. And the pain medication didn't remove any of my pain! But anyway, I believe that in some situations, the epi can be called for. I don't believe in "no epi at any cost", that's just not reasonable.

[Ammaarah]

I wanted a drug-free birth and got an epidural as a last-ditch effort to avoid a c-section, hoping it would let me relax and help me progress as it does for a few women. I was in a hospital, SROM (well, SROM during an induction for freaky high BP), and my daughter was asynclitic. I really regret the epidural because it prevented me from moving and getting her in a better position, even though I'm not sure that could have happened, and it was a very unpleasant feeling for me. Also, the anesthesiologist had a really hard time putting it in, which was horrible. I don't feel like a failure for getting it, but I do regret it for a lot of reasons.

[lotusbeans]

Originally Posted by Ammaarah

I wanted a drug-free birth and got an epidural as a last-ditch effort to avoid a c-section, hoping it would let me relax and help me progress as it does for a few women..

That's what happened with me, too. And it made me realize that even if you plan on having a natural birth it's a good idea to have a plan in place in case it doesn't go as well. They were giving me all these options of what to do and I had no clue which would be best. I hadn't wanted any drugs, period, so I never considered what would be my choices.

I went through the same thing with breastfeeding -- didn't have a single bottle or any formula in the house.

[Ophelia]

me.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=486093

but you know what, i'm ok with it. that back labor was so bad it was a relief to get the ep. luckily i had a great anestheseologist, i had no problems with it. i guess i should say the only thing i did not like about it was that i could not get out of bed to let gravity do it's work. i think the pushing part may have gone better if i could have been more upright. they did try and put some kind of bar on the bed for me to sit up but couldn't gtet it connected right.

[sogriffin]

Me!

I have lots of reasons why. But I am getting past the 'mourning' and moving on to acceptance and healing.
I don't regret (anymore) that I had dd in the hospital, or saw the OB that I did, or got my epidural. I DO regret that I didn't do more to educate myself and take the responsibilty of claiming my own childbirth esperience. I was the one that allowed things to happen to me without asking the right questions.
Next time it'll be different.

[Mama Dragon]

With #3, I was also dead set on having a natural birth. But I had back labor that scared me and I wasn't strong enough at the time to deal with it. The epidural stalled labor, had pitocin, baby's heart stopped....he ended up just fine, but I vowed I'd never do that again. And I didn't. With #4, I UC'ed it, and had the horrible back labor again, but was at home where an epi wasn't an option and I dealt with it.

[cchrissyy]

with my 2nd I did and I am so glad!

I made it through a traumatic natural 1st birth but convinced myself the 2nd time would go better. When it didn't, I paniced, and i needed that epidural, I couldn't go through a repeat of the 1st time, and that's exactly what wa sunfolding.

with the epidural, I felt great. I relaxed, I smiled, I was alone with my husband. then I birthed my girl in 1 push, no tears, and went home 10 hours later. It was awesome.

[StrawberryFields]

Me! I planned a homebirth but after 40 some odd hours of labor, pushing, cervical swelling--the whole 9 yards--at home, I transported. At the hospital I had Nubain, an epidural, Pit, and internal fetal monitor, and IV abx. Pretty much the exact opposite of the homebirth I had envisioned! At first I felt fine about my choice because the epidural was like heaven. I was so exhausted, I hadn't slept or ate since Wednesday at 3 am and it was Thursday maybe 10 or 11 pm? I remember the anesthesiologist telling me I would feel 2 more contractions and the pain would be gone. When he said that I felt like weeping because I honestly didn't think I could make it through 2 more contractions. Despite all the interventions my birth was great, I have no complaints. Afterward I got home I started feeling the regret of my decisions and within a few days I was wallowing in sorrow, sure that my choice to have an epidural had robbed me of the oxytocin rush at the moment of birth and therefore the opportunity to feel love at first sight for my very first baby. Over time I have worked through that and I now feel that I made the best decisions that I could at the time, and so does my dh. That said, I am determined to have a drug-free homebirth next time!!

[Tummy]

I received an epidural 20 hours into my induction with my second baby.
I was 8 cm and they were turning the pit up... MW knew how I felt about it, and she STRONGLY suggested I got it.. I was on the verg of a repeat C/S.

It sucked, I had allergic reaction to it (mild). I pushed for 3 hours straight, had a 4th degree cut, vacuum, could not walk to pee for 4 hours after birth.. it sucked!

I have since birthed 3 more children with out the aids of any intervention what so ever.. I would NEVER myself get another epidural again!