Who really really wanted a drug-free birth...and ended up getting an epidural? - Page 2

[lola731]

I did with my first- I was seeing midwives, and planned on a drug-free birth, but had to be induced due to rapidly progressing pre-ecclampsia. Pitocin was started at 2 in th afternoon, I had intense back labor, got the epi at 8 pm, baby was born at 6 am after 3 hours of pushing. He was posterior, and I hated that I couldn't move around to move him into a better position. The epi worked great besides that- I couldn't feel the ctx. after I got it. I just hated that I couldn't move around.

To all of you planning on a drug-free birth the next time around- you CAN do it! My second was a wonderful 4 hour drug-free labor, still in the hospital, because of a complication that happened until just before she was born, and my third was a drug-free homebirth! I LOVED them drug free, and still had back labor with both, but it was so nice being able to move around. Good luck!

Carrie, mama to Jake (3.5); Lola (2); and Ike (1 month)

[1babysmom]

I wanted to go natural SOOO badly. Especially with it being my first birth, that way I wouldn't have anything but a NATURAL birth to compare to in the future. I had help in preparing, I tried hypnobirthing, relaxation, massage, etc. I got through the first 3 hours of contractions no problem, but when my water broke at that point, it just got excruciating (I didn't have back labor, but my back muscles would't relax in between). I went only 9 hours completely naturally, but I give myself the credit for that. I went into childbirth planning to give it my all, and I feel like I did the best I could. I still feel kinda bummed about the epidural because I had said for so long that I did NOT want it, and then I ended up getting it (even after months of sharing the epi risks with everyone I met). Also, because my aunt had flown in from across the country to be my doula...and help me go natural. However, I've learned to see the silver lining, since it's done and overwith...BECAUSE I got the epi I was able to converse with the family and friends that were there totally supporting me. Although I wasn't able to "feel" everything, I was able to notice other things going on around me other than be in so much pain and dread contraction after contraction.

So I guess I've really been trying to come to terms with it. At least I had a good experience with it. The epi took right away, had no negative side effects (other than itching, but benadryl took care of that), I was up and walking around less than 45 min. after the birth, out of the hospital less than 12 hours after, etc.

I still want to go natural next time.

[mama_b]

I did. I don't really feel like talking about it right now. Maybe later.

[Nora'sMama]

Originally Posted by Amila

...and how do you feel about it?

I was DEAD SET on having a natural childbirth...then 24 hours passed since my water broke (spontaneously) and I was induced due to 1. length of time that passed, and 2. meconium in the water. I labored for five horrendous hours and then got Stadol at 3.5 cm (still refusing the epi at this point) and when that did nothing for me and I was only 4 cm I finally got the epidural. 45minutes after that I was 10 cm and DD pretty much pushed herself out. I had no negative consequences from it, although I was *terrified* to get it. I believe it is what helped me relax enough to keep labor progressing because I was puking and just freaking out b/c of the pain. NOT exactly the birth I hoped for, and I wonder if I would have been able to do it without the pit. I have no regrets, and would try for a drug-free labor the next time around, but was wondering how other mamas felt...were you depressed afterwards? Relieved? Upset?

I was sure I would not need an epidural and extremely committed to NCB, but the circumstances of my labor were not anything I could have predicted. I had days of prodromal labor and was already tired when I went into active labor. I had excruciating back labor for 16 hours before the epi. But I still could have gone on if a) I thought I was progressing and b) I hadn't had the uncontrollable urge to push. I was at 7 cm for the last 8-10 hours befor the epi and for most of that time, I was desperately trying not to push with every contraction. I did try to "go with it" for a while just in case that helped dilate me, but it didn't feel right and I was very scared to swell my cervix.

Anyway, I made the decision to get the epidural because I was at a hospital and the other options looked bad. I could have continued as I was but after 8 hours of the same thing with no dilation, both I and my doula and the hospital staff were starting to get a tad nervous. I could have tried Pitocin, but gee, no thanks. I feared Pitocin about a million times more than the epi. My membranes had already partially ruptured and I thought they had fully ruptured (I didn't find out otherwise until they put in the internal monitor after the epi) so that was not an option. I figured (and my doula, who is a homebirth midwife student, and the very nice MD who was on that shift) that the epidural might change something and allow me to dilate - and it would allow me to get some rest.

It worked - I was lucky. I dilated, although I was much too giddy to get any rest. I pushed DD out quickly and easily (4-5 pushes) when I was at 10. I had one very small tear.

I do feel that I made the right decision given the circumstances and I am happy with how my birth went, BUT I realize that the whole labor and the range of options I had were to some extent determined by the fact that I was in a hospital...and I can't help but wonder if I could have got through it without the epi at home. I did feel very disappointed when I decided to have the epi, but it was not a decision made out of fear, and it was an informed decision - so I felt good about it ultimately. Also, I had it on the lowest possible setting, so I could still feel the contrax, especially after I let it wear off once it was confirmed I was dilating. I felt pushing, etc. - not 100% but I was not numb. My legs were never numb. I could walk right after the birth.

That said, I HATE EPIDURALS. I felt itchy all over as soon as it was placed, and the thought of having a needle in my spine still skeeves me out. I was glad I had the option, though, since my other options (as mentioned above) did not seem very appealing.

I just want to clarify as well that when I was not dilating I tried every position change known to woman, was in the shower for hours, etc...I had no IV until the epidural and a very hands-off medical staff who left me and my doula (and DH and my mom!) to hang out and do our thing, so it wasn't as if I was in bed and somehow limited in any way. I could eat or drink, walk, use water, anything, and it still wasn't helping. She was slightly malpositioned and I think that was the reason for how things went.

[haleyelianasmom]

Me. It took a long time to get over it, especially since I started hanging around with a lot of natural birthing (birth center or home birth) mamas a few months after dd's birth.

I wanted a natural birth and did some reading (a Bradley book and the Birth Book by the Sears). At the same time, I didn't know too much about all the "crunchy" issues (I was set on exclusively breastfeeding, but I thought she only needed to nurse for a year max, we got her all her vaccines through 2 months and she slept in a bassinet for the first several weeks because I never knew it was "okay" to cosleep. We only used disposables until dd was maybe 2.5 months old, I had never even thought about homeschooling which I now really want to do. I had a sling, but didn't really know much about attachment parenting until she was a few weeks old... you get the idea.)

Anyways, at the start of my pregnancy, I was set on getting an epidural as early as possible so I could feel no pain. then I did a lot of research and decided that I wanted to try for a drug-free birth. I didn't know many natural birthing mamas at the time, though. My mom gave birth to my sister and I drug free, but actually says she wishes she had an epidural so she could "enjoy" the birth more. I didn't even know anything about birthing outside a hospital (which my mom is very against) and my MIL kept insisting I'd need a c-section because she needed c-sections for her 2 boys. Not to mention, I kept watching all those birth shows on TLC and they always got epidurals and were still screaming through the labor.

So here's how the labor went: I'd have regular contractions for a day, start thinking "this is it!" and ten they'd disappear. This happend on and off for a few weeks. I never expected to go past my due date because everyone I knew pretty much gave birth early or right "on time" so I was stressed when my due date came and went and people kept asking if I was having any contractions yet. My family came to stay with us and took time off work around my due date so they could be there for the birth and see their first grandchild (my sister's first neice), but their visit was over and they had to go back to work and still no baby (they live 4 hours away). dh is a vet student and had to start back up with classes 11 days after my EDD, so as time passed, we were worried about him having to be in classes and not being able to be atound as much after the birth. The the doctors kept talking about inducing me, which I didn't want. Finally we decided to scedule the induction for 9 days past her due date, but she decided to be bord 8 days past her due date, so no need for the induction (yea!)

I was having contractions like I had so many times before so I assumed they'd go away like they usually did. I called the doctor anyways. I actually wanted him to say that I could come in and if it wasn't active labor, they'd induce me since I had to be induced anyways, but instead he said they were really busy and I'd probably be sent home if it wasn't active labor. So I decided to go to sleep. I woke up an hour later in the most intense pain ever. I couldn't move during contractions, which were coming every 2 minutes or so and lasting almost a minute each (some with double spikes so no break). I thought I was going to burst right there on the floor, but my water hadn't broken yet. We rushed to the hospital and I was shaking uncontrollably in the worst pain imaginable. I could barely get undressed for the nurse to check me because that involved standing. I was 6 cm andsaid I'd take the epidural. When I finally got it and it kicked in, they checked me and I was 7-8 cm. They put an internal moniter in (that didn't work and wasn't needed and then was promptly removed) and ignored me for hours on end even though the labor had been progressing pretty quickly. When the doctor finally checked me (the nurse was supposed to do it, but she had disappeared), they said dd's head was "right there". I pushed for an hour and a half or so and then dd was born.

Her birth was amazing as any birth is, but it left me feeling guillty and unfulfilled. I wanted to feel empowered after having given birth without drugs, not like a "wimp". So I fely horrible about it for months and always felt like I had to explain myself. I started going to gatherings at the birth center here when dd was 4 1/2 months old and though for a while I felt like I wasn't as *good* as them, I've become friends with a lot of them because we're very like-minded. They've given me hope that I CAN have my next child drug free. We're already planning on having our second child at the birth center or at home and I can't wait! Just 2 or 3 more years...

I don't feel guilty anymore because I know that a natural birth isn't as important as breastfeeding and attachment parenting, etc. I realized that there are plenty of moms who give birth naturally, but spank their children, wean at 12 months or earlier, have their baby sleep alone in a crib and CIO for hours. I feel like natural birthing is a great start, but it doesn't mean you're a great parent. I got sick of all the emphasis on birth when that's not the most important thing when it comes to raising a happy healthy child. So I'm happy with the way I nurture dd and I look forward to experiencing a natural birth in the future.

[onlyboys]

Originally Posted by sogriffin

Me!

I have lots of reasons why. But I am getting past the 'mourning' and moving on to acceptance and healing.
I don't regret (anymore) that I had dd in the hospital, or saw the OB that I did, or got my epidural. I DO regret that I didn't do more to educate myself and take the responsibilty of claiming my own childbirth esperience. I was the one that allowed things to happen to me without asking the right questions.
Next time it'll be different.

I haven't even finished the thread, but I wanted to give you major kudos for doing all that work BEFORE you started labor! Good for you!

[heathenmom]

Me. Long before we ever started TTC, dh & I discussed and agreed that we wanted to avoid drugs during labor. We took Bradley classes and just *knew* that because we were so committed to it, all would be fine. After 29 hours of labor, 15 hours of it *hard* labor, I was still only 4 cm. I had been begging for drugs for HOURS at that point. I was stuck in bed, with an IV (which I just recently found out had pitocin : ), a saline flush in my uterus due to meconium in the water, monitors everywhere .... it was horrible. I had a shot of nubain, which let me sleep for about 30 minutes, then another one, which did NOTHING, and got the epidural at about 30.5 hours. DD was born an hour later. Considering the position I was in (stuck in bed, unable to use other methods of pain relief, and heading straight for a c-section) I don't feel I had any other choice. I did what I had to do.

Do I regret it? I regret ever setting foot in the hospital. I regret letting them break my water. I regret letting them bully me into staying out of the shower so they could "monitor" me. I regret every drug they pumped into my body. I regret every intervention they insisted was necessary, that subsequently led to a difficult nursing relationship. My daughter's birth should have been a joyful occasion, but it's a day I look back on with anger and sadness. Which is why I will be having a homebirth for the baby I'm carrying now, and any future babies as well.

[Lousli]

I had an epidural for both of my births. I regret it with my first because other than being early and having PROM, my labor was totally normal. I was scared because she was early, my mom and dad were out of the country, my sister unreachable at a conference, and my dh was dead white because of worrying about me and fear for our baby. Not the best support for a first birth. I wish I had hired a doula.

My second, I only regret that I will never have the opportunity to experience natural birth because she is our last child. With her I had frequent BH contractions and was taking meds for PTL, but with a negative fetal fibronectin test everything seemed fine. But at 32 weeks, I caught a stomach virus and started vomiting frequently and contracting every 3 minutes.

I went in to the hospital and for the next three days I was contracting enough that I was unable to sleep, continued to vomit any time I ate more than a couple of crackers, and was given tons of medications to try to stop my nausea and contractions (plus steroid shots to mature the baby's lungs and an IV to rehydrate me). On the fourth day, I got a fairly unusual reaction to the medication for contractions, I developed pulmonary edema (fluid filling my lungs). I immediately was taken off the contraction meds, my IV was turned way down, and I was given dieuretics to rid my body of excess water. I had an oxygen mask on, and later a nasal cannula. My pulse would go up to the 130's when I stood up to go to the bathroom, and I would get out of breath as if I had been running. My oxygen was desaturating down to 83%.

At one point I stood up to use the commode (they put it right next to my bed so I wouldn't have to exert myself) and when I was getting back into bed, my water broke. I was terrified. I had just hit 33 weeks, my baby was 7 weeks early. It was clear that I was going into labor as my contractions (which had continued this entire time) got stronger and closer almost immediately. I had barely slept or eaten in 3 days, and was breathing with an oxygen tube in my nose. When my husband arrived at the hospital, I told him, and my mother right away that I knew I didn't have the strength to do this without pain medication unless I had no other option. I felt really guilty, and worried about the health of my baby, but honestly I knew she was going to the NICU, and I was just totally unable to cope with labor. I don't regret the epidural in those circumstances.

[mrsfatty]

Yeah...my first labor/delivery was when I was PIH/Preeclamptic. I was given mag.sulf. so I wouldn't seize...then pitocin (cause the mag stopped my labor)--I had been a month on bedrest--so they didn't "allow" me out of bed, except to use the bathroom (I lied so much about having to pee...lol...it was the only comfortable position while I was in labor)...I couldn't handle side-lying and the pitocin...so I had an epidural...

...the epidural made it impossible for me to push (that and the mag.)...I pushed for 2 hours before I asked for "help" (aka evil vacuum)...

...my next delivery I want to go drug free...even if I have PIH/Preeclampsia...I'm still looking into how I can safely labor/deliver without seizing (if I get PIH/Preeclampsia again)...praying to GOD I don't get PIH again...I hate my first birthing experience...

[eilonwy]

I did with my first. I was sure that I wouldn't need or want any medication during my labor, but when it went on for three and a half days with little progress, lots of pain, and meconium from BeanBean I was glad to finally be able to relax with the epidural. Honestly, the epidural is the only part of that labor that I can really look back on and say I enjoyed.

[NaomiLorelie]

I had NCB for my first two labors, labor number two being completely uninterventive and great.I was planning on NCB for my third but we ended up deciding to induce after a couple of weeks of PROM. Even though baby was looking good and there were no signs of infection, at 40 weeks my fluid levels were staying consistantly very low. I was starting to become scared because of the situation (and my midwife did not scare me into the situation. She simply gave mer her opinions after having monitored my PROM for over two weeks.). Since I was already 2 cm and 90% effaced I opted for an epi before they even started the pit. I'm sure that some here may criticise me for not trying to tough out the pit contractions, but I was scared of induction, nervous about the situation, and exhausted because I hadn't slept much the last few nights. I honestly believe I made the right decision. At one point they had to turn down the pit because my contractions were less than a minute apart. I know I wouldn't have been able to handle that well. The induction lasted 2 hours and I had a lot of pain during delivery even though I couldn't feel the contractions. Being induced was a very intense experience. If I were to give birth again I would plan NCB definately but in the unlikely and unfortunate circumstance that I needed an induction again I'd probably opt for an epi.

[CJ 5]

I had an epidural after a great midwife and total commitment to Bradley classes. My labor had some unique complications but I am sooo glad I had an epidural. I slept for 4 hours after I got it. my hospital birth was awesome. I am trying to decide what to do about number 2. right now I have decided that if I am in HARD labor more than 8 hours then I am getting an epidural again. Personally I just can't imagine another labor like the first one. If I were induced I can't even imagine handling it without an epidural especially if they did a quick drip.

[paxye]

Originally Posted by GalateaDunkel

I had an epidural when I transferred to the hospital after 48 hours of hard back labor. Contractions were two minutes or less apart, but I was only at 5 cm and had been stalled there for over 12 hours.

That was me too... though I was transfered after 38 hours... I got an epi... was given pitocin and all of the rest... about 6 hours later I finally got to 10cm but ds was still not engaged... was told every lie in the book to get me to consent to a C/S but I refused and fought... and did so for 5 more hours...

They gave me a deadline and told me that they would go above my head for concent (to a judge) if babe had not decended by that time... they came to check me about 3 min before the "deadline" and ds's head was already out...

The epi wore off and I left 2 hours after the birth.... however, I had horrific back pains for months and I lost all feeling in part of my foot because of the epi (4 years later I still can't feel my right big toe and part of the toe next to it)

I really regret giving consent to the transfer, I regret having the epi and it was one of the most horrible experiences of my life (and the day that I loss all trust that I had left in so-called "well-meaning" doctors) and the next birth after when the same pattern started I did refuse the transfer...

This time I am having a UC...

[RubyV]

I had a number of complications with dd. I would go into labor, labor for 6-16 hours at a time, and then labor would just stop. this went on for several weeks.

finally, at 42 weeks and 2 days, my midwife suggested that we transfer to the hospital to augment my labor with cervadil, since after the reflexology, chiropractic, sex, epo, castor oil, stripping, etc, I was still at 2cm. I was so exhausted I started hallucinating.

she'd given me pain meds twice at the birth center on 2 different occasions so I could rest but I was wiped.

The nursing staff sucked. They were awful and mean.

Anyway, I got the cervidil, and 2 hours later my water broke.

2 hours after that she suggestd the epidural in the hopes that if I rested , I would dialate, and be able to push, since I was so exhausted.

Two failed epidural attempts left me stuck on my back with no pain relief.

My daughter was born 28 hours after I was admitted to the hospital. She'd had the cord wrapped so tight aroud her neck that my midwife performed an epi so that she could cut the cord to get her out. IT HURT LIKE HELL.:

It was not a good 3 weeks overall.

I really wanted to deliver naturally, in the tub at the center. I don't know what I could have done differently.

[Nora'sMama]

Originally Posted by RubyV

I don't know what I could have done differently.

Nothing!

I think one problem with valuing unmedicated childbirth so much is that we natural-birth advocates then feel like we PERSONALLY did something 'wrong' if it doesn't happen for us, for whatever reason.

I feel like I have to go into great detail to explain why I got an epi when I am talking to other people who had or value NCB. But, as time goes on, I feel less defensive about it. I did the absolute best I could for my DD and in my case that meant making the decision to get the epi. But there are certainly things someone could "critique" about my story, and say, well, if you had done this/hadn't done that...

In your case, it seems extremely cut and dry, FWIW. I cannot see anything you could have done to prevent the cord being tightly around your DD's neck. Something similar happened to an online friend of mine who was planning an NCB, except the cord was wrapped around her chest and she could not descend into the vaginal canal so she was delivered by C-section. There was nothing that was going to let this child descend and be born naturally, NOTHING. And nothing of course could have prevented the cord being wrapped around her chest - that is not something a mother has control over, obviously! But my friend still felt bad. She had read Ina May and this was not the birth she pictured.

[mary3mama]

Me!

With DS#2, my VBAC baby, I was induced and then my water was broken 12 hours later and then the pain that felt like it was going to carry me away arrived. I was terrified of the sensation that I was being lost in the pain...like a black whole was trying to consume with with every wave.

This is NOT to say that childbirth has to be that way! I had an induction, and intervention and was made to stay in bed the whole time!!!

This is one of many reasons we're going for a homebirth with incredible midwives this time around. I want to be able to move, rock, sway, dance, moan, in water, out of water, run around my house if I wish....I want to be able to move.

[2sweetboysmom]

I nearly did with my first. I had actually signed the papers even. I was induced at 39 weeks for PIH. (I was getting much worse despite bed rest.) I decided to do my best for a drug/ further intervention free birth. After the servadil, they started the pit. The pit drip increased every 20 minutes, I had no real ctx until they broke my water at 9am. Then it was BAM hard labor. DS was having decelerations so I was directed to stay in the bed on my side(during this time I repetedly asked them to turn the pit down or off and the nurse said my ctx weren't that strong. They kept cranking it up, 2 hours in to my labor they looked at the ctx monitor under my gown to discover that it was not even on my belly but faceing my gown: )
I basically did not dialate at all period. I asked for nubane at 4 hours This helped me sleep between ctx which really helped me get back on top of the ctx but it wore off quickly. I asked for more nubane but the nurse said no and told me I was still only three cm (I entered the hosp at 2 cm) after 5 hours of effective labor and that the dr would order a C-sect in another hour, and if I wanted any hope of sitting up to feed my babe after the sect I should get an epi. now. I cried and cried (I felt I had no choice , but it was exactly what I had hoped and prepaired myself to avoid) after 20 minutes of crying I signed the form for the epi. I felt horid. : The anesteiologest came in and my doula suggested that we check my cervix one more time. The nurse laughed at the suggestion that something could change in 20 minutes which had not changed in 5 hours of labor. But I insisted. YUP!!! I was dialated to 9CM!!! 20 minutes later I was complete and at 3:10 pm I delivered.
My doula later said that she just knew that I was in transition when they were pushing the epi. She felt the crying was really helping me to open up. She knew that I was nearly ready to push when anestheiologest came in, which is why she suggested the cervix check.
I love Doulas!

[RubyV]

Originally Posted by Nora'sMama

Nothing!

I think one problem with valuing unmedicated childbirth so much is that we natural-birth advocates then feel like we PERSONALLY did something 'wrong' if it doesn't happen for us, for whatever reason.

I feel like I have to go into great detail to explain why I got an epi when I am talking to other people who had or value NCB. But, as time goes on, I feel less defensive about it. I did the absolute best I could for my DD and in my case that meant making the decision to get the epi. But there are certainly things someone could "critique" about my story, and say, well, if you had done this/hadn't done that...

In your case, it seems extremely cut and dry, FWIW. I cannot see anything you could have done to prevent the cord being tightly around your DD's neck. Something similar happened to an online friend of mine who was planning an NCB, except the cord was wrapped around her chest and she could not descend into the vaginal canal so she was delivered by C-section. There was nothing that was going to let this child descend and be born naturally, NOTHING. And nothing of course could have prevented the cord being wrapped around her chest - that is not something a mother has control over, obviously! But my friend still felt bad. She had read Ina May and this was not the birth she pictured.

thanks.

I was and am so sad about it still. I have PTSD thanks to the hellish experience.

I just find it hard. I'm a huge natural child birth advocate, and I find myself holding back on telling my story to others cause I don't want to turn them off to NCB, and sometimes around here I feel like people really don't believe that it was that bad, KWIM?

My cousin came in right after they sewed me up (took an hour), and mocked me cause I had been so anti hospital. Luckily, my mw threw her out.

[GatorNNP]

I did. I had back labor and was fine with that. I had front labor and was fine with that. I had the usual all night and all day labor and was fine with that. When I had transition labor, ruptured membranes, a low baby, fatigue, headache from you know where, and the nurse said I was starting to have cervical swelling from pushing even though I was trying not to, then I had a discussion with myself. I said, self, you know how you feel about pain meds etc., but You may want to change your mind on this one and go for an epi if it keeps you from getting another C. So I went with the epi. After I asked who was on and I happen to know the person and know he does a wonderful job, and he has such a lovely voice... Okay it was motivated by FEAR of another c/sec. I not only had to convince myself it was okay (I promised myself no regrets) but I had to convince my friends and doula. I had to argue with my pals for 20 minutes before they were sure I meant it and not the transition talking you know. I was 8 cms and had progressed about 1cm per hour all day, so I don't think I could have held out 2 hours without pushing. It still took a good 2hrs to be ready to push, and most of the epidural wore off for the birth because he only dosed it instead of put it on a infusion pump. So I not only have heard about the "ring of fire" but can describe it to you. So, no, I don't regret it.