Please tell me this will end

[BugMacGee]

My daughter will be three in December. She's been doing the "terrible twos" since she was~ 18 months. We had our second baby girl in May and things had been going ok with the two of them. Suddenly for no reason that I can come up with, the "terrible twos" have gotten out of hand. My daughter is unpleasant all the time whereas it used to be more episodic. It's a struggle to get through a day. She makes EVERYTHING a battle. I know she's trying to get our attention but we have a four month old who needs attention too. I feel so guilty for saying this but I love it when she's at preschool. It's the only time I have some peace (even though I still have the baby)
Someone at the park today said, "No, it's the terrific twos, terrible threes!"

If that's true, I'm taking up drinking!

Any words of advice from experienced mommies? Any ideas?
This is my first post here BTW

[XmasEve]

First, welcome to MDC!

I'm tired of hearing the terrible/terrific twos/threes debate. They're CHILDREN. Sometimes they are horrible and sometimes they are wonderful (or else no one would have them). My dds are about the same spacing as yours. I'm gonna admit, it kicked my butt! It reached the point, when we were at the grocery store and the cashier asked how we were doing that day, my 2yo piped up "We're just trying to cope!" Every day felt harder than the day before- could nothing go right? I started doing this: Every night (or morning after if it was a really late night) I would mark on the calender if it had been a good day or a bad day. It made me stop and think about all the wonderful things that had happened along with the bad. It gave me perspective that they weren't all bad days. And it also helped me define patterns to my 2yos behavior.

Also, things have gotten easier over time. Things got better when dd2 could crawl, and got much better when dd2 could walk, and next I'm hoping dd2 sleeps through the night someday

[Treasuremapper]

Check out the Gentle Discipline forums here, too, they have tons of information. Welcome to MDC.

My daughters are 22 months apart. I found that the key to a happy home was making my older daughter feel loved and secure as much as possible. I let stuff go unless it was physical aggression against the baby. I let go of perfectionism and power struggles as much as I could. I also started to speak love into her ear while she was asleep -- to make her more secure and loved. http://whilechildrensleep.homestead.com/ is the website about this idea. It made a big difference for both of us -- because I had become so irritated by challenging behavior that my heart softened when I spoke to my sleeping daughter about how much I love her.

I also had "sister day" emphasizing that she and her sister would love each other forever. I threw sister day as needed, and had a cake, flowers, and candles. Yeah, it's manipulative, I admit it, but it really was a celebration of the love between sisters, too.

At some point, about a year ago (my daughters are now two and a half and four and a half) it started to be easier to have two kids than one kid!

So, lots of cuddling and extra love for your older daughter is my suggestion. Try not to think of this as "terrible". Another possibility is to make sure you don't have any post partum depression that is undiagnosed that may be making things more difficult (there is nothing in your post that hints at this, even remotely, I'm just mentioning it to be thorough).

s: I know this is tough. There were days I wanted to run out of the house crying, but it gets easier every day.

[sehbub]

In our house, it seems like our girls grow through their toughest behavioral periods in the even years...which makes sense as you think about it, because the even years are generally the hardest in all accounts, be it physically, societally, mentally, etc. There's so much pressure during the even years, and it's when most kids do their growing.

The hardest for us was when DSD1 was 4 and DSD2 was 2. There were days I looked at them like they three heads each, because DSD2 would be screaming while DSD1 was running around her throwing stuffed animals at her.

This was when we implemented the "loony bin" rule. I know how terrible it sounds, but honestly there were days I thought I was going to check myself in for treatment if they didn't stop whatever they were doing, and I gently reminded them that "babies, I love you so much, and I love that you have so much energy, but if you don't stop screaming/hitting/biting/throwing/insert problem here, I am going to the loony bin because mama will be crazy." Now it's a running joke. If they're getting completely out of hand, I make a silly face, and they laugh while saying, "uh oh, LOONY BIN!" and it stops.

So, I don't actually have any advice, just 'cause I've definitely been there.

[RedWine]

Yes, it does get better. However, for me, it didn't get better until dd1 was 3 years and 7 months. Like, EXACTLY that age. Overnight she went from the 8-tantrum -a-day sensitive mess she had been for a loooooooooong time to a calm, thoughtful, sweet little girl.

It's all natural, all part of their growing up. Don't feel bad for feeling like it's not easy -- it isn't. But think of it this way: if you invest in a gentle discipline strategy, you will learn more about yourself and about your child during this rough period than you ever would had you adopted an authoritarian strategy.

Good luck, and visit the GD forums frequently. They help tremendously!

[marysmomjacksmom]

Some more words of encouragement
It DOES get better. My dd is 3 and my ds is 8 months and it took until last month for her to really get used to the idea that she had to share her Mama with her brother.
You will make it through, try getting involved with a local playgroup in your area just to get out of the house each week, if you have not already done so

[Jilian]

It really does get better. My DS went through the "terrible twos" from about 18 mos - 2.5 years. Then it was like a fog lifted and things got better overnight. Now he's 3.5 and things are WAY better. He doesn't try to puch my buttons all the time anymore. Of course he still has a tantrum or two (here and there) but it's nothing like it was a year ago.

So hang in there mama. As she continues to develop things will get better.

Welcome to MDC!!

[hipumpkins]

3 1/2 is the coolest age!!! Although my Dd wasn't difficult until 3 so perhaps yours will grow out of for the 3 instead. Good luck! 10

[bburnie2]

Ugh, I used to say the same thing "twos are easy- its the 3's we are having a hard time with!"

Your not alone. I think its different ages for different kids- for my dd is was the 3's. We just kept with the discipline and positive reinforcements and now at almost 7- shes a fiarly easy child. We still have our days (or weeks sometimes!) but overall shes pretty good.

[BugMacGee]

Thanks all. Yesterday I was thinking of putting a "For Free" sign on her head and sticking her in the front yard

We'd had a wonderful time making brownies together but as soon as I turned my back (just to rinse out the measuring cup!), she'd pulled the chair over to the other counter, grabbed my lip-balm and started eating it!!! In a manner of seconds! And the afternoon continued that way...

My favorite is when she starts whining for milk as soon as I get the baby latched on. Grrrrrrr

[madhurima]

just wanted to insert something someone said to me as my very active, intense, and chatty dd turned for. "if they call it the terrible twos, you are in for the @#$%ing fours!" nice huh?
I got to say that at times I agree!!!!!!!