teaching our boys to stand up for themselves

[dnr3301]

I have been a bit bothered by a line of thinking I keep seeing, and I would like to know if I'm being overly sensitive, or if there is some other way of thinking about this, or even just open a dialogue.

I totally understand that the boy who looks at another's penis in the locker room may get picked on more than the intact kid, but isn't that counting on homophobia to keep the pressure of our sons? I want my son to feel good about himself, and know about why we left him whole, and why it's a horrible thing to do to a baby, but I don't want to teach him to make fun of someone for looking. I don't believe there is anything wrong with being gay, so I won't let/teach my son to imply another is gay as an insult.

And just as we don't really know the social climate for the future locker rooms of America regarding circumcision, we don't know it regarding homosexuality either (I could guess on both, but do I want to?).

I'm tired and rambling.

[Stevie]

I think when people refer to the locker rooms they are simply staing that given the eenvironment of homophobia in teen locker rooms, the boy looking and making comments is the one who will be teased; not that our intact sons should be taught to tease someone else...

[Daisie125]

I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with a simple "why are you so interested in my penis?" Not in a homophobic type of way, but if someone was making a rude comment about my boobs, I would ask a similar question.

[topamicha]

It has concerned me as well.

I am hoping that by the time my son is that age, a. circumcision will be the exception, not the norm b. there won't be an environment of homophobia.

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I agree with Daisie125. I dont see asking someone why they are so interested in his genitals would be homophobic really, just a simple question of fact. I will teach my ds and my dd for that matter that they are special the way God made them and if anyone else has a problem with that then that is the other persons problem not theirs.

As someone who grew up every being teased about my hair practically every single day, and coming home crying with my mom saying just ignore it they are just jealous, I want to give them better advice than that cause it never helped me to deal with the problem, the teasing thing touches a sore spot for me. I want my kids to be confident enough to stand up for there self any way they can. Whether it be ds defending his intact status or dd defending her looks.

[dnr3301]

Originally Posted by topamicha

It has concerned me as well.

I am hoping that by the time my son is that age, a. circumcision will be the exception, not the norm b. there won't be an environment of homophobia.

at least I'm not the only one.

But, ok, if no one else is really all that concerned about it, I can let it go here.

[BamaDude]

In my experience, adolescents and teens tend to constantly compare themselves to each other on every level and to obsess over the slightest differences from whatever the local "norm" might be, and for males this extends to the locker room as well.

Just as a child who has a classic Roman nose in an area where button noses are more common might say "Oh my God, I'm a freak! Why can't I be like everyone else!" if someone comments on his profile (even favorably), an intact boy might worry that he's "too different" from his circumcised classmates. If a classmate carelessly comments "Oh. You're uncut", the intact boy in question might hear a very different version of what was actually said.

I don't think that immediately going on the defensive by responding "Why are you so interested in my penis?" would be the right course of action in every scenario. Most of the time, a simple "Yeah, I am" would be more than sufficient. Serve and return, and the conversation moves on to Mrs. Chalkdust's history assignment, the newest Nintendo game, or whatever holds the interest of adolescents for more than ten seconds these days.

I suspect that teaching a child to be proud of their individuality and to be comfortable with their body might be a better idea. Going on the defensive over having an intact penis implies there is something odd about it; There is not. It is perfectly normal and natural, and the only people it needs to be defended from are scalpel-happy doctors.

[MommytoB]

ITA w/ Bama Dude because like for me I never seen a intact male til my son's father and my son is intact that's the only 2 intact male in a female life then for example my brother my son's uncle I would like him to be able to ask questions because I want my brother to learn of my son's foreskin not for him to feel bad about himself just for him to be able to learn alot about it so he doesn't repeat what was done to him to his future son. I think my brother was proably the 'one's that proably teased guys with 'foreskin' because I have disabilities he teased me very 'severely' but I'm still alive say 'we can cope with 'teasing' because it doesn't kill but circumcision does.

[SammyJr]

I don't think it is so much homophobia, as much as guys not liking to be accused of being gay when they aren't. Guys are very proud of their sexuality and orientation.

[SammyJr]

Originally Posted by BamaDude

I don't think that immediately going on the defensive by responding "Why are you so interested in my penis?" would be the right course of action in every scenario. Most of the time, a simple "Yeah, I am" would be more than sufficient. Serve and return, and the conversation moves on to Mrs. Chalkdust's history assignment, the newest Nintendo game, or whatever holds the interest of adolescents for more than ten seconds these days.

Completely agree. The antagonistic "Why are you looking at my penis?" should be reserved for those cases when teasing and ridicule is involved.

[pigpokey]

I could be wrong, but my impression is that whether teasing is going to occur or not at a harmful level probably has more to do with where the boy is on the pecking order than the fact of being intact or not.

Of course quite normal to popular kids can develop Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I think we need to consider whether the strong desire to be circ'd for "locker room" reasons might be treatable as Body Dysmorphic Disorder or another disorder. At the very least, the comparison is thought provoking.

I'm sure tons of normal weight girls are teased about the size of their butts in the locker room, but only a small percentage are going to diet harmfully as a result or get obsessed over liposuction etc.

I've no psych training, though. And I just thought of this.

[Intactguy57]

I am natural (intact), 57 years old and have been in locker rooms hundreds of times while in high school, college and now on my job and I have "NEVER" once been made fun of or for that matter no one has ever even acknowledged that I am "NATURAL". I think this is just and excuse used by parents that are bound and determined to cut their son no matter what anyone says. Heck if you want to do it (cut) to conform you can always find an excuse. After all I am the one that is "NATURAL" not them, they don't want to go there!!

[Nathan1097]

I am not worried about my boys compared to other boys- they are now in Kindergarten and 4th grade. Knowing them, they aren't likely to get bothered by someone talking about their penis. Besides- they both know (through osmosis because of my site) what circ is so even without my having said "some of your friends might have circumcised penises", I'm sure they'll put the info together if that time ever comes.

As a side note, when I saw this thread from the main board, I didn't see all of it and I thought it said " teaching our boys to stand up to pee" I was thinking "What's the big deal? Is this a retract-to-pee-or-not thread?"

[Fyrestorm]

I read in another group that one mom taught her son to tell his peers (if they got too nosy) "My parents loved me enough not to have penile reduction surgery preformed on me at birth"

I'm not sure I agree with the "my parents loved me more than you" attitude and may have worded it better, something like "my parents researched and decided not to...." or something. Either way, I have a feeling it's pretty effective.

[sunnysideup]

Originally Posted by Intactguy57

I think this is just and excuse used by parents that are bound and determined to cut their son no matter what anyone says.

ITA! I don't think this locker room teasing everyone talks about actually happens.