Toddler harnesses ('leashes') - Page 5

[ZeldasMom]

I have one. I haven't used it a lot, but have been very glad to have it when I have needed it. We used it mainly when I had a newborn and a toddler and we were getting in and out of the car and walking through parking lots. My older child was a runner and was too young to understand about being too short to be seen in a car (especially an SUV's) rear-view mirror (or even in front of the hood when it is close).

About hand-holding--if that works for your child, then obviously that is the way to go, but my DS did not like this. And when I think about it, I can see why he would find it more pleasant to walk wearing a harness with a tether than having his hand gripped and held way up in the air. And he likes walking much better than being in a stroller.

The older my son gets, the less the tether has been needed. Now he is almost 3 and one thing I have been working on with him has been keeping one hand on the car while he is waiting while we are getting in/out of the car.

[Treasuremapper]

My older dd, almost five years old, has surprised me by repeatedly requesting a leash to hold when we are out in crowds. She holds the tether on the jogging stroller when we are out hiking. She saw some kids with them at Disneyland a few months ago and was smitten with one that looked like fannypacks and backpacks worn by mother and child with a tether between the packs and animal faces on the child's pack. I guess that it seems exciting to some kids,but could humiliate others.

[JeDeeLenae]

The only thing they are good for is not letting the child run off but they couldn't do that in your arms or holding your hand and you are more aware of them when they are tugging your hand to get something then when they can reach something without tugging the leash.

It is not always an option to carry a toddler. Some might feel totally comfortable carrying two babes, or carrying their toddler while pregnant, etc. I on the other had didn't feel comfortable being 6 mos or more pregnant and carrying a 25 lb toddler. I couldn't do it for long periods of time and could barely lift him some days. Now that I have a newborn, it's still the same. I wear my youngest in a sling, but still can't carry both at the same time. If he wants to hold hands, that's fine, but there are plenty of times that he does NOT want to hold hands. Rather than have me holding his arm in the air and trying to keep ahold on his litle hand as he tries to pull away, I use the harness. My mom had an incident when my brother was younger after she had her 2nd child and he ended up in the hospital with an elbow injury from him yanking away and dropping to the ground while she desperately tried holding his hand in a busy parking lot. So, if holding hands works, great for you, but harnesses habe a lot more use than just keeping a child from running away.

[TripMom]

Originally Posted by katallen

I hate children leashes and I am sorry if that word offends some people, but that is what they are whether they are attached to a nice backpack or a leash on a wrist that you hold onto, even my three year old knows that much and I have never pointed it out to her for fear that she would tactlessly point out children in them (which she now does anyways). They are also only good for keeping children from running away. They don't do anything that holding a child's hand or carrying them doesn't do. A child can still get into a lot of trouble with them in a store because they leave several feet of slack and if there is something very tantalizing to the child (like clothes on a hanger that need to be pulled off, a jar that looks cool, etc...) they will still have ample opportunity to do a lot of damage. The only thing they are good for is not letting the child run off but they couldn't do that in your arms or holding your hand and you are more aware of them when they are tugging your hand to get something then when they can reach something without tugging the leash.

I'll let you know if holding 3 hands is easier than 3 "tails" (leashes, whatever you want to call them)? My sense is no. Unfortunately, hands are connected to arms and bodies so they have the capability of being wriggled away by persistent toddlers who don't want to hold hands - "tails"/"leashes" however, are not.

My kids don't want to sit in the stroller anymore - they cry and struggle to get out -- so honestly, "leashes" seem like a great option. I just ordered mine and I hope they work.

Sorry if I am oh so offensive to some here . . . but perhaps if people walked a mile with other peoples "leashes" they would see differently.

And by the way, I don't think this is just a unique issue for people with multiples - I know children who are very active, think its fun to run or hide from their parents, won't sit in strollers or hold hands . . . I think leashes is a good safety option for them too -- and I don't judge them either.

[The4OfUs]

After avoiding leash threads like the plague, I feel compelled to finally post on one.


I think, that until every parent who is offended by leashes has:

an extremely persistent, energetic, enthusiastic, preverbal toddler that does NOT want to sit in a stroller, does NOT want to hold hands, does NOT want to be carried, does NOT want to hold onto the cart/stroller/linked rings or whatever other item, does NOT want to negotiate with you about staying close by but not holding hands, does NOT respond reliably to repeated reminders to stay close/etc., does NOT "get" numerous periodic attempts at practicing holding hands/staying close/etc., and is unable to control their natural (understandable) impulse to run away at any given time for any number of reasons,

that said offended parents should reserve judgment on another parent who is using one.


Personally, I don't use one because DS is OK being in a cart (or stroller when carts aren't available) 99.999999999% of the time....but if he wasn't, and my only choice was to have him walking around, I would definitely be using one, because on the periodic "test run" occasions when I do let him walk around with me in stores, thus far is has been hair raising; only by the grace of (insert your spiritual preference here) he hasn't pulled his arm out of socket while "holding my hand", or gotten plowed over by someone in a store, or gotten lost, or hit by a car in a parking lot. He just is not at a point where he's able to reliably, safely walk on his own. Period. And I'm not about to find out what the worst case scenario would be if I just let him go.

Sooo, we test it out every once in a while, and he's getting better, and we'll continue doing it in small doses until he really "gets" it. BUT - just having a glimpse of what my son is like occasionally, I would NEVER pass judgment on someone who was using a harness/leash/whatever the heck you want to call it - so long as the toddler looked happy to be in it, I would imagine that parent had a child much like mine, and it would be cruel to force them into a cart or stroller, near impossible to hold their hand, and tempting fate to let them simply run around on their own.

now, if the kid was miserable and/or the parent was otherwise unresponsive and uncaring towards the child, then I might have a problem with it, but my problem would be with their *parenting* skills, not the fact that they were using a leash.

Soo.....there you go. My 2 cents' worth. Now nobody is gonna read this cause the thread is too old, but now I'll be able to copy and paste my response onto the next leash thread

[K&B]

We have a dog backpack one that my daughter actually likes wearing. She still runs out into the parking lot or away from us, and so we have no problem using it. We also used it at Disney, and it was a lifesaver. Before I had kids I thought harnasses were the worst things ever...haha...but now I see how helpful they can be. I have to say I don't love the look of regular harnasses...the ones that look like a leash, but there are a lot of cute styles out there nowadays that don't look like they were meant for an animal.

Jen
Katie 1-11-04
Ben 9-3-06

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by katallen

I hate children leashes and I am sorry if that word offends some people, but that is what they are whether they are attached to a nice backpack or a leash on a wrist that you hold onto, even my three year old knows that much and I have never pointed it out to her for fear that she would tactlessly point out children in them (which she now does anyways). They are also only good for keeping children from running away. They don't do anything that holding a child's hand or carrying them doesn't do. A child can still get into a lot of trouble with them in a store because they leave several feet of slack and if there is something very tantalizing to the child (like clothes on a hanger that need to be pulled off, a jar that looks cool, etc...) they will still have ample opportunity to do a lot of damage. The only thing they are good for is not letting the child run off but they couldn't do that in your arms or holding your hand and you are more aware of them when they are tugging your hand to get something then when they can reach something without tugging the leash.

The word "leash" does not offend me. Your judgemental tone does.

Want to carry my 75 lb 7 yr old with Autism? Be my guest. As I stated earlier, I no longer have to use the harness/tether, because he does much better staying with me now. But, if he were to go through another period of running off, I would use one again. I also never let the slack go far. I kept him near me. I used the thing as a backup, because this child was and is strong enough to injure my hand/arm.

Walk a mile in my shoes and then you can judge.

[Storm Bride]

Originally Posted by katallen

They are also only good for keeping children from running away. They don't do anything that holding a child's hand or carrying them doesn't do.

That's right. And, dd hate holding hands and would pull loose from me. I certainly couldn't carry her after a c-section. So...what's your point? I was only using it to keep her from running away - I certainly didn't think it would keep her out of store shelves or miraculously make her stop getting into things.

[Storm Bride]

Well...that wasy funny. As I was submitting my last post, dd came up to me and said, "look - my harness - I'm going to wear it, and you can hold my tail, mommy". She hasn't worn it in...probably about 8 months.

[loraxc]

I think, that until every parent who is offended by leashes has:

an extremely persistent, energetic, enthusiastic, preverbal toddler that does NOT want to sit in a stroller, does NOT want to hold hands, does NOT want to be carried, does NOT want to hold onto the cart/stroller/linked rings or whatever other item, does NOT want to negotiate with you about staying close by but not holding hands, does NOT respond reliably to repeated reminders to stay close/etc., does NOT "get" numerous periodic attempts at practicing holding hands/staying close/etc., and is unable to control their natural (understandable) impulse to run away at any given time for any number of reasons,

that said offended parents should reserve judgment on another parent who is using one.

We used one for a while between the ages of one and two. It's still in my diaper bag, but I don't think I've pulled it out in at least 6 months--DD is less impulsive and responds better to directions now. However, with a new walker who hated slings, strollers and holding hands, and was impulsive, fearless, and loved strangers--I needed it, period. It really saved the day when we were delayed at a packed airport over a holiday weekend for 5+ hours.

[choli]

Originally Posted by katallen

The only thing they are good for is not letting the child run off but they couldn't do that in your arms or holding your hand and you are more aware of them when they are tugging your hand to get something then when they can reach something without tugging the leash.

Well when I was a kid, I hated holding hands with adults because it was really uncomfortable. Probably comfortable for the adult, but not for me with my arm straight up. I much preferred my harness - and boy was it needed, we lived in the city and I was queen of the runners

[RomanGoddess]

Y'all are being ridiculous about this. I see judgmental posts on this website all the time. In fact, when you get right down to it, this website is about judging the mainstream way of doing things (formula feeding, circumcising, spanking, letting your baby cry it out...). So, your telling me that you are willing to judge the rest of the world regarding these bad parenting techniques but you take offence that someone judges you for putting your child on a leash??? Give me a break. I'm not sure which way I lean but there are definitely valid arguments against putting one's child on a leash and lashing out at people who suggest that this might not be a very humane thing to do to a child is pretty hypocritical given that this site is about natural family living.

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by cmlp

Y'all are being ridiculous about this. I see judgmental posts on this website all the time. In fact, when you get right down to it, this website is about judging the mainstream way of doing things (formula feeding, circumcising, spanking, letting your baby cry it out...). So, your telling me that you are willing to judge the rest of the world regarding these bad parenting techniques but you take offence that someone judges you for putting your child on a leash??? Give me a break. I'm not sure which way I lean but there are definitely valid arguments against putting one's child on a leash and lashing out at people who suggest that this might not be a very humane thing to do to a child is pretty hypocritical given that this site is about natural family living.

So we are hypocrites because people are basically telling us how inhumane we are to protect our children? Sure, if you are dragging your kid on one of those things, you are using it wrong. If you are relying ONLY on it to protect your child, then you are using it wrong. If your child is still getting into things because you are not watching him/her, you are using it wrong. If your child is miserable in it, yes, you are using it wrong. I am willing to admit people use things the wrong way all of the time. I am sure even slings can be used wrong.

But, to say we are ridiculous for how we feel, when you haven't walked a mile in our shoes, is totally out of line.

[naturegirl7]

I think that the $5 I spent on my harness was the best $5 I have ever spent.

I have the traditional harness and the cute backpack version - honestly we prefer the traditional one around here. We only use it when out in crowds or in in places where DS can run away and put himself into danger. After he started walking (11m), it was impossible to hold him or use any type of baby carrier - he FREAKS out. If held, he wiggles and throws himself backwards in an attempt to get down - resulting in several scary last minute catches as he hurled himself out of our arms and at the floor. At first he was content to hold our hands and only venture a few steps away - then he learned to run (at 13m). Because he is so young, he doesn't understand that he needs to stay by mommy and daddy - not when there is so much to explore right there in front of him.

After he ran away from me once, I was out buying a harness the next day. His safety is the most important thing. Especially cuz he thinks running away and having us chase him is a super fun game. Plus I don't have to pull him away from stuff, tell him no, or engage in a power struggle with him. DS loves it - he plays with it, and helps get it on. Cuz he knows he gets more freedom with it on. I try to hold his hand, but if he lets go and runs off, well he can only go so far. We encourage him to hold hands, and are redirecting him as needed while in the harness. I can control where he explores and how safe he is, while allowing him some independence I think it is a way to promote independence while still gently teaching safety and boundaries. IMO it is better than locking him into a stroller (which he NEVER went for) - a lot more work for us than a stroller, but more experience and learning for him.

We do get mix responses to it though - a few parents have asked where we bought it, a lot of older people stop us and tell us that they are so glad to see us using a harness, that they used one, and that is is good to see parents keeping their kids safe (that surprises me each time!) yet other people give us dirty looks and make nasty comments. Never do they have the nerve to actually say something directly to us, but loudly enough as they walk by or are standing nearby so that we hear them - about how only animals belong on leashes, etc. My ILs are horrified, but that is par for the course - they are horrified by everything we do. LOL

[Synchro246]

I haven't read the thread.

I use a ring sling that has been tightened to where it's just snug around his belly and it's spread out so that there isn't one particular point of tightness.
I hold on to the tail and he can walk further away from me than he could normally so he gets more freedom. If he gets tired or wants to be held I just turn the leash back into a sling.

I like it. I see nothing wrong with it as long as toddler leashes aren't used as another way to ignore the kid.

[RomanGoddess]

But, to say we are ridiculous for how we feel, when you haven't walked a mile in our shoes, is totally out of line.

Um, I happen to have a two-year old. I have a particularly difficult situation as I also do not believe in "stroller prison", so she generally just walks and only sits in the stroller or goes in the carrier is SHE feels like it. Who is anyone to say who has walked in whose shoes?

[TinkerBelle]

Originally Posted by cmlp

Um, I happen to have a two-year old. I have a particularly difficult situation as I also do not believe in "stroller prison", so she generally just walks and only sits in the stroller or goes in the carrier is SHE feels like it. Who is anyone to say who has walked in whose shoes?

My 7 yr old is too big for a stroller. Like I said before, I do not use a leash anymore. He no longer needs one. But, if he still bolted from me, like he did a couple of years ago, I sure would use one again.

You haven't walked in my shoes. I hope you never do.

[naturegirl7]

Originally Posted by katallen

I hate children leashes and I am sorry if that word offends some people, but that is what they are whether they are attached to a nice backpack or a leash on a wrist that you hold onto, even my three year old knows that much and I have never pointed it out to her for fear that she would tactlessly point out children in them (which she now does anyways). They are also only good for keeping children from running away. They don't do anything that holding a child's hand or carrying them doesn't do. A child can still get into a lot of trouble with them in a store because they leave several feet of slack and if there is something very tantalizing to the child (like clothes on a hanger that need to be pulled off, a jar that looks cool, etc...) they will still have ample opportunity to do a lot of damage. The only thing they are good for is not letting the child run off but they couldn't do that in your arms or holding your hand and you are more aware of them when they are tugging your hand to get something then when they can reach something without tugging the leash.

You described a leash/harness being used WRONGLY. My son is never allowed to run ahead, or attack displays. He is learning to walk near us, regardless of holding hands or not. As a parent, you control the amount of slack and distance you give the child - which varies in each situation.

But since you are so strongly opposed to them - what would you do with a son like mine???

My son is so independent and hates to be held back (cuz that is what it is to him!). He will literally throw himself backwards, pushing off our bodies with his feet and hands - hurling himself to the ground. He has thrown himself out of our arms numerous times, and it is only our fast responses that save him frombeing seriously injured.
When he doesn't want his hand held, he pulls so hard he has caused subluxations of his shoulder and upper spine. Not a good thing considering he had Erb's palsy in his shoulder and arm from birth, and normal functioning abilities is only maintained via chiropractic adjustments and proper alignment of said areas. He would probably dislocate his elbow or shoulder but we let go of him before he can hurt himself.
He becomes hysterical when locked in a stroller or bound in a carrier against his will - like I imagine any innocently jailed prisoner would. He loves the carriers on his own terms, and I want to keep that love strong - as well as his trust in me nuturing him and loving him. I refuse to disrespect his feelings and his personal space for my own convenience.


What SAFE solution do you propose? What is a BETTER alternative to a leash for my son?

[Elyra]

You should go back and read all of TinkerBelle's posts in this thread! She explains her circumstances.

ETA: Post #87

[moonfirefaery]

They are also only good for keeping children from running away.

They also keep strangers from snatching them in the split second that mom's attention is on the debit card machine as she pays for her groceries.

They don't do anything that holding a child's hand or carrying them doesn't do.

They provide a child a sense of freedom and independance. My son hates it when I hold his hand and pulls away all the time, not necessarily to run off but just because it makes him feel like he is being guided/controlled. Moreover, it hurts my back to have to lean down a bit to keep hold of his hand, and then I have to chase after him when he wiggles free. Many children, especially recently mobile ones, do not like to be held and are much happier walking around, even on a leash, than screaming because mommy will not put them down to run. Holding a child's hand or carrying them may keep them safe and help guide them but does not provide freedom or independance, but you guide, teach, and discipline a harnessed child as well. The harness does many things for my child that the stroller, sling, or hand holing cannot do.

they will still have ample opportunity to do a lot of damage

The point of the leash isn't to control the damage they could do in a store, but to keep them from running away on an uncontrollable impulse or being snatched by a stranger. You can do damage control by redirecting your child, by taking their hand or speaking to them. That is not what the leash is for.

you are more aware of them when they are tugging your hand to get something then when they can reach something without tugging the leash.

I'm quite aware of my son when he is on the leash just as much as I am when I'm holding his hand or carrying him. At least on the leash he isn't screaming or crying and feels free and independant, can exercise, and I have my hands free to give him care or to carry my bags out of the grocery store. He can reach something holding my hand just as easily as when he's on the leash. Yes, he's more free to do damage on the leash; however, that can be controlled with words, redirection, and other guidance.

I think of the harness as an extra safety device for my independant son as he stretches his legs in these early years.

And, what does leashes and spanking have in common??

I'm wondering this as well. While spanking is ineffective and harmful, using a harness doesn't do harm to a child and is quite effective at preventing the child from running towards a strange dog or being snatched by a child predator.

On an older child, I think that leashes, like spankings, are degrading and show a lack of respect for the child.

I agree, unless it's a child that has been ordered to be tethered to mom by a judge (let's hope that doesn't happen to our kids, eh!?!) or a child with disabilities.