talk with me about "laborland"

[velcromom]

I've realized that in my labor with ds1 I was terrified whenever I began to drift away into what I now see other moms describing as "laborland". I really think that when I felt "me" drifting away, my rational mind thought "I" was dying. I fought it tooth and nail. I had no labor support people that time to assure me it was ok to go there and be in whatever space I needed to be. I'd never heard of it or known it would happen and it just freaked me out, thinking it was a sign of something really wrong.

In researching vbac I suddenly realized that I still harbor a fear of it... can you experienced mamas help explain how you opened up to the "going away" and let it happen, and let yourself stay there to allow your body to do its job?

[Persephone]

Hmm... laborland just kind of happened for me. I was so deep into myself that the rest of the world faded away. I saw it less as losing myself, and much more of becoming my essential self. However, I did have to consciously surrender at one point. Not to the fading away of the rest of the world, but to the strength of my own body. Have you ever heard that quote about how contractions can't ever be stronger than you are, because they ARE you? Well, apparently, I don't know my own strength (how many of us actually do?) Not only didn't I know my own strength, but it frightened me, the force of my ctx. I'm not sure how to explain it- I didn't feel like I was gonna be split in two, I didn't feel the baby at all, I didn't feel anything. (That's laborland for you! ) But the force of my ctx frightened me, anyway. I deliberately opened up to it though, because I knew that if I didn't, it would impede progress and hurt more (and it was hurting enough already! ). So, I just stepped back and let my body work. And I pushed her out in about 20 mins, is what dh said. It felt like 3 or 4 ctx to me, but I was so far gone I don't really know. Did that help any?

Oh, here's another way to put it: You know how when you get a shot, they say to relax your arm so it doesn't hurt as bad? You want to tense up, but you know it will hurt worse, so you consciously relax, even though you don't want to. That's kind of what I did. I know some have an easier time of that than others, and for me it's really easy to do.

[tinyshoes]

I think for many women, a doula can help her stay in laborland. Just being supported, just knowing that there's a woman in the room who knows exactly what laborland is, could probalby help a person surrender the brainiac brain.

[hubris]

I would say it also just happened for me. Part of it was my absolute belief that natural birth is possible and desirable. My mom gave birth to all five of her children without using pain medication and I was present for three of those births, so to me, birth was a very normal thing and I *knew* it would be a very different, very moving, and very do-able experience for me.

I mostly focused on what my body was doing, and that caused me to really "go within" both times. During my first labor/birth my mom described me as a cat going under a porch to have her kittens. I wanted dark, quiet. I wanted to be still. I closed my eyes and went into the darkness within. My attendants recognized this as the way I needed to labor for that birth and helped to maintain that quiet, dark, still environment. They spoke soothingly in my ear and rubbed my back when I had back labor.

During my labor with Reese, laborland was different for me, it was more firey and powerful, more fierce. Labor flowed like hot lava. I wanted to be active, upright, moan. I wanted people to leave me alone, no annoying soothing cooing in my ear. I knew from hearing the birth stories of other women that not all labors are alike, and again I was able to just ride the labor and let it flow. Again, my birth attendants understood that this was how I needed to labor for this birth, and they respected and supported that.

I agree that having a woman who understands laborland present is important. A woman who has been there and who has experience working with other women who have been there will not be frightened by your labor experience and their confidence in you will support you.

I also think just knowing that labor is primal helped me not to fear it. I knew that I would not be able to predict what the experience would be like, but that it would be something powerful and unique.

One thing I know I did to help "open up" was to picture my cervix opening, the baby descending, my body giving birth. I knew the reasons for the sensations I was having and like Persephone mentioned, I consciously relaxed to accept them. During my labor with Reese I also remember sortof moan/talking out loud to him, under my breath, and also saying "open open open" while exhaling during contractions.

[ecoteat]

I didn't really understand that I was in another place until after the fact. I had no idea how much was going on around me (setting up birth tub, realizing the adapter didn't fit on the bathroom sink, midwives' arrival, etc). But looking back, the warm, dim haze of laborland (I've never thought to call it that before), was a completely differnt state of consciousness.

[laohaire]

I didn't have a problem going to LL, and it actually didn't occur to me that it could be scary (I can see now how it could be).

I was at home, and I think I would have had difficulty going to LL at the hospital. Also, I was in an AquaDoula, so it was even easier - I floated my body in warm water, and floated my mind away. I was able to "come back" from time to time for a few minutes to talk with the midwife, or see my husband, or ask for food or drink. Then poof, I'd be gone again.

I think I did expect to go to LL so that might have also helped. I read about it in Birthing from Within a couple days before labor, but I think I sort of had an idea I would do it even before reading about it. One thing that I didn't expect was, I thought I'd want music on and that it would help. I had a few CDs picked out, and the stereo was right in the room I labored in - but when someone asked if I wanted music (or the Hypnobirthing CD) put on, my reaction was not even "no thanks" but "hell no!!!" The music would have kept me on this planet and I wanted to leave.

People talking, moving around, doing stuff, didn't affect me in the slightest. My mom made 1,000 phone calls - I think she might have been on the phone the ENTIRE TIME to EVERY ONE of her friends and family - didn't care in the slightest. The midwife and her assistant apparently joked with each other and laughed a lot and drove my DH nuts - didn't care in the slightest. At one point my mom was trying to get my DH to eat, and he was too anxious to be hungry, and after my mom asked for the 30th time my DH snapped and yelled at her - didn't care in the slightest. LOL.

[storychick]

I'd had a lot of practice pre-pregnancy going to "another place" to cope with migraine pain. So I used a lot of the same techniques to manage labor, and it was a familiar thing to do for me. That helped. I was totally out of it with DS, though... I was having back labor and pushed for 4 hours and it was so hard I had to distance myself to cope.

With DD, labor was so fast I didnt get to go to laborland at all. And it hurt a lot more, and took me a lot longer to process. I was too aware, of what was happening, really. I preferred being a little more endorphin high!

[Belle]

I didn't go into laborland until I got in the tub. I was not afraid of it, and it really helped. Once I got out of the tub and went into the main hospital room I had a lot of annoying distractions that kept me going out of laborland when I wanted to be there.

[rainbowmoon]

I wouldn't describe laborland as "going away" for myself..yeah sure I was in a zone of sorts but it was alot more zen like for me. I didn't think about the past or future or my c/s or VBAC or even the birth (until I started pushing), just the moment I was in. I definitly didn't "lose" myself at all as much as I went within myself. I wouldn't call it one and the same at all. I still was quite aware of everything going on around me.. in fact I was very tuned in.

[hubris]

April, the zen state of going within yourself, as opposed to losing yourself or going away, is exactly how I felt.

And Kat, interesting about the migraines giving you experience with going to another place. I've had migraines since I was 15. I wonder if that shaped my labor experience at all?

[storychick]

Jess, for me it was good training on a) not being afraid of pain (I figured it couldnt be worse than some of the doozies I've had... and it was definiely not) and b) on how to put the pain somewhere else, so I could cope with it. I dont know if that makes sense in words, really, but it worked. And I think the lack of fear is a definite factor in my fast labors.

[starlein26]

Originally Posted by velcromom

can you experienced mamas help explain how you opened up to the "going away" and let it happen, and let yourself stay there to allow your body to do its job?

I guess I never thought about it since it just happened and I didn't attempt to fight it. I didn't realize that some women might be uncomfortable there. Sorry that this happened to you sweetie . I wonder *why* you had a hard time letting go...have you thought about that? What is this notion of dying and how did that enter your mind?

[velcromom]

Originally Posted by starlein26

I guess I never thought about it since it just happened and I didn't attempt to fight it. I didn't realize that some women might be uncomfortable there. Sorry that this happened to you sweetie . I wonder *why* you had a hard time letting go...have you thought about that? What is this notion of dying and how did that enter your mind?

That's a tough question because I can only guess at it... I think it was a result of a lot of different factors meeting in an unfortunate mix... I had no knowledge above the useless stuff from childbirth class, I was completely sure that once I went to the hospital they would "rescue me" from it all, I was alone w/ no support person, I had been imprinted all my life with negative stories of birth & was scared to death... it was pretty much a disaster waiting to happen, really. I did not conciously think "Oh, I feel like I am dying.." that is the clearest way I can describe it in hindsight.. a feeling not a thought. I just know that I didn't expect it and it scared me that I was slipping into a place I'd never been. That part I can't specifically explain. I don't know why it scared me so much.

I know a lot of factors came into play, and I know that I am a different woman now... but reading a birth story that described going into laborland in particular detail triggered a strong reaction for me one day - I realized for the first time that I'd been scared of it during labor, and that showed me a place where some fear still lives even so long afterward... and I know it is something I need to explore and learn about so I don't fight it next time.

It's great to hear that it happens so naturally for so many of you. I hope I can get to that point. I'd love to hear more about how other women welcome the mental shift and/or stay with it especially if the environment is stressful in some way.

[starlein26]

velcromom, I highly recommend the book "Birthing from Within" by Pam England! It's a powerful book and it attempts to provide its reader with ways to identify their fears and better cope with their labor and birth!

[storychick]

I learned to do it in self-defense, really. lol With the migraines the pain is so intense that I learned to do "square breathing" to cope with it. I would take an in-breath for 7 counts, hold for 7, release slowly for 7, hold for 7. I think I learned that particular technique in yoga, but it was what I was doing anyway essentially. By focusing on the breathing I was distracted from the pain, I could control myself. From there, I learned to push the pain away and box it off in the square. I dont really know how to explain that in words. Its partly meditation, partly conscious will. I have a hard time getting into other consciousnesses when I'm not in pain, but when I'm in it I seem to go there automatically now.

I think practicing meditation, yoga, or something like hypnosis really helps you practice getting into those altered states of consciousness in a less emotionally and physically challenging environment than labor. Knowing how to do it already made it safe when I was stressed. Might be worth going into before your next labor, velcromom! I hope you can figure it out.

[mezzaluna]

like others have said - for me it was about the rest of the world falling away. i felt i could only have conscious awareness of things happening within about 3 feet of me. i remember several times where my doula said something in the distance and i could understand them as english words... as sentences with meaning... but i would just note that she said it and then it would disappear. my dh (whom i was clinging onto the whole time) would repeat it to me, and then the meaning of what she said would register in my consciousness.

i remember *wanting* to just check out - to sleep for about 24 hours and then come back to face the rest of labor. but the physicality of it (pain!) kept me in the present, with my labor. the thought of drugs never crossed my mind, but i had this intense desire to disappear and sleep and come back to labor later.

[Summerland]

near the end i was defiently in "labor land" it's all pretty blurry now

[moonpie's_mama]

Originally Posted by mezzaluna

i remember *wanting* to just check out - to sleep for about 24 hours and then come back to face the rest of labor. but the physicality of it (pain!) kept me in the present, with my labor. the thought of drugs never crossed my mind, but i had this intense desire to disappear and sleep and come back to labor later.

i had this exact thought during my labor, too. and it terrified my dh, he thought i was completely losing it. he wasn't prepared for me to do or say anything that irrational. we hadn't discussed that that particular thing might happen! anyway, when i had that strong desire - to just go to sleep for a while, then finish having the baby - some part of my brain realized, "wow, i must be in laborland." and i was a little frightened by it, but my mom had told me about that surreal kind of haze you move into at some point, and that it was totally natural, and to just relax and go with it. so that's what i tried to do. i don't remember conciously "letting go" or anything, but there are definitely parts of my labor that i don't remember as clearly as my mw or dh, or the other billion people that were there . for me, laborland just sort of happened, and the thing that made me okay with it was that i was prepared for it, knew about it. maybe, OP, what happened with you the first time you were in labor - for lack of a better word, laborland "traumatized" you a little bit - maybe that is why you still harbor a fear of it. if you're planning to have your vbac with a midwife or at home, i would definitely talk to your midwife, doula, dp, whatever support group you're going to have with you, and let them know you will need a lot of relaxation coaching and reassuring words when you feel yourself starting to slip away like that. then they - and you- will be ready for it, and it won't seem so scary.

[huggerwocky]

I haven't experienced that in either birth, so I don't know

[Megs_BK]

Originally Posted by starlein26

velcromom, I highly recommend the book "Birthing from Within" by Pam England! It's a powerful book and it attempts to provide its reader with ways to identify their fears and better cope with their labor and birth!

I second the motion. Other than the Sears' Pregnancy & Birth books, this is the only one I read. Beyond helping me ask my CNM educated & specific questions before going into labor, it helped give me some great mental "tools" to use during the process. I reallllllly went inside myself during labor. Looking back, the edges of my memory-vision are totally dark. I spent a lot of time with my eyes closed, willing my body to relax. England speaks of a concept called "the living edge of pain." While it seemed pretty far-out when I read it, I believe now that it was one of the most important concepts I took into the delivery room. That, and great music! Anyway, I would come out of LL slightly between contractions to move, or just make eye contact with my CNM, or if I had to speak (like, ask my mom to stop humming or breathing in my face ), but for the most part I was a major mama cat inside my own mental den. My CNM was almost concerned, I think -- I'm normally an extremely effusive, chatty person. When she came to check us out the next day, she said that she was happy to see me smiling and talking again.

While I understand LL and I wasn't afraid of going into it, I hope that I don't have to go so far inside myself next time (if there is one). I was so far in that it really took a long time for the "real" me to resurface. I did not cry when my daughter was placed in my arms. It was a good 24 hours before I felt those emotions return. I don't necessarily *regret* that -- it's just how it was -- but it was strange for me (I cry at commercials, for pete's sake) not to react with joyful tears. I have them now all the time, so I guess it's OK.