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My husband commited suicide today, leaves two beautiful girls, how to tell a 3 yo. - Page 2

post #21 of 118
9/8/06 at 11:18pm
omg, I am so sorry, I can't imagine everything you're going through and about to go through, but I have to say I am so impressed by the fact that you are still thinking about your children before yourself, it shows you are a strong loving mama and you are going to pull them through this.

I found this,

http://www.intheknowzone.com/teen_su..._children.html

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post #22 of 118
9/8/06 at 11:21pm
I'm so sorry.... :
post #23 of 118
9/8/06 at 11:23pm
Thread Starter 
This community is amazing.

Thank you so much for all your words. It really does help. It's strange how words from a stranger can be so healing. I feel a strong sense of support - which I need right now.

Thank you all.

Love,
Erin, Francesca 3yr & Veritas 9months
post #24 of 118
9/8/06 at 11:26pm
Oh Mama, I'm so so sorry
post #25 of 118
9/8/06 at 11:33pm
i'm so sorry mama!!!
post #26 of 118
9/9/06 at 12:10am
I am so sorry mama.
post #27 of 118
9/9/06 at 12:11am
My sister was 3 when our g-pa died. My parents told her he was sleeping. That she couldn't see him b/c he was sleeping. She accepted this for a while but got to the point where 'well he can't always be sleeping' finally they told her that he had died. He had gotten sick and died. She understood then that she couldn't see him anymore and that he wasn't just sleeping. She also was then able to grieve in her own way his death whereas before she thought 'oh well I can see him next time I come over and he is up from his nap'.

My great g-pa died a year ago. Trying to explain this to my dd while dealing with my own grief at his rather sudden death was very difficult. What I told her was that Granpa went to see God. That he lived with God now and that we couldn't see him anymore. We talked about how his body went in the ground but that he went to live with God. She was 4 at the time and seemed to understand all of this fairly well. She was angry at first b/c he left us, they enjoyed watching cartoons together and would tell us that he would come to visit her while she watched cartoons. I fully believe that he did.

Anyway I don't know if any of this may help in explaining what happened to your kids but I hope you find some way to help them understand what is going on in this very difficult time for all of you.
post #28 of 118
9/9/06 at 12:27am
I'm so sorry for your loss, and I don't really have any advice to give you except that my dd lost a dear friend through suicide this past summer and I know from that experience how hard it is to lose a loved one that way. It must be so incredibly hard on you right now. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
post #29 of 118
9/9/06 at 12:41am
My daughter is three and a half and asked me what happens when we die. I told her our bodies go back to nature and our spirits go back to God - where we came from. She asked if I would die and I said yes, we all die. Our bodies don't keep working forever. Sometimes bodies stop working (although I hoped and expected mine would work for a very long time). Anyway, she seemed to grasp the idea that bodies stop working and go back to nature but the spirit goes on. I think you could even explain that you were sad b/c Daddy had to go back to God. Surely the three year old knows you are upset.

Like everyone else, my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine your own pain and I hold you in prayer and applaud you for thinking of your child through this horrible time.
post #30 of 118
9/9/06 at 12:42am
I am so, so sorry...
post #31 of 118
9/9/06 at 1:17am
My thoughts are with you. Hugs. I'm so very sorry.
post #32 of 118
9/9/06 at 1:27am
I am so sorry for your loss. I have no ideas at the moment but I in the past couple of years I have become close friends with a woman who also lost her husband to suicide about ten years ago leaving her with two young children--one of them was three. I will ask her what she said/did in the first few days/weeks.
post #33 of 118
9/9/06 at 1:28am
You and your precious children are definitely in our thoughts...
post #34 of 118
9/9/06 at 1:30am
lots of s and love to you momma...I have gone through a similar situation, only my first husband and I didn't have children...the only thing I can suggest is to be honest w/o details...pp's have pretty much summed it up...
I know that you are overwhelmed right now...please try to take care of *you* too...that will help your dc tremendously...I am so sorry you have to go through this...feel free to lean on me & MDC mommas for support...I am thinking about you...and praying for you...
post #35 of 118
9/9/06 at 1:36am
I'm so sorry mama I will be thinking of you and you're family.

and for you're DH RIP

I don't really know how you can break this gently to your 3yo? If it were me I would just tell her Daddy died. keep it simple, at her level. but don't hide from it in any way. I really don't know what else to say! I hope you are surrounded by supportive people. take care of yourself.
post #36 of 118
9/9/06 at 1:47am


No words can touch this kind of loss/pain . . . . You and your girls are in my thoughts!
post #37 of 118
9/9/06 at 1:53am
i am so so sorry for your family's loss. i wish i could say more or do something....all i can think of is to say i am so so sorry.
post #38 of 118
9/9/06 at 2:10am
My heart is breaking for you and your sweet children right now. I will be pm'ing you with additional information, but I wanted to provide you with this link of resources that might be helpful to you right now: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...15#post4941415 and also add this book to it as well for you "After A Parent's Suicide" Healing Children Heal. Here is also the Survivors of Suicide website with a list of their groups in your area: http://www.suicidology.org/displayco...barticlenbr=81

Please know that this community is here to listen and support you during this rollercoaster ride of grief.

Much Love~

Lisa
post #39 of 118
9/9/06 at 2:12am
Not much to add here, but to you. I am so sorry. I know this is a bit emotional, but I got weepy reading your post. I lost my 34 year old sister this March and we'll never know if it was suicide or not. If you would like to know how I dealt with it with my kids, feel free to pm me, but I won't bore you with that otherwise, since I am no expert. I don't even know if I handled it right. Now every time I cry, Shanny, (4 yrs old), says, "do you miss your sister?" I have just tried to be open, but vague. That is not the same as losing a Daddy, though, so I don't know how much this will help you. I just had to jump in and say you're in our thoughts and prayers. Hope any of this helps.
post #40 of 118
9/9/06 at 2:15am
no advice,

just wanted to offer a .
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Personal Growth & Spirituality  › Grief and Loss › My husband commited suicide today, leaves two beautiful girls, how to tell a 3 yo.