you know what breaks my heart...

[annelizly]

When your son isn't the best player on his football team, but tries like heck to be good and at the games ends up standing on the sidelines the whole time.

usually the parents of the kids who are playing ALL the time aren't even there to support their kid....but we are....just to watch our kid stand there.

so sad.

[Mama Dragon]

That is heartbreaking I hate....better yet, despise, competitive sports. I'm so sorry for your DS.

[momfirst]

One of my nephews actually quit his high school football team...not because he wasn't one of the best players and didn't get to play much...but because he WAS one of the better players and felt it wasn't fair that everyone wasn't given a chance to play!!! How cool was that?! I was so proud of him for standing up and making a statement, even though it meant that he wouldn't be playing anymore.

to you and your boy...I'd be there rooting for him!

[bugmenot]

I'm not an advice writer by any means, but i'll give it my best shot...


Competitive sports - good and bad.

Sure, we'll all cheer for our favorite teams. We're happy when they win, and sad when they lose.

In youth sports (even all sports), the coaches put the best players out there. They're trying to win. I'm not a youth coach, but know that's how it is.

Unfortunately for us parents, the coaches don't care about "who the seniors are" or "who has parents in attendance." If there's a sophomore who's played his whole life and is obviously more skilled than a senior who just started playing 3-4 years ago, the coach will put the sophmore out there.

Your son obviously likes to play. Standing on any sideline for too long can take the competitive fire out of anyone. I don't want to tell you that there might be more than one league in your area, but perhaps a new league might house the playing time your son seeks while not being overly (or underly) competitive?

[cinnamonamon]

That's hard... And probably why I never really got into those sorts of sports in school. Track & Cross Country are great, social sports where everyone can participate. Through field events there are also areas for non-running activities (in track, that is).

And it was my understanding that everyone got at least a few minutes of play in most every game... That's what my high school tried to do, at least.

[bczmama]

I guess I don't think of playing a sport to be the same as a recital or performance. If you want to see him actually play, you can attend a practice. Other than that, I see being at the game as really being a statement of support for the commitment he has made to be part of the team, and the way he is honoring that commitment. I'm not sure why other parents not being as supportive should adversely impact how much playing time their kids get. In the end, your son has the better deal on that one (supportive parents are better than playing time).

[frontierpsych]

: I was in marching band my freshman year but I was an "alternate" because they needed someone to fill an extra spot in case someone didn't show up. The guy i shadowed was at every game, so I never even made it onto the field. I didn't join the next year because I didn't even get to do anything that year. I was a tagalong. I'm sure being on the sidelines constantly is just like that. I'd hate for him to give up playing just because he was never allowed on the field....

[Lucky Charm]

It would break my heart too.

[Boobs]

I was that kid. I played basketball for 6 years. Well, I practiced after school every day for 6 years. I practiced my heart out! I kept the bench nice and cozy. I froze up in a game situation because I had performance anxiety.
It's time to do some talking. Talk to the coach and ask (nicely) what your son needs to work on to get more game time. Depending on your coach's input, you might want to talk to your son about trying other things. I wish so much I had not poured so much time and energy into basketball because I could have been in drama or something else. I just kept hoping that the next game would be my time to shine.

[PancakeGoddess]

This was my son last year in soccer. I'm sure it sucks at every level but in this case it seemed worse than ever - he had only just turned 8. He continues on this competitive team because it challenges him more than the rec league, and he is playing more and more all the time, but :-( I didn't see it coming, and the first game he sat out all but two minutes, it killed me.

[gnutter]

:
I just came home from ds first soccer game and he only played a little. luckily for him he enjoys the sidelines more. I just wanted him to get some exercise-my oldest loved soccer and the league was so different 10 years ago when he played. It made coaches put all the kids in for approx. the same times. Now it is this super organized competitive league. This was his first game and he really didn't seem to even notice that his team lost the game-I didn't point it out either-its supposed to be fun-he's only 6. This will be our only soccer season unless he totally begs to go back.

I played softball and was awful at it-but they let me play anyway.

[waterproofmascara]

I know exactly how you feel.
I sat through 4 years of watching my son stand on the sidelines for Friday night football. He cheered and yelled for the other players, but played on the field less than 30 minutes total for all 4 years. He seldom missed a practice, but was apparently never quite good enough for playing in the games. It bothered him of course, but not as much as it bothered me. I had endless conversations with the coaches, and they would say things like, "Maybe next week."
I offered him many opportunities to quit throughout the years, but he refused to give up. In the end he felt like he won because he was voted "Most School Spirit" by his classmates during his senior year.

[PancakeGoddess]

waterproof, that is just great. It takes a true human being to persevere like that.

and what about that username? just when I think I've seen them all

[K&JsMaMa]

It can be so painful to watch our children struggle through "team" sports.

My son is playing football for the first time this year. He struggles with sports in general. Not naturally athletic.

I've decided that watching my son grow through adolescense is much more painful than when I grew up. It breaks my heart to see him struggle out there on the football field.

I'll be glad when football is over. Secretly, I hope he doesn't go out again next year.

[mamabohl]

you know, when I was in high school I was on the basketball team my frshmen and sophmore years. I loved it, I worked very hard and almost never missed a practise. But during my sophmore year there were a couple time a was a bench warmer. I was ok with that, but mymom serioudly embarased me by chewing out the couch and then said that if I wasn'tgoing to play she wasn't going to bring me to the practises. She was a large part of why I didn't continue to play. I wasn't on the team just to play in the games, I loved being a part of the team and getting the excersize. It may be completely different for you dc, but just wanted to share my story.

[Tinas3muskateers]

Originally Posted by bugmenot

I'm not an advice writer by any means, but i'll give it my best shot...


Competitive sports - good and bad.

Sure, we'll all cheer for our favorite teams. We're happy when they win, and sad when they lose.

In youth sports (even all sports), the coaches put the best players out there. They're trying to win. I'm not a youth coach, but know that's how it is.

Unfortunately for us parents, the coaches don't care about "who the seniors are" or "who has parents in attendance." If there's a sophomore who's played his whole life and is obviously more skilled than a senior who just started playing 3-4 years ago, the coach will put the sophmore out there.

Your son obviously likes to play. Standing on any sideline for too long can take the competitive fire out of anyone. I don't want to tell you that there might be more than one league in your area, but perhaps a new league might house the playing time your son seeks while not being overly (or underly) competitive?

I think this post is being assumptive. My father has coached for over 20 years in soccer and he always gave every child a winning chance. He wanted a team full of winners. He would always play the little guy who didnt stand a chance. That child might not have played the whole game or as long as the start player but he always played him.

My son also played on a soccer team this year that had 3 star players, and he made sure those 3 players fed the ball to those kids who werent all that athleic and helped them get it in that goal.

Some coaches are hardnosed, only want to win at any cost, they are out there but there are some coaches that coach because they love kids and want them to have fun.

[PancakeGoddess]

New Soccer Mom Tribe

[jeanieloz]

My oldest son played soccer for 4 years, he's tall, clumbsy, and fumbles a LOT, the last team he played on the coach NEVER played him. Jake would run thru the practice and do great, but game time, he sat and sat.
He said he never wanted to play soccer again... so I signed him up for Cub Scouts. He LOVED it, much more his venue, camping, hiking, fishing, making stuff. He's now in Boy Scouts, and is a Star rank. His younger brother is in Boy Scouts too, after 5 years in Cub Scouts. They do learn teamwork in scouts. The boys have had to fashion teepee's, a bridge, and a catpult out of logs and rope, . When they do activities they have to work together, when they work on projects they have to work together! I think Scouting has taught my boys more about teamwork than any organized sport ever could!
Donna