Do women really have THIS little faith in their bodies?

[Ruthla]

I was talking with a pg aquaintance today, and she mentioned how, with her last baby, she had frequent cervix checks in late pg, ever 2 days at the end because she was "overdue", and that about 90% of them were excrutiatingly painful (and was very releived when one particular midwife was gentle.) I made a comment about "why does it matter what your cervix is doing anyway?" and she got all defensive and started saying how dangerous it is to not have your cervix checked "you could be 7cm dialated and not even know it" and somehow she thinks this would be dangerous.

I was rather sad to hear about how she ended up with a c/s because "my fluid was too low and the dr was worried that it might have gotten infected and if I'd waited til the next day the baby could have DIED!!!"

Then we got into this whole debate about birthing choices, she was basically saying that it's irresponsible to not be at a hospital, isn't it "backwards" to give birth at home in this day and age.

I forget the entire conversation, but basically she has all her faith in doctors to "save" her and her baby and no faith in her own body to birth safely.

She also seemed quite surprised that somebody planning a home birth would go to the hospital if there was a problem.

[2sweetboysmom]

yikes!! well with all of those cervix checks from dear doctor maybe she would have had an infection

[MsElle07]

Yes, unfortunately, they do. My best friend had a C-section because she had a "feeling" from the start of her pregnancy that she would have one. (No previous medical indications, and the section was for failure to progress.) Women are raised in a culture of "doctor knows best" and seeing births full of internventions on shows like "A Baby Story" and "Birth Day." Most of the pregnancy books discuss "your doctor" and the tests he/she will perform. Childbirth classes are actually "here are the hospital procedures that will be forced on you" classes. It's a tough tide to swim against.

[velcromom]

Yes. I was one of those women and I remember feeling exactly that way, that it was the doctor's job to tell you what to do and to be in control and "save" you, etc. I remember the total innocence I walked into my first labor with. I mean blindly trusting. Yes, women do have that little faith. Their faith is not with themselves, it is handed to the doctor.

How I wish I'd been educated during my teens about the realities of these things... because I gotta say, taking back that faith and trying to reclaim it is not fun or easy.

[PortraitPixie]

*sigh*

[gentlebirthmothr]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I was talking with a pg aquaintance today, and she mentioned how, with her last baby, she had frequent cervix checks in late pg, ever 2 days at the end because she was "overdue", and that about 90% of them were excrutiatingly painful (and was very releived when one particular midwife was gentle.) I made a comment about "why does it matter what your cervix is doing anyway?" and she got all defensive and started saying how dangerous it is to not have your cervix checked "you could be 7cm dialated and not even know it" and somehow she thinks this would be dangerous.

I was rather sad to hear about how she ended up with a c/s because "my fluid was too low and the dr was worried that it might have gotten infected and if I'd waited til the next day the baby could have DIED!!!"

Then we got into this whole debate about birthing choices, she was basically saying that it's irresponsible to not be at a hospital, isn't it "backwards" to give birth at home in this day and age.

I forget the entire conversation, but basically she has all her faith in doctors to "save" her and her baby and no faith in her own body to birth safely.

She also seemed quite surprised that somebody planning a home birth would go to the hospital if there was a problem.

Ruth,

, I'm with you on this. I answer a few of the questions on Yahoo Questions, but everyone there thought I was milant or lunatic. None of the questioners picked my answer as the best answer for their question. Unfourntely, I can't post none of the information that I said and so because of the current UA here.

[JeDeeLenae]

I don't know if many women realize that it's a matter of faith in your body. I didn't know what my body was supposed to do other than push a baby out with the help of a doctor. I think that's the really sad part. There's so much misinformation or lack of information in women when it comes to giving birth, so they leave it to the "professionals" to tell them what to do.

[mamaverdi]

Women need to be educated as girls what normal childbirth is like. That way, when they get there, they aren't swimming upstream.

Unfortunately we are educated in so many indirect and fear-based ways as girls, and then when we get there...it's often hard to break those misconceptions.

[Mama Poot]

I had some family members tell me it was "irresponsible" to have my baby at home ( even though I am a very healthy 21 year old non smoker, non drinker, have very healthy, uneventful pregnancies : ) And I laugh every time I think about the naysayers. I had a beautiful, empowering birth that NO ONE can take away from me, and I think they're just jealous This might be a little off topic but I think a lot of this attitude stems from the fact that our society still is not comfortable with strong, empowered women. My old OB found out about my home birth from my mom who still goes to him, and he told her that I was "welcome to come back to him anytime". DUDE why on earth would I come back to you?? I can do this on my own. Sorry you're having trouble making your Beemer payments this month but I'm NOT coming back I mentioned wanting a home birth when I was pregnant with my first and he just acted like I was insane and "how dangerous" it was. My mom also told me he was "shocked" that I had an "unqualified" midwife (She's a DEM, has 30 years of experience.... ) But you know what I'm getting at here, right? These attitudes are why women have no faith in their own bodies.

[sogriffin]

I think it all depends on how people are brought up to think about their bodies and it's abilities.

In my family, no one has had a regular vaginal birth since the early 60's when my grandmother had her last child. I grew up hearing nothing but th c-section birth experience and seeing my siblings, cousins, and my neice all born that way. When I became pregnant with my dd, I just assumed that's how she would be born. Imagine my surprise when she came out the regular way (albeit with a whole heaping order of the hospital's finest drugs and procedures...). Imagine my family's surprise too, after they had been encouraging me to just schedule a c-section and save myself the trouble of labor.

On the other hand, everyone one in my family has breastfed all their children for at least 12months. I NEVER considered using formula, nor would I even know what to do with it if I had. My dd is still a booby-addict after almost 2 years and I have no doubts our new baby will be too.

I also have done more to educate myself and now I have no doubts that our new girl can and will be born the old-fashioned way (minus the hospital entirely).

[MelKnee]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

I was talking with a pg aquaintance today, and she mentioned how, with her last baby, she had frequent cervix checks in late pg, ever 2 days at the end because she was "overdue", and that about 90% of them were excrutiatingly painful (and was very releived when one particular midwife was gentle.)

It sounds like they repeatedly stripped her membranes. And I'll bet without consent.

[mamaverdi]

Originally Posted by MelKnee

It sounds like they repeatedly stripped her membranes. And I'll bet without consent.

and

[Ruthla]

What really got me was the way this was so painful for her, yet it never once occured to her to question it- she just figured "the dr says it must be done so it must be important for the baby's health." She honestly thought it would be irresponsible to NOT know how far she was dilated at each visit.

She also cooks 90% of her food from scratch, has an organic garden in her backyard, wouldn't even consider not breastfeeding- but it blows my mind that she's such a "sheeple" about dr stuff.

[Belle]

Originally Posted by jessicaabruno

Ruth,

, I'm with you on this. I answer a few of the questions on Yahoo Questions, but everyone there thought I was milant or lunatic. None of the questioners picked my answer as the best answer for their question. Unfourntely, I can't post none of the information that I said and so because of the current UA here.

I know what you mean. I try to post there fairly often so that there can actually be a voice of reason there. Especially the ones who ask "Should I have the Epidural?" Those ladies are usually bobarded with "Yes!" It makes me really sad.

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by sogriffin

I think it all depends on how people are brought up to think about their bodies and it's abilities.

In my family, no one has had a regular vaginal birth since the early 60's when my grandmother had her last child. I grew up hearing nothing but th c-section birth experience and seeing my siblings, cousins, and my neice all born that way. When I became pregnant with my dd, I just assumed that's how she would be born. Imagine my surprise when she came out the regular way (albeit with a whole heaping order of the hospital's finest drugs and procedures...). Imagine my family's surprise too, after they had been encouraging me to just schedule a c-section and save myself the trouble of labor.

In mine, it was just the opposite-- nobody in my family had even had drugs during labor, they simply went to the hospital because it was a quiet, peaceful break from their SO and because somebody else did the cleaning up. The idea that I'd need to have a c-section *ever* never crossed my mind, the idea that I'd want drugs during labor (or even have time for them) was just unfathomable to me; I'd simply go to the hospital, do some breathing exercises for half an hour or so, and then push a baby out. None of my three birth experiences has been anything like that. I was absolutely shocked when I started having regular contractions around 26 weeks, and the whole week leading up to my son's birth is still unbelievable to me. :

I agree that there's a great deal to be said for expectations, but they can't always change experiences. I *did* have faith in my body's ability to give birth... right up until the third trimester of my first pregnancy. Since then, I don't think I've been able to regain my trust fully (after all, if I had Bella would probably have been born unassisted).