HELP! Whining two year old!

[earthmamafor3]

Holy cow! All of the sudden my just turned two year old cannot ask for anything without crying and whining and carrying on. She has just weaned and we are moving, so I understand why....the question I need help with is how to help her find a different voice. She is on the low end verbally, just a bit behind for her age. I think her mind is moving so fast and it comes in some kind of french sounding gibberish with a few recognizable words mixed in. She is also a little one in a house full of (practically) grownups talking over her.
With older kids I have used the "my ears can't understand your voice like that" and shown them how to ask in a calm or lower tone of voice. She just seems too young to understand this, I am at a loss. She is usually crying so loudly and talking at the same time that she can't even hear me! It is driving dh and I nuts, I tell ya! We try to be patient and wait, but wow, it gets frustrating. Dh especially is not doing well after a long day of work coming home to boxes and chaos and a whining baby!
I am doing my best to give her extra loves and snuggles, I admit it is chaotic around here to say the least.
any suggestions will be appreciated!
TIA
Deb

[funnybunny]

Wow-

I don't have any advice but we are going through the same thing with my 2.5 year old DS. Sometimes it seems the only way he will communicate is through whining. Dinner time is expecially awful because he hates leaving his toys and whines through the whole meal.

If anyone has any advice, I would love to hear it!!

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[Mallory]

How about playing some games/singing songs that have lots of different voices?

Really try to introduce different voices while reading a book or playing with stuffed animal. So he can practice and hear those different ways of talking-like really slow or really high.

Sometimes even in the middle of whining if you just speak in a silly voice they will copy it.

[huskrkid]

I've been having lots of Mommy time outs!!! :LOL And I keep telling myself, this too will pass...when she's 30, but this too shall pass!:

[sallyk]

Two things we've done that have helped our ds not whine as much (he still has times when he whines alot - the last week being one of those times). First, we ask him to use good manners and ask nicely. We won't respond to his requests (demands) until he changes his spirit and says please (it comes out "peas"). Just the act of asking nicely usually changes his attitude and stops the whining. It's been pretty amazing actually. The second thing we do is ignore the whining, basically try to "extinguish" the behavior by not responding to it. In addition, we try to respond immediately to the right kind of talking so that we encourage it. This has helped too, though it takes a lot of work because we have to pay really close attention to what he is saying and how he is saying it (we have a bit of gibberish going on here too).

I know these are probably pretty simplistic suggestions for your current situation. I'll admit our ds is pretty easy-going and easy to correct so we haven't had to do anything to combat power-whining. We're moving here in a few weeks so we'll see... I may be running to you begging for ideas that worked for you.

All the best,
Sally

[Baudelaire]

Here's what we did

My dd (27 mo) was starting this whining kick -- even when she asked "please," it came out in a whiny tone of voice, which I confess I really, REALLY dislike --a friend's dd is a major whiner and I think I was scarred for life when she visited. Anyway, when our dd would start to whine for something or demand (e.g., "UP, Mommy, UP, UP, PLEASE, UP!!!") I'd get down to her eye level, look her in the eye, and say,

"We're going to rewind and try that again. Let me hear you ask politely, please. Start with 'Mama,'"

"Mama," she'd say.

"'Mama, can you pick me up, please?" I'd say.

"Macan pick me up, peas?" she'd say.

"You bet! Thanks for asking so politely," I'd say, and then pick her up. Problem solved.

This works for us because a) it stops the whining by redirecting her attention to something else, b) it doesn't involve shouting, threats, or any anger on my part -- always a good thing, c) she knows that if she asks politely she'll probably get what she's whining for, and d) it gives her a model or template request to use in lots of situations. Now, all I have to say is, "Rewind, kiddo. Start with 'Mama...'" or "Start with 'Dada,'" and she'll finish the sentence for herself without my having to model the request for her.

I'm sure that there will be people who flame this idea as being too restrictive / putting words in kids' mouths / curbing their freedom to express themselves by whining, et cetera, but frankly, I think kids need models of appropriate behavior that they can follow because behaving courteously is a good thing in and of itself. Works for us, anyway, and I hope it works for you.

[Cindi]

Whining takes more energy than straight speech, and by nature she'll choose the effecient form of speech if it works. (There will of course be experimenting with various styles along the way.) If it is a prolonged thing (I know adults that whine) it is probably because it is more effective for being heard. If she feels drowned out by the adult talk she may need some way to penetrate it. I would let her know that you would like her to try speaking without whining, but also look for where you have not been recognizing her needs, and if you see something apologize. Get down to her level and speak to the deeper part of her expression so that you don't give too much attention to the whine on the surface. She may also need to cry as a release of built up tensions, so allow her the space and support for that.

Hope that helps.

[Mothernature]

I agree with Cindi.
With any behavior, good or bad, children do what works for them. If it isn't working they eventually drop it. So, she must be getting something out of whining. Even if that something is your annoyed response. From my experience with a cousin who was a major whiner with her mother (but not at all with my mother), I have to say that whining comes from an emotional place. When children don't feel heard or understood or they feel like some need is not being met they whine. Your dd may just need to talk about the move with you or express something and feel heard (different from actually being heard.) If you get on eye level with her and really listen as best you can you will probably cut through the whine. It worked for my cousin. It could also be a phase at this age. I think my cousin was older when we dealt with her whining. I like the idea of practicing different voices. My dd is really into voices right now. You might try to find a CD with different voices for her to imitate and practice with her. I know when we have to practice our inside voice it really helps dd for me to make a game out of it and really exaggerate the quiet. Also, story time is a good time for this. Employ her help. "How do you think the frog talks?" Then you could have her ask you in the frog voice or something. I wish you guys the best of luck.