Is Dr. Sears anti-gay?

[PrettyBird]

I picked up his discipline book in Barnes & Noble the other day and noticed on one page he talked about disciplining boys, saying in particular that a macho attitude on the part of the father leads to feminine qualities in boys (or something along those lines). As if feminine qualities in boys was a bad bad thing.

This and other things (like his pro-vax stance and some of his food guidelines) are making me start to think he's not the AP/NFL god I thought he was when I first came to this website. Yet, it seems like everyone always raves about him.

What do you ladies think?

[mamaley]

I think that while there are some very good things about what he says, you have to keep in mind that he's coming from a conservative Christian point of view.

[bjorker]

ew. ew. ew.

I'm going to have to look that one up when I get back home... I know I have that book. Without drawing lines to those statements equalling being anti-gay, I still think that's unacceptable. I SO SO disagree with that, on a very fundamental level.
I can understand taking the info you want and leaving the rest, or whatever... but that might be crossing the line for me. And if he really is "anti-gay", that IS crossing the line, and I'm done with Dr Sears. Period.

Some might not agree. Respect me and I respect you.

[JessasMilkMama]

As a christian, I'm sure he views being gay as a sin. But I dont know if he is saying that being a macho dad will TURN a person gay. I havent read that book, so I dont know what he said. But we do go to the Sears practice and they are really a nice bunch. Extremely pro BF, pro healthy foods, and I dont vax and Ive never heard anything neg about it. Theres no trying to convince me to vax or anything like that. I find their views on gentle discipline and their pro cosleeping and babywearing to be excellent and you dont meet many doctors like that.

[JeDeeLenae]

I don't think feminine qualities = being gay.... maybe either does he so by saying what he said, maybe it's just what it is... I guess you can read into in a number of ways from my POV because I don't see the whole context of it, but at face value, he's just saying "machoness leads to more feminine qualities in boys." Maybe I'm just not getting it, but I don't see that he's saying feminine qualities in a boy are bad, just that they're feminine? It's late, I hope this came out right... if not, send me a PM because I'm going to bed and not trying to sound rude.

[mamajama]

I really don't like Dr.Sears. I stumbled upon a book by him when I was first pregnant. He articulated the whole Attachment Parenting concept pretty well (minus the incredible amount of responsibility he placed on the *mother*) but that's about it. He seemed very wishy-washy in other areas (including spanking), which is fine I guess, but it left me cold because it was an expensive book and it just seemed to sort of define terms rather than get into details of the concepts. I believe that book was called Creative Parenting.

Since that time, have read and skimmed other works by him. His focus on gender specific guidelines is annoying and his sexist attitudes, while not necessarily spelled out from what I've read, are very thinly disguised. His christian belief system comes out loud and clear. Although I've heard he actually has published a Christian Parenting book, it's my opinion that he should have added at least a prologue or intro in all his books stating that he is presenting that perspective.

I bet he privately shudders at the thought of gay parents. Things I've read of his about single mothers made me slightly ill. I find his writing condescending, classist, homophobic and pretentious.

[Momtwice]

I agree with many things Dr. William Sears says and I disagree with many other things he says. If he is homophobic that's very sad.

There are some old threads in the lactivism forum:

Dr. Sears has sold out!
Dr. Sears site getting soft?
Dr. Sears advertising formula with DHA on recording playing in Wal Mart
Dr. Sears' website linking to formula company is this right?

where you can see how much it annoys me that he's profitted from advertising baby formula after previously claiming in The Baby Book that he finds baby formula ads unethical (specifically he is on the board of Martek, a company that adds artificial fatty acids like DHA to baby formula.)

On the other hand he's done a great deal of good in the USA getting people to treat their babies with more compassion.

And I quoted his son Dr. Bob Sears recently on a thread about whether nightwaking is normal in babies.

He's a mixed bag.

[desultory]

Originally Posted by mamajama

I find him condescending, classist, homophobic and pretentious.

I've never liked him either. I have a hard time with men who like to tell women how to mother their children. Otoh, he has popularized a more humane approach to infant care, and I can't complain about that.

[Thalia the Muse]

I agree that Dr. Sears is a mixed bag. On the one hand, he's very reassuring, and very encouraging of gentle childcare. On the other hand, I'm with mamajama -- he assumes that EVERYTHING is about the mother, and the dad ends up sounding like just some guy who happened to wander in, and the best you can hope for is that the father will not get in the way too much. And he's very condescending, especially toward women who do not decide to stay home.

[lisalou]

I like his Birthing Book. But I think his wife wrote most of that. I liked being totally educated about all options in order to empower myself.

But his pregnancy and parenting books I found almost as oppressive as WTE books. I also found the chapter on going back to work annoying mainly b/c it starts out with "Are you sure you need to go back to work?" And thus no help. Thank goodness for "So that's what they're for" b/c I really needed a book for support in going back to work and continuining to breastfeed.

[zinemama]

Originally Posted by mamajama

I really don't like Dr.Sears. I stumbled upon a book by him when I was first pregnant. He articulated the whole Attachment Parenting concept pretty well (minus the incredible amount of responsibility he placed on the *mother*) but that's about it. He seemed very wishy-washy in other areas (including spanking), which is fine I guess, but it left me cold because it was an expensive book and it just seemed to sort of define terms rather than get into details of the concepts. I believe that book was called Creative Parenting.

Since that time, have read and skimmed other works by him. His focus on gender specific guidelines is annoying and his sexist attitudes, while not necessarily spelled out from what I've read, are very thinly disguised. His christian belief system comes out loud and clear. Although I've heard he actually has published a Christian Parenting book, it's my opinion that he should have added at least a prologue or intro in all his books stating that he is presenting that perspective.

I bet he privately shudders at the thought of gay parents. Things I've read of his about single mothers made me slightly ill. I find him condescending, classist, homophobic and pretentious.

Preach on, sister!

Did you read that Brain, Child essay, "Why I Hate Dr. Sears"? It got a lot of mama's knickers in a twist in this neck of the woods, but I thought it was right on.

[desultory]

Originally Posted by zinemama

Preach on, sister!

Did you read that Brain, Child essay, "Why I Hate Dr. Sears"? It got a lot of mama's knickers in a twist in this neck of the woods, but I thought it was right on.

Interrupting to ask which issue this was in -- I pick bc up from time to time, but don't think I saw this.

[zinemama]

Oh, it was quite a while ago. Maybe two or three years?

[mata]

Originally Posted by PrettyBird

I picked up his discipline book in Barnes & Noble the other day and noticed on one page he talked about disciplining boys, saying in particular that a macho attitude on the part of the father leads to feminine qualities in boys (or something along those lines). As if feminine qualities in boys was a bad bad thing.

This and other things (like his pro-vax stance and some of his food guidelines) are making me start to think he's not the AP/NFL god I thought he was when I first came to this website. Yet, it seems like everyone always raves about him.

What do you ladies think?

He's always been one I cherry pick. I always sensed he was coming from a certain context, and was probably not a very progressive thinker in some ways.

[Lazyhead]

Originally Posted by desultory

Interrupting to ask which issue this was in -- I pick bc up from time to time, but don't think I saw this.

It's included in their greatest hits collection which you can buy on their website. I highly recommend it.

I loved that essay too.

[menudo]

As a christian, I'm sure he views being gay as a sin.

I must disagree. Many Christians are gay and accept/embrace gays. Last year I went to a gay pride event and many of the booths were Christian churches and gay pastors. They were WELCOMING open and happy gay families-not trying to change them.

I also got the unhappy experience of meeting the "God hates gays" people, as did my children. Hate in the name of God-real nice. : Albeit my DD was shocked at what she saw (from the haters) and it really was a sad yet exciting life lesson for her.

[elanorh]

I think his age/perspective needs to be taken into consideration with some of the tone/approach he has ... He's got grandchildren now, after all (which in my mind puts him the same age as my FIL and dad) -- and from what I've seen, that generation of men seldom were very involved in childcare. He describes becoming more involved and what an awakening that was for him as a parent (and it's clear that he had a much closer relationship from the beginning with that child and subsequent children). I honestly think they stumbled onto AP and what they've done to try to popularize it, based on how successful it was for them, is a really good thing.

My parents were able to basically both SAHP (they were self-employed, often both home or if one was gone the other was the caregiver) -- so my dad is comfortable with parenting in a pretty egalitarian fashion and remembers a lot about when we were little/babies - we spent a lot of time with him. But dh's dad doesn't remember much about his kids' childhood 'til they were in elementary school. He loves them dearly but it wasn't his responsibility 'til they were older. Unfortunately I think there are still fathers like that out there, missing out on some really special time with their children. If nothing else, Dr. Sears' description of the awakening he had should help those fathers realize that they should become more involved (beyond appreciating their wives, actually participating in parenting when their children are infants).

I just read the Discipline Book myself and can't recall the section discussed above -- I'm not sure where it was, I should go reread it. I like to think I'm pretty sensitive to gender/orientation bias and I think I thought "Hmmm" at a few points during the book, but am pretty comfortable throwing that sort of thing out and focusing on what IS workable/"right" for me .... I think he's in a position where his books are kind of an "introduction" to AP parenting philosophies for many families, and so some of the old stuff does get dragged in and discussed (because that's the perspective that one or more of those parents is bringing into the parenting discussion, and it needs to be addressed to make them more comfortable). Not necessarily that *Sears* supports it, but that he realizes he needs to allow people a comfort level to build up to being comfortable with AP completely, KWIM?

In terms of Christians being anti-gay -- I'm Christian, my uncle is gay and several of my close friends are too. I don't think that Christians are inherently anti-gay; some are, some aren't. To assume that we are, is a disservice to a lot of folks out there who *aren't* bigoted against homosexuality.

[Lazyhead]

Originally Posted by bebesho2

I must disagree. Many Christians are gay and accept/embrace gays.

Didn't the Episcopalian church just promote an openly gay bishop?

[JessasMilkMama]

Originally Posted by bebesho2

I must disagree. Many Christians are gay and accept/embrace gays. Last year I went to a gay pride event and many of the booths were Christian churches and gay pastors. They were WELCOMING open and happy gay families-not trying to change them.

I also got the unhappy experience of meeting the "God hates gays" people, as did my children. Hate in the name of God-real nice. : Albeit my DD was shocked at what she saw (from the haters) and it really was a sad yet exciting life lesson for her.

I started typing a response and then realized I am not going to go there! :nana:

[TexasSuz]

If he thinks that homosexuality is a sin and that is his personal belief based on his own religion then how does that hurt you or anyone else? He is not a bigot. He is not out trying to take anyone's rights away or not taking homosexual patients or anything like that. Most Mormons, Muslims, Orthodox Jews and Christians feel that the Old Testament and New Testament state that same sex sexual relations are a sin. Just because you feel a behavior is a sin does not mean that you are a bigot or that you treat people who live that behavior badly. If he is not harming you then let him believe what he wants.

I also think that you are reading too much into his statements in his book! You don't really know what he thinks unless you hear him say it directly. Otherwise it is just speculation and slander.