Share your sucess stories!!

[newmainer]

I broke through and issue we've been having with dd today, and it occurred to me that so often i come to these forums with problems, but not necessarily to share something we did that worked, unless I can respond to someone else.
So i thought starting a thread to share successes would be great; I'd love to read about the positive things that are going on in other homes...

Here's what happened: dd has been giving us a hard time about washing hands. Occasionally she'll do it fine, but it often becomes a huge, huge issue and she just balks. We've tried every angle: helping, explaining why it's important, bribing, pleading, getting angry, playing a game etc... and everytime it takes forever and just is a complete energy drainer. today i realized that none of those techniques is ever going to work and i thought about it from her angle and what might make this whole hand washing thing more agreeable and so- dh took her "special soap" shopping while i was at a mama/baby blessing. I wouldn't normally "buy" my way out of a problem, but in this case, it worked. she picked out this (ridiculously expensive) tug-boat shaped bar of soap and immediately washed her hands at home. It's launched a conversation about other special soaps, like the stuff her grandfather makes and why its' special and a few other random bars I managed to dig out.

I think in the end, it really isn't even about the soap buying, but about stepping out of the same old track we were wearing down and realizing that what we were doing was not working, and then doing something different. It may not work tomorrow, but it worked today and it's amazing how when something *does* work, it gives me the willingness to try more creative things.

anyone else got a success to share?

[boongirl]

My dd is averse to handwashing at times but I will not give her food unless she washes her hands first. That usually ends that discussion. And, after peeing/pooping, I can often get her to wash her hands if I lather up and share my bubbles with her. I also let her choose a bath set at Target. This is the one she chose and she likes to use it.

[wifty]

Great thread idea!!!

Great idea about buying the soap too! I just might have to use that approach.

For us, DD started not wanting to brush her teeth even though she has always been good about it. I read her books why she needs to, offered praise, pleaded, everything.

Finally after a couple of days of this, I offered her the use of the grown-up toothpaste which I thought she would hate cuz its mint. She very quickly agreed and has been happy to brush her teeth since! Here I thought she wanted a special, fruit flavored, for kids paste.....and she wanted to be more like us. Should have known. :-)_

with smiles

[newmainer]

Originally Posted by boongirl

My dd is averse to handwashing at times but I will not give her food unless she washes her hands first. That usually ends that discussion. And, after peeing/pooping, I can often get her to wash her hands if I lather up and share my bubbles with her.

That would work if i could even get her to the sink. Various things would work at times, but it was spotty at best. We wouldn't give her food or let her help cook or touch the baby or anything until she washed either, but it was a battle. If we just let it go at "ok, no snack/dinner/breakfast (whatever) until you wash..." it was screaming, flipping out, etc...

so, hence the need for a new approach, which continued to work today, easily. In someways, I think we may have proved to her that we're willing to work with her, not against her. Which we usually do anyway, but i think she really needed it for this issue.

successes.. anyone else? come on! brag about yourself!!

[mata]

excellent idea! I'll be back.

[hipumpkins]

We let DD have dessert during dinner. She eats dinner much better if she isn't focused on getting dessert and dinner conversation isn't limited to: Can I have popsicle?" It doesn't prevent her from eating dinner on the contrarty she eats more

Also we were having an issue with DD wanting to watch movies all the time after DS was born (I caved and introduced some videoes inot our TV free lives ) Anyway I finally realized that she was bugging me constantly b/c sometimes it was yes and sometimes no but it was very arbitrary to her. So we ended up implementing movie nght...complete with pop corn and dinner in front of the tv. Now she knows she can watch a movie on Tuesday andFriday night. The asking stopped immediately after introducing the idea.

[crl]

Great idea for a thread! We recently moved to a house with a garage and DS (age 3) was scared of garages. For once in my life, instead of a head on confrontation ("it's a garage, we have to use it for the car, get over it already"), I managed to be creative. I renamed it "Rocket's home" (he loves the Little Einsteins). And he's totally fine with the garage. Hip, hip, hooray!

I'm enjoying seeing others' successes!

[newmainer]

What awesome parents we are : !

I love the dessert at dinner thing...i find that so often i get locked into the idea of how things are "supposed" to be that i forget that they are total social constructs that really, are pretty meaningless when it comes to dealing with the needs of an individual, esp. when that individual is only 3!

[fiddledebi]

This might not be as popular a solution because most people here would cosleep to solve the problem, but that doesn't work for our family, soooo...

DD1 got real fussy about bedtime for a while, not wanting us to leave her room at night, etc. We usually had to leave to care for DD2 after she was born (trust me; DD2 is often a 2-person job) and while DH and I each took the time to have a special, one-on-one cuddle with DD1, she would often start whimpering as the bedtime routing wound down. "I just don't want you to leave!" was the common theme. Of course, it broke our hearts -- we didn't want to leave either -- but we also didn't have the option of staying for hours.

After many nights of 5 or 6 return visits to DD1's room after bedtime, I suggested to her that we all meet in a dream. She was surprised that we could do that, and so I explained that our minds would let us do whatever we wanted when we were sleeping if we concentrated on it as we fell asleep. Now, at bedtime, we agree on a place to meet. Sometimes we meet at the zoo, sometimes on a farm, sometimes in Care-a-Lot (#*$@$ care bears!!!), sometimes at her grandmother's house, etc. We'll occasionally plan what to do there (i.e., DD1 will agree to buy popcorn for everyone at the zoo) or what we'll wear ("let's meet at Cinderella's castle for a ball -- you can wear a purple dress!").

This way, when we leave the room, it's not "see you in the morning" -- it's "See you on the merry-go-round! I'll be waiting for you on the pink horse!" or something like that. It helps a lot!

[wifty]

fiddledebi, I LOVE that solution! That is so cute and sweet and perfect. I might have to steal it. :-)

Other then when DD was really small, co-sleeping hasn't worked for us either. Luckily, DD enjoys having a bed of her own, but she has the occasional night where she doesn't want to go to sleep. This would be a great image to help her drift off.

with smiles

[newmainer]

i agree, fiddledebi, that's awesome!!

[P-chan]

My 3-year-old was having fears of the Black Thing in the hall. Once we were playing in his room and he wanted to shut the door so the Black Thing couldn't come in. On a whim, I said, "Hey, let's invite the Black Thing in to play with us!" It worked, and my son and the Black Thing became fast friends by playing Jump Off The Bed.

[monkeysmommy]

ooh, that's a good one. I will ask dd if she wants to invite the Monster from our bathroom to play. Telling her the Monster is only in her imagination has not worked because, well, to her, her imagination is real!

Now how to tackle the fear of meteors falling to earth and crushing our house.... maybe I should start a new thread.

[grapejuicemama]

The Black Thing story reminded me of what we used to do when Ayla developed a fear of monsters.

We started developing really silly ways of getting rid of them. We (mom and dad) would tell the monsters just to get outta here at first. Then it was throwing tomatoes at them. Eventually, it turned into daddy would pee on the monsters. : I have no idea how that particular monster-getting tactic began, but it worked!

Our home is now monster-free. Apparently, they don't like getting peed on.