More MIL drama

[annettemarie]

So, I finally spoke to my MIL yesterday for the first time since I told her I was pregnant and she was less than enthusiastic in her response. I'm kind of amazed at her level of cluelessness and the amount of assumptions she makes.

She was shocked that I hadn't been to a doc/mw before last week. I told her docs around here generally won't see a fourth-time mama til the end of the first trimester anyway, as there's not much to do. Shock.

She then asked if I was going to see a doctor at all. Um...no. Shock. Did she realize that I never once saw a doctor during my last two pregnancies, just midwives. No, she didn't. Shock. Did she even know that my last two were delivered my midwives, just at hospitals? More shock.

And, my favorite, what will I do if there's an emergency? Um...go to the hospital? Get help? I'm not a complete idiot.

I finally asked if we had ever given her any evidence that we would purposely put any of our children, born or unborn, in danger in any way, shape, or form. Nope. Shock.

[elmh23]

In-laws are "fun" aren't they. I hope she calms down a bit. I don't think my MIL has realized this babe isn't being born in the hospital, and I'm not going to tell her.

[mamamilkers]

MIL's are so amazingly wierd sometimes. The number one worry mine had was how was I going to walk down the stairs (we live on the second floor) in labor if I had to go to the hospital? Um, what?!?!

Sometimes, the less information, the better. I wish we hadn't even told mine I was pregnant until after the birth!

[annettemarie]

She seems particularly scandalized that we'll be birthing in the living room and not flat on my back in the bed like a respectable woman.

[mama_at_home]

Well my MIL gave birth in the car 3 different times on the way to the hospital, so she couldn't really say anything about me having a homebirth. Sorry to hear she is giving you a hard time!

[mary3mama]

I am truly dreading the unending drama if my MIL finds out we're homebirthing this time around. I don't want to deal with the constant criticism and, well, drama.

She won't understand, she'll think we are risking our child's life 'just to be different.' She'll call all the time because she's 'just hoping to change our minds before it's too late.

She'll try to harass and harangue my poor dh -- she never tells me any of the many things she disapproves of about our lives (co-sleeping, homeschooling, cloth diapering, baby wearing, vegetarianism, SAHmothering...) she just attacks dh when she can get him alone.

We've made plan to never ever be apart when she's around, btw... That way if she wants to talk about it, she'll have to face me too (and I think I intimidate her or something )

Oh how I wish she'd win an all-expenses trip to Aruba or something and not be back until mid-january...

[Red Sonja]

Just another reason I'm glad that my ILs and most of my family didn't find out until after the fact! (Not deliberately, we just don't talk to them that much.)

I'm sorry she's giving you such a hard time.

She seems particularly scandalized that we'll be birthing in the living room and not flat on my back in the bed like a respectable woman.

LMAO!

[Gray's Mommy]

Originally Posted by nancymom

Well my MIL gave birth in the car 3 different times on the way to the hospital, so she couldn't really say anything about me having a homebirth. Sorry to hear she is giving you a hard time!

What a great story!

[zoebird]

my husband's in laws are awesome!

my in laws are crazy (and DH agrees)! i told them about HB--not too crazy about it. but, i don't know if i'll mention UC. we'll see.

[Beeblebrox]

Some ILs just have to be on a need to know basis.

[heidi_m]

Originally Posted by Snooter

Some ILs just have to be on a need to know basis.

Sister, THAT's what I'm screamin, and thankfully DH agrees! He concurs that they're crazier than the proverbial poophouse rat - and he's almost done with a doctorate in psychology, so that carries some weight! DH didn't tell his family that we were pregnant this time until I was between five and six months, and MIL didn't acknowledge the baby to me until last Friday - I was 36+ weeks!

Anyhoo, my ILs are 800 miles away, thankfully, and they have no clue that we are homebirthing, waterbirthing, cloth diapering, none of it. But the original post in this thread did remind me that my clueless MIL asked me, when I was pregnant with #2 (successful VBAC) if I had had gestational diabetes with #1. HELLO?? Like this is not something she would remember if I *had* had it, and WHY would she ask that in the first place? Weirdo.

With all the drama and strife they create, at least they make for good stories, right?

[joyousmama]

ditto

Originally Posted by mary3mama

I am truly dreading the unending drama if my MIL finds out we're homebirthing this time around. I don't want to deal with the constant criticism and, well, drama.

She won't understand, she'll think we are risking our child's life 'just to be different.' She'll call all the time because she's 'just hoping to change our minds before it's too late.

She'll try to harass and harangue my poor dh -- she never tells me any of the many things she disapproves of about our lives (co-sleeping, homeschooling, cloth diapering, baby wearing, vegetarianism, SAHmothering...) she just attacks dh when she can get him alone.

We've made plan to never ever be apart when she's around, btw... That way if she wants to talk about it, she'll have to face me too (and I think I intimidate her or something )

Oh how I wish she'd win an all-expenses trip to Aruba or something and not be back until mid-january...

My SIL knows and that's it. Everyone is sworn to secrecy about the homebirth and no one knows I plan to cloth diaper,co-sleep,not vax......they gave me so much crap about BFing that I can just imagine. I'm amazed every day that DH is still on board considering that he was raised by THOSE PEOPLE...

[MelanieMC]

[crunchy_mama]

oh, mil's, we are of the camp here to not tell. Their opinion has no bearing on decisions in our life. Annette, your mil reminds me of mine. Dr's are gods and labor is a huge medical event. Of course my mil is the most crazy paranoid women in the universe, who is convinced that my son walking on grass without shoes hurts his feet.

[Turkish Kate]

Well, DH just told me that a friend of ours let it slip to MIL that we are planning a homebirth. Apparently she called DH a couple days ago to ask if we were crazy, that people die, etc. DH just brushed her off and said that people die in hospitals a lot more often. My opinion is that DH is 49, MIL is 83, she should just shut up and be happy that she's getting a grandbaby at all. LOL

Fortunately for me, I don't speak much Turkish, so she can talk to me all she wants and I won't understand more than half a dozen words of it. Frankly, Turkiye has one of the worst records on maternal/neonatal health in the world and I'm much better off anywhere than in the hospital. Five babies died in a local private hospital a few months ago due to infection. Ain't no way I'm going to the hospital unless I'm already half dead anyway. LOL

We'll cover bf'ing and cloth diapering and all that when the time comes. Can't be any worse than my 13-year-old's grandparents were. I could understand what they said.

Kate

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

She seems particularly scandalized that we'll be birthing in the living room and not flat on my back in the bed like a respectable woman.

:

[annettemarie]

I'm all for need-to-know, but unfortunately my husband is truly a product of his upbringing and has yet not realized that every fleeting thought that pops into his brain needs to come out of his mouth. He told her.

[Beeblebrox]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

I'm all for need-to-know, but unfortunately my husband is truly a product of his upbringing and has yet not realized that every fleeting thought that pops into his brain needs to come out of his mouth. He told her.

Ah ha, well in that case, I suggest you tell DH that he will be handling ALL questions from MIL himself. If MIL tries to ask you say, "Hold on let me grab DH for you" and pass the phone over. Or, "Hold on major potty emergency, here's DH"(if you don't want to let either of them know you won't discuss it with her). Let him deal with it.

[urmysunshyn]

My in laws would freak out as well... we decided not to tell them until they receive the birth announcement that will hopefully read....

born at home...

that should shock the h*** out of em!

[rere]

Originally Posted by annettemarie

She seems particularly scandalized that we'll be birthing in the living room and not flat on my back in the bed like a respectable woman.

HA!Well,you can tell her that I birthed my daughter in the dining room(and not on the dining room table like so many people imagine when I tell them.).Oh and right in front of the open windows for all the neighbors to see.Not respectable at all!And if you really want to gross her out you can tell her how I used the placenta bowl to serve mini pitas in at my daughters 1st birthday party.Seemed appropriate.