8 Year Old Always Assumes Worst

[Rani]

My dd always seems to panic/get upset/cry over things before there is a reason to. Let me give a few examples, not sure how to describe this.

1. She has a wart on her toe that we have been treating for a few days now. I mentioned that "we maybe should trim off the yucky, dead skin" to let the medicine work better. She flipped like I said let's cut off her toe! Tears, hysterics...from the girl that was picking at the dead stuff two seconds before!

2. I told her that her annual visit to the doc due to be on Oct 10. She again got upset like I was talking about having her hair cut off or something the very next day. I explained that there would be no shots, just a checkup. But didn't help.

Edited to add that this is true of many types of situations where the outcome is uncertain. She automatically assumes it will be bad. "I don't want to take gym today, I will be terrible". "No, I don't want to go make friends at the park, they won't like me" but if she actually tries, everything generally turns out fine!

Its not just medical stuff either. Having to go someplace she doesn't want to go or even, sometimes, asking her to actually DO her chores results in this response.

She melts down, then is fine. What gives? This is normally a calm, compassionate, deep thinking "old soul" type of child. If this is the beginning of hormones emerging, maybe I should leave now ! Just kidding...

[Cloverlove]

My ds is 8 and acts the exact same way! OMG- it is so trying. I told him yesterday as he was freaking out- DS, you just don't give us a chance! I mean, we are on his side and like you said, he always assumes the worst. In addition, he has started a few tics and seems just generally anxious (to the point of getting stomachaches).

This is normally a calm, compassionate, deep thinking "old soul" type of child.

Same here. It is almost getting to the point where I think I might seek some help on this.

Sorry mama, no advice- just commiseration. Has your dd always be like this to some degree but it is getting worse? Have you noticed it more with school starting back up? Does she generally seem Type-A?

[Rani]

Glad to hear there are others out there! Yes, always to some degree, but seems worse. DH says she may have Asperger's like him but its hard to tell. DH is very introverted, but DD is definitely NOT!

I am hoping its just gotten worse lately because of going back to school jitters. I just find it hard to deal with. I find myself yelling at her to calm down (now, isn't that a contradiction in terms!).

The other thing is that whenever she neglects to do something, makes an honest mistake or does something she shouldn't, the response is "I forgot". We keep reminding her that mistakes are just that, mistakes, but sometimes she acts like the world is going to end. We talk about responsibiltiy for our actions, but then she gets defensive...sigh...

Good to talk it out.

Thanks!

[vamp127]

Your DD sounds exactly like my DD#1, who will be 9 in a couple of weeks. She just sees impending disaster in everything and becomes so overwhelmed that she almost cannot function.

At all other times, though, she is definitely an "old soul" filled with such compassion and wisdom it's scary sometimes.

[shilohfrazer]

Entering the 9 year change?

According to Rudolph Steiner-founder of Waldorf education-there is a big transition around this time called the 9 year change. Its basically the threshold out of childhood and into adolescence (do they now call it the tweens?) Children tend to be more melancholy and see themselves as more separate from what they once thought they were a part of-their parents/ nature etc. Sort of a loss of innocence-anyway-I'm not very good at describing it-but perhaps you could find more info to help you understand and support them through it.
I personally remember this distinctly at age 10-sitting on the playground and seeing it all from a different perspective. Feeling old all of a sudden -feeling a loss of my childhool-the things that had given me pleasure looked different now-no longer infused with magic-just ordinary. This is also about the time they stop believing in Santa/tooth fairy etc-if they've lasted this long!!
I have an 8 1/2 yr old myself and am seeing this too.

[Rani]

Interesting ideas! I will definitely check it out. That does jive with what is going on...Thanks!!!!

[vamp127]

Sounds right to me, too! DD#1 has been going through a lot of changes lately. The one thing that seems to have had a positive impact was watching What the Bleep--we've been using the "create your day" idea each morning and I've noticed a huge improvement with her. That said, she still has her doom and gloom moments. And I'm always so worried about them because I've been fighting with depression my whole life and I hope that she won't have the same battle.