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forced bra wearing?-updates pg. 5 and 7 - Page 8

post #141 of 168
As a teenager, my school called my parents numerous times and asked to have me wear a bra and socks to school. My parents mentioned it to me and I said the teachers could kiss my ass before I would wear a bra.
And I purposely wore clogs in the snow without socks to annoy everyone since my feet were not cold![

Hang on to your ideals and do not rush your child to grow up because the world around her wants her to grow up too fast.
post #142 of 168
Bras were interesting to me when I first got one. Then, through most of high school, I don't think I ever wore one. Didn't need to and I referred to them as sweat collectors (still do). I have protruding nipple problem almost all the time, bra or no bra, except if I wear a padded bra, which will never happen because I HATE padded bras. On the weekends and holidays, I almost never wear a bra. Even at work sometimes, like today, I don't wear a bra; although I do try to be discreet with my nipple problem, crossing my arms or wearing dark colours.

It's amazing how this thread can go on and on about something so ridiculous.

Did we ever stop to think that not wearing a bra is actually good for breast health?? Well, it is.
post #143 of 168
Good for you for sticking up for your daughter! That teacher was WAYYYY out of line and had no business sending a note home telling you what your daughter should and should not wear. Furthermore, saying "WE" wear bras when "WE" have breasts is overstepping her boundaries. Your daughter does not exist within her teacher's collective "we"

Your daughter should have the ability to choose whether or not she wants to wear a bra. That teacher has no business telling her otherwise!! I'd take this matter to the principal just so he/she knows what was said/done and that you felt it was entirely inappropriate.

To add to that, I actually worked in an office that required all women to wear "appropriate undergarments" and pantyhose every single day. I went commando and only wore knee-highs or trouser socks and they were never any the wiser. I did wear a bra because I feel very uncomfortable without one and even moreso when having to go up and down stairs all day long, as I had to do in that office. Had someone mentioned that they didn't think I was wearing underwear, they would have been in for it.... as they shouldn't be looking hard enough to notice. I'm certainly not one to sacrifice my personal comfort for the benefit of some jerk who wants to institute some stupid rule with regard to my lack of underwear ;p
post #144 of 168
Sounds like you're handling it well. I would've lost my $hit if anyone tried to tell me or anyone else what kind of underwear to wear. I might be very uncomfortable with the way some kids dress, but the solution is talking about social issues and pressures not forcing anyone to do anything. And it doesen't matter WHY anyone does or does not want to wear something. big,small,comfort,discomfort, showing off,hiding,sexy,not sexy,other look, or not.....for the love of god. The bottom line is very simple to me, if we cannot teach women that their bodies are sacred and what they do with (on) them is thier buisiness and their business only then we make it harder for them to refuse unwanted sexual advances and less safe for them to speak out about assult.
post #145 of 168
Maybe we should all just be sent back to our respective planets (mars/venus) so that this kind of thing doesn't become an issue.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this! Puberty is never an easy time, much less when your teacher is shining a spotlight right on an issue you'd rather didn't exist!

Puberty is that time when you start to wish you were just a kid again!
post #146 of 168
Thread Starter 
Hi! orginal poster, here....

The closest thing to policy on undergarments I could find was in the High School student handbook:

Students are expected to adhere to reasonable levels of cleanliness and modesty. Students are expected to wear clothing that is
appropriate to their age level and that does not disrupt the school or educational environment. Students are encouraged not to wear midriff blouses, bibs with sports bras, boxer shorts or any item of clothing without appropriate undergarments or with undergarments showing

Sooo.......encouraged not to, but not expressly forbidden from going braless.
post #147 of 168


While I don't think that the teacher should be dictating what undergarments your daughter wears, I do think that you should consider how not wearing bras makes your daughter feel. It should be a "You are free to wear one or not wear one" kind of environment. You don't want her ridiculed. You don't want her embarrassed. A lot of it depends on your daughter. My dd would be mortified if someone could see the details of her breasts through her shirt. It might not bother other girls as much. Keep in mind that while not all kids are morons, plenty of them are cruel. I would not want to put my dd in a position where she would face public humiliation. Feminism is great. Bralessness is freedom. But, it can be freedom in college or beyond. It might not be the best battle for an 11 yod to face.
post #148 of 168
She said in her first post that her daughter had bras, but was choosing not to wear them.
post #149 of 168
I didn't read the whole thread but .... Hell I think the whole thing is ridiculous. Now we are so prudish as to have to have clothes under our clothes so that no one will suspect we are actually human underneath there and have tits like the rest of the world?: Breasts are breasts are breasts .... every body has them.

Anyway I would say honey wear what you want! In fact I would march into the school without a bra on myself (and I do NOT have small boobs) and let them know that unless my daughter is coming to school naked , its none of their business what she has on under her clothes. How dare they try to regular undergarments! :

post #150 of 168
It is the Royal We in the teacher's response that really bugs me. She shouldn't get to decide what is appropriate undergarments for everyone based on what she and her daughters might wear.
Umm, yea..is she the "appropriate" master for the school? Does she line all the girls up and make a check by their name. "this one needs a bra, this one need to brush her hair" WTH?
Let me say that I would force my daughter to wear a bra to school. :
While she has what I would call large breast buds and not boobs, I find it a matter of modesty. She wears a lot of trendy, form fitting, shirts and the material is not very thick. I do think it is distracting. However, the note would have pushed me over the edge. I have issues with authority and couldn't make it through highschool because of it. I find myself fighting stupid crap like this all the time and I LOVE it because I am no longer the student and they are forced to actually listen. I can't stand the idea of a teacher telling her/me that my DD would HAVE to wear one. Nope, nada, noway! just because I feel it is appropriate to wear one, doesn't mean everyone else should. I know you really didn't ask for my personal opinion on wether a bra needs to be worn, I wanted you to know that even though I would (do) make my daughter wear a bra, I still feel it was wrong of the teacher to send the note home.
post #151 of 168
My dd is 12 almost fully developed (36 B to big kind of scary) period n' all (I still think shes to young)! I got a simular note from her teacher I went to see her teacher because dd only likes wearing bras without pads but u see the nipples! Her teacher said it was unexeptable to not wear a PADDED BRA (for some reason shes the only amost developed)! I simpily told her teacher it is MY dds personal choice what kind of bra she wants to wear! the next day dd said she wanted to go bra shopping we found some bras wear the nipples dint wear still comertable to her. she got another note from her teacher saying thank u for buying your daughter padded bras (even though their not) the boys are much calmer around her and i was disgusted my advice find comfterable bras for her and yell at the teacher lol.....: : :
post #152 of 168
Originally Posted by momslittleangel View Post
she got another note from her teacher saying thank u for buying your daughter padded bras (even though their not) the boys are much calmer around her

If that's the case then the teacher and administrators need to have a talk with those boys about what is and what is not acceptable in a work environment. sheesh. And we wonder why there's still rampant sexual harassment...
post #153 of 168
Originally Posted by papercranegirl View Post
If that's the case then the teacher and administrators need to have a talk with those boys about what is and what is not acceptable in a work environment. sheesh. And we wonder why there's still rampant sexual harassment...

I am the mother of 3 boys and will not be having any more children. If I ever found out that one of my boys was acting like a monkey in heat and harassing some girl, I would be having a serious talk with my son. I will NOT abide a bully of any kind. Let me just say that by the time I finished discussing the matter, he would FULLY understand just how unacceptable that kind of rude behavior is.
post #154 of 168

Ignore the note!

Ask dd what she thinks it was about (incase there is more to the story) and than let her go braless. Who's checking for bras....and if you find someone whi is check, well that's a whole 'nother problem.

As long as she is comfortable and appropriate for school, it's nobodies business what she wears for underwear!
post #155 of 168
let me add one more thing to my last post appearently (dd just told me last night) but the boys had been talked to many a times before but what i found wierd was the teaacher never told me anything about this in the conference I would have done somthing else like get her some more bras so she was not being harassed! I love dd to much 4 her to be harrassed over something so dumb as a bra
post #156 of 168
Originally Posted by Nankay View Post
update --talk w/teacher


I saw dd's teacher today. I said I was wondering why she felt the need to send a note home regarding dd's bra (or lack thereof). The teacher looked at me blankly and said, "because she's not wearing one." (Umm, ok, duh) I asked if that was a problem. Her answer was, "We wear bras when we have breasts. It's just a basic appropriate clothing/hygiene thing." I said I was trying very hard to not make this an issue for either dd or the teacher. I didn't want to force dd to wear a bra when she wasn't comfortable with one. The teacher again re-stated that it was a matter of dressing appropriately and that dd "would get used to wearing one ' if she had to everday. I told her that I would gently encourage dd to wear a bra or undershirt, but I would not FORCE her to wear one and left it at that.
I am determined not to make this a battle. The teacher can send home another note if she likes, but I think she knows now that she cannot force my dd to wear a bra just because she says so.
Good job mama, If you got another note home, I'd maybe mention to the teach that I was becoming uncomfortable with her "creepy" interest in my dd.

On the other hand, as a first note home I don't really see that it is a big deal. A lot of parenting is shoved on the teacher plates these days and she may have been genuine in her concern.
post #157 of 168
Originally Posted by aniT View Post
You might try talking to the teacher to find out where she is coming from and go from there. Then if you still feel she has crossed the line, go from there.
I agree. While I think it's kind of odd that the teacher brought this subject up, it may be that she noticed something in class that told her to bring it to your attention. Perhaps some boys are staring at your daughter and she is trying to save her from potential embrassment.
post #158 of 168
: Just another issue with society seeing breasts as something purely sexual..

I'm coming in real late on this, I was replying to the first post, not the updates that I have not read yet or anything.
post #159 of 168
Yk, unless my dd felt more comfortable with one, I don't know that I would want my dd wearing a bra at that age.

I think I wore one in 5th grade occasionally. I did have a friend who was very large chested by that time though, and wore one and she did get teased, a lot.

I think it is sad that girls ware made to wear what I consider adult undergarments at such an early age.
post #160 of 168
Didn't read all the posts so it may have been covered. Most women wear bras that are uncomfortable because they don't fit right. my daughter wears a sports bra cause she is a bit of a jock and when she discovered boys looking at her she decided sweatshirts and loose shirts where the right attire for school.

I am large breasted and as a kid I was embarrased wearing a bra because I thought every one would know I had one on. If the daughter requested the bras she may want to wear one but is not for any number of reasons ie fit,comfort of bra, fear of someone *knowing* she is wearing one.

I am glad our school requires respectful dress ie no skin or sayins on clothes that might be offensive and one day she did get told her shirt was offensive (I did too but try telling a 12 year old girl to change right before the school bus arrives) and I felt ok about that but they have an upfront policy so we all know where we stand. Note home was not ok way to handle it in may opinion and I would be annoyed too.

comfortable bra wearing hairy mama to an expanding breasted 12 year old.
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