forced bra wearing?-updates pg. 5 and 7 - Page 2

[townmouse]

She's 11! I'm a little shocked that people think she should wear a thick bra to save the 11 year old boys from getting turned on.

My oldest child is only 9 and homeschooled. Am I really out of touch here?

[aniT]

Originally Posted by mommyto3girls

Okay, yet another post for tina to hate me for

Generally, school dress codes have "appropriate undergarments" listed on it. This includes the banning of visible panties, bras, boxers. It also includes wearing appropriate undergarments. All too often we get girls at school where you can see the shape of not just the nipple, but the entire areola. This is disruptive to the learning environment. Besides that, someone mentioned what will boys do if they happen to have a certain piece of their anatomy at attention. Do you really want it to be the sight of your braless daughter's breasts to be the cause of that?

Now, I'm not saying to force her to wear a bra, but an undershirt or thourough inspection of what she looks like through her shirt each day, may be in order. If for no other reason than to be sure the boys aren't stocking up on memories of her chest for leter on!

Checked my daughters dress code, nothing about wearing bras in there.

Since I have been a size 36C since 11 years old (and I have no idea what size I am now since I wear a multi size nuring bra) I personally would not have gone out of the house without a bra on. My 13 year old doesn't leave the house without one either.

I am not sure what I would do if I were in your situation. On the one hand I think people should wear bra's simply because it makes them look neater. On the other hand, it is really none of the teachers business and who the hell does she think she is to dictate something as personal as undergarmets.

[mommyto3girls]

You must have been reading along, as soon as I hit post I hit edit and added that.

If mom is up with her daughter, daughter does not even need to know that mom is checking her out. Having a face to face conversation shoudl allow enough time for mom to see if you can see through the shirt.

Of course boys get erections for many reasons and for no reason at all. What I am saying is, do you really want to add your daughter's chest to their mental file?

And besides that, its a school. Schools have rules and guidelines that must be followed for the good of the many, not the good of the few.

To the OP, I do think it is a good idea that you talk to the teacher. Obviously I do not know your daughter, but kids have been known to leave the house wearing one thing and walk through school all day wearing someting totally different, even if she doesn't own anything you think is objectionable she could be borrowing from friends. This was a big issue for us before.

Now our school system went to uniforms. Now I have issues with uniforms and I am sure many of you do as well. In our district the uniform has really helped. We had literal gang wars going on in the neighborhoods all around the schools and often that spilled into the schools. Now I am in no way saying that we don't still have gang issues, but at least this way they kids can't be sporting their colors, wearing the laces, rolling a pant leg, misbuttoning a shirt, wearing the beads that denote their gang, etc.

[BelgianSheepDog]

I'm sure they have plenty of Victoria's Secret ads in their "mental files" as it is, sounds like a great anti-bra argument to me.

[mommyto3girls]

Again, I am not talkign about any boobs. I am talking about YOUR DAUGHTER"s BOOBS. Call me crazy, but I would much rather have the boy that rides the bus home with her, or sits next to her in Math class thinking about a VS model than thinking about My Daughter that way

[aniT]

Originally Posted by mommyto3girls

Again, I am not talkign about any boobs. I am talking about YOUR DAUGHTER"s BOOBS. Call me crazy, but I would much rather have the boy that rides the bus home with her, or sits next to her in Math class thinking about a VS model than thinking about My Daughter that way

Boys are going to think about your daughter that way. It is a fact of life and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Bra or no bra. It doesn't make a difference. It just gives them something to snap when they can get away with it.

[canadianchick]

I would be really po'd to get a note like that. I think if she was concerned for your daughter.... maybe if the other girls were wearing them and your dd was not, then she could have called and chatted with you. As far as thickness goes, if you and your dd decide that she is going to wear one then she needs to be comfortable and feel good about herself. The hell with everyone else... including the teacher!:

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

There is no undergarment rule in my dd's school about bra's only the boys having there "draws" showing above there jeans. It does have several rules applying to dress as well.

I am looking forward to reading what exscuse this teacher comes up with and if she can justify sending the note home (right now I cant imagine what the big deal is) but maybe there is a lagitamite reason : I highly doubt it tho.

[Pandora114]

I needed a bra in grade 4...

Never gotten mine snapped....

BEFORE I got the bra my boobs were stabbed with pencils, and tweaked and squeezed mercilessly by boys trying to find out if they were real. (And no, I complained to the teacher, complained to the principle, complained to my mom, who complained to the admin, and nothing was done, the school had a bit to be desired nuff said)

My (now) DH stepped in and put a stop to it by acctually fistfighting with some boys in my defense. (We met when I was in grade 4)

My mom got me sports bras after that incident. Looked like crop tops. Hid the "headlight" look, and minimized the appearance of my breasts to save me from anymore harassment...

[mommyto3girls]

Do you honestly believe that boys won't talk more about a girl who's boobs are clearly definable through their shirt? Obviously you have not spent hours upon hours with prepubescent boys.

[mommyto3girls]

((((Pandora, I am so sorry)))) Very cool about you dh. I met mine the summer before 4th grade though we went to different schools (met at 4-H camp)

[Anglyn]

I wore a bra in middle school because everyone said that you had to. It probally wasnt true, but the other kids said things like the teachers will check by running a hand down your back and send you home if you dont, so I wore one to avoid that but I hated them SOOOO much, they are torture devices!! I quit wearing them at all when I was around 26 or so, four years ago when pg. with dd I started wearing sports bras, much better than the regular ones, but I still strip them off the second Im home.

Did you know that bras have been linked with breast cancer? Theres a book called "Dressed to Kill" and thats all its about. I can find out the author, I have the book on my shelf, if anyone is interested.

I had an employer once who tried to make a thing out of it, but I pointed out that she didnt KNOW I didnt wear one until I TOLD her, so it obviously wanstn obvious (I was very careful about what I wore, especially in summer, in winter thick sweaters took care of it). I think that anyone who questions you about your underware is seriously flirting with a sexual harrassment suit. JMO.

[MsHelena]

Originally Posted by mommyto3girls

Generally, school dress codes have "appropriate undergarments" listed on it. This includes the banning of visible panties, bras, boxers.

One of my fondest memories from high school was of the day a girl in one of my classes was reprimanded because her bra strap was showing. The teacher informed her that she would need to change into her gym clothes. The girl in question said, "That won't be necessary," and immediately began to remove her bra.

The teacher turned a violent shade of scarlet and told her not to worry about the straps, but to be mindful of them in the future.

I wish I'd had the chutzpah to do that. Unfortunately, I spent the majority of my youth ashamed of my breasts. A teacher in an "Our Developing Bodies" class (required in the fifth grade) announced to the entire class--while looking pointedly at me--that "some girls wear coats to cover premature development of breasts", and scarred me for life. The coat had more to do with a nightmare I kept having (the kind where you are walking around school naked, actually) than my complete lack of breast development.

I'm still, 13 years later, uncomfortable if my chest is not covered. Whatever you decide on this matter, it might be wise to make sure the teacher won't make any comments to your daughter or her classmates.

[mamaofthree]

What a crazy note to get from a teacher! Sorry this thread is turning into a bra debate... so to add to the debate... do you think boys can't tell when a girl is wearing a bra? That they aren't thinking about that too? Sheesh.

To the OP: I hope it all goes well. I am curious to hear what the teacher was thinking. I can't imagine how emabarrasing it would be to have a teacher send home a note telling my mom to put me in a bra!

H

[MCatLvrMom2A&X]

I can definatly see how wearing a bra could very well be linked to breast cancer, that tight elastic around your body has to cut off blood flow to a certain extent. Many woman wear bra's that are ill fitting as well.

[aniT]

Originally Posted by Pandora114

I needed a bra in grade 4...

Never gotten mine snapped....

BEFORE I got the bra my boobs were stabbed with pencils, and tweaked and squeezed mercilessly by boys trying to find out if they were real. (And no, I complained to the teacher, complained to the principle, complained to my mom, who complained to the admin, and nothing was done, the school had a bit to be desired nuff said)

I am sorry you had to go through that. I also had to start wearing a bra in the 4th grade. By 6th grade, because of my size, I passed for a 17 year old. I have never once had anyone "grab" at me or do any of the other things that happened to you. It sounds like you were just in a bad school surrounded by people who did not know their boundaries.

I have on the other hand, had my bra snapped numerous times.

[mommyto3girls]

Originally Posted by Anglyn

I wore a bra in middle school because everyone said that you had to. It probally wasnt true, but the other kids said things like the teachers will check by running a hand down your back and send you home if you dont,


I think that anyone who questions you about your underware is seriously flirting with a sexual harrassment suit. JMO.

Okay, if any teacher is doing that they deserve to get a sexual harassment suit filed. now that you say that I think I remember hearing that rumor when I was in school.

As far as a teacher suggesting it being harassment. As long as the teacher noticed in the same way as everyone else did (visible through the shirt) and didn't announce it to the class, then she really was doing her job. I can just about assure you, provided she is like the other teachers I ahve worked with (3 schools in my district) the teacher really has her daughter's best interest at heart. You ahve to remember that we, as teachers, deal with large groups of kids everyday. We know which things need to be addressed or they will end up causing larger problems.

Of course, not wearing a bra does not mean you child should get picked on like Pandora did, but now if this behavior is going on or continues, and the boys get in trouble (as they should) Be prepared to be able to explain to the school counselor and/or principal why you didn't think the teachers concerns were valid or applicable to your daughter. Teachers try to keep bullying and harassment out of the classroom, but it still goes on, especially in the lunch room and on the bus.

[aniT]

Originally Posted by MCatLvrMoMof2

I can definatly see how wearing a bra could very well be linked to breast cancer, that tight elastic around your body has to cut off blood flow to a certain extent. Many woman wear bra's that are ill fitting as well.

That is because it is almost impossible to find one that fits properly in the larger sizes.

[Cajunmomma]

I have thought about this before I was able to answer. Regardless of what your daughter looks like without her bra, I would be outraged at the teacher's nerve in sending me that note. I do not think that it is within the purview of the teacher to tell any child how to dress--unless it is a violation of the offical dress code.

I think that, if it were my daughter, I would speak with her about the teacher's concerns and ask her how SHE feels about it. Then I would let her feelings rule my decision.

That's what I would do.

[Pandora114]

Originally Posted by aniT

That is because it is almost impossible to find one that fits properly in the larger sizes.

:

And Tina: That was a real crappy school. They did lunch box patrols. I mean if you had anything in your lunch *they* deemed unhealthy, then they took it. That means if you had white bread for your sandwich, or even a peanut butter sandwitch on whole grain...a granola bar, anything they thought was unhealthy they took it out.

They didn't even have a sanctioned list of "approved" foods to give to the parents, it was totally up to the teachers discretion.

Oh, and dont get me started on the language police. Oy!