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forced bra wearing?--updates pages 4 & 6

post #1 of 130
Thread Starter 
X-posted in pre-teen and teen forum

I'm not sure how I feel about all this so I'm looking to you all for some different perspectives. My dd is 11 and developing. She has boobs, but not full grown adult sized. We bought a couple of bras at her request this past summer, but she hasn't worn them very much at all. Today we got a note from her teacher saying that dd needs to wear a bra or undershirt everyday.

My knee jerk reaction is "Who are you to tell me and dd what to wear in regards to underwear?" I mean, the weather has been chilly, so dd wears long sleeves, dark, thicker cotton tops/sweatshirts. No halters, no see thrus etc. What the heck is showing that needs to be covered? I don't wear a bra everyday and I'm fairly hefty so maybe I'm missing something. It's not like she's not wearing deod. and stinking up the room.
What's next, come spring a note telling me we have to have her pits and legs shaved?
Anyway, I tend to get pissy and rebellious when told I "have ' to do something, so I need an outside point of view.
post #2 of 130
Personally, I would have immediatly contacted the teacher to tell her IN PERSON to mind her own business & make it clear DD will do what she wants with HERself.
post #3 of 130
Ugh. My mother forced me to wear a bra (because SHE was uncomfortable with my breasts) and I HATED IT!!! I would tell that teacher where to stuff it, in the nicest way possible.
post #4 of 130
Thread Starter 
LOL.."stuff it".. snort..giggle..tee-hee

Sorry..hit me funny in a bra thread.
post #5 of 130
Oh, that was funny! I wasn't trying to be, but, yay me!
post #6 of 130
Did the teacher say WHY she needs to wear one? Is the teacher male or female? What kind of school is it?
post #7 of 130
Thread Starter 
Teacher is female--(late 40's I'd guess) teaching 5th grade in a public school in the U.S.
post #8 of 130
Wow. If she's not breaking dress code, what's the issue? I CANNOT imagine writing that note to a parent!!!
post #9 of 130
I think that's way over the line for her to have sent that note!

If you need some info to back up bras potentially being a health hazard, http://www.brafree.org/ is a good site.
post #10 of 130
I do wear a bra most every day and am uncomfortable not wearing one, but my I was similar to your dd when I was her age and hated wearing them. I would just wear sweatshirts or something to hide my stuff. My mom forced me to wear a bra and I despised it. I would not force her to wear one until she wants to. I think that teaches her to not be comfortable with who she is. If she is not being too obvious in her non bra wearing habits, I don't think it's an issue and I would have a talk with the teacher about it.
post #11 of 130
Good heavens. If there's nothing in the dress code about girls wearing bras (maybe even if there is!) I would be making a complaint. I hope she didn't embarass your daughter about this.
post #12 of 130
I posted on your other thread, but will here too... public school, eh? Is it in the dress code? (not that I think that's right, but you might have to play it differently) If it's not in the dress code I would write a nice polite letter telling the teacher where she could go and that it is none of her business what undergarments my child may or may not wear. I would cc it to the principal, the school board and anyone else I could think of.

NOT okay.

post #13 of 130
That is a good idea angela a letter would be what I would have to do because when I read the other thread. I told my dh if that happened with dd he would have to hold me back because it wouldnt be pretty if I made it to the school :
post #14 of 130
I think if the teacher didn't specifiy WHY she requires it, you need to figure that out first. Then you have something specific to argue against.
post #15 of 130
I would be mortified if I was that age and a teacher sent that note home!

I don't care what the dress code is or what reasons that teacher has for expecting your DD to wear a bra or undershirt. That is just...wrong. I think wearing a bra is a personal choice. Even if you are a 40GGG and they hang to your belly button, it's nobody's business if you choose to support them or not.

But I agree with the pp's. You should find out why the note was sent home and go from there. But ultimately, if your DD is dressing modestly and is covered, they can't decide what underwear she wears, if any at all.

Geez, isn't it hard enough for little girls to make the transition into womanhood? They don't need to worry that people are thinking about their underwear and judging them!

This might be a good time to explain to your DD why society expects women to wear bras and let her know that it is ultimately her choice.
post #16 of 130
I think I'd want to talk to her and find out what's going on. Is DD being teased or something? I would imagine she (the teacher) must think she has a pretty good reason to send home a note about something so personal and I'd want to know what it is.
post #17 of 130
i would be : if this happened to us.

angela's idea to write a letter to the teacher with cc's to higher ups is a good game plan.

but before doing that i would give the teacher one shot to explain her reasoning...give her an opportunity to either redeem herself or to thoroughly wedge her foot into her mouth even farther.
post #18 of 130
THATS BS - shes a child, she'll wear a bra when she wants to... besides, you said it was public school, maybe this teacher should be focused on saggy pants and midriff baring shirts and lowriders and all that jazz.... plus way to make your DD feel self-conscience about her newly developing body...

: She has no right to tell you that....
post #19 of 130
Another mama chiming in to agree with finding out the reason for the request and then write a letter telling them where to stick their demands. Just wondering, what does your daughter to say about all this? Does she know there was a letter sent home?
post #20 of 130
I can't state this better than you all already have. Certainly we as a civilization and as women have come far enough so as not to have those who are embarassed by the human body dictate what we do and do not wear... particularly UNDERWEAR. Hell, I'LL write this teacher a letter. Seriously. That's just absurd.
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