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forced bra wearing?--updates pages 4 & 6 - Page 5

post #81 of 130
How is it a clothing/hygene issue? It obviously has nothing to do with hygene. And I think most clothing rules are made for safety reasons-- like you have to wear shoes at school because you don't need toes getting smushed in the hallways-- kind of deal.
post #82 of 130
The teacher ought to read Dressed to Kill; The Case Against Bras.
post #83 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by momto l&a
The teacher ought to read Dressed to Kill; The Case Against Bras.
OT, but what does that say on the matter?
post #84 of 130
I would bring in the principle at this point. She didn't give a valid reason for the note....I could give her more room if she said that she is being teased, pain in gym, et...but not basic clothing and definantly not hygene.

I would ask the principle why is this teacher looking at my dd's breast. I am kind of bothered by this.
post #85 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom
I would ask the principle why is this teacher looking at my dd's breast. I am kind of bothered by this.
Really, me too. It's creepy.
post #86 of 130
i don't know about your daughter, but a cousin of mine was visiting my house a few weeks ago. she's about 10 and she has little "nubs". anyway, she bent over or i saw something from the side and she didn't have anything under. i didn't want anyone else to get a peek so i offered her an undershirt and she gladly accepted. she seemed relieved. i wondered if she had been wanting a bra and her mom just wouldn't get her one. meant to have a talk w/ her, i think i might have mentioned it to dad b/c they're separated and i never see the mom.

my thing is that i wouldn't want anyone to see it and i wouldn't want to encourage adults (i.e. child molesters) to look. i'm a bit paranoid about that kind of stuff.

no hidden meaning , not trying to imply anything about you or your daughter. not trying to say you wouldn't buy something for her. just speaking about my experience.

post #87 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmzbm
OT, but what does that say on the matter?
Bras arent healthy for us to wear.
post #88 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by momto l&a
Bras arent healthy for us to wear.
Please elaborate? I have heard how they can breakdown the tissue under the breast . . . is there more?
post #89 of 130
Thread Starter 
Just a quick note. DD does have bras and undershirts...she picked them out herself months ago. She just chooses not to wear them.
post #90 of 130
Wow. How utterly inappropriate of her. She's entitled to her personal opinion, but in her capacity as teacher she should keep it to herself.

Sounds like a good idea to avoid making this into a battle.

But if you can send a short letter to the principal (mentioning that you don't want it to be a big issue), you will be alerting her or him that a teacher has done something inappropriate. Also, although you can very likely handle this fine on your own, eventually a parent may have to deal with this teacher in a context where it would help for there to be a track record with her that is known.

Also, you may want to send her a brief and neutral but to the point letter, so she knows not to follow up. Instead of waiting to see if she sends another note. Maybe not worth it if you're especially busy, but sometimes it's best to nip a problem in the bud.

Good luck!
post #91 of 130
When I was a sophmore I had a male teacher tell me I shouldn't wear white t-shirts to school. He was right. I was sort of oblivious to how I looked and how my body had changed, but I think he did me a favor. It didn't seem creepy or inappropriate (I might have been a little taken aback at first since I couldn't figure out why he said it, then I was like, duh), just like a heads up. I think that day I had on a thin, worn out white T-shirt that I'm sure was almost see through, although I didn't realize it at the time.

It doesn't sound like your daughter is dressed inappropriately, though. Maybe the teacher feels if she herself can't go braless, no one should.
post #92 of 130
Bras restrict lymph flow...
post #93 of 130
Slightly OT, but I am feeling peevish. I don't think the teacher was INITIALLY out of line here. As a former 6th grade teacher, you would not believe the conversations I have had to have with parents about hygiene, appropriate dress, ect... This teacher may have been fishing to see if mom was just not in touch with her DD's changing body/needs. Many parents aren't, unfortunately. The initial note sounds pretty neutral and inoffensive. OTOH, her comments at the meeting were asinine. If there is no social problem in the class, and mom made it clear that this was DD's choice FOR NOW, the matter should be droppede with out cracks about how "we" do things. That is just so smug and self righteous. UGH.

Now onto my OT comment, since dress code was brought up, we had no dress code provision for undergarments at my old school, but we would send girls home for wearing thongs that showed above their pants. You couldn't see any of their butts, just the strap of the thing. Aside from the issue of 8-11 year olds even having the OPTION of wearing them, never mind to school, do you think it was OK to send these girls home to change? What affect do you think seeing the girls underwaer had on the boys. The OP's DD doesn't wear a bra, her choice. But don't think the boys haven't noticed who does and who doesn't and who "should be" but isn't. Don't you remember having your bra snapped by some idiot? How about having them go to snap it, and you aren't wearing one? You wanna hear teasing? That would do it. Motifying.

Don't get me wrong, I think the teacher crossed the line at the meeting, but perhaps her initial action was for the child's benefit. It at least opened up communiccation with her hope about a potentially sensitive issue. Now mom will be vigilent about potential problems for her DD.
post #94 of 130
"We're" not wearing a bra right now as "we" type...how unhygienic of "us."

The teacher's a dufus, and needs reported to her principal. At least that's how "we" do things.
post #95 of 130
Arg, I had a reply typed and I lost it! Anyway, info for those who wondered why not to wear bras: http://www.susunweed.com/An_Article_Bra-disease.htm

http://www.brafree.org/

http://www.all-natural.com/fibrocys.html
post #96 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajody
Now onto my OT comment, since dress code was brought up, we had no dress code provision for undergarments at my old school, but we would send girls home for wearing thongs that showed above their pants. You couldn't see any of their butts, just the strap of the thing. Aside from the issue of 8-11 year olds even having the OPTION of wearing them, never mind to school, do you think it was OK to send these girls home to change? What affect do you think seeing the girls underwaer had on the boys. The OP's DD doesn't wear a bra, her choice. But don't think the boys haven't noticed who does and who doesn't and who "should be" but isn't. Don't you remember having your bra snapped by some idiot? How about having them go to snap it, and you aren't wearing one? You wanna hear teasing? That would do it. Motifying.
I graduated in 91 we did have dress codes about undergarments being seen and/or worn as outwear. This was when baggy pants were getting popular but after the Madona wearing the bra outside thing.....

I never had a boy snap my bra, or even commented on my bra wearing or lack of wearing. Well once I did have a boy embarrassingly tell me I had a hole in the side of my shirt and he could see right through. He was so red and embarrassed.................but girls on the other hand. They teased me constantly I needed a bra when I didn't, ridicule me when I did wear bra/camasol when I didn't really need to, and tortured me until the boys stood up for me when the girls realized I hadn't got my period yet.

Also in schools today, well at least around here, bra snapping will get you suspended for sexual harrassement.
post #97 of 130
I do wear a bra whenever I am in public but I'd never assume every one else had to because of my own preferences. I really don't understand what a bra or undershirt would have to do with hygiene. It seems way out of line for a teacher to take it upon herself to dictate the underwear of her 11 year old students. If there is no dress code regarding undergarments, than I'd take it up with the principal.
post #98 of 130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marsupialmom
I graduated in 91 we did have dress codes about undergarments being seen and/or worn as outwear. This was when baggy pants were getting popular but after the Madona wearing the bra outside thing.....

I never had a boy snap my bra, or even commented on my bra wearing or lack of wearing. Well once I did have a boy embarrassingly tell me I had a hole in the side of my shirt and he could see right through. He was so red and embarrassed.................but girls on the other hand. They teased me constantly I needed a bra when I didn't, ridicule me when I did wear bra/camasol when I didn't really need to, and tortured me until the boys stood up for me when the girls realized I hadn't got my period yet.

Also in schools today, well at least around here, bra snapping will get you suspended for sexual harrassement.
to the boys you went to school with.
post #99 of 130
I would just leave it as it is from now on. If it isn't in the rules then wait for her to go to the teacher. If you don't want to make it an issue then don't - you talked to her and made your point and that was it. I don't understand the bra thing either. Its one thing if the shirt is see-through (but even then just an undershirt would do) but its another when they can't be "seen".
post #100 of 130
mamajody, not to pick on you, but one thing you said really bugged me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajody
What affect do you think seeing the girls underwaer had on the boys.
I know you probably didn't mean a thing by it, but I am just sitting here thinking -- why should we teach our girls that boys' thoughts, feelings, and/or actions have a thing to do with how they choose to dress? If I choose to dress a certain way, and it affects a male in a certain way, it's not my fault. It is HIS choice to be affected, to have whatever thoughts he has. The way I dress, including whether or not to wear a bra or for my underwear to show (although I don't do the thong out of the pants thing anyway), is something that I do for myself, my own comfort, my own sense of style, whatever. It seems to be not a far cry from "Well, she deserved to be assaulted; she dressed like a slut!"

I just don't think it's a good idea to put other people's hangups onto our daughters like that. Especially when you can dress "appropriately" and keep your early-developing breasts in a bra, your age-appropriate underwear well hidden, and your developing body completely covered by shapeless clothing, and some boys are still going to tease, grope, or otherwise inappropriately harrass a girl. It really isn't about what she is or isn't wearing, kwim?
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