11 Month old hurting people, animals, plants

[Orion'smommy]

How do I get an 11 month old to understand that pulling peoples hair, pinching their face, pulling their teeth, grabbing their nose REALLY HARD, slapping my face, slapping my chest while nursing, tackling the cat, ripping apart plants, etc is not okay?

Since DS was 6 months old I have been trying to teach him the word gentle and he does not get it.

He is a really sweet boy, but extremely strong. He is not being mean, he just doesn't understand that he hurts.

WHAT DO I DO?

(p.s. we co-sleep, un-circ, breastfeed, homebirth, baby wear, no vaccinations-he shouldn't have a hidden reason for doing these things)

[Montessorimom8]

I would just consistently take his little hand *gently* in yours and say firmly, "We do Not hit, (pinch, whatever)". If he laughes and does it again, I'd say "No, I really Mean it, we do Not hit", etc....to let him know that his behaviour is not acceptable. He'll get it. It just might take a long while.

[**guest**]

nak

when ds hurts me i take his hand and model 'gentle touch' on me, and then i stroke his hand gently. is this what you mean by saying you've been trying to teach him 'gentle'?

[Orion'smommy]

Originally Posted by annabanana

nak

when ds hurts me i take his hand and model 'gentle touch' on me, and then i stroke his hand gently. is this what you mean by saying you've been trying to teach him 'gentle'?

YES
I take my hand and rub his face very softly and say gentle, and then I show him and say gentle really softly.

I have been thinking about this all night, and I believe that he is really curious. He wants to touch people's faces, look inside their mouth, etc. I simply need to help him understand how to do these things softer.

[smilla653]

Repetition? We have cats, and have been trying to model "gentle" or "soft touch"/ "no touch" since DS was 6 months. Now, at 15 months, he definitely seems to get it. He doesn't always do it (especially when he gets excited) and he doesn't always listen, but he DOES pet the cats gently without prompting 75% of the time now.

[Sweetiemommy]

At 11 mo, they don't really have the ability to understand how to be gentle or that they are hurting you. This really will pass. Right now they are learning lots of important things from this - cause and effect, the fact that they can do something that causes another person to react, how to touch and explore. You are doing the right things, just be patient - it will pass. Rest assured that he/she is not doing it purposefully to hurt at that age. They are not capable of empathy yet, it will come soon, don't worry. Just keep doing what you're doing! AND in a few months you will get to experience the "hitting on purpose" syndrome, which is even worse! Just be patient, they all do this.

[Fuamami]

Just don't give up! Be very serious when you tell him that it hurts, and show him with your expression and your voice how much better you like "gentle". He'll start catching on soon. My ds does very well now, he's 16 months, but it took a while.

And I agree he's curious, about how things feel, about people's reactions, etc.

[pianojazzgirl]

Originally Posted by Sweetiemommy

At 11 mo, they don't really have the ability to understand how to be gentle or that they are hurting you. This really will pass. Right now they are learning lots of important things from this - cause and effect, the fact that they can do something that causes another person to react, how to touch and explore. You are doing the right things, just be patient - it will pass. Rest assured that he/she is not doing it purposefully to hurt at that age. They are not capable of empathy yet, it will come soon, don't worry. Just keep doing what you're doing! AND in a few months you will get to experience the "hitting on purpose" syndrome, which is even worse! Just be patient, they all do this.

ITA. I think this is just a normal phase for an 11 month old. Sounds like you're doing a great job guiding him in the right direction.

[puddingpop]

I'm having similar issues with my almost-13-month-old. He hits me, bites me, smashes my glasses into my face and pulls my hair. It hurts. To the point where I start crying and he then he laughs and does it again.
I've been trying to model "gentle hands" since he was six months old (in the same way referenced in a pp). Today it got so bad I put him in his crib for two minutes so that I could compose myself. Then I took DS out and I held him and cuddled with him. He bit my knee. I feel like I'm going to lose it because I don't know what to do when he's actually hurting me.
Sorry to derail your thread, Orion'smommy, but I'm so stuck. And I'm exhausted and I just don't know what to do. DH and I have agreed on "no spanking" but we haven't really ever fleshed out how we would discipline DS. I don't want to just stick him in his crib and let him cry (which is what happens if we put him in there while he's awake) but I'm bruised.
Any advice?

[catnip]

Kaia used to hit at my face and then laugh. I think she did it because she liked watching me jerk my head back to dodge.

We developed a game where I would get "stuck kisses." I would purse my lips and say "help, I'm stuck" She would reach out with one finger and touch my lips. I kiss the finger tip, and throw my head back. She giggles and we do it again. It seems to satisfy that need.

[JessJoy]

My 12 mo dd has just gotten really aggressive, too. My dh thinks it's because I play too rough with her: i.e.: tickle her too hard, kiss her too voraciously, generally over stimulate her.

Lately she's really into pinching and scratching, sometimes biting. I think it's teething and I think it's the molars coming.

I'm modeling "gentle". Today, I pretended to cry when she scratched my cheek really hard. (I was close to real tears with the pain). She understood and bent over to kiss me very gently. So there are some things she understands, but I can tell she has some angst inside. Whether it's physical(teething, too much energy, etc) , or from my "over-stimulation" or what, I'm trying to gently help her overcome this by being patient. Sometimes I can tell that she's doing it to be "funny".

She also walks over to her little piano and bashes out a cacaphony while she sings/yells. It's pretty funny, but it's a little scary, too! lol

[sprinkle pocket]

this is good to read. my ds is almost 18 mos. it's an ongoing problem for us. like pp, i end up crying too. it's hard. good to read that it happens to others. i feel like a broken record saying "gentle" and praising him when he's gentle and trying to model it for him. do many girls do this too or is it mostly a boy thing? i wish dh could nurse him and roughhouse with him at the same time b/c i sure can't.

[LoveMyJonah]

We had a terrible time with this at 11 months. DS is almost 13 months now and I'd say these incidents have been cut in half if not more. The only thing that worked with us was patience and consistancy. We had to make sure we did the same thing each time he did one of these things. It sounds like you are doing things right, it just takes time. And 11 months is when DS peaked with these behaviors. Hang in there, be consistant and it will get better, I promise

[^guest^]

I've been having the same problem with my nearly 16 mo old. My husband and I had issues that could have sown the seeds for her aggressive behavior. She's gotten worse since our seperation (we are working things out slowly, he is still living in MI to finish school while I set up shop here in CA). There's so many factors that could be contributing to it, a new environment, boredom (I can't drive yet, working on that though), family upset, and a severe resevoir of unused energy. She's also a sensitive high needs child, it makes it really difficult. I model "gentle" and "nice to X" (she seems to get "nice to puppy" or "nice to mommy" better than "gentle"). She requires a LOT of active play, she's not a toy baby, she's a doin-stuff baby. I'm just at a loss at what to correct first and how. And there are some things that just can't be corrected at this point. I know she misses her daddy, but I simply will not move back to MI. We will be visiting him in a few months and plan to make a few more visits to eachother throughout the school year.

Sometimes I wish I could have a mom who's had a similiar-minded child sit in with me for a day and tell me what I could improve, lol.

Edit: And sprinke, my daughter is testament to the fact that girls can go through this too. She's not even a year and a half and she's showing strong tomboy tendancies (seems to be a family trait from my mom's side, lol). I'm thinking of taking her to the beach, she's never been but I've been nervous about taking her, her getting lost among a lot of people, hurting herself...oh toddlers are just a bundle of worry, aren't they?

[sprinkle pocket]

that's a good idea about "nice to mama", iso saying "gentle". it's worth a shot!