[Sebastian's birth story, post 16: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=472330. The short version: hospital water birth, lovely labor, rough birth -- shoulder dystocia, ~6 inch umbilical cord, born blue and unresponsive. Recovered beautifully.]
I had my first physical therapy appointment today. Coincidentally, it was with the doctor who helped me birth Sebastian AND the doctor who helped me birth Qualia. (Qualia's doctor has since graduated residency and moved on to a practice in Guilford, but she comes back to this practice every once in a while to help with the osteopath clinic where I'm getting therapy.)
The adjustment went really well. I was well FUBARed in the hips from Sebastian's birth and I felt a lot of energy and tension release during the adjustment -- along with the repositioning of both hip joints, some nerves, muscles, and ligaments. You know . . . pretty much everything. The cradle of my hips felt empty -- in a good way -- when I walked out of the appointment. And like a good massage therapy session, loosening the blocked energy and chronic pain also let loose some emotional junk I need to deal with and clear out.
Everything considered, Sebastian's birth went really well. There were so many things that could have gone worse. So many things that could have had more serious consequences. And he's now a healthy baby with no signs of development delays or physical injury from his birth. He's clearly recovered well and isn't traumatized. But there are some things that will just always hurt to know. I missed the first two hours of his life. I will never get that time back. Those hours are just gone. One of his first sensations was pain. It's not easy to get an IV into a newborn. He didn't slide gently into the water, get lifted onto my chest with his father and mother holding him, latch on and receive comfort and colostrum within minutes of birth. He was rushed into an isolette in a bright room with wires and an IV attached to him. He didn't get to nurse for a full day. And I will always grieve that loss, even if he doesn't remember or know it should have been different. Even knowing those measures were in his best interest.
I need to grieve and let it go.
Dr. Tom and I compared notes over Sebastian's birth and I was able to piece together some parts of his birth that I wasn't sure about or aware of before. He mentioned that one of the doctors praised him for being so calm in his first shoulder dystocia situation. He wasn't calm at all. He went home and had a couple drinks and wished desperately that his wife wasn't on call that night so he could decompress. I thought they had only done one maneuver to get Sebastian's shoulder unstuck, but they had done two -- the McRoberts and something called Wood's Screw. He said they had considered the Gaskin maneuver but were out of time, so the next step would have been to break Sebastian's collarbone. I'm really glad we didn't have to go there.
I also had thought his umbilical cord had ruptured while he was crowning, thus leading to him being hypoxic when he was born. But Dr. Tom said he actually saw the cord rupture -- which startled the hell out of him, because he'd never seen that before and didn't know they could tear like that. It ruptured when Sebastian's bottom came out, right before the doctor lifted him up. I didn't get a chance to ask more about why Sebastian was hypoxic if the cord didn't rupture until then, but I have a couple thoughts and I'll ask the next time I see him. Part of the problem with his birth was the lack of visibility because there was so much blood in the water. I also passed a LOT of clots before and after I birthed the placenta. Since his cord was so short, I think it pulled part of my placenta away from the uterine wall during his descent, so I was bleeding inside (and out into the water). That would probably impair the placenta's ability to deliver nutrients and oxygen to Sebastian. Also, I know once the baby's head has crowned, the placenta gets the signal to start shutting down, and since there was a delay between the top of his head crowning and the rest of his head and body, the oxygen levels might have started to drop before his nose and mouth cleared the birth passage. Combine those two factors and that could explain why he came out limp and white (as dh tells me) and his 5-minute Apgar was only a 3.
I look down at my 19-pound 12 week old as he nurses, all chubby legs and infectious smile, dimples and grins, and I feel such amazement that he's so perfect. After everything he went through, he's relaxed, happy, easily comforted, strong, and bright. The Powers That Be were looking out for us on his birth day.
I had my first physical therapy appointment today. Coincidentally, it was with the doctor who helped me birth Sebastian AND the doctor who helped me birth Qualia. (Qualia's doctor has since graduated residency and moved on to a practice in Guilford, but she comes back to this practice every once in a while to help with the osteopath clinic where I'm getting therapy.)
The adjustment went really well. I was well FUBARed in the hips from Sebastian's birth and I felt a lot of energy and tension release during the adjustment -- along with the repositioning of both hip joints, some nerves, muscles, and ligaments. You know . . . pretty much everything. The cradle of my hips felt empty -- in a good way -- when I walked out of the appointment. And like a good massage therapy session, loosening the blocked energy and chronic pain also let loose some emotional junk I need to deal with and clear out.
Everything considered, Sebastian's birth went really well. There were so many things that could have gone worse. So many things that could have had more serious consequences. And he's now a healthy baby with no signs of development delays or physical injury from his birth. He's clearly recovered well and isn't traumatized. But there are some things that will just always hurt to know. I missed the first two hours of his life. I will never get that time back. Those hours are just gone. One of his first sensations was pain. It's not easy to get an IV into a newborn. He didn't slide gently into the water, get lifted onto my chest with his father and mother holding him, latch on and receive comfort and colostrum within minutes of birth. He was rushed into an isolette in a bright room with wires and an IV attached to him. He didn't get to nurse for a full day. And I will always grieve that loss, even if he doesn't remember or know it should have been different. Even knowing those measures were in his best interest.
I need to grieve and let it go.
Dr. Tom and I compared notes over Sebastian's birth and I was able to piece together some parts of his birth that I wasn't sure about or aware of before. He mentioned that one of the doctors praised him for being so calm in his first shoulder dystocia situation. He wasn't calm at all. He went home and had a couple drinks and wished desperately that his wife wasn't on call that night so he could decompress. I thought they had only done one maneuver to get Sebastian's shoulder unstuck, but they had done two -- the McRoberts and something called Wood's Screw. He said they had considered the Gaskin maneuver but were out of time, so the next step would have been to break Sebastian's collarbone. I'm really glad we didn't have to go there.
I also had thought his umbilical cord had ruptured while he was crowning, thus leading to him being hypoxic when he was born. But Dr. Tom said he actually saw the cord rupture -- which startled the hell out of him, because he'd never seen that before and didn't know they could tear like that. It ruptured when Sebastian's bottom came out, right before the doctor lifted him up. I didn't get a chance to ask more about why Sebastian was hypoxic if the cord didn't rupture until then, but I have a couple thoughts and I'll ask the next time I see him. Part of the problem with his birth was the lack of visibility because there was so much blood in the water. I also passed a LOT of clots before and after I birthed the placenta. Since his cord was so short, I think it pulled part of my placenta away from the uterine wall during his descent, so I was bleeding inside (and out into the water). That would probably impair the placenta's ability to deliver nutrients and oxygen to Sebastian. Also, I know once the baby's head has crowned, the placenta gets the signal to start shutting down, and since there was a delay between the top of his head crowning and the rest of his head and body, the oxygen levels might have started to drop before his nose and mouth cleared the birth passage. Combine those two factors and that could explain why he came out limp and white (as dh tells me) and his 5-minute Apgar was only a 3.
I look down at my 19-pound 12 week old as he nurses, all chubby legs and infectious smile, dimples and grins, and I feel such amazement that he's so perfect. After everything he went through, he's relaxed, happy, easily comforted, strong, and bright. The Powers That Be were looking out for us on his birth day.
