need help with 20 month old dd X-posted in toddlers

[nannymom]

my 20 month old is out of control (long)

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I have an extremly high needs daughter. She is clingy, demanding, and very dependent. She has many great qualities as well but I really need some advice on how to cope with her behavior.

Recently she has become the exact child I didn't want to raise. She throws violent tantrums-she throws, she slams her fists into the wall, she kicks and screams.
Today she slammed a drinking glass on to the glass coffee table and shattered the drinking glass. The reason for the fit was that I was on the phone.

I can not take her to do any activities that do not center around her. The last time I took her grocery shopping she screamed at the top of her lungs for so long I debated abandoning my cart. I am afraid to take her places-which makes life really hard. And honestly it is causing me to feel a lot of resentment towards her.

She also hits and bites me and has yet to respond to any of my attempts to get her to stop. i have tried everything from ignoring it to showing her how to touch gently. She attacks me when she is mad but also sometimes just when she doesn't like what I am doing. An example would be that she bites several times every night when I am putting her to bed.

She also can not tolerate me or my husband doing anything that does not involve giving her our full attention. She can not stand for us to talk which drives me batty. If we start a conversation she starts screaming louder and louder until one of can't take it anymore.

I really want to raise a gentle, loving, respectful child. I can't figure out what I am doing wrong. I am consistent and I try to model good behavior (i.e, we don't hit or scram). I fear that she is becoming a monster. Please help

[ShaggyDaddy]

Dairy, Corn syrup, or Food Dyes

sudden introduction to these foods can often bring out the Ms. Hyde in your baby

I am convinced the "Sugar makes em hyper" thing comes from corn syrup (I have seen it many times)

Often a high protien snack will help calm my wolverine DS down.

this age is very difficult because their thoughts and desires have grown up a lot, but their hand-eye coordination, and speech have really not caught up yet. I imagine it is pretty frustrating knowing what you want and not being skilled enough to do it yourself or to ask someone to do it for you.

Really we have found that beating the communication stick to death is the best way to survive. We try to give him a way to ask for what he wants, and if we can't tell we play the guessing game... I am sure you are familiar with it: "do you want this? or this? or this?"

Once we figure out what it is, we try to give him a sign or a word he can say for that item or action. this month we have made up a sign for "Ice" (he made it up himself) and he made up a modification of "Sing" that means "More singing"

The more things she can tell you, the more meltdowns you can prevent.

Lately we have been working on getting him to interrupt a "fit" to tell us what he wants.

"Jet you have to tell daddy what you want. Daddy wants to help you but you have to tell me what you want. Is it your water? Crackers?" etc etc
It is really starting to work and he definatly understands that we are trying to work with him. I am positive he could not understand even a few weeks ago the difference between us not giving him something because we didn't want him to have it and us not giving him something because we seriously had no idea what he wanted.

I guess after a long ramble what I am trying to say is that if you work on communication, especially communication in "the heat of the moment" the problem will (slowly) correct itself.

Just remember the behavior is a symptom. The root problem may vary from time to time, but the best way to find the solution is usually communication.