ds hitting, pinching his dad in anger...

[mammom]

I've been meaning to ask about this for a month or so now... This doesn't happen VERY often, but ds hits, pinches or scratches dh's neck/face when he (ds) doesn't want dh to hold him (usually when he's already upset and just wants me). DS is 2 1/2.

I am just not sure how to handle it - right after it happens, dh usually hands him over to me because he (dh) is PO'd, but then I have to soothe ds. So, in a way, he's being rewarded for scratching/pinching etc, because he's getting what he wanted in the first place.

I guess the simple answer would be to just let ME do the soothing in the first place, but sometimes I'm not able to do what I need to do AND hold ds.

How do you/would you handle this situation? DH is getting fed-up with toddlerhood, I think, and is getting a short fuse. He would never spank him, but he's a little rougher (physically and emotionally) than I would prefer.

Thank you for any help!

Melissa

[ShaggyDaddy]

We model gentle behavior and correct him every single time he does it (which is a lot) He LOVED the word "Oww" for a while and he would pinch us just to hear us say it.

Just this last week or so he has started either stopping himself mid hit/pinch and giving us kisses instead!! or gave us kisses after the hit (which would previouslyt have been followed with more hitting). All those millions of times we said "Oh we don't hit mama/daddy/sister we can kiss mama/daddy/sister instead" have really started to pay off.

[aishy]

My three and a half year old gets in these little fits where his "solution" to being mad is "i'm going to hit you mom" boomboomboom. It doesn't hurt me, but that doesn't make it okay. He actually hasn't done it as frequently in this past week and i'm hoping he's almost over it.

What I started doing was grabbing him and holding him facing out on my lap, my arms crossed over his chest holding down his arms and talking to him quietly. I use several phrases while he gets calm- we don't hit people, we don't hit people we love, please don't hit mommy, hitting hurts. and then get into the "what can we use our hands for?" question, eventually getting to the idea of a hug and then asking him if he is ready to give mommy a big hug. It doesn't last as long as it sounds and it has helped. I forgot to add sometimes it ends in a tickle fest which is always fun.

I wish I had done this with my almost six year old, who would be put in time out. While angry and hitting. When what he needed (i've since learned) was a big hug. When he is angry/upset all I do is ask if he needs a hug and we'll cuddle a bit and talk about it. It helps so much more than time out ever has.

aisling

[LoveMyJonah]

Well, my ds is only 12 months, but the way we're handling it is by trying to catch his hands mid swoop if we catch him in time. What I do is I hold his hands and say, "Hitting hurts mommy." I make sure I am on his level and looking him in the eye. He gets very frustrated at times too and the hands go flying. He was aparently "hugging" kids kind of hard at daycare too. So we're showing him how to touch gentle by taking his hand, touching our cheeks with it and saying "gentle, that's nice." and then we touch his cheek gentle. It really does seem to be working, the hitting has been cut in half in about a month. I'm hoping the incidents keep getting cut down. Good luck!

[CaraboosMama]

We had a similar problem w/ my 28 mth old DD a few months ago when our son was born. She started biting and pinching quite a bit when she was frustrated (mostly me, occasionally dh) or wanting attention. Also, a molar coming in didn't help either. Mainly we did what other pp's mentioned - redirected using the same language every time (kisses, not bites) and I've also started teacing her some VERY basic anger management techniques. (She tells me now - I'm mad, I feel like screaming and then we both make mad growly faces and stomp our feet...so cute, but also helpful)

Kate

[Bennifer]

can i just say I LOVE MDC? I have been having the most horrible time with my 17 mo ds biting me...knees, toes, fingers, and of course my boobs--ouch! I know he's teething but he just laughs when I say "NO!" and I get so angry and totally regret how i'm handling it. So thank you for the reminders to redirect and tell him what he can do instead of bite (give kisses)...I also try to give him something appropriate to chew on b/c I know his teeth are hurting. What would I do without you all??