How involved are you in preteen/teen homework?

[Flor]

What is HW time like at your house? Dss (11) doesn't need help, but he wants me to sit with him the entire 1 hour +. I am a teacher so SOMETIMES I have something useful to say, but he tends to get very emotional about his homework (fine! I'll do it myself!). I'm starting to dread his HW. Ugh.

[Strong Mama]

Im liking these homework assignments where you gotta find stuff off the net. Ill search and print stuff with ds. I also type his work occasionally. I pretty much leave him to the written stuff, but will call out some vocab words, and make him call some out to me to see if i know the definition, which is fun, but helps him study at the same time. I actually like HW time!!

[BelovedK]

I have the opinion that HW is about a small (read small) amount of practice of the things they went over in the class that day, or to study for a test, or read. I dread that my DS cries every night (almost) bc it takes him twice as long to do his HW as it may take another child thus leaving little time for family time, or play.

To answer your question, I get involved enough to explain things he doesn't understand, then I think it is important for him to be on his own so his teacher has a true idea where he is really at in his knowledge.

[KarenEMT]

My DS is 12, in 7th grade. He does his homework pretty much by himself now, but he is at a desk directly behind where I work. He is SO easily frustrated, so I try to help him quickly if he asks me nicely. I check over any "graded" homework to make sure he has not made any obvious glaring errors, but predominantly he is responsible for his own homework unless he asks me and needs help. This is the first year I don't check his assignment book too carefully to "police" him. I will let him take the consequences of not completing the work if he is careless. It helps that he goes to a small school that stresses organization and he must have an assignment book.

Hope that helps I should mention that he has Asperger's and ADHD and probably needs more guidance with homework than your "average" 12 yo.

[MillingNome]

With dd, the policy has always been it's your work, not mine. Unless she asks, I don't look at it. If she wants I will check it, not that she hardly ever does. Even when she was little, I didn't look at her assignment notebook. I figured if she did not do her homework, the next day there would be consequences. We did go through a rough spot where she lied to her teacher about she didn't have it finished. She got busted complete with a parent-teach-principal conference. Sad part is, she wass't doing out of laziness. She was a little depressed and stressed out over life. Other than that little stretch of time, homework has been her job to do or not do.

[enkmom]

I leave homework up to them, but I do get involved if there is a problem. Last year, my dd wasn't doing her Algebra II homework, or was only doing parts of it. It was not because she was depressed, it was because she didn't feel like doing it - an issue we have had several times over the course of her school career. For the last quarter of school, she and my son did homework at the table where they were in view of everyone, and I checked it over at the end to be sure it was COMPLETE; the work itself is still up to them.

My son would love it if I would help him with homework, only for him "help" is "Give me all the answers so I don't have to think".

[Storm Bride]

I usually look over ds1's homework, but that's mostly to make sure it's finished. (DS1 is really scatterbrained...not a putdown - he gets it from me.) He works at the dining table (his choice - he also has a desk in his room) and asks us for help if he needs it. We won't give him answers, but sometimes, we can help him find a different way to look at a problem.

He also asks us to clarify questions sometimes. If I can, I will. But, I've found many of the questions that he's been asked over the last couple of years to be completely incomprehensible. I can only explain the question if I can figure out what the question means, and there have been many times when I couldn't do so.

[Flor]

Does anyones dc get overly emotional over homework? I can't tell you how many tears have been shed over hw. Dss gets good grades, seems to understand it all, but sometimes i/dh will say, "This is kinda hard to read," or "better double check that one," and it's tears, "fine, I just can't do it, etc. etc."

[Storm Bride]

Yes. If ds1 doesn't think he can do something, he ends up in tears. Usually, once we work through it and I give him a few tips, he's just fine. It happened last night over his French homework, in fact. The stuff he's doing is review, but he can't remember what he did last year, so he was just a mess. I helped him figure out where to find things in their textbook (very odd layout - I wouldn't like it, either), and the French he's learned in the past started to come back. But, he was very upset for a while.

[MrsCorell]

We all have homework in my house. Myself, DS1, DS2 and DH all go to school, so after dinner we have 'Homework time'. We take the opportunity to all sit down at the table and do our work. We also answer questions that the kids may have about their work and help them when they get frustrated.

I know just about everything that goes on in my son's educational experience, but then I use to work in the middle school until six months ago. I talk to his teacher at least twice a week to make sure his teacher and I are on the same page and that everything is going well.

[wakingup]

Have decided it is better to help than to have frustation

My 9 year old does his math homework by himself, but has trouble with writing.

We work on the writing together until it is done. I spent last year fighting and nagging for him to do it, and got crying and yelling in return. This year I decided that we would be partners with the same goal of his being able to complete the writing assignments with a quality product that he can be proud of.

We pretty much end up doing them together. His teacher allows him to type his writing assignments so I have been typing while he dictates, and when he gets stuck I help him find a way to say what he wants.

I am hoping as he gets better and more confident he will do it more independently. I can always go back to the fighting and nagging if this goes on too long I guess.

My 8 year old does his homework on his own except when he wants to show me it to make sure it is correct. I will point out mistakes when asked and help correct it if they want help.

[Alkenny]

My DC have to do their homework as soon as they come in the door. If they need help, they ask, but otherwise it's their responsibility. They're both A/B students so they seem to be doing fine.

[jeanieloz]

They do their own homework... I did my share when I was in school, it is their turn. If they need help, I will help, usually I will say "just a minute" and give them a chance to look it over again, and they usually do figure it out.
If they are frustrated, I have them take a break, or move on to something else and then go back to that.
I think teaching them that they don't need to do one assignment after the other, or one problem after the other has helped ease their frustration. If they don't get problem #3, just skip it and move on, and go back to it when you are done with the rest. Keeps them from stressing out about finishing the remainder of the work because they are stuck on one problem!
My oldest son decided to lie and not do a lot of his work for most of 7th grade, he almost failed! It scared the beegeezers out of him, and he did a lot of back work for the last few months of school, and passed. It was frustrating to see him almost fail Math, especially when he's in the top 90th percentile of his class for Math! But he's come around, this year in 9th grade he's taking Algebra twice, he took it as an elective (weird kid) and is Aceing it!
Donna

[Catsinthecradle]

Over the years, many tears have been shed in our house over homework as well. I cringe when I see the amount of homework my kids bring home. I have been very involved, even to the point of doing certain mindless assignments for them so they can get done on time. DS is now in the 10th grade, and with sports practices and games, he has virtually no free time. He doesn't complain as much as I would have, though. It might have something to do with IM's to his friends while working at the computer late at night.

I've spoken to teachers and administrators about the homework load several times, but they don't listen or make any changes.

DD once told me that the only reason you go to school is to gather your homework. She then said that the smarter you are, the more you get tortured with extra work.

I might ad that I'm also a teacher. I don't give much homework.

[oldgirl,newtricks]

I'm a teacher also and I feel like my only responsibility is to make sure they have time and a place. If they have a specific question, I'll answer, but otherwise I don't do anything with them.

Since your ds is the one wanting this, how about setting a timer and telling him you can sit for 15 min. but the you must do some of your own household jobs. Set timer again for 15 min. and just check on him, but don't stay after that.

If he's working at the kitchen table, you could have close proximity. Mine hate working in their bedrooms, so they work at the table while I fix food. Contact is there, but I'm not sitting with them.

Gloria

[Emzachsmama]

Around here homework is my dd's responsibility. I will help if she asks...I won't give her the answer but I will help her find it. I do correct her work for spelling mistakes only...she has terrible spelling problems and her teacher and I have agreed that me spell checking her rough copies will help her in the long run. I am suposed to sign her homework agenda everynight so I do only if everything is done. Sometimes she will say that she finished it at school so she didn't bother to bring it home even though it was written in her agenda ~ when this happens I will make a little note in her agenda that I couldn't verify that such'n'such was finished because it wasn't brought home. I figure this may help prevent her from lying about not getting homework done.

I do help her study for spelling tests and other quizzes but for the most part homework is her responsibility and not mine.