bi mama roll call! - Page 2

[amy mama]

Welcome Toby Adams-I remember how pleased I was to find the queer parenting forum the first day I came here.

I'm bi with a guy too, and while I'd love to join a queer family group, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be really accepted, and that maybe my presence would really annoy people.

[Nicke]

I had the same though amy mama. I would love to go to a rally or group event, but I feel like I might be shunned because I am "only" bi and have a man in my life.

[alsoSarah]

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[Kylix]

alsoSarah--I LOVE your sig line...it motivated me to change mine to another fav Ani quote of mine

Kylix

[alsoSarah]

Thanks, Kylix!

It's always really cool to find another Ani listener out there...

Since we're veering just a bit OT-- is Kylix your name IRL? If not, may I ask where it's from? If so, how'd you get such luck in the name lottery?

peace,
alsoSarah

[Kylix]

Kylix is not my real name IRL...it's a type of classical ceramic cup, I believe...they're really gorgeous...you can do a search online and get picks of them...

I also chose this name because it's the name my sister said she'd name her son if she ever had a boy. It's pretty cool, eh?

I'm not comfy using my real name online just yet....

"Kylix"

[alsoSarah]

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[LdyBluNH@aol]

i'm on the flip side of some of the folks here.. already a mom but not bi yet

it's my hope at some point to find (outside of a bar) an average-jo kinda person for those experiences

but i'm sure the h not going to ask at the local mother's group

"little dottie cut her tooth at nine months and by the way you're so cute are you bi?"


women have told me they can "just tell" who's bi -- is there some sort of membership tattoo or something?

[Kylix]

Aren't they though, Roxanne?

As for the membership tattoo...I can't tell myself...

Kylix

[Nicke]

Terri,
I was "backwards" too. I was a mom before I was with another woman (physical and in a relationship). I knew I was attracted to women long before, but I did not get a chance to act on it until after I was a mamma.

[~Megan~]

I am not bi but I am a momma! Actually I was up with insomnia last night reading and came across this thread.

I have a question for you all if you don't mind to answer. Of course since there is a broad range of sexualities not all will apply to every person.

How did your dh feel about your sexuality? Did it take some time to get used to?
Is you dh bi too?

Is anyone in a poly relationship but your dh is not? How does he feel about that?

And Tara, I have a few for you too. I saw a special on transgendered people on Discovery. They chronicalled an older man who wanted to be a woman. He had been getting the hormone therapy and at the end got the surgery to fully change his sex. And a young man who wanted to be a woman who was taking the hormones but didn't have surgery yet. And they also touched on a woman who was taking testosterone.
So if you don't mind, my question: Did your dh have the surgery to change his genitals? And how does that work?

I know these questions are extremely personal, so I will understand if you don't answer them. But if you do, thank you for indulging me.

[StarMama]

Originally posted by amarasmom

How did your dh feel about your sexuality? Did it take some time to get used to?
Is you dh bi too?

Is anyone in a poly relationship but your dh is not? How does he feel about that?

I'll answer And hi Amarasmom!

My Dh knew about my choices before we dated. After getting out of a 4 year relationship with a man who thought woman-woman contact was wrong and sick, I was NOT going to date anyone who didn't support who I was (its not like I can change who I'm sexually attracted to, right?). I was actually sort of dating a woman when I met my Dh (we shared a bedroom, were intimate with each other, but we both also had boyfriends) so it was pretty obvious...

He had no problem with it. Of course he is also a man who really ah, enjoys, the idea of women interacting sexually with each other, so I'm sure that helped. But aside from how it affected him in a sexual way, he's very supportive and understanding. Like I said previously, I'm not 100% sure where we fit into things in the poly world, because we never have intimate contact with our beloved friends solo (that would be our #1 "rule" with each other)... but I have had encounters with women where Dh did not interact with either of us and he was ok with that (I'm sure in some part because he got to see the "action"), letting me enjoy that part of myself in a way we are both comfortable with (the being together part of the equation). He is totally comfortable letting me snuggle and be loving (non sexually as well as sexually) with my 'girlfriends' and doesn't take offence at any of it... so its not all a big "oooh get to watch naughty stuff" perk to him, he's accepting of all sides of how I interact with our special friends...

He himself is not bi at all. In fact, I would say he's utterly paranoid of a man trying to come onto him... so thats a little odd, but its ok... If he was bi though, I would be understanding and supportive of him as well.

The poly relationship I don't think I can really answer... since any of our other relationships aren't romantic relationships but rather close loved friends that we see *together*. So nope, I'm not in any relationship he isn't at least semi involved with (with the exception of a girlfriend in the past was at one point only sexually involved with me... but he was still present... since then my Dh and her have ah, become much closer ).

I hope this sounds at least halfway clear... since we don't neatly fit into poly it can be a little complicated to explain, but we're both very happy with how things work, and all of this really has helped strengthen our love, trust, and devotion with each other...

[tara]

Originally posted by amarasmom And Tara, I have a few for you too... So if you don't mind, my question: Did your dh have the surgery to change his genitals? And how does that work?

I know these questions are extremely personal, so I will understand if you don't answer them. But if you do, thank you for indulging me.

Hey, amarasmom! I am really open to questions about my interesting relationship. All kinds of questions. Unfortunately, you stumbled upon the one area I will not address, at least on a personal level. I figure that my partner's privates are his to talk about. I don't go there on his behalf. Don't feel bad about asking, though, it's cool.

But, speaking generally, there is a ton I can tell you about sex reassignment surgeries for FTM (female-to-male)transsexuals. This site has basic info about different surgeries. What I want to add is that the surgeries performed on MTF (male-to-female) transsexuals are far more successful. It's easier to remove something than to create something, kwim? And these surgeries are, of course, outrageously expensive and never covered by health insurance.

Also, this is a great site about Basic info about transgenderism

Let me know if I can address any other questions (maybe in a new thread? Don't want to hijack)...

[~Megan~]

Tara, after I reread my question I realized it looked like I was asking something I wasn't. I wasn't asking about the function of genitals...what I meant was how does the process work. And you gave me a link so that will clear it up, I'm sure. I just wanted to clear up my question so it didn't sound so rude!

[tara]

No problem! I really don't take offense to questions like that - I get them all the time. I just don't answer them!

[~Megan~]

I can't get the links to work for me. Maybe I'll just google it.

[tara]

Darn those links!! I think I fixed them... Try again!

[LdyBluNH@aol]

for those of you who have close friends that are also intimate with -- how did you transition from the really good friends to the "something more"

esp. in terms of the bi relationship -- seems to me if you come onto your good friend and she's not into that you can't rewind time to keep things ok with the friendship

[StarMama]

Originally posted by LdyBluNH@aol
for those of you who have close friends that are also intimate with -- how did you transition from the really good friends to the "something more"

esp. in terms of the bi relationship -- seems to me if you come onto your good friend and she's not into that you can't rewind time to keep things ok with the friendship

Ah well, we've met a few of our friends online, (me and/or my Dh in the beginning occasionally had an ad up at craigslist) so it was pretty easy to be upfront in that situation, since when we first met we weren't close, so therefore it wasn't going to be that painful if they freaked out. Also, meeting a women who is in a MFF triad gives you a hint that she's not gonna freak out, at least on the bi issue Course that also leaves you with building an entire relationship from scratch, but it has worked out for us.

Otherwise, well my friends know I'm bi... a few of them have taken the initative to approach me about it... In fact I've been intimate with two of my best friends from high school... one I had a relationship with twice, and the other I think was interested because she felt left out... : So they approached me. And they can always find a way of doing it that makes things a little easier... I get a question like "Ah, so, if I was ah, interested in women, would ah, you think I was, ah, cute?" all blushy and shy... Its cute! So if I said I wasn't interested they could say it was all rhethorical <sp?>

[Elismama]

Hi again,

I have been following this thread with interest and just now have a moment to respond. I especially enjoyed reading about other people's approach/issues with coming out as a mama. I struggle with this all of the time- I'm not hiding anything, but sometimes it feels so awkward outing myself.

I had someone tell me recently that, as a woman married to a man, I'm "not actually bi anymore".

I used to get this from my community of friends when Mike and I first got together. It made me so sad, I mourned the loss of that community so much.

How did your dh feel about your sexuality? Did it take some time to get used to?

I had recently broken up with a girlfriend when Mike and I got together. So he definitely knew, and he knew my ex-girlfriend. And while he is pretty squarely on the heterosexual end of the spectrum, he is completely comfortable with who I am. When we started seeing each other we agreed to an open relationship- but what we agreed to in theory just wouldn't work for us in practice. So we are a monogamous couple, and I am happy with that. [a tangent- ever read Pat Parker's poem "non-monogamy is a pain in the butt?" its very funny]

"little dottie cut her tooth at nine months and by the way you're so cute are you bi?"

Too funny! LadyBlue- I wish you well on your journey. My gaydar (as we used to say) doesn't go off much now that I live in VT, but maybe I'm just out of practice....

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be out as bi for my child. I've never been afraid of outing myself because if a friend/acquaintance can't deal with it, I don't really want them in my life. But Eli gets me into all sorts of relationships that I haven't really chosen for myself- other mom's at playgroups, parents of kids his age- that sort of thing. And he starts preschool in the fall and I know I'll be meeting new folks. Anyone else thinking about this? How are you planning on dealing with these kinds of issues? Are you out to your kids friends or their parents? Do you worry about your kid being harassed because of your sexuality? These things are just beginning to float around in my head.

Thanks,
Jeanie


Kylix and alsoSarah- I just saw Ani a month or so ago- I'd sort of stopped listening to her for a few years, it was great to see her again. and it was great to be surrounded by a bunch of cool women! Kylix, I used to consider that song in your signature my own personal motto.