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Urban Legend? Older nurslings NIP (m) - Page 3

post #41 of 65
My son might have asked to nurse in public at 2.5 or at the latest, 3....
But now that's he's 5, he never asks in public...maybe because of my own body language/messages I've sent him that it's more "acceptable" at home...
And admittedly, I admire those moms who are completely comfortable doing in in public at any age.
post #42 of 65
My 4 yo hasn't nursed in public in a long time... last times I can remember was when ds#2 was in the hospital (Xavier was just over 2 the first time and then just about 3 1/2 the next time) and he came to visit us in the hospital and nursed a bit...
I would be very OK with nursing him if he he wanted but he just stopped NIP at around 2, and he never was the one to pull up my shirt even at home... Ds#2 is just over 2 and doesn't NIP often anymore either... too busy... but if he does want to nurse he will try to get access himself...
post #43 of 65
Every once in awhile my DS will dive for my breast in a way that feels inappropriate to me, but I don't treat it like a major offense. I encourage him to use words/ask, which he then does.

I wouldn't be surprised if there are people out there telling stories about me. My almost 3yo DS is tall, looks very much like a little boy (as opposed to a baby/toddler), and NIP all the time. I had an incident this summer where several of the mothers on my block were sitting in a neighbor's yard chatting and DS ran up and asked to nurse, and I proceded to do so without missing a beat in my conversation with the other women, and one of them got all weird about it (her face froze in a dropped-jaw, bulged-eyes expression). I chose not to acknowldege her rudeness. Things were fine.
post #44 of 65
My niece would do the same thing between about 2 and 3 yrs. We would be sitting in the kitchen and she would walk up to my SIL and climb up and help herself! But I've also seen toddlers who ask very politely and accept it if they are told to wait. It all seems to depend on the mother's comfort level and what limits have been set.
post #45 of 65
I also think this is going to depend on what a child is used to. I was never uncomfortable nursing in public and am the type that does not care what others think or if they are or aren't looking. I have never taught my dd to be self-concious or embarrased about nursing. I never taught her silly words for nursing so she asks to nurse or breastfeed not for tits or any of the other "cutesy" words some poeple use. She did learn to ask to nurse and to accept when i said "not right now" after 3 but even so if she is really desperate to nurse and I say not now she could on occasion try pulling my shirt up and getting her milk anyway. She is now 4 and still breastfeeds daily. I think it would be normal for a child who breastfeeds to come up and breastfeed in this manner if they have been raised in a home where bfing is treated as normal. Especially if they are in there home where they should feel comfortable taking what is theirs and what they need. The way i see it if you believe in child-led weaning and nurse an older child you should not make them feel ashamed or bad about it. Which is what i would think they would feel if they are forced or told to hide it. What message are we sending when we are not willing to publicly nurse our children even in their homes. Is it only OK behind closed doors. That is part of the reason there are so many difficulties for nursing mamas. We let the people who are uncomfortable with breasts and breastfeeding intimidate and shame us when it should be the other way around. So I hope this "urban legend" is true and becomes the norm.

post #46 of 65
As my oldest approached her third birthday, I still nursed on cue, but in certain public situations would slip off to a private spot. I just started explaining that in our country most three-year-olds don't get to nurse so some people don't understand about older kids nursing. But up until about three (and past three) we had some visitors who got to see my child walk up, lift my shirt, and start nursing -- whether they were "comfortable" with it or not. If they were too uncomfortable, they had the freedom to leave.

My reason for going private as she got older was actually NOT to avoid making others uncomfortable -- I would have gone on openly nursing to increase public awareness and make it more normal if I hadn't been scared about Child Protective Services. Though I've heard it's not likely they'll take a child because of extended breastfeeding, just the thought of having the state in our homes, scrutinizing our lives, is abhorrent to me -- so I see no reason to give others a reason to call me in.

Now I have a nineteen-month-old who gets to nurse wherever and whenever; I'll keep letting her be public until I feel it's not safe, just as I did with her sister.
post #47 of 65
this is what i've tried to explain to anti-ebf millions of times! when people think of toddlers and older kids nursing, they think of them nursing like an infant, every couple hours, for long periods of time. i have to explain most older nurslings do it maybe once or twice a day, if that, and usually just for getting to sleep or trauma.
also most older nurslings i've known have the etiquette down and know to ask and rarely freak if denied or put off.
post #48 of 65
My 3 yo has many days where she nurses more than her infant sister! I think there are a lot of factors at play, like temperment, etc..
post #49 of 65
i dont think those stories are going to go away unless nursing children comes out into the open. if we hide and act like we have something to hide then were kind of admitting were doing something "wrong"
on that note, i tandem nurse my 3 year old who could easily pass for 4, and my 7 month old who could pass for a year from behind when shes nursing, in public.
ive gotten a few wierd looks but im tough and i really dont care.
ive actually met some moms this way, i think its pretty safe to assume that the woman tandem nursing in public can direct you to where the hippy parents meet

now a disclaimer... im not telling anyone how to nurse, i dont really care how you nurse. i think its great all your babies are getting the booby. its really none of my business where, when, how or who you nurse. any booby is good booby
post #50 of 65
You know, that story always makes me laugh about a 5 year old whipping off his mom's top and nursing away. It makes me laugh how often I hear it, so man, there must be a WHOLE lot of 5 year olds still nursing I think that most often the story is being made up in some way.... maybe someone they knew breastfed until the child was 5 or maybe it was a 2 year old who did the yanking of the shirt and it just makes for a better story to inflate the child's age so they get more shock from others. (and I am not saying there is anything wrong with nursing a 5 year old or nursing in public, just that I doubt there are THAT many so that every story could be true)

My neighbor tried to tell me this story a few months back and I answered with, "Right on! Good for her!!!" he didn't know how to respond to me. Then we informed him that at 9 1/2 months pregnant with my daughter, I was still breastfeeding my 2 year old and that we believe in child led weaning, so our kids may end up nursing up to that age or so and it wasn't a big deal to us. Funny how quickly he tried to backtrack on his story then to make it seem like he didn't see it as a big deal either (even though he was venting away about how wrong it was earlier). Now I giggle when I think of the stories he is probably telling about me.... "She was hugely pregnant with quintuplets and still breastfeeding her 10 year old!"
post #51 of 65
Originally Posted by hotwings640 View Post
..."She was hugely pregnant with quintuplets and still breastfeeding her 10 year old!"
I think that's probably about right! It seems to me that most (mainstream) people think it's gross and weird to nurse any child who has lost that newborn look. :

My sister had a breastfeeding "horror" story for me while I was pregnant. Apparently her dh saw a four year old motion his mother over with a "creepy, come-hither" look in his eyes. I just said, "So?" She preceeded to laugh and tell me I was free to bf as long as I wanted.

I REALLY hate that people can't seem to get past the breasts as sexual objects thing. Why does it have to be "come-hither" instead of a "sweet, innocent snuggle with mama and get some love and milk" thing? Oh well, now I get to make my BIL uncomfortable by wearing my pro-bf'ing shirts in public and NIP. He'll hate it when ds is older! All in all, he's a great guy though and he won't sabatage our nursing relationship, it'll just make him squirm...which is hard to do!
post #52 of 65
Originally Posted by hotwings640 View Post
"She was hugely pregnant with quintuplets and still breastfeeding her 10 year old!"

Wonder what he would say with me 9 mos pregnant nursing both a 4yo and a 2yo
post #53 of 65
I started teaching my DS some nursing manners around 10 months or so. One of the rules was that I was in charge of my shirt and he had to ask. (He wasn't talking but did sign drink to ask to breastfeed). By a year, he knew to sign instead of helping himself. He's now almost 3.5 years old. He will still ask to nurse in front of others on occassion, but he knows that a later response will be given. (He's not discrete and is big for his age. Also, I don't want him to pick up on others looks. I don't worry about making others uncomfortable but DS is very perceptive and would pick up on what others thought and it would bother him).
post #54 of 65
My dd, who is knocking on two will politely say, "Nurss." whether at home or about, but if she's sleepy... All bets are off and she will work her hand into my bra and say "Nurss." She can also say "Take the boobie out." Lately, though, boobie has been interchangeable with boolie...
post #55 of 65
At my LLL meetings the leader's kids pull both boobs out and nurse as they come and go. Her older dd, maybe 4, pulled off one day and said 'Mommy, you need to drink water' and brought her mom a water bottle.

And yes, to the OP, my neighbor and her son did exactly that whenever he got upset. He would get off the schoolbus and do it. I distinctly remember it when I was at their house playing as a preteen. It was at their house, though.
post #56 of 65
In my experience, it's a natural progression for the child to ask less often as he/she gets older. That's going to result in fewer NIP events over time.

With DS, I did try to discourage him unless we were home or at a familiar place. But if he really needed, then I nursed him. By 3 he rarely if ever asked and went on to nurse until just after turning 5.

With DD, I did no such discouraging, though I would postpone if we were in a place where I couldn't sit or if I was in the middle of fixing supper. She went to only asking when home or at a very familiar place (church) by the time she was 4. When she was 3, she was on the way to that. I think part of the decrease was due to her growing out of just riding in the sling for most of a shopping trip. She went on to nurse until after turning 7. Last time was back in August.
post #57 of 65
Her older dd, maybe 4, pulled off one day and said 'Mommy, you need to drink water' and brought her mom a water bottle.
: That is totally my 3 year old! If the milk doesn't let down fast enough or if the babies have just nursed he will say I need some water and go get me some.
post #58 of 65
Originally Posted by gemelos View Post
: That is totally my 3 year old! If the milk doesn't let down fast enough or if the babies have just nursed he will say I need some water and go get me some.

DS was really into that for a while, too! He would go get me a drink of water before he would get in bed for the night so I could make some extra milk.
post #59 of 65
My 6 yr old weaned when she turned 5 and she never did such a thing. We NIP until she was almost 3 because she was smaller people assumed she was a lot younger then she was.
post #60 of 65
This thread made me laugh, because my mom told me that EXACT story - being at a party at someone's house, and the 5-year-old walks up to mom and just lifts her shirt and starts nursing. I don't think mom was lying or anything, though I wouldn't be surprised if all the 5-year-olds might actually have been 3, or 2, or...a 1 year old on the big side?
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