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Start of labor? REALLY FREAKING..... - Page 3

post #41 of 71
9/16/06 at 10:38pm
rainbowsmum, i'm sorry you have to deal with this at this point in your pregnancy. i hope you can find the strength and peace to have the birth that you and your baby deserve.
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post #42 of 71
9/18/06 at 2:59am
Thread Starter 
Just thought I'd update and say he did cheat on me. He just told me. And he emailed me and said that it was unfair of me to think he would be a father. I can't really write anything else I don't really know what to say. I can't even speak.
post #43 of 71
9/18/06 at 3:10am
Unfair of you!?

Unfair of YOU!?!?!



LET ME AT HIM. Oh man, if MDC wasn't so censored, I'd have A WHOLE LOT TO SAY RIGHT NOW.
post #44 of 71
9/18/06 at 3:12am
*stepping in from Jan. ddc*



Oh, mamma.

I am so terribly sorry that you are dealing with all of this right now...make sure you surround yourself with positive, supportive people right now. You can still do this!!

Sending you prayers, love and light~~
post #45 of 71
9/18/06 at 3:12am
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot
Unfair of you!?

Unfair of YOU!?!?!



LET ME AT HIM. Oh man, if MDC wasn't so censored, I'd have A WHOLE LOT TO SAY RIGHT NOW.
: :
post #46 of 71
9/18/06 at 11:01pm
I am so sorry you have to go through this! I can't stand when men do things like this during a pregnancy when women are so vulnerable. You just have to do a little ranting at first then start focusing on yourself and this baby. Once the baby is born you can worry about him. It is not his time to be the center of attention though he seems to want to be for springing this on you right now! I hope you can find some peace before the baby is born!
post #47 of 71
9/19/06 at 1:41am
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
Unfair of you!?

Unfair of YOU!?!?!



LET ME AT HIM. Oh man, if MDC wasn't so censored, I'd have A WHOLE LOT TO SAY RIGHT NOW.
You took the words right out of my mouth, Babs.

I'm so sorry mama!
post #48 of 71
9/19/06 at 2:47am


Ok, I think I may have possibly made my point.

Rainbowmoon, as mentioned already, he certainly doesn't deserve you, nor is he ready to appreciate the miracle growing inside of you. Neither of these things are your fault, actually there is nothing you could have done differently to change the outcome so don't ever think that it's your doing. When this happened to me, I found myself thinking that I had been sooo stupid to have not seen it coming and blamed myself for having something like that happen in my life. I think this is just part of the grieving process because in time these thoughts proved to be completely irrational. How could it possibly be your fault that this man has no backbone and no respect?
Maybe, like me, when you have your baby you'll feel like there is no room for a "big baby" in your life and you won't want to partake in any game playing or chasing. He'll possibley freak out again after he hears that bubs has been born but please please please be kind to yourself when he begs for forgiveness. Would he be able to handle other obstacles that are thrown his way as life goes on? Or will it always be about him?

My thoughts are definitely with you and I wish you strength.
Who are you going to have at the birth with you? Can someone come and stay with you for the first couple of weeks?

Don't forget that you can do anything, if you have to do this by yourself know that that is how it was meant to be and that you are so strong that you can cope. When you have weak moments, know that that is all that they are - weak 'moments' - but never be too proud to ask for help!

Sorry for going on but I have been in your shoes and would love to think that I could help you through my own experiences.
post #49 of 71
9/19/06 at 3:09am
Thread Starter 
Thanks all for your replies. I still feel so lost. My best friend left just before which was sad. I have no-one who can come and stay with me after baby is born. My mother has my 2 little sisters to look after and she has to work in the evenings from home, and I can't stay there cos me and my step-dad don't exactly get along. Now I just have to focus on baby. Shes most important.
post #50 of 71
9/19/06 at 8:26pm
Do you know if there are any community support programs in your area?? Here we have a place called Cariboo family connections, they have home visitor who come as often as you need (weekly/monthly) just to talk, to link you with support systems, to offer advice, be a shoulder to lean on/cry on. Something like that might be really helpful.

I have to say i agree with Babs.......

He has got some nerve saying that its unfair of you...grrrrrrrrrrr:

I am praying that you find some kind of support in your community. I know that they really helped me when I was a single moma, (I was 19 at the time) Do you have a community health unit?? They sometimes have lists of resources and can get you connected.

Take Care!! Sending thoughts of courage and strength for you and your baby!
post #51 of 71
9/19/06 at 9:01pm
omg what a JERK!!!
you are sooooo right mama, who needs him? your baby is MOST important. I will be thinking of you!
post #52 of 71
9/19/06 at 11:31pm
Thread Starter 
We have an organisation type thing like family connections, it's called Family Start, they teach you all about baby and things you can do to help them learn and stuff like that, the lady comes and sees me once a week which helps, I also have another lady who comes and sees me every week to make sure I'm OK as I have depression (Have had it quite badly for a few years now) and decided while I was preg that I wouldn't take my medication (I weighed up the health risks for baby and they were too much for my liking) so she kinda keeps an eye on me, and will continue to do so after baby's born as well.

He came over last night to talk to me about it. He kept saying that I was the most amazing person he knew and he loved me more than anything and that he had never met anyone as caring as me and all this other stuff.... I just wanted to scream at him "THEN WHY THE DID YOU DO IT THEN?!?!". He said I have to understand it was nothing I did to make him act that way it was a fault in him and he hated himself for hurting me.... And from looking at him he really did hate himself for it. But still. I loved him with all my heart and soul and well look what happened.... No matter what he says really none of it takes away how much it hurts.... And how scarily empty my house is now, although that will change when baby comes

Had a few harder contractions this morning but I don't think thats anything to get excited about as I've had only mild ones since then. My bodies teasing me I think :

And thankyou all sooo much for how supportive you've been, I really don't know what I would have done without you all
post #53 of 71
9/19/06 at 11:49pm
Well, men are strange animals...I really believe that men do things like cheat and don't think of the consequences at all...then they feel bad afterwards. However, I REALLY believe that men can 'perform the act' of sex with someone else and have it mean NOTHING. It's just sex. They don't love their MATE any less, they just went out and f$)#ked someone else...no biggie to them. Now of course I'm generalizing...but I really believe this.
I ended what was a really great relationship because he cheated...I tried, but couldn't get over it.... It was SOOOO incredibly hard--everytime I looked at him it was all I could think about. I'm glad for that now since I have my wonderful husband and child(ren), but before dh came into my life I had started to heal and realized that my ex really did love me, he just made a very grave error in judgement. And if I could've 'gotten over it' (with time) we could've gotten back on track.
So what I'm saying is--all is not lost. Yes, it is hard! But try not to let your pride get in the way of true feelings (that is AFTER you get over the hurt...).
Since this is your baby's dad, you will most likely always have him in your life, so go easy on yourself, and let yourself heal ...THEN assess the damage.
In the mean time...try and coast with the relationship as opposed to just ending it or trying to put everything into it...
I wish you well mama...and I know how hard this is...just know that 1 you will get thru it and 2 you will learn and grow from it...
post #54 of 71
9/20/06 at 1:37am
Thread Starter 
We've agreed to be friends, because he is babies father, despite all his cold feet he will want to see her and she doesn't need the crap of me and him fighting and dissliking eachother, it would be unfair on her. And I would honestly miss him too much if I cut him totally out of my life as pathetic and stupid as that sounds, he means too much to me still, even after everything.

Maybe he did just make an error of judgement, who knows, for now at least we're friends which will allow me to heal, if anything was meant to happen for us then it will in time, I at least have to learn to trust him again before I could ever consider something between us happening. And if nothing ever does at least we're friends.

As for his "Its unfair for me to assume he would be the father" comment, that still makes my blood boil. But I'll give him time and see if maybe he will come to terms with things, he says he still wants to be hes just confused or something like that I don't know, but if there is a chance that he will come round and be there for her then I have to at least see. I grew up without a father, and while I survived and wouldn't want him in my life anyway (He didn't want me so I don't see why I should have wanted him there) there were times when I really needed him, and I'd like to think it would be better for my children. If worst comes to worst and he does bail 100% well then I'll do damage control then, I just have to make sure he doesn't do it a few years down the track when she's old enough to remember him.
post #55 of 71
9/21/06 at 1:16am
I hope it helps a little that dozens of MDC mamas will be thinking of you and sending good wishes your way in the coming days/weeks. Think of us as you go into labor, and of all the sisterhood of strong awesome women throughout the world and over the years who are connected because we have shared this amazing experience of giving birth and becoming mothers. You are joining the sisterhood! Big hugs to you, mama.
post #56 of 71
9/21/06 at 2:03am
Quote:
Originally Posted by RainbowsMum View Post
We've agreed to be friends, because he is babies father, despite all his cold feet he will want to see her and she doesn't need the crap of me and him fighting and dissliking eachother, it would be unfair on her. And I would honestly miss him too much if I cut him totally out of my life as pathetic and stupid as that sounds, he means too much to me still, even after everything.

Maybe he did just make an error of judgement, who knows, for now at least we're friends which will allow me to heal, if anything was meant to happen for us then it will in time, I at least have to learn to trust him again before I could ever consider something between us happening. And if nothing ever does at least we're friends.

As for his "Its unfair for me to assume he would be the father" comment, that still makes my blood boil. But I'll give him time and see if maybe he will come to terms with things, he says he still wants to be hes just confused or something like that I don't know, but if there is a chance that he will come round and be there for her then I have to at least see. I grew up without a father, and while I survived and wouldn't want him in my life anyway (He didn't want me so I don't see why I should have wanted him there) there were times when I really needed him, and I'd like to think it would be better for my children. If worst comes to worst and he does bail 100% well then I'll do damage control then, I just have to make sure he doesn't do it a few years down the track when she's old enough to remember him.
I wish there was more that could be said/done!!! Know that you are being thought of.
post #57 of 71
9/21/06 at 3:25pm
Mama,
I am feeling so much for you right now- anger, hurt, sadness. I am so sorry you have to deal with this at what should be such a happy time in your life. Know that there are so many mamas out there routing for you- sending you lots and lots of hugs and support
post #58 of 71
9/21/06 at 11:38pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks Mamas The lady that comes to check up on me every week came today and noticed I'm really not doing so well and so not only will I probably have to stay in hospital after baby is born, but I will have to stay longer than most people, so they can watch to make sure I don't get too sick (PPD - Although I already have depression) and as much as I don't want to really stay there I know it's probably the smarter thing to do as I will be here completely on my own otherwise and I don't want to risk anything with baby. So with all that said I know we had a thread a while back on what to take to the hospital when you went but I can't seem to find it so anyone have some sort of list or anything? Cos I have no idea......

And a minor update on babies father. He said on top of everything... If I want to get back together later on then I must move to England (Where all my other family is like my Nan and my Aunties and Uncles) at the start of next year so he can concentrate on the 6 months of studying hes going to do, THEN he will come over after that.... I don't get how me moving half way round the world is the solution (I'm in NZ so England is almost literally half way round the world) And after everything I shouldn't even be thinking about possibly getting back with him, but I love him and he's my babies father.... I wish I could just let go... But I can't I just don't get why me and baby should have to leave.... If he loved us, he wouldn't want us to go so far away right? I hate this situation

Once again, thanks all for your support.... This is such a messy time.... I really should just be strong and be able to tell him where to go... But I'm weak and I can't. So I apologise for the ongoing mess I keep writing up for you to read... And really thankyou for all your kind words
post #59 of 71
9/22/06 at 2:40am
So ummm... has he had to make any sacrifices yet, or is it just your life that has to accommodate his?

Just a thought
post #60 of 71
9/22/06 at 3:19am
Thread Starter 
No.... Now that I think about it he hasn't.... Well not that I can see.... He moved in with me... So I guess he gave up his "freedom" so to speak, although I never stopped him going out - not once.... All I've ever asked of him was to come home after.... And well he couldn't even do that and he's moved back out so... No... Maybe I can't see the "sacrifices" he's made cos I'm only seeing it from my side... But I really honestly don't think he's done any... I never thought about that....
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