12 yr old and dvd issues - Page 2

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by starbound25

I dont feel I should have to move the R rated movies
All the movies are together in the living room, I think she needs to learn the responsibility and maturity to respect the rules and not touch the R rated movies
If a couple drinks wine every night with their dinner they dont store it in a cooler in the basement to make sure their teenagers dont touch it, you let them know it is not for them and trust they wont go and drink it KWIM
(we dont drink at all just trying to use another example)

Just wanted to chime in.....


Children are exploratory, and that never stops. Even as adults we want to find out the whys of things.


But to be honest, moving the movies you do not want her to borrow is the answer I would choose.

Why?

Out of sight, out of mind. You have already established that she will borrow them regardless, so all you wind up doing is frustrating yourself and creating a power struggle between the 2 of you if you leave the movies within arms reach (so to speak)


Wouldnt it be easier to leave out the movies you are ok with, and remove the movies you and your husband are not?



Also, being raised in a split home is rough, especially when the parents have 2 sets of ground rules. It's not easy on her either having structure in one situation and none in another. It causes confusion and chaos in her life.


Attempting to fit her into a mold that you want her to reside in when she is in your house when she is going through the changes of becoming a teenager is going to cause long term resentment. I am not saying let her have free reign, but when you have a simple option like leaving movies out that she likes, your husband approves and you grit your teeth at (because she is allowed to watch worse elsewhere) is a decent solution to this equation.


even if you don't like it. Fact is she is being raised with 2 sets of rules and I garuntee her mother will not crack down harder so it really is up for you and your husband to find the compromises.


and she is becoming a teenager. She's at the age where she NEEDS to explore her boundaries more, but understand there is a safe haven to return to if she strays to far..... make sure your home is a safe haven.



as for the not drinking wine? In my household growing up, you would have found your wine a bit more waterred down if you know what i mean.

You don't put candy and veggies in front of a hungry toddler, you know they won't make the 'right' choice.

[Yoshua]

Originally Posted by starbound25

We give an inch she takes a mile, there seems to be no middle

that's part of becoming a teenager, frustrating the parents and getting in trouble

lol j/k. but really.



I read in this one that the bio mom doesn't allow R either. but Mr. and Mrs. Smith is pg-13.... so is Charlies Angels.

Would a compromise be to allow all the PG-13's?

[starbound25]

we have said ok to the pg-13's but no to the R's and she still snuck the R rated one last night
I'm going to talk to DH again about how he feels and hope I dont get his normal response of "whatever you think is best" I'm honored that he values my opinion so much but I dont want all the responsibility kwim
I'll see how he feels about moving the R rated movies
Having such different house rules I know is hard and she does her best to adapt and I am not be as strict as I know I would be if she lived her more full time or how I will be with my own daughters, I dont like to treat her different than I would my own kids because I feel she is one of my own but I know the situation is different
at times I wish I didnt care so much and just said whatever and let her do whatever she wants like at her mothers but that is not what she needs and not the way to go into her teenage years, it scares me to think what will go on behind her mothers back at her house
ugh I just get very frustrated, we have put up the idea to her mother to let her live her full time and visit with her twice a week and she wont go for it because she wont give up the child support checks- HER words
like I said it gets complicated!

[Yoshua]

Just throwing in there. if you do decide to move the movies that are rated R, why not throw in a stipulation to make sure they aren't truly forbidden fruit.



Let her know that if she wants to watch an R rated movie, let you know what one it is and if it isn't 'too bad' you may rent it for her, or let her borrow it if you have it.



That way she doesn't feel truly penalized, and you can say you are just separating the R's from the PG-13's as a ground rule, but you may flex it if she asks.

[Marsupialmom]

I agree with Yoshua about all rated R movies.

Not all are that bad. Some are rated R and should be watched. You can say and negotate letting you watch it first, staying up late to watch it together, et.

[NiteNicole]

I sort of have two major thoughts on this - one is that right there in your very own living room you have those very tempting DVDs. It is quite possible that her peers have seen all of these movies, talked about them, and she feels like the only person missing out. The very stuff of the pop culture she's growing up in is RIGHT THERE. *I* would have a hard time passing that up. I think that's a good argument for moving the DVDs.

Also, it sounds like she has a lot of time on her hands. At Mom's, the tv, DVDs, and computer are unlimited and you say at your house there's no family time, she's limited on DVDs and tv, and she spends her time in her room. I'm wondering if she really knows what to do with herself when all her standard time-fillers are taken away?

[momma of monkeys]

Originally Posted by Roar

Wouldn't it be simplier to just keep R rated movies stored some place where she doesn't have access to them?

I dunno about the rest of you but when I was a tween/teen (even though for the most I didn't live at home) there wasn't a place on earth my momma and stepfather could *hide* a thing from me...I could find ANYTHING...and if something that had been accessible suddenly vanished...I would find it. Let us not forget how resourceful children can be

also, op, ITA w/ pp's on giving time limits, watching adult choices with her (time permitting), could you pick a movie with her and not seem to be a 'back seat driver'? I dunno, I am so NOT looking forward to my children being teenagers! Good luck to you

[~member~]

Originally Posted by NiteNicole

I'm wondering if she really knows what to do with herself when all her standard time-fillers are taken away?

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