bike issue - 10 yr old

[kathymuggle]

My son was about to drive home from school. Another child picked up his bike, drove it a bit, then laughingly threw it on the pavement. My son did yell at him over this - witness by numerous children and no teachers.

I want to call the school. My son does not want me to - he says:

a) the teacher/principal won't do anything (sadly true)
b) if they talk to him about it - the kids will probably pick on him more (possibly true)

Moreover, my son does not believe that reporting the problem will fix it - he beleives "beating the kid up" is the only real way to stop bullies. He beleives this based on occurences in Grade 3 when we told on a child numerous times and the child did not stop the aggression - in fact what did stop the aggression was my son beating the child up. This is how my son beleives school works - and I believe he was taught this by the schools ineffective treatment of bullies in the past.

What to do??Sigh.

Kathy

[sunnysideup]

This is tough. It's so hard to see your child being picked on! Thankfully, it sounds like your son wasn't hurt. Did the kid damage his bike? Or was it more of a show of power? Is this an on-going problem with this particular kid, or just a one time thing?

If this was a one time, flexing-his-muscles display by this kid, I'd probably try to encourage my child to just shrug or laugh it off. If this kid is repeatedly threatening or intimidating your child I would call the school, or the kid's parent if I knew they would be receptive to talking.

[kathymuggle]

One time thing. The kid has done it to other children before.

It is a hard decision for me, on one hand I want to take the school to task - and demand (yes, I am in the demanding state of mind: ) better supervision, and I want to bring up their horrible treatment of bullying in general. On the other hand, my son does not want me talk to the school, and I am so pleased he tells me what goes on in school - and I do not want to break that trust.


If I tell the school, will he stop talking to me?? That is my big fear. On the other hand, I beleive a large part of the "tell an adult" idea is so the adult can advocate for you - and if I do nothing with the info.....I am not advocating for him.

[MrsCorell]

You may be able to talk to the school about the issue without have to bring a specific name or incident to light. It is important that the school know that there are bully problems. When I worked at a school, parents would get upset and yell at us for not taking care of bully issues that most often we didn't know even existed. Communication is the key here. If you dont' bring up your child's specific problem, but rather mention that you have noticed numerous issues with the children in general they'll understand there is a problem without upsetting your son at all.

Also, you may want to bring this up with either the PTO or the school board. Sometimes if nothing is done, these two groups are more likely to get realize there is a problem and look for a solution. It has been in my experience that a bully problem does not simply go away. It usually escalates until the school has no choice but to fix it.

[kathymuggle]

:

I have eventually come to the decision that I will talk to the school about the root problem - which is the treatment of bullying, rather than the exact issue - out of respect for my son and his feelings that "he's handled it "(which he has).

I am going to express my sons concerns around why he feels it is not a safe idea to report bullying, and ask to have a copy of their bullying policy (they should have one). I do not relish the idea of talking to the principal - I think she will stone-wall me, but I have to do what I have to do. At least i will begin the dialogue.

kathy