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Twins + special needs child? Edited.

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Original post (roughly)...

I'm scared, mamas, and I need some encouragement.

I have a son with physical disabilities - he's in a wheelchair, tube fed, medically fragile, and basically requires total care. He's an absolute joy, but is also a lot of work.

DH and I decided that now would be a good time to bring another child into our family. We found out this week that we're not only getting one addition, but two... it's TWINS! After the initial shock, I've been so nervous and apprehensive about how I'm going to manage taking care of newborn twins and also giving DS the care he needs. I'm really scared .


(Now here's where I got pouty...)

I'm sad. I posted this thread hoping for a little reassurance, and I got none. Over 30 people have viewed it and no one could post with a little ecouragement, even if you don't have experience in what I'm talking about? Guess I'll be getting my support elsewhere .
post #2 of 24
D'Anne, please don't take it that way...
I read it, started a reply, then was called away by a shrieking newborn--that's the way it is all too often. I wanted to say first of all that your son is beautiful, and does have an amazing smile. Were I in your shoes, I would definitely use up as many of those nursing hours as you can get and get as much assistance from family or friends as possible--especially the first month or two--even if it comes to hiring a nanny or part-time helper.
I will write more later--both boys are again awake for another meal.
Take care.

Okay...as I was saying...the most helpful things I found in the first few weeks were people to help cook and help out with my daughter as she ever-so-gradually adjusted to life with two babies pulling away mommy and daddy all the time. Just before I delivered, I got in touch with a local multiples group (can be a great resource of info and tips!), all of whom have been phenomenal and probably kept us in dinners for a solid two weeks! Now, help with my daughter is always nice, but having an extra set of hands to hold, carry and love on a baby now and again is divine--while it's possible to sling or wrap both at once, it's not always practical, nor do they always like it. I don't know what to suggest about how to get all three around at the same time--again, perhaps someone in your local multiples group has BTDT and has suggestions for you. You may want to consider finding extra help, too, for your last trimester so that you can be sure to get enough rest, food and water to bake those babies as long as possible.
Finally, I don't know how many on this board would agree, but it has been a life-saver, after the boys were about 6 weeks old or so, to get them on a routine of eat-play-sleep at an interval of about 3 hours, more or less, depending on when they give hunger cues, that has helped us push their long stretch of sleep into the nighttime so that now they routinely sleep from at least 10:00 at night until 6:30. Sleep keeps me sane. I exclusively pump for them, so I think it's a bit easier with a bottle to get them to eat more at feedings than if they were nursing--but that isn't to say that nursing makes a routine impossible, either.
Those are all the things that come to mind! Best wishes for an uneventful and happy pregnancy!
post #3 of 24
I have a special needs child too mama. I don't know what your original post was but I hope everything works out wonderfully for you and your family. please join us in the special needs forum any time.
post #4 of 24
Congrats on the news of your twins, and I am sorry I did not see the original post. Life with multiples brings many changes -- and doing things in a timely manner (returning phone calls, sending birthday cards, helping friends in need) is one of many things that often slips. Not that that's an excuse, just a reality.

Often, I read here while nursing and want to reply but when I have hands free, my 4 year old calls to help him with a project, or the babes are making a huge mess (as they are at the moment), or dinner is burning (as it did last night when I made the mistake of leaving something cooking to go to the bathroom, then stopped to nurse a babe who had bonked her head while playing, and suffered through blackened pork chops as a result.)

Anyway -- I wish I had seen your original post, and I am so excited that you are expecting twins, and I would love to offer advise and encouragement -- it just might not be in the same timeframe I would have before twins.

Take care and good luck with your babes.
post #5 of 24
I didn't see your post, either. Please don't leave. As mamas of twins sometimes we barely have enough time to read a post before we have to get offline. Or maybe we want to help but don't know what to say, kwim? Anyway, if no one answered your post I am sure it is not because we don't care.
post #6 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by jackson's mama
I'm sad. I posted this thread hoping for a little reassurance, and I got none. Over 30 people have viewed it and no one could post with a little ecouragement, even if you don't have experience in what I'm talking about? Guess I'll be getting my support elsewhere .
Hey-no fair, mama. You just posted this late last night and I am just seeing it for the first time. The 30 views were probably mostly from mamas without twins or a special needs child b/c I have found that people are fascinated with multiples and tend to lurk here. Most of us would love to give some support if you gave us a chance!
post #7 of 24
I didn't see your original post either, but I know that sometimes I have to step away from posts (especially really emotional ones) and think about it before I can compose a thoughtful response later.

Hang in there
post #8 of 24
I only get a chance to pop over here once in a while so I've just seen your thread today. I agree with midwestmom- lots of curious nonMOMs who like to lurk so I bet that's what a lot of those views were. Anyhow, sorry you're having a rough time. I wish I could say more but I didn't see your original message so I'll check back again later in case you update.
post #9 of 24
I didn't see your original post either (due to screaming twins) but I would say that if you go to Yahoo and set up the calendar to say NEED: Dinner or NEED: Baby help on certain days and times, then put people in your address book and let them know that where is says NEED, they should change it to their name, they will be able to help you and you will know when help is available. I know this sounds sort of confusing, sorry about that. If you PM me I can explain it better. We did this for our twins and it really helped a ton.
post #10 of 24
Sorry, I did not see your original post either. I do not have a special needs child but have a lot of experience with them professionally. If you would like to repost, I would love to offer support.

HUGS either way.....
Tassy
post #11 of 24
This is the first time I've seen this thread too..I hope you havent left this site..I have a special needs 3 year old (she has Autism) and twin 4 month old boys..please feel free to pm me anytime!!
post #12 of 24
Thread Starter 
Forgive my over-emotional edit mamas - pregnancy hormones are running wild! I was reacting mostly to a similar thread that had received replies while mine had not... coupled with fear and apprehension about where my life is headed, I lashed out. I apologize.

Thanks for those who left helpful suggestions and hugs .
post #13 of 24
Dear Jacksons Mama,

I looked at your website about Jackson - through the link in your signature...(what a beautiful boy!)...it inspired me take action to do something I have always wanted to do...

I clicked your link to the National Marrow Donation Program and sent an email to my local site about how to register my husband and myself.

We are also having a baby in January and so I sent an email to Cryo Intl (there are no participating hospitals in MA!!) about cord blood donation.

If all goes smoothly with the donation I can ask my clients to consider this as well...and have other MA midwives and their clients do it...

Thank you for sharing your story through the website, many blessings to you!

Paige
post #14 of 24
I also donated my twins cord blood when they were born. We were at a leading hospital for genetic research, so it should be put to good use.
post #15 of 24
D'Anne, I think of you often, actually. I live in Durham, so whenever the subject of CCBB comes up I think of Jackson and your family and hope you are all doing well.

That being said, I have no experience with twins and a sn kiddo, so I can't offer advice. I can only say that you can do this, you may be pleasantly surprised at the (good) changes siblings can bring for a sn child. I have heard from countless sn moms that siblings helped their sn child blossom in ways they never imagined.



P.S., Jackson looks so cute for his first day of school!!
post #16 of 24
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much . Paige, it means so much to me that Jackson's story has inspired you to sign up as a donor and investigate donating your baby's cord blood. I have a few friends who have donated through Cryo Intl and found it easy - the hospital staff was cooperative and everything went smoothly. It's too bad there aren't more cord blood banks around, hopefully that will change in the near future.

Finch, nice to "talk" to you again . I have heard similar stories about the benefits of siblings for sn kids - I'm hopeful this will be the case for our family.


I'm feeling better about things at the moment. I know Jackson will love his sisters so much, I can just imagine him cuddling them on his lap and them all giggling together. They will have a lot of fun together, that's for sure.

I was crying in the car about it yesterday, and I had a thought that helped me immensely... and that is that no matter what happens, I will give my kids all the love I possibly can. As hard as it will be, there will always be lots of love .


(P.S. I edited my original post - again! - to reflect what it was initially about)
post #17 of 24
I’m very sorry your original post did not get replied to. That would have upset me too. I have to tell you that after reading your post here I looked at Jackson’s website, and I’ll admit that I’m not great with encouragement, but your story truly touched me. Your son is so beautiful and his smiles are a testament to your love and strength as parents. I’ll tell you what my mother told me when I got pouty on her about being pregnant with twins and having a toddler: You’ll make it work because you have to and you’ll find people and systems that will help make it easier. I know your particular circumstances make your situation different from mine but I believe you will make it work. Please give us multiples gals another try and keep us posted. You really must be an extraordinary and exceptional woman to have been chosen to raise such extraordinary children. I wish you the best.
post #18 of 24
I just saw your post. Congrats!!!!! Wow that's really neat! Double blessed.

My situation is totally different but both of my kids have or had their issues. I had my SID 3yo daughter and then along came my reflux/tube-fed daughter. We managed. It was a big adjustment but we surived to tell about it.
post #19 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinvillageiowa View Post
I didn't see your original post either (due to screaming twins) but I would say that if you go to Yahoo and set up the calendar to say NEED: Dinner or NEED: Baby help on certain days and times, then put people in your address book and let them know that where is says NEED, they should change it to their name, they will be able to help you and you will know when help is available. I know this sounds sort of confusing, sorry about that. If you PM me I can explain it better. We did this for our twins and it really helped a ton.
This is an awesome idea! So is joining a local MOMs group. I'd suggest that you start lining up volunteers & joining by the beginning of your last trimester. Don't be afraid to reach out & ask for help when you need it.

Also, you might check into respite services:
http://www.archrespite.org/index.htm
post #20 of 24
It will be very hard, I won't lie. Some days you will cry, some days you will yell, throw tantrums, want to run away, etc.

But you will also get the most beautiful moments of your twins laughing at your oldest, holding hands, kissing you/sibling/each other, and so much love!! Some days I cry from how lucky I am!!

You can spend your last weeks of pg, preparing for the babies. Get a BIG support network setup. Multiple groups, church friends, neighbors, family, local nursing students, doulas, LLL, and any other group that you know of and ASK for HELP. You may even need to pay for some help, especially the early weeks while you are recovering and getting nursing established and a routine worked out.

Keep in mind, that it is only a few weeks, no matter what it is. . . a few weeks of nightfeedings, a few weeks of colic, a few weeks of messy first foods, a few weeks of babyhood, etc. In a few weeks, they will be a year. . . then a few more they will be 2, etc. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING FOR A FEW WEEKS!!!
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