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Twins + special needs child? Edited. - Page 2

post #21 of 24
I don't have any suggestions or anything, but wanted to give some 's. It is very overwhelming to think about right now, but it will all be ok in the end and you will be so happy you had your twins
post #22 of 24
I am glad you are feeling better. Let me start by saying what a *gorgeous* family you are. I loved your family photo on Jackson's site. I tried to imagine the twins in the photo and just felt so much joy at the thought of it.

I haven't been in your shoes, but thought I'd share anyway because I am going through a situation that I think might bear a similar weight.

I have a ds with special needs. They aren't medical needs, but he is developmentally delayed. He has a number of weekly appoinments with specialists and helping him reach his potential for development truly is a full time job. He is also only 17 months old, still such a baby. We just had a sudden addition to our family: a foster baby. She is under a year old. We very much chose to have her. She is wanted and beautiful and adorable and so much already a blessing in our family. But she too has a lot of needs on top of the usual infant needs right now given the circumstances that brought her into our home. To top it all off I work nights and if I don't get a chance to nap during the day I am good for nobody.

It is hard work, having these two children so close in age who both have some special needs right now, and working nights on top of it all. This morning we didn't get to go to ds' swim class because it was just too much for one mama to handle, and I felt badly but otherwise thought the morning went smoothly. Then by the afternoon I felt the pull very strongly. They *both* had all their needs pop up at the same time again and again, and I just didn't have enough hands and enough lap. I wished so badly that I had hired help just to get me through those moments...just to come in and feed us all or something. I was being one crabby mother and felt bad for ds because he was getting the brunt of my crabbiness. He has a great sense of humor and is very resiliant, so I think he recovered right away, but I can't shake the scary thought of what his early life will be like if I am in that mood all the time. I don't want to be that kind of a mother to my very special little boy, or this little dfd. I know I have to pull it together, but I also know I have to be realistic about the challenges and plan that some days will just be like that.

Everyone keeps telling me we will fall into a routine that works for us, and things will get easier. I am trusting that will happen. It has been less than a week, afterall, and we are still getting to know one another. I have to believe that I can handle what happens in my life. That I am cared for in this universe as well.

The good thing is that you are going to have preparation for this...I know there is no *real* preparation, but this is your time to circle the wagons and put the support systems in place that will get you through. And I really appreciate the post about "just a few weeks." That can be a useful mantra when the going is rough.

I love my family very much just as it is right now. My dfd and ds are soundly sleeping as I take a break from work and respond to your post. They are such gifts. When I went in to check on them right after they fell asleep, I just stood there thinking about how at one point today they held hands on my chest as I held one in one arm and the other in the other arm. They are loved and wanted, and being loved and wanted we can all get through so much together. We'll just hang in there. A few weeks at a time.
post #23 of 24
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much for the responses and the hugs. It feels good to get support and encouragement, and it's really helping me feel more confident about the whole thing.

I looked up my local mothers of twins group online and there is one close by - I will get in touch with them in a few months to get that support system going. It looks like they will do meals for new families which is really nice. I have a hard time asking for help so it's going to take some time to work up to that - I guess I should start making my lists now so that I have a few months to target people and work up the courage!

cdahlgrd, I think I will keep the "I can do anything for a few weeks" mantra in my head - that's a good one!

Sierra, what a beautiful post, thank you for sharing a bit of your life with me. You are right about getting the opportunity to prepare. A lot of the things that got me through Jackson's illness will be the same things that will get me through this... it's just hard to know that I'll have to muster that strength and stamina again. BUT, like you said, at least I can prepare for it this time - I didn't get that luxury when Jackson was diagnosed.

Thanks again for the replies and the .
post #24 of 24
DO NOT WAIT!!!!

You need to have a very large, strong system in place as soon as possible!! First, you need people comfortable with your oldest to care for him if needed. Second, you need help incase those babies show up early. Third, you need PRACTICE asking for help because after the babies are here is TOO LATE!!!!!!

Go to LLL meetings, go to the twins meetings, talk to other twin moms, go to pllaygroups with your oldest, invite others over for coffee. I know this is hard, but DO NOT WAIT!!

With twins, when you blink, a week will be gone or a month. You won't mean to, but suddenly you will be a year older and your kids will be walking and your all will be missing out on friends and fun. I know you don't believe me, but a month will pass and you won't even notice. It is too hard trying to make connections with people in the middle of that, so don't wait.
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