Re: I Need A Fresh Outlook About S.N. Son
|Originally posted by calgal007
I am posting this here because I am at that "ground down" place we mommas of Special Needs children are familiar with. I told DH the other night that I didn't put in for this kind of "hazard duty" and that I'm ready for my nineteenth nervous breakdown. (Love that song!) Anyway, I'm just wondering what do the rest of you do when you are tired of caretaking and of putting your own emotions under lock and key so that you don't lose it at the expense of your special needs child?
When my son was ten weeks old I handed him to a neighbor(best friend) one breezy November day and didnt see him for ten days. I left with my husband and daughter and went one direction and she took him and left in another. I was at one of those points in my life where I couldnt take the high needs, screaming, withdrawing from drugs and alcohol baby anymore. That was a big breaking point for me and a revelation that has made me take stock in what I can and cannot do. I am not super woman. I cant do it all. I cant be a perfect mother, and I will have those bad mommy days. I wish I could say in the past two and half years that I have never lost it. I have more than I ever care to admit here, but it has happened. It comes at times when I am spent. I havent taken time for me. Time I now demand from my husband, time I seek out, time I ask for from family and friends and sometimes I have just told my husband "I'm leaving" grabbing my keys some change a few cds and getting in the car. I may be back in twenty minutes or two hours. I am still learning how to keep my own anger and frustration under wraps, to be patient, and to see my son for who he is, beyond what disables him.