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first moon party - Page 2

post #21 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by primjillie View Post
My daughter would have been embarrassed too. And I have to tell you, after more than 30 years of the wretched "curse", I will celebrate when it stops!! lol
This is why I am happy my parents had a feast and celebration. I had to sit in the middle of over 30 guests while they each took turns speaking to me about the importance of becoming a woman. I never felt like my period/moon was a curse, but more of a fact of life and the difference between being a girl and a woman.
post #22 of 61
You are lucky then. I have had terrible problems with the "curse" for years and am now probably facing surgery, so I may have a warped image. My mother, sisters and daughter have problems too, so none of us look at it with starry eyes and celebrate it. I also don't think just getting your period makes you a woman - there is much more to it. I also believe different cultures have different ways of looking at and that is fine too!
post #23 of 61
I bought my daughter earrings to celebrate her first period. I didn't want anything over the top, but something symbolic to celebrate.
post #24 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmace View Post
I bought my daughter earrings to celebrate her first period. I didn't want anything over the top, but something symbolic to celebrate.

This sounds like a very nice idea to me. I'll keep it in mind. It's something special but it doesn't seem embarassing at all.
post #25 of 61
Glad for this thread, my DD started this morning I knew it's been coming with all the emotional stuff she's been going through! I love the earring idea, I think I'll get her a pair while we're out getting her supplies.
post #26 of 61
Thread Starter 
Thanks for all those replies. I think I like the idea with the basket (book, shower gel and the like), maybe with a little celebration with some special female friends. Maybe every guest could decorate a pebble stone - something red for the occasion.
I also found an article in the Mothering archives, the title was something like "first moon party" (just like the thread I started here - probably that was some rudimentary memory ).
post #27 of 61
My youngest is 12 and I'm hoping to have a nice celebration that includes her two older sisters and other women in the family and friendship cirle when she first bleeds. Also, I'm currently in a women's studies course and plan to write my term paper on that subject, so I need to hear all ideas on that subject.
When our last daughter startet I had just received the weeping willow she had wanted and my husband, the children and I gathered around the hole she had dug and watched her plant the tree. My husband said something to the effect that he hoped she would not have to weep much with monthly periods, but if she had to, she now had a place to do some of that weeping.


Hans(1884), Ian(1986, Liese(1989), Charlotte(1991) and Sessili(1994)
post #28 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by chellemarie View Post
So I'm thinking an economy size bottle of Motrin, maybe?


My older dd is about to turn 9, and I am thinking her first period is still a long way off (I didn't start until I was almost 15), but you never know. Surely there will be physical cues--she won't just start when her body is still so little girl-ish, will she?

She would be mortified to have the whole family's attention drawn to her for something so personal. For her, it would have to be something VERY low-key. I like the idea of earrings, but her ears aren't pierced yet, and I'm trying to hold off on that as long as possible. I guess it depends on how old she is when she starts.
post #29 of 61
My mother is soooo modest when it comes to her body. She has passed this trait on to all her seven daughters. She was always embarrassed about her periods. My oldest sister was mortified when our mother told our father she needed pads. Their second daughter didn't tell anyone but me (#3) when she started.
I was a different kind of bird. I was proud. I wanted a celebration. I got a trip to Ames with my big sis & her best friend. They ditched me in the feminine products aisle to swoon over a clerk in the electronics department. Mama had been too embarrassed to come along.:

I like the idea of the special women in your life coming together to celebrate. Low-key - maybe gifting jewerly, a journal, chocolate, reading poetry. Red Tent - esque. This is my plan for our daughters. Hopefully something that cements our bond and feels more like our relationship is growing than me tormenting them.
Certainly not parading them around & announcing to everyone... However, I hope that our dds will have a close enough bond/trust with dh that they wouldn't be mortified that he knows.
post #30 of 61
Hi All,
Elizabeth Davis, a prominant midwife, has written a lot about Blood Mysteries. She has some great ideas about Menarche celebrations and why they are important to our daughters.

http://www.elizabethdavis.com/mysteries.html

I think the most important part is that this is your DAUGHTER'S celebration, and so she should be the one to pick what happens. Suggest ideas of course, but you shouldn't force a public party on her anymore than you should ignore this special time in her life. The point is to make her moon a celebration of her womanhood, not a curse or something to be ashamed about. If she picks something special that she is comfortable with this will be a validation of her ability to have control over her own life now. It will also start off her relationship with her body in a positive way, instead of learning that her moon is dirty and she should hide it.

Some simple ideas to include:

Buy her a red shirt, dress, scarf, or other clothing item that she can wear every month when she bleeds.

Buy a red piece of jewelry for the same purpose, to wear every month when she is bleeding.

Eat red foods at the party!

Have a group of her friends and family members (women) tell the stories of their own menarche, good and bad. Have them share their favorite parts about their moons and why they are proud to be women.

HTH!
post #31 of 61
My mom took me out for a fancy sushi lunch (sushi was and still is one of my favorites)... I definitely would celebrate with my daughter as well!!! I think it's awesome that you are celebrating her impending womanhood with her. Periods get so much bad press that it's easy to forget that they are part of the amazing cycle of life
post #32 of 61
Wow, this is great. I never knew that people actually celebrate menarche, my mother taught me more or less nothing about it except that it was something I should be ashamed of... so all that happened when I got my period for the first time was that I ruined about fifteen pairs of underwear, having no clue how to organize an operation to steal pads from my mother
I especially like the idea of getting a day off school for this! And maybe a special dinner... though the person I was at 11 would NOT have wanted ANYONE (especially icky boys) to know why said special dinner was happening
post #33 of 61
I gave dd a basket of things on her 10th birthday(I was 12 when I started, but dh's sisters were 9, so who knows when she will start). I put cloth pads, natural disposable pads, a rice-filled mini-pillow that can be heated in the microwave and used for cramping, a couple books,and a blood Jasper stone in it. She really loved the gift and has been reading up on what to expect. When the time arrives, I think we will do something special together, just the two of us. And, we have agreed that she can have her ears pierced at that time as well.
post #34 of 61
oh my gosh i thought my eyes were going to get stuck permanently up in the back of my skull. Where they rolled each of the probably half-dozen times menstruation is referred to, seriously, as 'The Curse'. I also thought that, by the gasp and horror of their contrived reactions, some of the voices seemed like attempts to shame anyone expressing a wish to recognize and celebrate this rite of passage.

To turn away from our daughters at this time, to refuse to recognize the significance of this event for them, this does not honor them or spare them embarrassment. It is not a respectful way to behave.... ignoring the elephant in the room, heads buried in the sand.
I am most in agreement with those women who have expressed sensitivity toward their daughters own wishes for the occasion. Who have seized upon the moment, but not as their own. Those that have been mindful, openly inviting and encouraging their daughters expressions, and whose intent is to honor those expressions.

It is important for us to be supportive and loving and non-shaming. For those who have a difficult time with the issue of menstruation, for those who experience menstruation that is a painful and difficult reminder of illness and suffering, I want to say something: If the best you can do is pretend not to have negative feelings..... i say go for the Oscar! If the only two options for your daughters inheritance are: A) be totally honest with her about how sexual maturity, womanhood, ovulation and menstruation have saddled you with unbearable shame and suffering. Expressing all of your embarrassment and disgust and dissatisfaction, expressing real surprise that somehow, despite shame so deep you're sure you'd die if anybody ever found out ...yet... somehow you've managed to carry on. Presenting yourself as her role-model, you can encourage her to follow your courageous footsteps and march her along into this vision of hell; her curse, her cross to bear.
OR
You can suck it up and put on your game face and have a run at practiced objectivity. You could run it over it in the mirror a few times to be sure it was passable....you don't want to look as if someone were holding a small turd beneath your nose. But you don't have to be doing some dippy loony clown thing either..... you could just aim for a tone of acceptance and an expression in your eyes of love and you could keep your words informational.... you don't have to profess this appreciation of the magic and wonder of womanhood if you don't feel it.

I think if thats the best you can do......... right on. You should do it.
I think if there are others with the ability to do more, why would you want to discourage them from doing so?
It has just now occurred to me that those women who find their bodies and their menstrual cycles disgusting do not realize that their vision is skewed, and so my advice is worthless and irritating.

What can we do to eliminate this poisonous distorted image of menstruation as a shameful secret...... something which lurks beneath the surface smacking its jaws in anticipation....... something to be banished into the darkness else we be 'found out'..... ?

will we ever get there?
-anj119
post #35 of 61
Wonder if maybe you should run the idea by your daughter before you focus too much energy on a grand ritual?

I love the idea of doing something to commemorate this passage into womanhood...but I can think of a million things that could go wrong with an idea like this...but it may totally be a cultural thing, though...women are taught to be shamed by their bodies and its processes in my neck of these Southern woods (US)...I mean, my dad berated me and punished me for getting blood on a bath towel when I was 12 years old...that's the kind of squeamish, misogynistic message that lots of women get around here.

That being said, it would seem to be a GREAT idea to celebrate this happening...except that your daughter might be terrible embarassed and unwelcoming to such an idea.

Also, I worry about the rites of passage into "womanhood" or "manhood" in this day and age...it is so different now than when our ancient mothers and fathers performed such rituals. I worry that a girl who has gone through a rite of passage into womanhood might mistakenly come to believe that now that she's a "woman" she should be doing more womanly things...like having sex, etc.

Of course, we know our daughters best. And really, I'm speaking of girls and young women in a really abstract sense here...sort of just rambling with my thoughts. Sorry to go on...just wanted to share.

I'm interested to know how this works out for you and your daughter. My little girl is 9, but we have always been very open and candid about body-stuff, and I'm curious to know how we'll deal with this particular rite in our own home.

Good luck finding what you need.
post #36 of 61
Thread Starter 
Actually, I did ask for my daughter's input in the matter. But I wanted to get some kind of inspiration which is exactly what is happening on this forum right now.
So, just yesterday Luise told me if "it" should happen pretty soon she would like the idea of a party. In case she should be older she told me she would like to keep it low-key - she doesn't want to be labeled as a "late bloomer". (It was a comfort for her that I was "already" 14 1/2 years old when I started having my period. Also, I told her that she is lucky regarding some studies on breast cancer risk.)
Anyway, I have started a "first moon gift basket" (body oil, natural and washable pads and the like).
post #37 of 61
My 11 yr old started her period in Oct. It really took me by surprise. I was 13 when I started so I thought it would be some time.
My neighbor really wanted to be part of a celebration, but I decided to just have it be a special moment for the two of us. We went out and I got her a new red shirt, we went out for pizza and then we went to the bookstore and I got her a New Moon Magazine. She loved the magazine so I got her a subscription. We had a nice time together, and I gave her some advice along the way.
post #38 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lambsauce View Post
Wow, this is great. I never knew that people actually celebrate menarche, my mother taught me more or less nothing about it except that it was something I should be ashamed of... so all that happened when I got my period for the first time was that I ruined about fifteen pairs of underwear, having no clue how to organize an operation to steal pads from my mother
Whoa, Allie--did we grow up in the same family?

I have boys but I love reading this thread and hearing how all you women out there are thinking of your daughters and honoring them in the way that speaks to you & your family....very healing for me to read and makes me start thinking about the coming of age rituals that we may contemplate for our boys in the next (gulp) 6 to 10 years.

Jenny
post #39 of 61
anj119~ thank you for you impassioned post.

our periods should not be seen as a curse, that is such a negative way to look at it. I have a hard enough time with the term "aunt flow", as though we have to 'hide' our sacred moon time with some silly cover-up term. "aunt flow is visiting..."

we are in the 21st century, time to evolve.<raises eyebrows>
post #40 of 61
My mom was *very* open about her period and actually used tampons in front of me (probably on a monthly basis ) But for some reason, I still didn't tell her that I had started until my second period came around. I wasn't embarrassed *because* I was on my period but I was 14 and a half (NOT 11-12 ish like a lot of girls) so I was way pass the "little girl stage" and in that stage where I just felt like not telling my mom about anything that was going on in my life for the heck of it. Plus, my second sister who is 2 and half years younger, was already getting boobies while I had just started to get them before her. And I was constantly hearing "I bet Mallory will start before Carly" and when you are that age, its annoying to hear that your younger sister is "better" than you in anyway. I say better because it was actually the "cool" thing in Jr. High. I remember in P.E. class especially, a lot of the girls would make it well known that they needed a tampon or something in the locker room to gain respect or something. But I didn't follow the crowd. I made it well known that I hadn't started yet (until I did of course).

ETA: FTR, I just wanted to say that I don't really *say* Auntie Flo, though I do use the abbreviation "AF" online. I don't know anyone who actually says "Aunt Flo" out loud. I'm only 21 though so maybe that's why? The slang term I've always heard was "on the rag". Kinda gross though. LOL
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