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3 yo still in diapers, help me undestand - Page 6

post #101 of 201
My DD is nearly three and just became completely PL this month. I will admit... I got really grossed out over the past few months by changing poopies. I made a joke out of it to cover my uncomfortableness (is that a word?) but it was how I felt and its not good to pretend to kids that you don't feel something.

There are child care providers who will not take un-PL older kids. We were going to sign DD1 up for a day camp this summer, but couldn't because she wasn't PL'ed. But they were up front about it and would never have called us after the fact. It was a matter of them not having enough staff to be changing kids and still have enough people on the floor.

I really don't think it is a child's best interest to force them into PLing before they are ready... and I don't think a child can really do it unless they are ready. I knew my DD was ready, she actually told me that she didn't want to wear panties because it was easier to pee in her dipes (!) it was just a matter of me being consistent. But I would never have forced her if I though it would hurt her. No matter how much I was filling up the landfill with her pullups. (sorry)
post #102 of 201
Let's see, I've had four children that PLed so far with three more to go. They all did it at different ages and with different motivation. They were all cloth diapered. My fifth child is now two months away from being 4 years old and not the least bit interested in potty training. He's very verbal, smart, knows his ABC's, the works. But why would I push him or pressure him? I don't do that when I wean my kids, some have nursed up to four years old. Changing a nearly 4 year old kid's diaper is not the biggest thrill of my life but he'll do it when he's ready. All of my kids did just get up one morning and do it, having little or no accidents after that. When I had a few kids Iwould probably have thought badly of a parent that had a four year old in diapers. I guess I learned my lesson, right?
post #103 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by joesmom
This is supposed to be a gentle discipline, child led parenting site.
Read the top...it says, "The Natural Family Living Community".
tell me you are not seriously arguing after 10,000 posts at this place that it is not a board for AP parents and those who promote child led parenting, and Gentle Discipline just like.....oh I don't know.... um... it's namesake, Mothering Magazine.
post #104 of 201
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by joesmom View Post
: Whaaaaa??? : I have BTDT, & I don't think I or any of the other moms here who have kids who trained late recommend being "hands off." We recommend being RESPECTFUL, & PATIENT, & KIND.
By "hands off" I meant exactly that, sorry the wording implied otherwise. When I posted my starting question I was simply looking for suggestions on how one does in fact respectfully conversate with an older child in diapers and your thoughts on how I should handle a situation that I'm uncomfortable with.

I can see from your posts that this transition can be very stressful to both parent and child. It's so outside of my own experience as an ECer I really needed some insight on what the child is thinking and how that whole family dynamic works. If you haven't walked in someone's shoes it's hard to know how they might be feeling KWIM and I'd rather risk offending you guys with something unintentionally rude than to say that same thing to my friend w/o knowing that I'm going to hit a sore point.

At the suggestion of some of the earlier posters before this thread turned into a whole depate over diapering, the mom and I had an honest and friendly chat about this issue together. Having her pick him up to do diaper changes was her suggestion. I'm caring for this child as a personal favor to a dear friend who is also a neighbor. She gets caught up on housework while her ds plays with my dd. I'm happy to care for her child but not comfortable diapering him so this is a good compromise that works for us both.

Anyway I guess I'm done with this thread, thanks so much to those of you who answered on topic.

Ya'll feel free to continue this debate as you see fit.
post #105 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
I guess the thing that rings for me about pigpokey's post is the whole choosing your battles thing. I choose *not* to battle with my children. And somehow dd1 learned to potty around the same time pigpokey's did. dd2 is taking somewhat longer and I have no need for her to go faster.

Every child is different.
Each mom is different. The battle was my battle over how I want to spend my time, not a battle with my child.
post #106 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by joesmom View Post
If you don't have a problem with changing his diaper, why would you wonder if you have damaged him? You are taking the posts out of context a bit. And I DO think it can be degrading for a 3 year old to be changed by someone who is visibly disgusted. My friend with the SN nine year old, when she is changing her, never makes a big fuss over the smell or the grossness. It is about respect.
It does make me uncomfortable to change a child that age, I do think it's a little "weird" as the OP said. Obviously no one here is going to change some kid's diaper and go "This is disgusting, what is wrong with you?" or anything... people were claiming that the child would be able to tell that she is grossed out and that would damage him. I don't think I took anything out of context.
post #107 of 201
OP: So glad you found something that works for you.

Re: poop is gross. I'm with ekblad8. It's not the biggest thrill of the day....but it's just not some heinous thing. Goodness gracious, when working in an organic garden, I've shoveled *large* amounts of horse poop. I've scraped chicken poop off perches (I'll admit, that's kinda gross). Shoveled cow poop on one occasion to clear a pasture for a music festival. Poop is everywhere and sure does make plants grow pretty.

Two of the folks in my family are environmental engineers that visit sewage treatment plant (called poopy plants in my family). They develop what is called "plant nose" after a while. Meaning the first couple of times you go, you can't breathe for the horrible stench sometimes...but then you are able to use your nose to work and sometimes figure out problems. (A properly functioning sewage treatment plant does not smell, so they say.)

Maybe toddler diaper changes are like that. I'd rather change a toddler than deal with chicken poop any day.
post #108 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pynki View Post
I've watched a SN's little girl who had accidents all the time. She was in "diapers" I suggested pull ups (the good nights brand where the only ones big enough for her.) so that she could feel more "normal" at school and not have to worry about how many changes she needed. It was at my friends request. (They were foster parents.) It worked out well. I also gave them the names of some WAHM's who would probably be willing to make them some cloth 'pull ups' if they wanted. It just wasn't an issue for me when she needed help with her toileting or with wiping or with a change. She was a child. She needed help. I don't get the big deal.
Your requests were to help the little girl, to help her feel better in school, which is awesome. I totally get that- what I don't get are the posts lamenting how gross it is to change a toddler's diaper. I think it is just hitting me, the OP was about a THREE year old- to me that is still a baby!
post #109 of 201
Quote:
Having her pick him up to do diaper changes was her suggestion. I'm caring for this child as a personal favor to a dear friend who is also a neighbor. She gets caught up on housework while her ds plays with my dd. I'm happy to care for her child but not comfortable diapering him so this is a good compromise that works for us both.
Well now, this changes everything for me! I did not understand this from your previous posts - I thought you watched this child while her mother worked, and you were going to call her from work to come pick up her child, that's why I reacted the way I did. I should have known better, and I'm sorry for thinking that way! To me, your situation is more like a playdate, and asking your neighbor to retrieve her child makes a lot of sense. I hope you can forgive my post about never having you watch my child again - I honestly thought you were a child care provider in this situation.
post #110 of 201
Reading this thread is making me .

Why would anyone assume that they could teach another person's child to use the potty better/earlier? Why is it so troubling that some children use diapers after age 3?

Why would anyone assume that early potty learning is ungentle or disrespectful? Why is it so troubling that some children are finished with diapers before the age of 2?

These comments are not directed at the op, who had an honest question and got lots of great answers. I just don't get all of the judgment about the potty behavior of other people's children????

FTR, my dd learned early-ish (27 months). She is now 5.5 , and I am still wiping her poopy butt! LOL! So I don't personally get the connection between 3 yo dipes and grossness, cause I am still wiping poop at 5 even though dipes are a distant memory.
post #111 of 201
I am floored at the amount of "well, we did it this way, why can't everyone?" posts here. The posters who have had young children who have PLed at an early age - that's great! But, why in the world would you think that because it worked for YOU and YOUR kid, it would work for mine? One of the things I'm learning most as a mama is that the right to judge other mamas is just not my place. My good friend has a four-year-old daughter who was exhibiting behavior that concerned the mama, so she asked me, "What should I do?" My honest answer was, "I can give you my feedback about what I observe, but I could never tell you what to do, because I haven't been in your shoes." To say, or even imply, that because your child responded well to a learning technique you used to PL with him/her that it works for everyone, or that at the very least, we should all be trying harder or doing something different is simply arrogant.

You have no idea the steps taken, techniques tried, lessons taught, that we have gone through with toddlers, and it is absolutely astounding that because you have a child who is PLed at a certain age, it somehow gives you the right to say that all/most/many children should also be, is inconceivable.

ETA: My best lessons come from my own arrogance as a pre-mama woman...DH and I babysat a friend's children when Henry was still a newborn, and their youngest is a boy, who was about 2 1/2 at the time. I remember having to change his dipe, and I was really uncomfortable. I didn't think he was necessarily too old to be wearing them, but I was sure way out of my element. I was careful to act fine about it with him, because I knew then that it was my *OWN* issue, and not his. Soon after, I picked up some dipes (before we switched to CDs, so I was buying the sized sposies at the giant evil box store), size 2 or something, and I remember seeing the boxes of 6s, and swearing to myself that I would *never* buy that size, since only kids 3 and up were in them. Imagine my humbling moment when my 2 year, 3 month year old son moved into 6s and is STILL in them at 2 years, 9 months. Same kid that's been PLing since he was 16 months old.
post #112 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by mmace View Post
Well now, this changes everything for me! I did not understand this from your previous posts - I thought you watched this child while her mother worked, and you were going to call her from work to come pick up her child, that's why I reacted the way I did. I should have known better, and I'm sorry for thinking that way! To me, your situation is more like a playdate, and asking your neighbor to retrieve her child makes a lot of sense. I hope you can forgive my post about never having you watch my child again - I honestly thought you were a child care provider in this situation.

I thought the same thing, & I am sorry for assuming.
post #113 of 201
I too am shocked by the opinions in this thread about older children in diapers. Odd to see it at mothering.

My older dd potty trained herself, completely on her own at 20 months or so.... she never pooped in a diaper after that. The only thing I did was always have a potty available for her if she wanted it. She wore cloth diapers, we didnt EC. However shortly after she turned 2 she regressed and for about a year peed on the floor pretty consistently. Nothing helped..... and she still on occassion does it when she is mad. Training earlier isnt always a good thing, I really think for her it prolonged the process overall. She is now 5 and still needs a diaper overnight because her body just does not wake up.

My younger DD is now 21 months and while she likes to sit on the potty after she sees us do it, she really could care less about actually using it and we don't push it. She peed in the big potty once and I really think that was coincidence, LOL. I put her on it because she asks, but I really think she does it because she likes to copy us. She is naked most of the day because she prefers to be that way, not because I am traing her. Because she is naked all the time she usually pees on the floor, she has a habit of getting a prefold and throwing it on the spot tho I have never told her to do that so I am not sure where she gets it from, then she comes and gets me to point it out, and moves on with her life. I don't think its doing a darn bit to "train" her tho nor would I use that method to train her. She will learn in her own time tho I often wonder if I should be more vigilant about putting diapers on her or less vigilant and let her be naked. I can't imagine either would help or hurt cause she will get it eventually I am sure.
post #114 of 201
It makes me really sad, like teary-sad, to think of a little kid, practically still a baby, having to bear the weight of an adult's disgust directed at them.
And toddlers, really little ones, being made to clean up waste so the adult(s) in their lives can be the proud parents of early learners.

post #115 of 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by liawbh View Post
It makes me really sad, like teary-sad, to think of a little kid, practically still a baby, having to bear the weight of an adult's disgust directed at them.
And toddlers, really little ones, being made to clean up waste so the adult(s) in their lives can be the proud parents of early learners.
What actually are you picturing here, in your head? In both cases?
post #116 of 201
My almost 3 yr old wears a diaper at nap and at nights. She is not wild about using the potty, but she likes to wear panties. She'd rather not deal with it at all, I don't think. So I do have to insist that she go sit on the potty at various times. (Okay, I don't HAVE to insist, but she gets very upset if she has an accident, and so then I have to clean up a puddle and deal with a hysterical toddler. While she might not WANT to sit on the potty at that moment, it's less traumatic than the alternative.) Many many children at three are still in diapers, especially boys, particularly about pooping. Elimination, like eating and sleeping, are things you really can't force a child to do, and getting into power struggles about them are kinda dumb, imho. You can model, encourage, even bribe (tho that rubs me the wrong way), to encourage a child's independence, but it's silly to get worked up about it.

It sounds like you're aware that this is your issue, however, and I applaud that. You've had totally different experiences, with early PL girls, and so having this great big boy who is still in diapers is kinda weird. I appreciate that. I'd try not to communicate disgust to him (which it sounds like you are) and offer opportunities. ("Would you like to sit on the potty?") Modeling by slightly older or peer boys might help, if available.
post #117 of 201
[QUOTE

There's a line from a song I like that says, "and sammy will do what sammy will do when sammy is ready to do it...and trevor will do what trevor will do when trevor is ready to do it....and lucy will do what lucy will do when lucy is ready to do it...and they'll do it...in their own time"QUOTE]


Whoo hoo, Finch! I LOVE that song! Go Signing Time!
post #118 of 201
Both my boys wer 3 and a half before showing any interest in potty training.

AM
post #119 of 201
another "my three year old is still in diapers" chiming in. My first daughter was out of diapers right around her second birthday-my youngest daughter had no interest. She will use the potty to pee when it suits her, but refuses to poop in it. She's always been prone to constipation, which I know plays a role in that. So I'm definitely not adding to that stress just yet by pushing it.
post #120 of 201
I agree with MamaInTheBoonies maybe he just needs some encouragement to start PL. I am not saying he should be completely potty trained yet but he should be started by now.
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