3 yo still in diapers, help me undestand - Page 5

[artgoddess]

Originally Posted by JBaxter

All 3 of my boys were out of diapers by 2 1/2. Nathan my youngest was my only cloth diapered child and he took the longest. We did the naked method which is something you may want to discuss w/ his mother. My oldest slept dry by 18 months and was completely done at 25months. Pooping was an issue w/ 2 of my boys. I ( at the advice of my ped) gave them lots of prune juice 2 - 4 oz a day. There was no holding that. After 2 or 3 sucessful runs to the potty they were "unafraid" ( for lack of a better word). In my family it would be quite odd to be 3 and still in diapers. I have 5 nephews and all were out of diapers well before 3.

To OP maybe the mom needs some cooperations and suggestions. I have seen children be diaper free in daycare and still use diapers at home.

Am I still at MDC?


just asking.

[savithny]

To OP maybe the mom needs some cooperations and suggestions. I have seen children be diaper free in daycare and still use diapers at home.

Let me go on the record as saying that *most* moms with a child who is 3+ and not using the potty do NOT need ANY more suggestions.

The majority of moms I know with later trainers (myself included) HAVE TRIED WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SUGGEST.

Yes, we tried it.
Yes, we were consistent.
Yes, we stuck with it for more than a day.

What is is about the sight of the edge of a diaper above the pants of any child over three that makes it open season on comments? Heck, both my kids are *very* tall for their ages, so we started getting comments earlier than that. Random strangers on the street would first try to *shame* my child ("you're a pretty big boy to still wear diapers? Do you think you're a baby still?") and then would offer me helpful "hints" like "have you tried naked time?" (Um, yeah. But maybe if you describe it to me for the hundredth time it'll suddenly work!)

.

[natashaccat]

Hey guys and just to bring this back to topic I'm really not interested in disrespecting this Mom's approach, I have girls and I've never diapered a boy so I just really wasn't sure if this was abnormal for a child this old to still be in diapers.

I'm not interested in taking on the job of PL and I only care for him for a few hours a week, mostly I don't have anything at all to do with diapering but sometimes he does poop and I'm just unsure how to talk to him about it and converned that I'll hurt his feelings because I do feel really grossed out to change a poopy diaper of a child this old.

It sounds like most of you who have BTDT, reccomend being extremely hands off. I think that if it happens again I'll just have one of his parents come back and pick him up.

[mmace]

I understand that it grosses you out, but honestly, if you were my child care provider and called me to come pick up my child because he had pooped, that would be the last day you would care for him.

[witchbaby]

Originally Posted by pigpokey

Sorry I wasn't trying to laugh at the infection, just keep from being too serious about my admonition not to scare people. Came out wrong.

Since most kids in the world "train" as one year olds (either transitioning from EC to independent pottying or transitioning from diapers to pottying), doesn't it seem likely that some one year olds are ready to be out of diapers? I'm not counting nights/naps although many people do, so I should be careful about that.

i think it's rather apparent i wasn't out to scare anyone and no one was frightened at what i said. my daughter did give herself a uti because she refused to urinate without diapers. you recommended taking away diapers and i stated what happened when i did. this was a recent occurrance, about a month ago. when i tried diaper-free days when she was younger (just about 2), if she had an accident, she freaked out (we don't understand why, no one who has cared closely for her has ever given her the message that she's bad or dirty), then sobbed and clung to us until we let her have diapers again.
i think it's very apparent my daughter, and other "older" toddlers aren't ready for the potty and THAT IS OKAY. just because your children or my cousin or the kids down the street potty trained at 5 months, 18 months, 2 years doesn't mean there's something wrong with my kid or that i'm a neglectful parent.
i think there is major case of "one-size-fits-all" parenting going on in this thread which just SHOCKS me on this board. :

[littleteapot]

Originally Posted by witchbaby

i think there is major case of "one-size-fits-all" parenting going on in this thread which just SHOCKS me on this board. :

:

[joesmom]

Originally Posted by natashaccat

It sounds like most of you who have BTDT, reccomend being extremely hands off. I think that if it happens again I'll just have one of his parents come back and pick him up.

: Whaaaaa??? : I have BTDT, & I don't think I or any of the other moms here who have kids who trained late recommend being "hands off." We recommend being RESPECTFUL, & PATIENT, & KIND. Hands off makes it sound like we are uncaring robots, plodding through our poop filled diaper days.

I hope, instead of waiting till this kid poops to call his parents, you call them now. Let them know that YOU have issues with this, before their son is damaged, even in a small way, by your reaction. Can you imagine if he pooped & you, instead of matter of factly changing him, call his parents to come get him? It will seem like a punishment- you seriously can't see that?

I remember my pastor's wife talking to me about her grandson, who is just about Joe's age, not being potty trained yet. this is when Joe was somewhere around four. I said, Joe isn't either, & I am not pushing him. She seemed really surprised by that. I feel like society makes our kids grow up too fast & it is my personal conviction that whenever I hear of a kid who is being rushed to train, I will tell my story.

(Then there is the behavioral therapist I know, who told my best friend that when she could not get her son out of diapers, she took them away & bought him underwear & told him the underwear was magic & if he pooped in it the underwear would BITE HIM. : : A behavioral therapist.)

[Mylittlevowels]

Originally Posted by mmace

I understand that it grosses you out, but honestly, if you were my child care provider and called me to come pick up my child because he had pooped, that would be the last day you would care for him.

No freaking kidding :
My MIL has had a daycare for 35 years and has seen all sorts. She doesn't bat an eye when changing a poopy diaper for my dd.

[chfriend]

natashaccat, I'm really wanting to suggest something that will help. I guess I just don't understand. It's just pee and poop. Even if he pooped in the potty, he'd likely still need help wiping, so it doesn't buy you much in terms of poop avoidance.

It's entirely normal. Entirely. Totally. Completely normal. Not a problem of lack of care or consistency. Just normal.

20 years ago when I worked for the happy crunchy cool daycare, *lots* of 3 year olds still used diapers, especially to poop. I didn't make up that story about the kid who was turning four, still in the "little kid" room, who was almost hospitalized. He was completely traumatized by the idiot grown ups who wanted so desparately not to change his poops.

What is it about the changes that are hard? They're usually so quick about changes at that age, diaper off, poop in potty, wipe wipe, maybe some cream, new dipe, quick laugh together, back to playing.

I honestly care that it feels weird to you, but I'm not getting what the weird part is.....Could you fill in a little more on that?

[bright]

I have an almost 3 year old who just potty learned this week, although she is still in diapers at night. I have a friend who watches her sometimes while I'm at school, she is really bonded to her and I value their relationship, but my friend is not that experienced in the art of actual child care. We have a deal that if my daughter poops my friend will drive her to my school and I will change her diaper.

Not so workable for everyday care, but if it's just a few hours a week, maybe the mama would go for it. I know it's more important that my children are cared for by people they trust and who are kind and gentle to them, than things like diaper changes.

[~member~]

Originally Posted by pigpokey

I think the lesson she was suggesting is the lesson that pooping yourself is inappropriate. Not a lesson we all teach. I do.

All of you who are critical of having expectations of one's children that they will start using the potty when they are able, examine if you don't have similar etiquette expectations for your child. E.g., you don't eat yogurt with your hands when you're old enough to use a spoon, you take off your muddy shoes before you track through the house. I'm not sure how different it is to decide that you want to channel your child to eliminate in potties or toilets.

We all pick our battles. I don't, for example, worry about water tracked out of the bathtub. Saves me energy not worrying about that. I did PL early. Not nighttime ... I wait for that to come on its own. Not naptime ... I wait for that to come on its own. But my kids PL'd earlier than any of their friends I can think of. Why? Took away the diapers, that's why. Bare bottom'd 'em. They weren't punished or ridiculed. They did have to help wipe up accidents. It's their eliminations, not mine. Pottying is a dignifying activity, not a degrading one. They were enabled.

So my son's diapers went away in June. He's now 19 months, and he probably has one accident a month in the house, and it's a little slower than I'd expect out of the house because his other significant people are less committed and let him use a pullup as a diaper out of the house. With me? He's good out of the house. He trusts I will get him to a potty when he asks for one.

I was in diapers as a three year old. My mom picked other battles. She just didn't want that one. To each her own.

I found that by doing it young, we had no battles. Diapers gone. If they're young enough, they don't look back so much.

: I don't have to feel guilty about filling a landmine with my kids dipes and excrement.

This is supposed to be a Natural Family Living site. The earth is more important to me and my family than the ridiculous notion than a child will be emotionally harmed by learning how to use a toilet.

Yes, a child will be harmed if you ridicule them, hit them, demean them. But not if you treat them as a human being. Human beings have spent a millenium not defecating where they eat, live and play, and especially not on themselves.

[chfriend]

I guess the thing that rings for me about pigpokey's post is the whole choosing your battles thing. I choose *not* to battle with my children. And somehow dd1 learned to potty around the same time pigpokey's did. dd2 is taking somewhat longer and I have no need for her to go faster.

Every child is different.

[joesmom]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

This is supposed to be a Natural Family Living site. The earth is more important to me and my family than the ridiculous notion than a child will be emotionally harmed by learning how to use a toilet.

This is supposed to be a gentle discipline, child led parenting site. My child is FAR more important to me than the number of diapers he contributed to a landfill. No, I am not proud that we did not use cloth diapers or EC from day one, but at the time of his birth I did what I knew how to do. Believing 100% that my son, & many of the kids mentioned in this thread, would have been emotionally harmed by forcing them out of pullups is NOT a "ridiculous notion." It is a fact. I know my son. You do not.

[~member~]

Originally Posted by joesmom

This is supposed to be a gentle discipline, child led parenting site.

Read the top...it says, "The Natural Family Living Community".

[~member~]

Originally Posted by joesmom

My child is FAR more important to me than the number of diapers he contributed to a landfill.

Well, here we differ. As the earth is more important for my family. Without the earth, we will die. The earth can live without us, but we cannot live without the earth.

[joesmom]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

Read the top...it says, "The Natural Family Living Community".

I know what it says. What I am saying is that it is also a site that advocates gentle discipline & child led parenting. All the "Natural Living" in the world doesn't amount to a hill of beans if you are ignoring the needs & desires of small children in the meantime.

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

Well, here we differ. As the earth is more important for my family. Without the earth, we will die. The earth can live without us, but we cannot live without the earth.

I am not saying that the earth is not important to me- I am saying that JOE is FAR MORE than a pile of diapers. He is more important to me than the earth, which is also VERY important to me. :

[Pynki]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

I understand your discomfort. All six of my kids knew how to use the toilet by the tim ethey were able to get up on it. No child is going to wake up one day and decide to use the toilet. I really don't understand why parents would put that kind of responsibility on a child, anyways.
The toilet is the most sanitary and hygenic place to urinate and defecate, when living inside a city/house.

Since you are watching this child, can you help him learn to use the toilet?
It does become difficult when they have spent their entire life using diapers, but most children would rather not defecate/urinate on themselves.

Hope something gets resolved for you.

That's what all my kids have done. They just decide they are ready and they use the potty. It isn't a power struggle they just do it one day and we're done. They have all been over 2 and going on if not 3 for the most part for us.

Also we used CD's and it didn't make PL-ing any faster than our son who we used sposies with except maybe by a month or 2.

For the whole wiping thing. I help my 3 year old wipe. Other wise I'd have &h!t smeared all over the bathroom walls.

[hottmama]

I'm not trying to be snarky, argumentative, or anything, but do you all really think that this child would be "damaged" by a babysitter not wanting to change his diaper? I don't think children are really that fragile. Poop is gross, every 3 yr. old knows that. I wouldn't want to change a child that old's diaper (heck, I'd prefer not to deal with my 9 mo. old's diapers!), but I would do it if I were babysitting. I would never have thought to turn down a friend in need of a sitter for fear of harming their child when I cleaned up their mess.
FWIW, I have a friend whose almost 3 yr. old is in diapers, I have babysat him and changed his diapers. I sincerely doubt that I've damaged him in any way, but I might reconsider babysitting him in the future if you really believe it would.

[joesmom]

Originally Posted by hottmama

I'm not trying to be snarky, argumentative, or anything, but do you all really think that this child would be "damaged" by a babysitter not wanting to change his diaper? I don't think children are really that fragile. Poop is gross, every 3 yr. old knows that. I wouldn't want to change a child that old's diaper (heck, I'd prefer not to deal with my 9 mo. old's diapers!), but I would do it if I were babysitting. I would never have thought to turn down a friend in need of a sitter for fear of harming their child when I cleaned up their mess.
FWIW, I have a friend whose almost 3 yr. old is in diapers, I have babysat him and changed his diapers. I sincerely doubt that I've damaged him in any way, but I might reconsider babysitting him in the future if you really believe it would.

If you don't have a problem with changing his diaper, why would you wonder if you have damaged him? You are taking the posts out of context a bit. And I DO think it can be degrading for a 3 year old to be changed by someone who is visibly disgusted. My friend with the SN nine year old, when she is changing her, never makes a big fuss over the smell or the grossness. It is about respect.

[Pynki]

Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies

: I don't have to feel guilty about filling a landmine with my kids dipes and excrement.

This is supposed to be a Natural Family Living site. The earth is more important to me and my family than the ridiculous notion than a child will be emotionally harmed by learning how to use a toilet.

Yes, a child will be harmed if you ridicule them, hit them, demean them. But not if you treat them as a human being. Human beings have spent a millenium not defecating where they eat, live and play, and especially not on themselves.

It's ridiculous to me that this is a landfill full of sposies or PL-ed by 1 arguement. We used cloth diapers the last 2 times we've have a babe in diapers. No landfill issues at all!

My friend with the SN nine year old, when she is changing her, never makes a big fuss over the smell or the grossness. It is about respect.

I've watched a SN's little girl who had accidents all the time. She was in "diapers" I suggested pull ups (the good nights brand where the only ones big enough for her.) so that she could feel more "normal" at school and not have to worry about how many changes she needed. It was at my friends request. (They were foster parents.) It worked out well. I also gave them the names of some WAHM's who would probably be willing to make them some cloth 'pull ups' if they wanted. It just wasn't an issue for me when she needed help with her toileting or with wiping or with a change. She was a child. She needed help. I don't get the big deal.