VBAC or breastfeed? Long. x-posted.

[egfmba]

I'm relatively new here. Long time lurker, second time poster.
A bit about me: I have one DS, 4.5 yrs old. Married several years. I enjoy candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach. : But seriously. I have a question I have been struggling with for several months now.

I went into labor w/ DS on a Monday, on Friday they finally did a c-section. DS was facing up and his head was tilted (acynclitic?) so that he wasn't bearing down on my cervix correctly. I dilated to 6 centimeters (I was 5 when I came in that morning around 1 a.m.). Then the nazi nurse said the baby wasn't handling labor well anymore and moved me to the OR. Crappy nurse, crappy doctor, crappy birth experience.

I put DS to breast as soon as I came out of the meds, and did my best to breastfeed. My supply ended up being too low. I went through fenugreek, an LLL consult, no formula, and several crying jags (both mine and DS's). I was only able to give him about 2 ounces each feeding and supplemented with formula. This went on until we weaned at 16 months. DH tried to be supportive, but freaked and was a major reason we gave DS formula in the first place.

I'm older, wiser, and expecting a new baby in March. I'm also in law school, and it turns out DS is on the autism spectrum. So, in short, busy life. Baby's due March 16th. I can only miss about 3 weeks of school without violating bar association attendance requirements. I'm looking into this, but, either way, I'm worried.

See, I can try for a VBAC, but my doc would only want me to try this if I go into labor on my own by my due date (since 'failure to progress' was the 'diagnosis' for DS, she advised I have a 50% chance of success with this one). If I choose a c-section, doc wants to schedule the birth for the 7th, the weekend before spring break. I could take that extra week to work on making this breastfeeding experience completely successful (by which I mean this baby gets nothing but breastmilk).

I am seriously torn about this birth. I want a VBAC, but I also want to maximize my chances of breastfeeding. I know a bit more now (and plan on learning even more before the birth) about both. What can I do to increase/ensure success?

There’s one more thing: DH may be going back to Iraq next April. I’m pretty sure stress was a major reason I wasn’t as successful at breastfeeding as I’d like to have been. How do I handle this birth decision?

I don't know what to do. What do I need to know to make this decision? What would you personally choose? I'm seeking educated opinions here to help educate and inform my own decision. Thanks if you made it this far. I’ve x-posted this in VBAC, Breastfeeding, and the BBB board for the most information/education.

TIA,
eva

[St. Margaret]

Wow, that is a touch situation. If I was thrown into it suddenly and had to choose, I think I'd go with more time to establish Bfing... but that's totally a gut reaction... I hope you get good advice here from more BTDT and informed mamas, and I hope you have a better experience this time around. :

[mollyeilis]

OK, there is just SO much to say.

posterior, asynclitic baby does NOT equal failure to progress. It equals "failure of the birth attendants to notice, failure to help you, and failure to wait".

Sounds like you know that.

So when your OB is saying these things, she's telling you how she practices. YOU don't have a 50% chance, SHE is GIVING YOU that small chance. Another OB might give you a higher chance. The chance is not from YOU, but is from the OB.

If at all possible, I'd switch to a more knowledgable doctor. I mean, by scheduling, he's creating a prematurely born baby, on purpose. And a baby who is not ready on his/her own to come out is NOT a baby with "I will be successful at nursing from mama" written on his/her forehead. I mean, this OB is getting you ready for surgery AND no nursing, you know?

If I were in your shoes, I would take a term off from law school. I would absolutely do that. I know it sounds so crazy to you! There were strict attendance requirements in chiropractic school as well, and if I'd been pregnant during school, well, after watching several pregnant women muddle their way through without taking a break, I would definitely have taken a quarter off.

But if it really truly comes down to those two choices absolutely....oh man, ignoring the higher chance of death with surgery and assuming the baby isn't TOO early....I guess I'd take the lifetime nutrition of b'feeding. But with a scheduled surgery, the chances are lower, you know?

So if you choose that choice, get yourself PREPARED.

The one thing I was "lucky" in is that I was kicked out of the hospital 42 hours post-op. 43 hours post-op I was climbing up to my third floor apartment. Didn't feel very lucky.

But when my milk didn't come in, when it was "only" colostrum until the FIFTH day, and there was NO ONE watching over me and ONLY my instincts that it was OK, that's where I got lucky. I had only myself. I trusted NO ONE. I didn't trust my husband (he had lost the ability to communicate, causing me to think he wanted me to have surgery), I didn't trust my natural-birthing b'feeding activist aunt (she trusted the ridiculous midwives over her knowledge and over me), I didn't trust the midwives of course, I couldnl't even get ahold of the OB when I started swelling dramatically a couple days after I got home (will never know if it was postpartum eclampsia, a reaction to the bags and bags of pitocin post-op, or a reaction to the medications b/c no one would see me) so I didn't trust him...it was me and DS to follow our instincts.


So anyway. I just re-read, and despite supplementing, you went for 16 months, and that's good! So no matter what, get your ducks in a row, so to speak. Go to LLL meetings if you can. Read everything they have on their website, especially the stuff about early arrivals.


You or others might think I'm crazy on the premature stuff, b/c people "out there" (not so much on MDC) seem to think that "due dates" are true. But I'm from a family of long-gestaters, and it's only THIS generation where we are being given troubles. Since I exist, and my mom existed and her mom existed and so on, obviously there were no problems before this generation, you know? Anyway, DS was 42 weeks 3 days when he was taken out (asynclitic, hand or two at cheek, posterior...not that anyone CHECKED for these things while I was in my 96 hours of labor, gosh no, we had to figure it out later).

Heck, my own hubby was a 44 week baby. If someone had forced MIL to have him on the due date, he would have been FOUR WEEKS EARLY. That's just not good.

So that's why I'm so strong on being anti-due date and anti-induction and anti-scheduled surgeries...


I'd just really urge you to think about taking a term off...

[DreamsInDigital]

:

[egfmba]

Y'know, I was a 41 weeker myself. DS would have been 'early' if I'd had competent care.

I know a large part of my problems last time came from the crappy care I received. The nurse, the doc, the situation was all less than ideal. But, I'm so scared right now of screwing up (again) that I'm trying to figure out what the risks are so I can weigh them. I know the risks of c-section (that's why I labored at home for most of DS's birth) and refused medication until the last possible moment. I also know that there's some risk w/ VBAC.

But I also know breastfeeding is extremely important to me. I feel like I failed DS (rational thinking - out the window for now!) and I want to try harder. Not just for the new babe, but for DS, too. I'd like to be able to show I've learned something from my mistakes, even if DS had to suffer through those mistakes with me and nursing this new one won't change any of that.

Rational thinking's back now. Bottom line: trying to do what's best in both the short and long run for this new one.

Thank you for all the advice. It's helping more than any of you could ever know. I have no where and no one else to turn to for help with this.

eva

[MCsMom]

I really like the idea of taking some time off school. I don't see how you are going to be able to go to school full time, have a high needs toddler, a newborn baby that you are bf'ing, a dh deployed/deploying, possibly be recovering from surgery if you do have a c-section, and have time for yourself to not have a break down.

Sorry, I just don't see it happening.

Where am I coming from? I was a high risk pregnancy due to blood pressure (we tried everything to control diet, herbal, meds) induced the week before my due date officially because of this, but in my mind the real reason was because by dh deployed at the beginning of my 3rd trimester, and being induced was the 'only' way to 'make sure' that he could be there for the birth, which was a HUGE deal to him being that he only got two weeks the entire first 10 months of her life to see her.

I would research research research, and maybe look into a new doc as well like someone else suggested. Good luck, it is a hard decision (what ones aren't as a parent?).

[alegna]

The risks are MUCH higher with a planned section than with a VBAC fwiw. Drs. just push sections because basically they can't be sued if they do a section. Sad but true.

-Angela

[Carrissa]

What to do?

Hi Eva,

First of all HUGS to you from a fellow mama who endured law school. I went through law school as a single mom in the 3 years also working part-time in the 3rd year (we weren't allowed to work at all in the first year). My DD was 4 at the time I entered and 7 when I was done. I also had a C-section with her and can truly empathize with your scarring C-section experience AND your BF relationship.

I personally think although it may be hard you can get everything you want. First, have you spoken with the Dean about the bar association attendance requirements? I know how much they give you the song and dance about REQUIRING you to attend all classes or you get cut. However, you never know what special circumstances they may just give you. Having had such a bad experience with the c-section and desperately wanting a VBAC myself, I can tell you that when I again became pregnant 2 years ago, I knew that under no circumstances did I want a c-section again. I totally opted for the VBAC and I'm so glad I did. It was by far the most healing experience of my life. Also, since you have already BTDT w/the breastfeeding and have some experience with it already, I don't think it will take as long to get the hang of it this time. Also, every baby and every BF experience is different. This time around your milk may be in abundance, the baby may catch on quicker, it all could be different. In any event, it usually takes WEEKS to get the BF relationship down pat and sometimes a couple MONTHS. I don't see it happening in a short week scheduled along with spring break.

If you are choosing to continue to go to school, raise the toddler and have the new baby, it's going to be hard, but you can make it work with organization and lots of help. I would definitely go for the healing experience of a VBAC since the BF relationship is really the iffy part here. Although your experience could drastically differ between babies (one of my good friends also had problems with milk production w/1st baby and 2nd one was overflowing), you may again have the same issues. You just never know. I would hate for you to choose a c-section given everything we know about c-sections and how traumatic they are for your body and your recovery. If you have the VBAC, you'll be up and walking in an hour. With the c-section, you're going to need that whole week of spring break just to recuperate from major surgery! I would thus talk with the Dean and your professors about the fact that you could go into labor and talk about making up the assignments if you miss class. Wait to go into labor on your own, have the VBAC and start the BF and see how it's working. Don't forget that every baby is different and don't be pushed into doing things to your body that are unnecessary.

Oh and if you do choose as other posters said to delay a semester of law school (I'm not even sure that is an option as it wasn't at my school), it may give you the necessary break. Don't forget that the majority of people who are lawyers HATE being lawyers. That would be almost every lawyer I know including myself. So don't rule it out as an option to take a year off. You could then get right back in the saddle so to speak.

Carrissa

[MiamiMami]

Oh, Mama! First off, big hugs to you

You have gotten some great advice above. I would go with the vbac (I am too ) Having a natural birth will maximize your chances of succeeding at breastfeeding. It will also be a much easier recovery.

Good luck.

[~Megan~]

What a tough decision! Is there a way that your baby can go with you after the 3 weeks? No matter what kind of birth you have 3 weeks is too early to be seperated from your baby.

[egfmba]

Thanks for all the hugs. I can feel 'em!

Carissa, I just spoke to one of the deans who mentioned that generally, the 3 weeks is the best they can offer, but to talk to another dean who may be able to work with me (she's higher up). So, I'll do that.

I can't really take off a semester; DH works 3 jobs now to make it work for us. I need to finish this! And as much as I want to start working, I'll have some mandatory time off to study for the bar. I'm mostly concerned about getting off on right foot this time around.

I can pick my classes this next semester (and profs) to be the most beneficial to us (for instance, w/ DS, who I had on Christmas break in business school, I didn't start any class sooner than noon). I have lots of family willing to help w/ DS and this new one, too. And DH will be taking some time off of work at his primary job to be around. The second job is national guard, so once a month, and the third is contract and is likely to end before the baby's born. Hopefully, I'll have lots of help when the birth rolls around.

I'm learning so much from you ladies. Thank you so much for caring!

eva