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Biggest Misconceptions - Page 2

post #21 of 120
Originally Posted by Robin926 View Post
The thing that gets me the most is people assuming that since I'm at home, I obviously have time to run THEIR errands for them. I am constantly being asked to do things for other people, who don't seem to get that dragging a toddler around is a lot of freaking work.
My sister suffers from this one. We're both SAHM. She has four kids...11, 5 (almost and 3-year-old twins. I have three...13, 3 and 14 months.

So - I finally got my driver's license last year (at 37!). My sister hasn't got hers yet, and isn't doing anything about getting it. So, she seems to think that it's okay to call me up and ask me to go pick up cigarettes or milk or whatever for her...because it's "hard to get all three (the oldest is at school, of course) of my kids dressed and ready to go". errr...what do you think I have to do with my kids? My youngest only started walking today - do you think he dresses himself? Maybe he straps himself in the carseat, too?? Of course, it's much, much easier for me, because I "only have two". (She's said herself that if any of hers were like dd, she'd go insane.)

It drives me freaking batty!
post #22 of 120
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
That I cook and clean.
Well, I guess I do a little of that, but not as much as one would think!!
ME too.. I do what has to be done. :
Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
By the way Greenie.....I like your username! My name really is Greenlee!:
Thanks!! I love that name. :
post #23 of 120
I hate when people assume that I have a lot of free time.

Designing and sewing is one of my passions..something that I must make time for no matter what. So I made a dress for my niece's wedding, and everyone comments, "Oh, it must be nice to have time to do that," as though if I gave them an hour they would be able to make something exactly like it. Ummm, no...this is what I do instead of watching TV or eating out or going to a movie or reading the paper!
post #24 of 120
I haven't gotten too much flack for it, but I get the feeling that some people think I must be inherently lazy or unmotivated to not want to do something "real" and "valuable" and make a CONTRIBUTION to sociaety.:

I'll admit, there are days that all I want to do is go on an overnight with my husband, get massages, eat an amazing meal (that someone else cooks and cleans up after ) have sex without worrying about the kids, and sleep, sleep, sleep. Did I mention sleep? But I just want to do that FOR ONE NIGHT! I missed my babies getting my hair-cut yesterday. Escape is not what I'm after.

The "don't you get bored" question always pisses me off. Why would you assume that my kids or I am boring?: I am perfectly capable of filling my days with activities, or books or whatever we need that are intersting and fun. I was waaaaaaaay more bored waaaaaaay more often when I had a job.
post #25 of 120
SIL told me she doesn't know if she can be a SAHM because she "doesn't know how to knit." That one made me laugh, especially since I didn't know how to knit when I became a SAHM myself. The ideas people have!

The other one that gets me is the money thing. We're not rich - we're frugal. People just don't get that.
post #26 of 120
This was my own misconception after many years of WOH'ing...

I thought I could be the perfect mom if I stayed at home...

: :

I'm not, btw....not even CLOSE!

I learned it was a lot easier to be a great Mom when I wasn't doing it 24 hrs a day without a break...and I had all the spending money I wanted...and I put relatively little pressure on myself regarding household things...and no one was home messing up the house all day...etc., etc.
post #27 of 120
Around here if you're a SAHM you're an uneducated idiot leeching off the government because you're too lazy to get a job and too irresponsible to use birth control and stop having children.
post #28 of 120
All of my family assumes that we are rich since I sah, so i can pay for their food/gas/clothes whatever,whenever they go anywhere with us. Not rich, just know how to stretch a dollar till it screams!

Also MIL says "it is so easy to take care of the twins (2 1/2) and you have spoiled the baby into being high maintence (7 months)." Oh forgive me for picking up my baby when he cries! Maybe i will let him scream himself into a asthma attack so he isn't "spoiled". She says its so incredibly easy to take care of the kids (3 under 3) and my DH should "make" me get a job and stop sponging off of him! FUnny thing is she was a sahm mom to 2 boys she adopted when they were 2 and 3. But her two kids "were very difficult to take care of." UGH sorry about the vent lol--
post #29 of 120
We get the affluence thing a lot, too, especially now that we moved to a bigger house in a nice neighborhood. Dh's family seems to forget the part where we spent 8 years in a tiny house in a marginal neighborhood, and the fact that our "new" house, while large and wonderful enough for us, is the smallest in our neighborhood, 30 years old (hence the gorgeous, tall trees), and was/ is in need of major internal cosmetic repairs (hence our ability to purchase it). They also don't realize that we don't have cable or car payments, and while we buy "that expensive organic stuff", we don't do a lot of processed foods, and I budget carefully. We're frugal, and our priorities are different. And, when things get tight, we're able to ride it out by adjusting those priorities as necessary.

As for the cleaning thing, that irks me, too. I didn't stay home so that I could spend all keeping the house spic and span. And since we don't have cable, I guess I don't stay home to watch tv all day, either. Hmmm....

Chocolate bon-bons, though -- THAT would be a good reason to stay home!
post #30 of 120
The biggest misconception I have run into is that I can't be a feminist and choose to be a SAHM. They assume that a real feminist is out there changing the worlds view of women. I argue that by being able to have choices and by having made a choice without being pushed one way or the other, I am still a feminist and will change the worlds view!

Also, that I am a housewife.....I am a wife to hubby and a good mommy, but me and the house have no relationship. :-)

with smiles
post #31 of 120
That we must have money. It never occurs to people that we choose this because its what we think is right for our kids and has nothing to do with money.
post #32 of 120
I get alot of all of these responses. I love when family members get agitated with DH and me bcuz we don't come and visit often. He works 2 jobs and we have one car. They never offer to give me and the kids a ride. They just assume i'm sitting at home doing nothing and avoiding them. For thefirst few years i was at home Dh's fam gave us ALOT of flac bcuz i didn't "want" to go to work. When we had hard times and would ask for help, thye would berate DH about the fact that i didn't work. like that in itself was the solitary reason we were having trouble- not the company that just laid him off. it's always looked at like i don't "want" to work. not that i really want to stay home AND DH actually wants to have me there with his kids instead of dumping them at a relative house or daycare just so we can have a second car. Now that my oldest is almost 7, i think they have given up offering to watch my kids so i can "go to work" (what do i do all day!!!! it's work!!!!). Plus we "keep having kids". Another phenomenon they can't comprehend. But I shoudln't get started on that
post #33 of 120
Originally Posted by mamallama View Post
In keeping with the affluence theme, I hate hearing "oh, you're so lucky to sah!"

I'm not "lucky." Over the past 7 years that I've been at home, I've worked my hiney off to live frugally. I do all kinds of things for "extra money" to spend on things like groceries!
If I hear that line about me being lucky ONE MORE TIME from someone who has two new cars and jewlery and $100+ hair cuts I am going to : .

One of my "friends" literally says this to me every time we get together. You wanna know something funny? The car I drive was hers 5 years ago. SHe has had two new cars since, and her husband has a new truck and a new(to him) boat!
post #34 of 120
When I griped about being exhausted (DS hasn't been sleeping well at night)DH said to me that everyday is a holiday for me!!!!:
post #35 of 120
Originally Posted by jeannie81 View Post
When I griped about being exhausted (DS hasn't been sleeping well at night)DH said to me that everyday is a holiday for me!!!!:

And is he still among the living? If dh said that to me, he would have a mighty lonely life for a while.
post #36 of 120
I remember a mom who was 35 weeks prgnt w her first said to me as I was feeding my dd1 who was about 12 mos at the time- So do you think you might like get a job soon?? Or what are you going to do? I LOL in her face.I then said ask me again when the baby is 3 mos old.

Fast forward they brought their baby over one night and she spent the night standing and swaying with her baby. I said- so you enjoying your time off?? It must be so relaxing! : She then compliand how she spend most of her day doing just what she was doing and had a new respect for mothers who stay home. She forgot about our conversation. DH said to her- ya, we had a good laugh over your comments a few months ago... She went back to work until ds2 was born a few months ago and now she is a sahm. I will see them this weekend- cant wait to see how much relaxing she is doing!!

I remember when dd2 Maggie was born (premature, c section) last Feb I wanted to be discharged early to go to the hospital she was at. As the nurse checked me out she asked if I worked. I replied yes. She said- "when do you go back to work then?"
I replied
"In about 4 hours I'm a sahm and I want to go see my dd1, we dont get a maternity leave with the babies after the first us sahms"
post #37 of 120
Originally Posted by wifty View Post
The biggest misconception I have run into is that I can't be a feminist and choose to be a SAHM.
Oh I know. : Ever read Salon.com? Not only cannot you NOT be a feminist, if you SAH than you are actually setting the women's movement back. It's only ok to pay someone to take care of your kids, not to take care of them yourself. Unless, of course, you take care of other kids too and get paid for it. :
post #38 of 120
most of the misconceptions listed in this thread are ones I've dealt with myself, but I wanted to make my own list also.

* that I have a whole bunch of free time to help other people with thier projects or errands. Or to do my own hobbies. I am an avid reader who jsut doesn;t have the time right now to lose myself in a book unless I am willign to cut into my sleep hours. I've been working on this one 3 book series for 7 months now. I am on page 71 of book 2. : I used to read 3 or 4 books a weekend

* that I sit on my a55 all day. I get this form DH believe it or not , esp. if I finished all my "chores" in the mornign and am just playing with the girls or sittign when he comes home. Like thats esxactly what I must've been doing allll day long also.

*that I am Mrs. Cleaver. That I am weak minded and overly submissive and clueless about anythign unless a MAN is there for me. TYhis goes hand in hand with the next one...

* that raising the girls is easy. That it;s the simplest job on the planet and I'm basically getting a free ride

* that I'm settign myself up for failure since I am dependant.

* that my kids are *too* attached to me since I am home with them all day and they do not have the *benefit* of social interaction at daycare. (there really are not enough rolleye smilies in the world to enter after this sentance)

* that I do alll the chores and my DH must not do a thing around here.

* that I am a poor example for my daughters since I am not *ambitious* enough.
post #39 of 120
If someone had any sort of comment to make to me, they're not brave enough to say it to my face. I'm pretty sure they know I'd flip.

I've made it clear that when both my kids are in school, I'm going to try to find work. I don't know what and it appears I'll have to go back to school because a higher degree is necessary for the stuff I'm interested in. Perhaps if people thought I was going to be home indefinitely, they'd make more comments.

Mostly people comment that I must be incredibly patient and how they could never do what I do. Hell I'm not even sure always that I can do it but I know that it's hard sometimes but a brief time in the span of my life. I am lucky that my husband, his parents, my parents, and friends support our decision. I do sometimes wish we had more "stuff" but I can't rationalize that over being with my kids.
post #40 of 120
My MIL and SIL are the worst. They always act like I must need a break and that DH needs to give me time to "take a class" or something. They must think that because I SAH, I am a submissive wife. When DH told them that we were about ready to TTC #2, MIL said "well, it's really up to Sarah, how does she feel about it?", like I couldn't possible be ready to have another one. I said "well I'm way past ready". Then she proceeds to tell me how awful it was having DH and his sister 2 years apart and how that is why they don't get along now and blah, blah, blah.

Sorry, that turned into a rant. I just hate how they always think I need a break, but they don't really take the time to get to know me. If they did, they would see that I love spending time with DS and am happy to stay home with him. And that I have a wonderful DH who is more than happy to give me "time off" if I want/need it.
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