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Biggest Misconceptions - Page 3

post #41 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by wifty View Post
The biggest misconception I have run into is that I can't be a feminist and choose to be a SAHM. They assume that a real feminist is out there changing the worlds view of women.
Among all the others I get this one bugs me the most. I'm spending my day raising two little boys who will gow up to have respect for women and value them. How am I setting the feminist movement back? :
post #42 of 120
my father says this when people bring up these ideas:

"don't confuse me with facts; my mind is already made up!"
post #43 of 120
Another thing that bothers me along with the errand thing- like I would love to do all your errands and drag my two girls along as well as do my errands!

I remember a couple of years ago a parent at church (his dd was about 3 mos old) said I could watch her daughter since I was at home. : My dh replied to him that I was home to be with our dd and if I wanted to have a job outside the home, I would go back to doing what I did before. Like its not a job what I do as well as watching his kid would be a job!!
post #44 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
I think a common one is that we're all bedraggled, unwashed, wearing sweats and having ponytails
Hey, have you been peeking through my letterbox at me? For the past month I have not been working, start new job on Monday. But this is how I've been dressing during my month of being a SAHM. And I've loved it, I've loved not having to hold my tummy in, I've loved walking around without a bra on, and I allowed my leg hair to grow really long at one point
post #45 of 120
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by vermonttaylors View Post
And is he still among the living? If dh said that to me, he would have a mighty lonely life for a while.
OH!!! ITA!!!! My Dh says things similar to that to me, and needless to say, no nookie for *at least* a week. :

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazyhead View Post
Oh I know. : Ever read Salon.com? Not only cannot you NOT be a feminist, if you SAH than you are actually setting the women's movement back. It's only ok to pay someone to take care of your kids, not to take care of them yourself. Unless, of course, you take care of other kids too and get paid for it. :
Yeah, sad to say, I saw that article. : :

Quote:
Originally Posted by wryknowlicious View Post
most of the misconceptions listed in this thread are ones I've dealt with myself, but I wanted to make my own list also.

* that I have a whole bunch of free time to help other people with thier projects or errands. Or to do my own hobbies. I am an avid reader who jsut doesn;t have the time right now to lose myself in a book unless I am willign to cut into my sleep hours. I've been working on this one 3 book series for 7 months now. I am on page 71 of book 2. : I used to read 3 or 4 books a weekend

* that I sit on my a55 all day. I get this form DH believe it or not , esp. if I finished all my "chores" in the mornign and am just playing with the girls or sittign when he comes home. Like thats esxactly what I must've been doing allll day long also.

*that I am Mrs. Cleaver. That I am weak minded and overly submissive and clueless about anythign unless a MAN is there for me. TYhis goes hand in hand with the next one...

* that raising the girls is easy. That it;s the simplest job on the planet and I'm basically getting a free ride

* that I'm settign myself up for failure since I am dependant.

* that my kids are *too* attached to me since I am home with them all day and they do not have the *benefit* of social interaction at daycare. (there really are not enough rolleye smilies in the world to enter after this sentance)

* that I do alll the chores and my DH must not do a thing around here.

* that I am a poor example for my daughters since I am not *ambitious* enough.
: : : Yep... I know girl.. I know.
post #46 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by ledzepplon View Post
I think a common one is that we're all bedraggled, unwashed, wearing sweats and having ponytails<snip>.
This is me about 75% of the time. The other 25% is when I'm going to the library or doctor appointment and I "dress up". Other than that, I wear the most comfortable clothes I can and more than likely through my hair up in a pony tail. I do shower though. I manage to get that in once a day.
post #47 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st View Post
Another thing that bothers me along with the errand thing- like I would love to do all your errands and drag my two girls along as well as do my errands!

I remember a couple of years ago a parent at church (his dd was about 3 mos old) said I could watch her daughter since I was at home. : My dh replied to him that I was home to be with our dd and if I wanted to have a job outside the home, I would go back to doing what I did before. Like its not a job what I do as well as watching his kid would be a job!!
Ohhh my mom did a similar thing to me! When my sis was nearing the end of her pg, we were having dinner at my mom's house and somehow the convo turned toward the fact that she was going to be staying home for a while. For a few reasons but mostly because she didn't have anyone to watch the baby anyway. My mom just points right at me!! She starts volunteering me to do daycare for her without even asking me if I'd like to do it.

I just looked right back at her and said "Um, no. I'm going to school full-time (mostly online though) so I will need someone to watch my son soon!" Geez, just the nerve that of course I'd watch my nephew (mostly likely for free) since I'm just at home anyway. Ugh.

Not to mention, she's constantly telling me about job opportunities that she hears about. As though she's doing me a favor. :
post #48 of 120
I think people underestimate the amount of energy it takes to nurture your own kids full time. The lack of breaks...the no time to regenerate yourself before you fix the next problem.
post #49 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyMine View Post
I think people underestimate the amount of energy it takes to nurture your own kids full time. The lack of breaks...the no time to regenerate yourself before you fix the next problem.
AMEN SISTER!!

I have this theory about nap time. Nap time is not really getting a break. No, not at all. Nap time is something God made so that we could go on and not have a complete break down or go insane.
post #50 of 120
I get grief from a friend who works full time. He DH stays home with the DC but he also does a paper route and works weekends. She says "At least you get to stay home with your baby" Yeah I do but it isn't all roses like she thinks.She also says" My house would be clean if I got to stay home like you". Yeah sure! She has 3 boys who tear the house apart. 1 likes to climb out his window(5yrs)and leaves the house to go play in the street w/o permission. You should hear her yell at them when we are on the phone! "The GOOD ONE" is the baby, he's 14months. And she LOVES to tell me what I'm doing wrong with mine. I love the comments like" You know you can let her cry sometimes" And feel like crap for doing it NAH!
Sorry venting.


My dad was "disappointed" in me when I quit my BIG job(Dpt.Mgr. of menswear @ wallyworld) to waist my time staying at home. but then again he says I am just like my mom and he hated how she refused to get a job other than babysitting. She died when I was 10. What a nice guy huh.
I love how people think I am waisting my time sah and how I am wrong for not helping with the bills. Now tell me if I am wrong. We would have MORE bills if I was working.
People need to grow up and quit being so concerned with what is going on in other lives and concentrate on their own!
post #51 of 120
ITA with the naptime comment! It's the time during the day that I get to take a deep breath and run around trying to get chores done, or plan my afternoon errands, or study for school, one of the above.

Luckily, I found a great local group of SAHMs to get together with up to three times a week, not to mention my monthly LLL meetings.

I get a lot of the questions about what I do all day, but I also have several friends (single moms) who wish they could stay home and take care of their kids instead of having to work. Or friends who don't have any kids yet, but hope that when they do they can work it out so that they can stay home.

Okay, so now that I look at it, most people are almost envious of the life we're living, in that we are strugling and suffering financially, but I'm here when my DD wakes up in the morning, and am rewarded with smiles and coos, and I get to go to school full time with my baby asleep on my lap.

How blessed are we to know that we are capable of rearranging our lives in such a way to raise our families as they deserve? I wish more women realized that you really can live without the new clothes every few months and new vehicles and actually be happier.
post #52 of 120
I love "I cant afford to stay home" or "what a luxury" I heard the first quote from a mom who had abot $300 worth of Gap on her and her kids and is touting a starbucks...
post #53 of 120
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Amys1st View Post
I love "I cant afford to stay home" or "what a luxury" I heard the first quote from a mom who had abot $300 worth of Gap on her and her kids and is touting a starbucks...
I dunno.. I drink Starbucks : (my Mama works there...Plus they're pretty good to their Employees) and wear name brand stuff.:

I find a lot of it at Goodwill (the ones in the rich part of town, near shopping centers and malls have tons of stuff new with the tags on) and at Ross, Mervyns, and whatnot... Plus I have a fake Prada.

Doesn't mean that she did those things, but I just wanted to express that you can look "posh" for cheap. Nothing wrong with that. JMO.

I might sometimes look like I'm better off than I really am.
post #54 of 120
My dad's biggest (mis)conception is that I am bored senseless and getting dumber everyday.
He and others thinks that I am slowly deteriorating intellectually and they believe I must be bored since I am not getting my master's or working somewhere.
post #55 of 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by sehbub View Post
How blessed are we to know that we are capable of rearranging our lives in such a way to raise our families as they deserve? I wish more women realized that you really can live without the new clothes every few months and new vehicles and actually be happier.
ITA! I have been feeling this way for a long time, but never had the courage to say it out loud. Thanks for putting it out there!
post #56 of 120
The biggest misconceptions that get my undies in a bundle is DH's/partners who make snide comments about "not working". These fathers work their butts off outside the home so when THEY are home all they are doing is playing with the kids and having fun because they are gone so much of the day. So, of course, they think that's what it's like to be home with kids all day! Fun, fun, fun! Of course, it probably would be if it was them who was home with the kids all day-- they wouldn't care the laundry wasn't done, the dishest weren't washed, the trash wasn't taken out . . .
post #57 of 120
the "getting out of the house" thing is the one that : me the most. I mean, I have a car, ok? If I want to go somewhere....I will. When I worked in an office, I HAD TO sit at that desk for 8 hrs out of the day. And kids in daycare (no offense, I've worked in many!) only go out to the playground on the property and maybe a field trip here and there when they're older. What exactly is it that we are missing??

the other misconception is that this is only temporary, which sure, it may be, but I may never WOH again either, and I don't like the "back to work" question. I may very well homeschool!
post #58 of 120
My favorite is the paradox that

I am wasting my education to be a sahm,

yet,

I am not qualified to homeschool.


:




I really think the "wasting your education" thing and also the "don't you get bored/want a break/want to escape" thing reveal the status of children in our society--taking care of children is considered lowly, demeaning work that educated people are too good to do.


Other good ones: sahms are all on drugs (to cope with the unbearable drudgery of being with our children of course);

sahms are sahms because we're not qualified for any "real" jobs;

sahms are not our husbands' intellectual equals (going back to the you'd-have-to-be-stupid-to-want-to-be-with-your-kids theme);

giving up life in the career world is a huge sacrifice (because, of course, working in an office is the most fun thing in the world, how could anyone not suffer from being deprived of such pleasure).
post #59 of 120
The misconception that we're suffering financially from not having two incomes. Two incomes are totally NOT needed for everyone as anyone who reads any simplifying books knows...

love and peace.
post #60 of 120
I'm new to the SAHM thing; I had to work at least full time, and often full-time plus one or two part-time jobs while raising my older son (now 13yrs) alone, and after having my younger son (now 17m) I worked full-time after maternity leave until he was 6+ months old, and then 3/4-1/2 time until a month ago. I'm also now due with #3 in 5/07 (yay!!!).

I feel tremendously fortunate to be able to be home with the little guy now (tho I'll likely have to go out and waitress one or two nights per week while we aggressively pay off some debt), but I am already getting crap from my *HUSBAND* about being a sahm.

I find this very odd, esp. considering his own mother was a SAHM, and her 3 kids were all born within 3 yrs, so she definitely had her hands full! I'm shocked that his experience being raised with a sahm didn't illustrate at all how much it takes, but perhaps I don't rate because right nowI only have 1 child to deal with on a daily basis...?!?

Anyway, last week I was having a VERY stressful day and had been plagued by all-day sickness, so when he got home I said, "I'm off duty, I'm going to bed." He said to me, "How do you figure that? I just worked all day and had class last night, I'm exhausted." I said, "Um, good for you." and went upstairs. This is going to be a struggle for a while, I can tell. It hurts me very much that he doesn't seem to respect my new place/role in the family. Additionally, he makes little comments about me spending money now, as tho I haven't any right since I don't *earn* it anymore. Ugh.

Other than kicking him in the teeth, how can I smarten him up? Please tell me I'm not alone...?!
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