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Any PAL mamas here? Support thread.

post #1 of 59
Thread Starter 
Do we have any mamas pregnant after a loss? If so, here's our support, crying, venting, etc. thread. :
post #2 of 59
We lost a baby in July. I was 10 weeks along. We named him Leo Malachi. I am thrilled to be pregnant again, but a bit scared as well. I am trying very hard to attach to this baby and embrace the pregnancy. I don't want to waste a minute!
post #3 of 59
I had a really early miscarriage in July so I'm a little cautious and paranoid this time around. Every cramp has me scared. I have good feelings about this pregnany and I'm trying really hard to bond with the baby, but I'm still scared.

's to the mamas who have lost their baby(s).
post #4 of 59
Hi ladies,

I'm sorry for your losses! I just found out on Friday that I'm pg. I had 2 early miscarriges this year (making that 3 in total) - one in March and the other one in June. I feel positive about this one, but you guys SO know how it is... no matter how positive you feel, you still question every non-symptom, etc.

We did have "all" the testing done after this last m/c, but fortunately everything turned out fine. So there's no reason to think this one shouldn't stick. I have my 1st appt on 10/16, and supposedly, I'll be almost 7 weeks (I haven't counted up anything yet!).

I just wanted to introduce myself.

GL to all of us,
Natalie
post #5 of 59
Hugs to you all!!!

I lost a baby in July also, bad month this year I see. I was 7 weeks along. This is going to be a mentally difficult 1st trimester, I can tell. I am trying soooooooooooo hard not to think about being pregnant, although I knew I was immediately after we DTD that I was pregnant My best way of coping is trying not to think about it but obviously that is impossible since I am on these boards I am desperately hoping for morning sickness and am thrilled if I feel at all nauseous
post #6 of 59
Ally, I just had to stop in and say congrats on your pregnancy. Best Wishes to you.
post #7 of 59
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldiemom View Post
Ally, I just had to stop in and say congrats on your pregnancy. Best Wishes to you.

Awww, thank you! :
post #8 of 59
Hi ladies! I have not had a recent m/c, but have had several before, in addition to infertility issues. Since I am so paranoid of m/c and have low progesterone (luteal phase defect), I always have to get progesterone suppositories during the first trimester. Unfortunately, whenever I *DO* get pg, instead of being really happy, I end up worrying about another m/c. So, {{{HUGS}}} to all of you, I know how it feels to have a m/c and be worried about having another m/c again. It is kind of one of those things that you wish nobody would ever experience, but you really do not know how horrible it feels unless you have been through it too.

Currently, I am still in the 2ww. I tested a few days ago and got a BFN, it was still kind of early, esp since I was not charting at all, so I am not sure exactly which day I O'd. It is so difficult to explain, but I feel very sure that I AM pg this cycle (we actually were not ttc), and I told my DH and he thinks I am crazy. So, I will be testing again tomorrow morning with FMU and hoping to get a BFP, in which case I will be calling my doc for hcg and progesterone levels to be drawn. I hope I will be joining the june 2007 group.
post #9 of 59
Hey ladies,

At this particular moment, I don't have any symptoms (yesterday afternoon I did). I don't think this means anything, per se. I just hate that every minute of the day I'm wondering if things are fine... wishing I were sick... wishing I were far enough along to know for sure that everything is okay.

I do think that for the most part, I'm being quite positive. It's just hard! The last time I got pregnant (in June), I felt nervous from the very first moment, and did NOT feel good about the whole thing.

It's funny... I tell other posters all the time that at 4 weeks, it's too early to have tons of symptoms (I know some women do, but lots don't).

I still believe that waiting until 7 weeks for an ob appt is best for me, but each day is so hard.

How are the rest of you doing?

Mags, I hope this is your month. I know you said you weren't TTC, but it sounds like this is what you want!

Take care all,
Natalie
post #10 of 59
I had my first loss December 2002. Due to bleeding I had an ultrasound at 9 weeks and saw a wiggly baby with a heartbeat. Then at 13 weeks there was no longer a heartbeat. We were devistated. We had thought we made it past the safe zone.

Then during the next 7 cycles I realized I had a leuteal phase defect. When I got pregnant my doc put me on progesterone for the first trimester. I went on to have a beautiful DD.

Both those pregnancies I had spotting around 5 weeks, then every 4 weeks wiht the first pregnancy and with DD I went on progesterone and didn't have the spotting anymore.

With my 3rd pregnancy I thought everything was going great. Didn't have any of the spotting like the previous 2. At my 8 week appt the midwife tried to find the heartbeat with a doppler and there wasn't one. I wasn't concerned at all, just assumed it was too early and was actually suprised she even checked for it that early. She wanted me to come back in 2 weeks to try again. So I went in at 10 weeks (the day after my birthday) and we still couldn't find it. At that point I started bawling so she sent me for an u/s which confirmed no heartbeat. The baby stopped growing at 7 weeks. Once again devestated.

We needed to take a break at this point. I couldn't imagine having another loss anytime soon. So we waited until after my due date, Feb 06, to start trying again.

After 7 months of TTC (7 seems to be my lucky number) here I am now. I am on progesterone again. My doc didn't even check my levels. I basically just demanded it telling him the difference in my 3 pregnancies was the one that made it to term I was on it and I want to be on it again. He was totally fine with that. So I am very hopeful that this will be the trick and I will go on to have an uneventful pregnancy. I have an ultrasound on 10/11 to make sure it is looking like a healthy pregnancy. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THAT DAY. Maybe after that I will start to bond with this baby. Right now I just don't know that I will be bringing it home and can't get attached yet. I keep looking for symptoms and hate when I can't notice them!
post #11 of 59
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncastro View Post
Mags, I hope this is your month. I know you said you weren't TTC, but it sounds like this is what you want!

Take care all,
Natalie
Thank Natalie for the kind thoughts. Yeah, you are right, I kind of want to have another baby. I hate the pregnancy part of it, b/c I throw up the ENTIRE time, and it makes me absolutely miserable, and the unhappiest pg woman out there. However, DH was supposed to get a vasectomy early this yr, but kept putting it off b/c he is still cycling (riding his bike) right now, and now I'm kind of in a freak out mode, b/c we thought 2 would be it, but now I'm having second thoughts. He says two is it, but we had a pg scare last month where AF was over a wk late (just as I was about to go out to buy a test AF showed up!), and it made me realize that I really do want another baby, and I thought my DH would be ticked off, but he actually seemed ok with it. I tested again this am with FMU. BFN : However, I really feel like I am pg, I have the same symptoms from the other times I was pg and worse yet I threw up an hr ago after changing my youngest DS's diaper. I NEVER throw up and I know I don't have food poisoning. I'm like seinfeld... well at least I had a record going until I got pg, and then I became Ms. barfy. I tried two different brand pg tests, and I got a few extra, so I guess I will continue to test until I get a + or AF makes her arrival.
post #12 of 59
Hi, thought I would post here too after posting in the June intros. I have one beautiful dd, but have had two m/c in the last year : . Both were around the 11 week mark, so I have a lot of waiting to do. Dh and I are really happy, but also trying to accept the fact that this could happen again, and what should we do if it does. I suppose we will definitely need to have some testing done.

OK, I realize this is not very positive talk, but pregnancy is just so different after a loss, isn't it?

for all of us....
post #13 of 59
My first pregancy ended in November at 20 weeks. I had an early m/c in April. Pregnancy is a whole different experiece once you've lost one...or two...or more. I am trying to stay calm but it is nerve wracking. I do have a good feeling this time. I think with my first pregnancy I never really let myself get attached. Almost like part of me knew it was going to end early.

We'll see. to all of us.
post #14 of 59
Thread Starter 
How do I not have a panic attack every day for the next 38 weeks? Last time around, I called the midwife and had appointments with the monitrice right away. This time, the OB knew I was pregnant because I was on fertility meds, so I was being monitored, but I can't bring myself to call the doula or the midwife. Just thinking about calling them or thinking about my OB appointment Tuesday freak me out. I just remember being there just over a year ago. I know I have to call them soon because my doula (the one I had with Ry) will likely be my saving grace this time, but I don't even know that I'm ready to walk back into doula's office yet (I don't have anything against them, at all...it's just the memories of my pregnancy with Ry).

I just did the HCG quants and I'm waiting for the results on those, and I remember doing that way back in 2005. Ultrasounds and dopplers and the waiting to hear the heartbeat...and most of all, just thinking about a doctor trying to find a heartbeat on this baby....every single thing is making me far too anxious to be healthy. I can still remember the sound of the doppler during my labor with Ryland--that beeping is still traumatic to me. And forget even walking into a hospital. I can't do it. I can't walk up to a maternity floor--I had to do it for a meeting last month (at a different hospital) and I was shaking the entire time.

So, how am I supposed to do this? I didn't think I'd be as freaked out as I am (or maybe I was in denial....). Don't get me wrong--this baby is very very wanted...I'm terrified of losing him/her. But how can I, even if just for 9 months, put aside all of those traumatic birth memories so that this baby has a chance at something different? Until they come out with a safe tranquilizer, I gotta come up with something...
post #15 of 59
Just introducing myself. I had a m/c in March of this year, at about 5 weeks. I feel good and positive about this new pregnancy, though, of course, I feel a bit nervous, too!

We're only 4w3d today, but I had progesterone and HcG checked yesterday - progesterone is okay, HcG I get rechecked tomorrow to make sure it's doubling. I'll feel MUCH better when I have that second HcG number, and I know all is well.

to all of you. We'll get through it, together.

"All will be well, and all will be well and all manner of things shall be well." It's my mantra.

Christine
post #16 of 59
Ally: If you're really feeling like you need a tranquilizer then you can try Hylands Calms Forte. It's all homeopathic and safe for use during pregnancy - several homeopaths have told me so. I understand your fears. I think it would be great for you to use the same doula because she knows what you've been through and she can help with the emotional aspect.

I hope you have the most wonderful pregnancy and a healing birth. I'm not very religious but I do believe that our baby's souls are predetermined long before birth so maybe there is a chance that Ryland's soul was meant to be in this baby's body instead.

I've been keeping you in my thoughts and I'm happy that we're in the same DDC
post #17 of 59
Hi all,

I hope you are all feeling well. I just had my very first acupuncture appointment (ever) this morning. I mainly went b/c I want to focus all my positive energy to help this baby do what s/he needs to do! I have been "fortunate" that my losses (3 total) have all been very EARLY, so I feel like once I make it past that point, I know I'll be okay. My 1st ob appt is Oct. 16.

Ally, I just read your post and then linked to Ryland's web site. I don't even have words. I cannot imagine what you must feel. I wish I had some great words to make it all okay. You seem like an incredibly strong woman though! We're here for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

I have been feeling a little sick (YIPEE!)... hopefully, it's a good sign.

Take care all,
natalie
post #18 of 59
I made my 1st midwife appointment for October 18th. It seems so far away. This is going to be a really long pregnancy. Today I felt some wetness in my panties and freaked out. When I looked there was a stain and my heart leaped in my chest. Then I realized the stain is old from a previous period and the wetness was normal mucous, sigh. Huge relief but I don’t want to spend the next 8 months panicing every time I feel something. I guess I’ll start to feel better after the 1st trimester.
post #19 of 59
Oh my ... I don't even know why I am over here posting. I just had a m/c in August. It took forever, and by mid-September, I figured it was over, and I also figured that we were relatively safe as far as DTD and not getting PG, thinking that ovulation was still a ways off. I might have been wrong. Of course if it is positive, when do I tell DH. AFter having a loss at 10 weeks, I'm a little nervous.

I had a VERY faint line this a.m. I don't even know how many DPO I might be, because I never got a post-loss AF. The line is so faint, maybe it's an evap line, I don't know. Do you think that somewhere in the range of 7-11 dpo would be too early to go for a beta?

I'm really obsessing over this. DH wanted to take a break from TTC while we deal with his Dad's terminal illness, job change, moving out of the country etc. I didn't mean to not TTA, I thought we were safe.

Sorry to crash your thread, I was just looking for some understanding shoulders to lean on. Thanks ladies, and congratulations to all of you! Wishing you healthy, happy outcomes
post #20 of 59
Twilight_girl! I remember you!

I've got : that you get the outcome you want. . . .

It'll be okay, either way. Let me know what I can do to support you. .

Christine
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