When and how to tell?

[Kdybs]

So I thought I would start a thread asking how you all plan to tell family and friends and when you plan to tell them. With my dd we waited until I was 12 weeks along to tell everyone (well except my mom). This time I think we are going to spill the beans early. We bought a shirt for dd that says "I'm going to be a big sister". I think we will take a picture of her in it and email it to my mom and dad and bring her over to my ils. Anyone else have plans?

[Jilian]

Well, my mom, dad, sister, and DP's brother and SIL know already. My family was here when I tested and DP's SIL is also expecting. I don't think we'll tell anyone else until around 10-12 weeks - unless I start showing earlier.

[PatchChild]

I'm so glad I have this group to talk with. I've always been terrible about keeping secrets so this is going to be torture for me.

As for family, I think we're going to wait for the big Thanksgiving get togethers. It should be fairly easy to keep things quiet with them because I don't see them often. My family always demands a christmas list then (yes, even from the adults) and I thought I'd just fill mine with baby things and not say anything else.

Friends, I think it's going to be a lot harder. I get together with two other couples each week for dinner and the highlight of one of the houses is their wonderful hot tub. Hmm, big no no for me. How exactly do I explain my avoidance?

At work, yet another challenge. I teach and so I'm always surrounded by people who either just became moms or grandmas. They've been asking me for the past year when I plan on getting pregnant. They're way too suspicious. I threw away half my lunch the other day because it was just icky (and would have been, even if I wasn't pregnant) and I started getting questions. :

[tls]

I told my mom, dad, one sister, SIL and BIL. I had a miscarriage in July and they have been waiting for me to get pregnant again. Its pretty hard to keep it from them especially when I passed on the wine at dinner!

I will be telling my extended family and friends after Thanksgiving or if I can wait maybe even Christmas. However, since many of them knew about the miscarriage there may be questions, and I can't hold back if someone asks me .

[todavia]

right after i tested i told my SO it was + but with the disclaimer "don't get too excited yet cuz it's still early and anything can happen." five minutes later i was like "why aren't you excited?" . could it be hormones already?
then i told him not to tell anyone but by the end of the week i had told 3 girlfriends (mostly b/c they all knew we were trying and kept asking me) and my parents - i just couldn't resist. then we told his mom and sis. now i'm done for awhile.
i'm going to try to wait the 12 weeks like a good girl: but i'm so excited, it's hard for me to keep my big mouth shut.

a question about telling the older kids - my son is four and he's asked for a little sister (his three best friends have them) but i figured i'd wait until i was really showing cuz even six months seems like a long time to wait for such a little guy.
what do you all think?

sorry this is so rambly...with my mouth clamped shut i guess my fingers are extra itchy.

[Bridie's Mama]

We just ordered a "I'm going to be a big sister" t-shirt & when my parents come over our dd will be wearing it & holding a bag of rice as that is how big our new babe is now!

[NCMomworld]

My twin sister (who is due Apr.1st w/ baby #3) and a few close girlfriends know, but because we had a recent loss, my dh really wants to wait to tell people. I think we are going to get the children's Christmas pictures taken and then when we give the grandparents the packet of the other children's pictures, we'll slip an ultrasound picture in there to - sneaky huh? LOL!

Of course, I already had to really suck in today to button my skirt so we'll see if we can wait that long!

[Jilian]

Originally Posted by NCMomworld

Of course, I already had to really suck in today to button my skirt so we'll see if we can wait that long!

I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one! I'm about 4 weeks pregnant and I swear my belly has grown. But I didn't think it could this early. It is my second pregnancy and all, but sheesh, what am I gonna look like at 20 weeks if my belly is growing already?!

[firemommaof1]

Yep I cant keep my mouth shut!!! I had the idea to wait but my MIL, SIL, and Grandma in law were visiting and we told them while they were here... the gate is open right now.. the only ones I havent told are my mom and dad but the "right time" hasnt come up. Its kind of fun to see the reactions.

[bigbellydreams]

I have an u/s at 7 weeks and as long as it looks alright we will tell our parents after that. After 2 losses we won't be doing anything fun or creative, just telling them. We will need their support as they are the only ones we plan on telling until I start really showing. I'm overweight so I'm hoping at Thanksgiving I'll just look like I put on some more weight. Then tell everyone at Christmas time. If its too obvious though at Thanksgiving time we will probably say something to everyone else then.

[tuscany123]

I'm no good at keeping secrets! I tested at work: , and called my best friend first, followed by my husband, and then everyone else. Maybe I should have waited. People tell me all the time they wait until after the 1st trimester, but I couldn't! I feel really good though, and extremely optimistic.

[saratchka]

I've told DH (of course), the midwife, and two friends. Immediate families will hear after my first u/s if everything looks okay, and the wider world will hear at 12 weeks. That is assuming my mother can keep her trap shut. She blabbed before I was ready for others to know last time. :

Granted, it may become obvious before 12 weeks this time around. We shall see.

[*Lisa*]

We've told my DD (age 4) my parents, my grandmother, my in-laws, my BIL, and a couple of friends.

We told my DD by giving her a big sister t-shirt.

We had her wear the t-shirt to tell my mom and grandma, but my mom thought it was a joke--she thought maybe we got a cat or something. She was very excited once she got over the shock Everybody else we've just told--nothing special.

Violetisadora--we decided to tell our four year old right away. Our feeling was that she is a member of the family, and she deserves to know what's going on (especially if other people are going to know, given the possibility that they might slip in front of her). It will also give her LOTS of time to get used to the idea. She's been playing lots this week by having us pretend that I'm nursing the baby while she does various other things (like jumping or playing games that I can play sitting down). She has a fairly good grasp of months, though, so knowing the baby is coming in June has some meaning to her. We've also spent some time looking at pictures of what the baby looks like now, so she's getting an idea of the development (although she insists that she's felt the baby kicking, despite it's lack of legs ).

[NCMomworld]

My mom blabbed last time as well. She was so excited she told all her friends right away. I felt bad when we lost the baby, but it turns out I didn't have to say anything to most people. My twin sister got pregnant (she is due 5 weeks after what would have been my due date). Everyone just assumes they got us confused and it was her who my mom was talking about.

Since we have a precedent with my mom, we probably won't say anything to her until we are ready for the world to know. It's complicated because if we tell our family, then our children will find out (the m/c was really hard on them). If our children know then *everyone* else will know - including strangers on the street if history repeats itself - lol!

Last time I was bigger by 6 weeks, and really "showing" by 8-9 weeks, but I wasn't big enough that people would actually ask if I was pregnant - in case I had just gained a bit of weight. I am already bigger with this pregnancy, maybe because I was just pregnant a few months ago? I would like to wait until about 12 weeks to spill the beans, but I'll be huge! My sister is 13 weeks and has to wear maternity clothes.

[Jilian]

How do you keep it quiet? I want to tell EVERYONE! I feel like stopping strangers on the street to let them know I'm pregnant Maybe it is because it took me 5 mos to get pregnant, but I'm just so excited! I feel like getting a megaphone and announcing it to everyone

[todavia]

jillian, i hear you. i'm trying to restrain myself but my lip is getting swollen from biting it everytime someone asks me how i am or what's new.
lisa - i totally agree that the kids deserve to know what's going on and i also worry, like NCMom, that once my son knows then EVERYONE (teachers at school, neighbors, guy in the elevator) will know and i just want to try to hold out a little longer.

[*Lisa*]

isa - i totally agree that the kids deserve to know what's going on and i also worry, like NCMom, that once my son knows then EVERYONE (teachers at school, neighbors, guy in the elevator) will know and i just want to try to hold out a little longer.

I totally understand that... My dd talks a lot, although she hasn't really told anybody yet, surprisingly. I thought for sure that she would tell her Sunday school class when they shared their joys and sorrows, but she chose to talk about her nature class instead.

[shockels]

Originally Posted by Jilian

How do you keep it quiet? I want to tell EVERYONE! I feel like stopping strangers on the street to let them know I'm pregnant Maybe it is because it took me 5 mos to get pregnant, but I'm just so excited! I feel like getting a megaphone and announcing it to everyone

Jilian...that is EXACTLY how I'm feeling too! I dropped of some drycleaning today and when they asked how I was I wanted to say "pregnant." We've decided not to tell ANYONE, and I live with my mom, sister, and brother-in-law. Ahhhhh. It's so hard. Plus having decided that we're not telling, it's made it less real for me. Errrrr. Hopefully this time will pass fast!

[ChristineIndy]

We're telling everyone. We were going to wait last time, and m/c'd at five weeks. This time around, I knew I'd want EVERYONE's support for all my excitement and anxiety. It's been fun!

Christine

[torio]

waiting

I'm torn about the waiting. The first time Ray was so excited that although I thought we should wait, he couldn't resist telling everyone. It seemed as though in a week everyone knew. Then I had the miscarriage about a week after the semester ends at the university where I teach. It was weird to return this fall to so many people who hadn't heard and were curious about why I wasn't showing yet. So this time Ray insisted on waiting and he said he feels like holding back emotionally until he knows we're in the clear. When he said that it made me sad. Life is full of a million potentials for loss. I won't wait to love this baby, meanwhile I'm resisting the urge to want everyone to know. We did agree that it was okay to tell my parents. I want their good thoughts coming our way.

So here's a question for you. When are we in the clear? What do you think?
Tori