How do you get DC to sit down and HS?

[Mom2Wilmo]

Hello all! I am hoping that you ladies can help me. DS is in special-ed preschool for PDD-NOS. The class is for 2-4 year olds and at this point is is doing things he already knows and is not being "intelectually stimulated" or whatever you call it when you are four. His case is very mild and everyone is pretty much thinking that with me HS him he will be ready for kindergarden level stuff next year. But here's my problem: he won't sit down with me and do it. I fell like I have tried everything!! I get so frustrated and I feel like I'm pushing him but I also know that he can do it he is just not wanting to. What do I do? Do you all have similar problems? I know he's only four and some of this he will outgrow. Thank you in advance.

[4evermom]

My 5 yo ds wouldn't sit down either. That's perfectly normal for any 4 yo. I just go places with ds, follow his lead, talk with him, read to him if he wants (even if he is playing trains while listening). Everything we do that is "educational" is done while moving, it seems. We ride the trolley and he counts the lights that we go past, for instance. Add in some play that develops manual dexterity, even driving little construction vehicles in sand, or using legos.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Mom2Wilmo

His case is very mild and everyone is pretty much thinking that with me HS him he will be ready for kindergarden level stuff next year.

I think people are putting unreasonable expectations on you. I could go on and on, but take a look through this page on preschool/kindergarten - you'll find a number of articles by professional educators and researchers to the effect that these things have become unrealistic and downright damaging, and you'll find more age appropriate ideas (be sure to look at the links underneath the box of articles). Lots and lots of children who do not have any particular learning differences are having plenty of trouble these days.

I'd consider homeschooling for longer than just this year if possible, but not trying to get him to sit down and do schoolwork in the forseeable near future. Lillian

[saphire]

Most kids at that age are tactile and kinesthetic learners anyways- they just can't sit still to learn. They learn by touching, doing, exploring. Visual book learning comes later. Relax and have fun

[dharmamama]

My four year old is very intellectual and loves to do activities and workbooks and stuff ... and her attention span is between 10 and 15 minutes.

I think perhaps you are expecting too much of your son. He doesn't need to be "intellectually stimulated" at this point. He needs to just run around and be four years old.

I also know that he can do it he is just not wanting to.

Why does he have to do it? If he doesn't want to, why does he have to? If he doesn't want to, he probably isn't ready. Even if he can "do" it intellectually, he might not have the maturity to "sit down and do it." There's a whole lot more to learning than just having the intellectual capacity. Maturity is a HUGE factor.

Namaste!

[frogguruami]

I think 4 is a little young to sit down and do anything. DS1 is 7 and I am just now requiring him to sit down and do anything. And that is for no more than 15 minutes at a time. DS2 is 5 and has a PDD/Autism Dx. He will sit down and do a page or two of math a few times a week and if I'm lucky he will do an episode on Headsprout.com once or twice a week.

[AuntLavender]

My 39 mo ds can sit for 30 minutes twice a week for speech therapy

but only because he gets OT for 30 minutes beforehand (swing/trampolene,balls, etc.) and because the therapist keeps him busy. He isn't sitting there doing worksheets or anything like that. He is sitting there throwing a basketball or squishing playdough or reading a tactile book.

It also took him a month to be able to sit in the chair and play with toys on his tray. Some days we do speech exercises while he is jumping up and down! Some days he only sits for a little bit. He's acting his age.

[Citymomx3]

My 5y/o ds also has a very short attention span. I found that allowing him to come to me with his ideas works so much better. He loves learning games and prefers his workbooks and online games to be at a 1st-grade level. He is very active, too - which I think kids should be.

So, I don't think it's going to do much good to make your ds sit-down-an-do-work. Let him explore the world in his own way. If you really feel you need to see some concrete learning happening, then turn what could be tedious and boring into a fun game. Jump around while learning letter sounds, make a song out of easy 3-letter words, take digital pictures of cool stuff you find outside (plants, bugs, rocks, etc) and look them up together, bring home lots of the stuff you find outside and graph what you have of each, bake a big batch of cookies together, or make a huge pot of soup together. Learning is everywhere. You won't believe how much more learning takes place away from the desk.

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

He doesn't need to be "intellectually stimulated" at this point. He needs to just run around and be four years old.

Interesting! I hadn't really thought about the use of the term "intellectually stimulated," because I just think of intellectual stimulation as a normal part of being a child - having one new experience after another, seeing new things, using the imagination, asking questions, being read to, pondering the mysteries of life, and all that sort of thing. Play. I think those kinds of things - along with all physical development and exploration - keep a child fully occupied without having to deliberately introduce things adults might think of as intellectually stimulating. I'm sure we're thinking along the same lines, though. Lillian

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by Lillian J

I'm sure we're thinking along the same lines, though.

I think we are. I used "intellectually stimulated" to mean "Let's sit down and intellectually stimulate you with some academic-type activities" because the OP was saying that her son is not being "intellectually stimulated" at preschool because he already knows how to do what they are doing.

I completely agree with you that we are being intellectually stimulated just by being alive in our world.

Namaste!

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by dharmamama

I completely agree with you that we are being intellectually stimulated just by being alive in our world.

Yeah, it's pretty amazing to think of how much a young child has ahead of him and all around him to learn about a world that's pretty new to him. I think we adults tend to get way ahead of him instead of letting him get oriented, get comfortable, explore, and discover all those little things that we learned about so long ago that we have long taken them for granted.
- Lillian

[Mom2Wilmo]

Thank you mamas for reassuring me. I keep repeating "But he's four! Over and over agian to teachers and what not but they just give me a blank stare as in "so what he should still know this, this, and this." I think I just needed to be told that it is ok to let go and give myself a break. BTW, I wasn't really having him sit down and to worksheets persay but I am trying to get him to recognize the letters of the alphabet, numbers, etc.
For the past couple of days I have written down what we have been doing and I think I'm on the right track now. I just don't see why the school system is pushing our kids to know all this stuff at such a young age. I get so mad when I think I am doing the right thing by having very little tv and letting him play and create and imagine and ask his own questions, etc. just to be told I'm doing it wrong. I was actually told by his teacher to let him watch more tv! She was speaking about phonics tapes, but still. I think "He is only four." is going to be my new mantra.

[4evermom]

IF you want, you can introduce him to www.starfall.com which at least has the benefit of being interactive phonics, but it certainly isn't neccessary.

[Jenlaana]

my son has ADHD, and so is only now able to sit still for any real length of time (although we still have our moments). We homeschool, but its closer to actually home "schooling" than unschooling so I can definitely understand a need to feel your child is doing something tangible. Unschooling is fine for some, and I wouldnt take that from them for anything, its just not my personal cup of tea. That being said, especially at such a young age, learning doesn't have to be about workbooks or table work. I wish my son had been home at that age, because there are just so many ways to do things. If YOU have an idea of what you want your child to learn, thats great. (I say that because please don't let others tell you what you need to do for your child, go with your gut and your own research and conclusions)

If it was me, I would get a stack of letters from the arts and crafts section of walmart, get some paint, and go outside on a drop cloth and just have fun decorating them together, and talking about letters, words, etc. You could then use them at a later time to make words as well or whatnot. I'm hugely into arts and crafts though so I encorporate that into as much of our learning as possible (we just made mini replicas of the ancient pyramids etc)

[Lillian J]

Originally Posted by Mom2Wilmo

Over and over agian to teachers and what not but they just give me a blank stare as in "so what he should still know this, this, and this."

I just can't help but feel they're not being honest with themselves or with you - or else they're walk-ins from some other planet. it's not as if all four or five year olds are ready for all that.

I just don't see why the school system is pushing our kids to know all this stuff at such a young age.

David Elkind suggests some reasons in this article: Much Too Early!. I think these comments of his might just hit the nail right on the head:

Concerns over our educational system, fueled by our students' poor performance in international comparisons of achievement, have reinvigorated the call for early academic instruction as a remedy for inadequate teaching later on. All too many kindergarten teachers are under pressure to teach their children numbers and letters and to administer standardized tests.

I think "He is only four." is going to be my new mantra.

Good for you! Because he is only four. He'll only be four once - and for a very brief time.

[Quindin]

I am the olderst of 5 children, have taught Sunday School for years and I am now raising my third toddler. Let me tell you: I have never met a 4yo who could sit down for longer than 5 minutes (or at all) to do worksheets or homework like that!

If you feel you must teach him something academic now, the only way I can see it happening painlessly is if you use an interative game of some kind. Either IRL games with you or computer games - just make sure it is fun! When my first two children were 4 - 5, they LOVED www.Starfall.com, Boowa Kwala as well as Clifford and Blues Clues games.

[dharmamama]

Originally Posted by Mom2Wilmo

I just don't see why the school system is pushing our kids to know all this stuff at such a young age.

I was recently reading something that Lillian wrote (Lillian is so wise ... : ) and it occured to me that part of the problem is that we (the collective we, not necessarily we on this board) don't value kids for who and what they are, little people who have their own unique way of being in the world. We are so focused on what they will become when they are more like us that we push, push, push them to hurry up and be more like us, and pushing academic skills is a concrete way we can measure how much and how quickly they are becoming like us, which is what we value. We need to stand back and value what kids bring to us right now over what kids might be sometime in the future.

I don't know, I don't feel like I am expressing myself well.

Namaste!

[Mom2Wilmo]

We have started www.starfall.com and he does love it. We have started an art class called ABC art where there are a lot of other homeschooled kids. Today we learned about symmetry and Benjamin Latrobe. It was on his level although and at first he wouldn't cooperate at all. I just started praising every little thing right that he did and he got into the swing of it within 15 minutes. The class is a child/parent class so it was great. Sometimes I forget how some positive reinforcement goes a long way. I am going to try the painting letters thing, Jenlaana, thanks for the idea!