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"well child" checks in prepubescent boys - Page 2

post #21 of 60
Maybe the reason doctors check boys is because of the high incidence of complications from circumcision. Adhesions, skin bridges, meatal stenosis, buried penis, etc. Maybe doctors actually find problems more often than not with circ'd boys. And probably often find 'problems' with intact boys, ie. phony phimosis. I'm trying to believe doctors are well-intentioned, but misinformed (about intact boys).

This issue is hard for me to decide about. Inguinal (scrotal) hernias are pretty common in boys, and I'm not sure if I would notice if anything was wrong. But at DS's recent checkup, the genital exam made me uncomfortable. If for the only reason that I want him to learn about modesty and inappropriate touching, for his own safety, you know? The doctor didn't retract his foreskin, because I asked him not to. He probably would have if I didn't say anything, because he told me that I should retract DS to clean him in the bath. Which I don't, and told him so. I said I will teach DS to clean himself when he is old enough to do it himself. And the dr was ok with that, saying that he was clearly healthy down there anyway, so that would be fine.

So I don't know if I will consent to genital checks on DS in the future anymore. I'm leaning more towards not.
post #22 of 60
Yes some would be very obvious like your ds but there is cases were it is really small and wouldnt be visible.

I was just telling dh that I am on the fence about how needed hernia checks are. On one hand a hernia could fast become a huge deal if not caught but on the other it is weird to me to think about the dr being so hands on with private body parts. I just keep thinking about how if they wanted to do pelvic exams on little girls I would run the other way.
post #23 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by MCatLvrMoMof2 View Post
Yes some would be very obvious like your ds but there is cases were it is really small and wouldnt be visible
It just makes me wonder whether a really small hernia not causing any pain would even be a major problem. With my ds, they said the main issue was fear of incarceration which could damage fertility...not something I would personally worry about(in a child with no noticeable hernia, no pain etc)....also, the reason why my son had hernias was from being a micropreemie.
post #24 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenOfThePride View Post
If for the only reason that I want him to learn about modesty and inappropriate touching, for his own safety, you know? The doctor didn't retract his foreskin, because I asked him not to. He probably would have if I didn't say anything, because he told me that I should retract DS to clean him in the bath.

---


So I don't know if I will consent to genital checks on DS in the future anymore. I'm leaning more towards not.
Personally I feel that we should _NOT_ be teaching our children that its bad to have a doctor look at your genitals. There's a difference between inappropriate touching and having a doctor look over everything.

Our 13yo has to shower in school, and if he was super modest because of his parents teaching him to be, it would be a large shock to him to enter 6th grade an then have to strip infront of his class mates. Thankfully we take the approach that you should be how you feel comfortable.

Sorry, I know thats OT.
post #25 of 60
I dont want my kids to see nudity as dirty but I want them to understand that their body is there own and if they are not comfy with someone seeing them that is ok. Even if it is a Dr.

As far as having to shower in school in a group. Here that dosnt happen they do change clothing for gym but they have private screens to go behind to do so. The whole showering together in the locker room thing disturbs me but I cant put it into words why. If they did it here I would find a way to get my kids out of gym honestly.
post #26 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJane01 View Post
Personally I feel that we should _NOT_ be teaching our children that its bad to have a doctor look at your genitals. There's a difference between inappropriate touching and having a doctor look over everything.

Our 13yo has to shower in school, and if he was super modest because of his parents teaching him to be, it would be a large shock to him to enter 6th grade an then have to strip infront of his class mates. Thankfully we take the approach that you should be how you feel comfortable.

Sorry, I know thats OT.
I get your point, but in this sick cut-happy world of allopathic docs, it is NOT necesarily a good thing to teach our children to trust doctors. Did you see this thread: http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=525446

I don't need some money hungry doctor sizing up my dc's penii. Where's the puking smiley?
post #27 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJane01 View Post
Personally I feel that we should _NOT_ be teaching our children that its bad to have a doctor look at your genitals. There's a difference between inappropriate touching and having a doctor look over everything.

Our 13yo has to shower in school, and if he was super modest because of his parents teaching him to be, it would be a large shock to him to enter 6th grade an then have to strip infront of his class mates. Thankfully we take the approach that you should be how you feel comfortable.

Sorry, I know thats OT.
Umm I hate to break it to you, but more often than not Dr's DO touch inapropriately. They are in a unique positon of power and there are Dr's that can and will take advantage of said power.

If the child feels uncomfortable, he/she should have the right to say NO, I'm NOT gonna let you do this. To ANYONE, Dr's included.

Seriously, how many news reports do you see about Dr's molesting patients? How many of these acctual assults go UNREPORTED because "oh well jeez he's a Dr!"

It's can be as innocuous as not putting on gloves...to outright sedation/rape.

Dr's are as Human as you and I. They do have a code of ethics yes, but they are STILL HUMAN BEINGS with the same drive and fallabilities as ALL Human beings have.

Children Should have EVERY RIGHT To say "No I dont like that" to ANYONE. And I mean anyone...Dr's, nurses..you name it. Just because someone is in a white coat does NOT Mean they are allowed to do as they want to your body.
post #28 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114 View Post
Children Should have EVERY RIGHT To say "No I dont like that" to ANYONE. And I mean anyone...Dr's, nurses..you name it. Just because someone is in a white coat does NOT Mean they are allowed to do as they want to your body.
thank-you!
post #29 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by twins10705 View Post
When I was 5 or 6, I remember my mom taking me to the doctors. She told me it was a checkup I needed for school -- but she had the doctor make me pull down my pants and underwear and lay back on my knees(even though I was fussing and saying "no")and spread open my vulva. The doc just looked is all(besides the cold fingers clasping my inner labia!!)...but you know, I still feel violated and lied to. I even remember the name of the doc and the whole thing very vividly. I don't know *what* my mother was doing...but even if she had a "good reason" to take me there and get me "checked out" -- how dare she lie to me! I've tried to confront her about it -- but she won't admit anything.

LOL sorry for rambling...bottom line is people need to keep their creepy hands away from children's genitals unless there is truly an issue!!
Wow! THat's awful! Do you think your mom might have been worried about sexual abuse?
post #30 of 60
I never had to shower in public in school
post #31 of 60
DD had labial adhesions as a baby, which were only discovered when the doctor did the exam. It cleared up on its own by about 15 months, but the doc still wanted to take a look at her two year WCV, even though she saw at 18 months that everything was normal. I'm sure they'll try to look again next year, but I'm just going to put my foot down at that point. I remember being 3 and I would've been waaaaayyy uncomfortable having a doctor spread my vulva by that age. :
post #32 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by wendy1221 View Post
Wow! THat's awful! Do you think your mom might have been worried about sexual abuse?
I can only assume maybe? I was with her pretty much 24/7 unless I was at my part time Christian preschool. She is a sick puppy though -- supposedly my older sister and I were punished as babies because we were "being filthy"(ie: some baby form of "masturbating"? god knows...) and I was whipped for wetting the bed at night when I was 4 and 5...I just can't get the cold creepy Dr. forced "check up" experience out of my mind -- and that was 20 years ago!
post #33 of 60
I'm under the impression that with this circ happy doc, the fact that the kid had a foreskin meant that it was too tight.
post #34 of 60
I'm so surprised that some schools are still requiring showers! Seriously, all of the school districts in our area (it might even be a state wide thing) do NOT require showering and most of the kids change in private. Niether me, nor dh had to shower at all. (we are pretty young-24-so this is pretty recently)
I remember they told us when I was in 6th grade that we would have to shower. I dont remember who it was but I remember how freaked I was. The thought of showering in front of a bunch of girls that I didnt necessarily get along with (I had friends, but also a lot of enemies, lol)...how embarassing. Turns out we didnt have to shower at all but it scared me so much I started asking to be homeschooled! Of course, it didnt help that I had huge boobs and bad acne already
post #35 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJane01 View Post
Personally I feel that we should _NOT_ be teaching our children that its bad to have a doctor look at your genitals. There's a difference between inappropriate touching and having a doctor look over everything.

Our 13yo has to shower in school, and if he was super modest because of his parents teaching him to be, it would be a large shock to him to enter 6th grade an then have to strip infront of his class mates. Thankfully we take the approach that you should be how you feel comfortable.

Sorry, I know thats OT.
My son is only two, so he can't tell the difference between a doctor and someone else. And I'm too lazy to be super modest in my own home.
post #36 of 60
Showers don't bother me, testicular exams don't phase me, & we sure as hell are not modest around here; I have two boys running around naked right now, jumping on beds going "Woo flapper! Woo flapper!", but seriously, retracting a boy's foreskin is... intimate.

Intimate & invasive & highly inappropriate. There s no reason for it, & by God, not in a 12 yr old. A 12 yr old can be asked if he has a problem.

I have enough respect for my children's innate sense of privacy & dignity to have instructed them in the washing of their own genitals (since the age of about 18 months). I feel really kind of outraged that this is even being discussed. It is as incredible to me as insisting upon putting a speculum up a young girl.

This has nothing to do with modesty. It's bizarre & prurient & sexually intrusive, & I cannot imagine any 12 yr old being 'comfortable' with such needless fiddling with their genitals.
post #37 of 60
Quote:
Intimate & invasive & highly inappropriate. There s no reason for it, & by God, not in a 12 yr old. A 12 yr old can be asked if he has a problem.

I feel really kind of outraged that this is even being discussed. It is as incredible to me as insisting upon putting a speculum up a young girl.

This has nothing to do with modesty. It's bizarre & prurient & sexually intrusive, & I cannot imagine any 12 yr old being 'comfortable' with such needless fiddling with their genitals.

You said what I was thinking TigerTail :
post #38 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by twins10705 View Post
When I was 5 or 6, I remember my mom taking me to the doctors. She told me it was a checkup I needed for school -- but she had the doctor make me pull down my pants and underwear and lay back on my knees(even though I was fussing and saying "no")and spread open my vulva. The doc just looked is all(besides the cold fingers clasping my inner labia!!)...but you know, I still feel violated and lied to. I even remember the name of the doc and the whole thing very vividly. I don't know *what* my mother was doing...but even if she had a "good reason" to take me there and get me "checked out" -- how dare she lie to me! I've tried to confront her about it -- but she won't admit anything.

LOL sorry for rambling...bottom line is people need to keep their creepy hands away from children's genitals unless there is truly an issue!!
This was my experience too, except my mother did not ask to have it done. It was so disgusting and humiliating, even at that age.

I remember being about 12 and refusing to take my slip off, refusing the nurse and the doctor, after insisting that my mother not come back to the exam room with me. Now it would probably be a red flag for abuse (which was not the case) but I also feel lucky now that I was not forced to strip.
post #39 of 60
I'm not sure about foreskin "testing" but I think that retraction is a very appropriate issue for a boys' doctor to discuss with him, many intact young men don't know they're suppsoed to retract it or that it's normal to retract and it isn't covered in sex ed in alot of schools.

It would be good if doctor's educated themselves on what is and is not normal in a boy of whatever age, and then if the boy believed there was a problem that boy could manipulate his own foreskin for the doctor.
post #40 of 60
Quote:
Originally Posted by SJane01 View Post
We havnt ever had a DR thats forcibly retracted Dan. Now that Dan is retractable, his dr does however retract him. She says .... "I'm going to retract your foreskin now, is that OK with you? ... Good, now if it hurts or feels weird say so right away."

I've always considered that normal.
Your son is over 12 years old and the doctor is still touching his perfectly healthy penis? I can't imagine any teenage boy being comfortable with a doctor touching his penis. He might feel like he has to say it's okay, but I bet he does not think it's okay. Perhaps I'm overly sensitive due to some abuse issues as a child, but honestly, this just gives me creeps that I have been unable to get over. I thought about it ALL day long - and I don't even have a son! It was on my mind all day because it made me feel violated just reading it, so I couldn't even imagine how it must make your son feel.
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